Kitty Katt 11: Alien Separation (7 page)

R
EALLY HOPED I'D
be put back together correctly whenever we got wherever we were going, but I didn't count on it.

This was unlike any other way I'd traveled the cosmos in the past. Traveling via ACE remained the most pleasant—just a gentle tug and then you Time Warped wherever and got a lovely view at the same time. The Universe Wheel was weird but weightless, and at least interesting, albeit freaky beyond belief. Superconsciousness Express wasn't so bad when they moved you, too. Even the gates, while nauseating, were, by now, normal. For the freak world I lived in, but whatever, still normal.

This was very different. I definitely wasn't standing on anything, nor was I lying on anything, yet I still couldn't move and was being buffeted about. The feeling now was truly like being in and traveling through a tube, albeit one made of light, like those old fashioned air tubes some banks still used to take drive-through deposits. Only a million times faster, and I was the change rattling around in the plastic container. While still tingling in that weird “I'm being chopped up into a million little pieces” way. I wasn't a fan. Of any of it.

I was less of a fan when the tube sputtered and lost its opacity. As it did so, I was able to look around. Everyone was still within my field of vision, but we were farther apart now. Jeff was farther from me and closer to Jamie and Gower, in that sense, but they were much farther away from both of us than they had been. Everyone was spread out and further away, as if we'd been part of a sphere that had exploded, sending us radiating away from center.

I was closest to Chuckie and I tried to reach for him. As I did so, I realized we were in space and wondered if we were all about to die, fast and ugly. Then the light tube reactivated. Hoped everyone else's had reactivated as well.

Back to being whizzed through a Galactic Pneumatic Tube. Still not a fan. Even less of a fan when the tubes sputtered again. Whatever was going on, it wasn't smooth. Meaning there was probably interference of some kind. This thought wasn't reassuring. At all.

Interference could be caused by a variety of things, but the bottom line was that we were somewhere in the cosmos without spacesuits, spaceships, or helpful space entities. At least as far as I knew.

Then again, because Jamie was one of those taken, we had at least one space entity with us. But I had no idea if this was something that affected ACE negatively or not. Hoped not, and also hoped that ACE's self-preservation would mean that Jamie, and hopefully Gower, survived.

Didn't have too long to worry about it, because I finally felt something under my feet again. Felt like something solid. So, one for the win column. Hey, the win column was totally empty at this moment, so I'd take even the smallest victory.

Of course, “solid” wasn't the same as “steady,” “sturdy,” or “safe.” The light tube disappeared, but the horrible tingling was still going, though it seemed to be dying down. I was able to look around and discovered that what I was standing on was the top of a tall tree.

I'd had a freaky dream about something like this. Only in my dream, the trees weren't all purple and I was, you know, dreaming. Right now I was very much awake. And I was precariously balanced on something that was extremely unlikely to be able to bear my weight.

Sure enough, the moment the tingling finally stopped, gravity decided to take an interest. Nice to know it existed wherever in the cosmos I was. However, gravity was, as so often happened for me, pissed that I'd ignored it for so long. I plummeted down.

Managed to grab a decent-sized branch before I banged through every single branch, twig, and leaf on this tree, but only because I cleverly caught it with my stomach.

Decided to hang there while I tried to get my breath back, the branch having knocked all the wind out of me. Was relieved to realize that I
could
breathe. Took a closer look at the tree. I wasn't the Queen of Arbor Day or anything, but I was pretty sure that Earth didn't possess trees that were literally purple all over. Purple flowers, yes, sure. Purple flowers, leaves, branches, and trunks? No, not so much.

My tree was quite pretty, since each part was a different shade of purple. It also smelled nice, similar to lavender, but different. Nice and sweet, but unlike anything I'd smelled before. It smelled like purple, honestly.

As my breath returned, I considered my options. Climbing down seemed like a wise course of action. Finding the others was definitely up there at the top of the To Do List. Figuring out where in the cosmos we were was also a biggie.

Because Jeff had been given Surcenthumain by some of our enemies, he'd become enhanced. Same thing for Serene and Christopher. Christopher had taken the drug in large doses but most of his enhancement had faded, though he was still potentially the fastest person in the galaxy.

Jeff's and Serene's talent enhancements hadn't faded so far. But there had been another side effect, which was that Jamie had come out extra-special with a side of amazing, and she'd done a mother and child feedback kind of thing inside me so that when she was born, I'd inherited some of the A-C abilities. Meaning that I had hyperspeed, enhanced vision, somewhat enhanced strength, and an ability to heal very fast. Basically I was Wolverine With Boobs.

Meaning that the cuts and bruises I'd just acquired were healing as I looked at them, and I could probably handle myself wherever the hell I actually was, even if I couldn't find the others. However, not finding the others wasn't something I was hoping for. Of course, what I wanted and what was really going on appeared to be, as so often happened, nowhere close to aligning.

Congratulated myself on my foresight, because my purse had stayed with me, even when I'd fallen, but only because I'd put it over my neck. Because I was still wrapped around the branch, it was hanging under me. As I stared at it, it opened and three heads peeped out.

“Harlie, Poofikins, and Bruno! Kitty's so happy to see you! How did you guys get here? Bruno especially?” The Poofs weren't a total surprise, but the Peregrine having managed to make this trip, inside my purse no less, seemed almost as amazing as the trip itself.

Harlie mewed, purred, and mewed. Poofikins added in. Then Bruno did his head bob thing and squawked quietly.

I understood this because, in addition to all the other A-C goodies I'd acquired, I'd somehow become Dr. Doolittle as well. Richard White insisted that I'd always had this talent and was aware of it now because I had Alpha Four animals that talked back. Whether I'd had the power all the time or whether I'd acquired it along with Jamie, I liked the skill. Jeff wasn't as much of a fan, but he'd learned to accept it by now. Sort of.

The animals finished their recap. “Huh. Good news.” Apparently every person who'd been spirited away had their own attached Poof with them, other than Jeff, because it required two Poofs to bring Bruno along. “Well, other than the fact that Jeff is Poofless.”

Poofikins made sounds of protest. Jeff had an unnamed and unattached Poof with him. Meaning that, very shortly, I assumed, Jeff was going to have a Poof that had bonded to him, regardless of Jeff's specific wishes.

“Aha, well done, that Poof.”

Technically Harlie was Jeff's. Harlie had been Jeff's father's first, when Alfred was still on Alpha Four. But when our Poofs came to Earth, Harlie bonded with Jeff. Supposedly. Based on everything that had gone on since then, Harlie was clearly more bonded to me than Jeff.

Frankly, the Poofs were truly bonded to Algar, though I was the only one who knew this. Meaning they probably had a way of communicating with him. This was good news, because I and the others were definitely up the proverbial creek without any kind of paddle, and any assistance we could get was probably going to be incredibly helpful.

Of course, Algar was hiding out with the Earth A-Cs for crimes against Black Hole Universe beliefs or some such. So his form of helping was extremely low-key. But any port in a purple sea, sort of thing.

“Is it safe for any of you to do reconnaissance and tell Kitty if it's safe for Kitty to climb down? As in, are there things down there that want to eat me, kill me, or enslave me?”

“No. There are things down here that are hoping you have a med kit in your purse.” The voice was faint, but I recognized it.

“Christopher! Where are you?”

“He's between us, Kitty.” This voice was nearer and one I'd recognize if I was unconscious.

“Chuckie, are you okay? Where are you?”

“Just scratched up. I landed in the middle of a tree.”

“I was on top of one. How is it I can hear you?”

“I'm not on the ground, Kitty. Look to your right.”

Sure enough, there he was, in another tree just like mine. It was only easy to spot him because he'd adapted to the A-C's formality and wore black Armani suits and white shirts all the time, just like the rest of the men working for Centaurion did. He stood out in the purple tree. I probably did, too.

When I'd taken that fast look around in the middle of space, in addition to Chuckie being nearest to me, Christopher had been fairly near to him as well. So, it made sense that these two were the nearest now. Making as educated a guess as I could, and based on how far away from me Chuckie was now, Christopher had landed even farther away. However, Christopher was so fast that even if he'd landed farther away from us, it would make sense that he'd found us because he could probably search half of this planet in less than a minute.

“Is Jeff here?”

“I don't see him,” Chuckie said. “I'd suggest we get down and then look for the others. I'm just worried about breaking something or something stabbing into us on the way down. Me in particular, since you and White have the healing factor and I don't.”

“Haven't found Jeff yet,” Christopher shouted up to us. “Hang on, though. I have a plan.”

“He has a plan.” Chuckie didn't sound enthused.

“Dude, he was the Head of Imageering for over a decade, you know. He has the skills.”

“Yeah. And in all that time, tell me how often they worked on alien planets or with, in, around, and, most specifically,
on
gigantic trees.”

“Wow, you're sure testy.”

“I'm sitting high up in a tree, on a branch that's
just
managing to hold my weight, and I can't see another safe branch under me. Yeah, call me the anti-Eagle Scout right now.”

“I fell through half a tree to get to my branch. I'm not feeling the sympathies for you at this moment.”

“Healing factor.”

“Sitting, versus draped like a wet towel, on your branch.”

“Keep on bickering,” Christopher called up to us. He sounded a little closer. “It's helping me find you.”

“Are you building a ladder?” Chuckie asked hopefully.

“No, there aren't enough dry branches of decent size down there.”

“Then, um, what
are
you doing?”

Christopher's head bobbed into view. “This.”

Had to admit—“this” wasn't something I'd have guessed in a million years.

C
HRISTOPHER WAS RIDING
on the back of a gigantic, flying bug. The bug looked like a katydid-grasshopper combination, only the size of a pony. Oh, and it was bright yellow. A yellow like a thousand daffodils put together, an almost neon yellow.

The creature had a small head with large eyes and antennae that looked like they were long, delicate eyelashes shooting up and out. Its wings were going so fast they were a blur, just like a hummingbird's, and they made a pleasant humming sound. I couldn't tell for sure, but they looked fairly see-through and very iridescent, just like the eyelash-antennae.

Christopher sat in front of the wings and the two long, bent, and powerful back legs, right behind the head. His feet were resting on the middle two legs that went out to the sides like upside-down L's, almost as if the insect intended them to be stirrups for a rider. The two front legs were in front and under the head and seemed more like arms, albeit arms the insect was going to use to keep its head up when it was on the ground.

“I didn't realize I'd hit my head,” Chuckie said, speaking for both of us.

“I'm really glad I'm not a girl who freaks out at bugs. And the two of you should be truly grateful for that, because I can hit a level that'll burst your eardrums if I'm really freaked out.”

“I've heard you hit that register, so keep calm and spare us,” Christopher said. “But they're amazingly tame. And strong. And the two of you can stop whining about them.”

“Excuse me, ‘they,' ‘them'? As in, there are more of them?”

Sure enough, as I asked a bright pink one flew over to me while a bright turquoise one went to Chuckie. If Jamie saw the pink one she'd want it for her very own, it was that pink. Clearly we'd landed on Planet Colorful.

Shoved the worry thinking about Jamie raised to the side—Chuckie and I had to get down and be safe. Then he, Christopher, and I could find Jamie, Jeff, and the others.

“How are you controlling them?” Chuckie asked, for both of us.

“I have no idea,” Christopher admitted. “But Toby's here.” Toby was Christopher's Poof, and I could see it now, riding on the katyhopper's head.

“Poofs to the rescue?” I asked Harlie and Poofikins. I got proud mewls of confirmation, as Poofikins hopped onto the pink one's head. “Okay, the katyhoppers are cool, Chuckie. Poofs at the helm. And all that.”

“Katyhoppers?” Christopher asked. “You know what these are?”

“No,” Chuckie answered for me. “But they look like a giant cross between katydids and grasshoppers, and this is Kitty we're talking to.”

“Oh, good point. Well, it's as good a name as any until we find out what they're really called.”

“Thanks so much, I'm
so
glad you two approve.”

“Who's testy now?” Chuckie asked, this time just for him. Chose not to reply lest I say something nasty to my oldest friend when we were stranded ACE only knew how many light-years from home.

I could just see him getting onto his giant, blue flying bug, while his Poof, Fluffy, jumped out of his pocket and onto the back of the bug's head. Had to stop thinking of them as bugs—I didn't wig out at bugs, but pony-sized bugs weren't what I was used to. Katyhopper was a good name. It sounded fun and cute. Giant flying bug didn't sound fun
or
cute. Or safe, but that was beside the point—it wasn't safe to be hanging up here in the first place.

Waited to speak until Chuckie was on his katyhopper. “You both look awesome on the backs of your proud steeds.”

“I'll hurt you later,” Chuckie said. “Do you need help to get onto yours, or are you just enjoying hanging around like that?”

“Frankly, I think I need help.” I wasn't a great tree climber, seeing as I was from the desert, and our kinds of trees were mostly cacti or trees that weren't made for climbing, like Palo Verdes. And my branch was big enough to hold me but not really set up for me to try to use it like a jungle gym. My best options were to flip my lower body forward or my upper body backward. Neither one sounded like a safe plan.

The guys flew over to me somehow and, with a lot of grunting, kvetching, and an almost strangulation when Christopher didn't flip my purse at the same time as Chuckie was pulling me onto my pink katyhopper, I managed to get my butt into the saddle. So to speak.

I'd ridden horses before and they absolutely didn't bob up and down as much as the katyhoppers did. On the other hand, the katyhoppers didn't appear to be into the idea of bucking and throwing us, so that evened them out on the horse to giant flying bug comparison scale. And the humming of their wings was soft and soothing, versus annoying, so that was one for the win column right there.

“Will they be offended if we go onto the ground?” Chuckie asked. “Or hop off with us in tow? Or worse?”

“Beats me,” Christopher said.

“Poofikins, is it safe to go down?” The Poof mewled at me and shot me an overly innocent look. I knew what that meant and heaved a sigh. “Gimme a mo', guys.”

“Why?” Christopher snapped. “You like it up here?”

“It's okay up here. Beats going splat onto the ground, I can say that for certain. But that's not why I need a second. Now that Chuckie and I are out of danger of plummeting to our deaths the Poofs want, ah, me to get back in, ah, charge.”

Both men snorted. “When
aren't
you in charge?” Chuckie asked with a laugh.

“When I'm hanging half upside down in a tree, apparently. Hang on, I need to commune with nature, and I mean that very literally.”

By now I'd done the Dr. Doolittle Mind Meld with Poofs, Peregrines, cats, dogs, and parrots, if I could count Bellie the African Grey. Bellie had belonged to one of our insane enemies, then became Jeff's Avian Mistress for what seemed like ages but was only a few months, and mercifully had finally gone on to live with Mr. Joel Oliver to rarely darken my door again. I knew Bellie's motives and she'd been helpful, on occasion, so I chose to count that I could chat with parrots. Let's be optimistic and say I was able to communicate with the entire Avian Kingdom.

However, wings or not, the katyhoppers weren't birds, nor were they horses. They were insects. Huge insects, but insects nonetheless. And I'd never had the inclination or need to talk to insects prior to this precise time.

I concentrated. Nothing. No change in any of our relative positions, and no feedback from the katyhopper, either.

Thought about it. I'd never really
tried
to talk to the animals, it had just happened. “Ah, Kitty would like to go down to the ground, if it's safe to do so.”

Nada.

This was not the best time to be less than stellar at the Talking to the Animals Game. Time to stall.

“Christopher, do you have any guess as to what planet we're on?” I knew it wasn't Alpha Four. When we'd been there, briefly, right before Jeff and I had gotten married, and right after the Poofs had eaten Alpha Four's then-king, we'd been shown what that world looked like. Sure, it had been via some weird troubadour-imageer thing King Alexander's mother, Princess Victoria, had done, but in all of her Intergalactic Family Photos Experience there had been nothing that had the level of color that we were surrounded by.

“No idea. I was born on Earth, remember?”

“Paul knows about this solar system.”

“So do I. But I doubt Paul has any idea what planet we're on any more than I do.”

“Actually,” Chuckie said, “if I can make a guess based on where the suns are in relation to each other, I think we're on Beta Eight. I could be wrong, of course.”

“I doubt it.” Chuckie had spent time learning where the Alpha Centauri planets were in relation to each other and their suns, and had probably asked the Planetary Council members a lot of questions that he'd then memorized and filed away for later use. Like today. The benefits of being best friends with the smartest guy in any room, or on the back of any giant flying bug, were without number.

Tried to remember what I'd heard about Beta Eight. Came up with nothing.

“If you're right,” Christopher said, “the natives here aren't very advanced.”

“Earth Bronze Age, per the Planetary Council,” Chuckie confirmed. “So define ‘advanced.' I doubt they have computers and such, but if they're similar to the Ancient Greeks, they likely have a strong civilization, or civilizations, going.”

“I see no natives, other than the katyhoppers.” Wondered if they were the dominant sentient life on this planet. After all, while many of the inhabited planets here had native beings that were more like humans than not, Betas Thirteen, Fourteen, and Fifteen had Giant Lizards, Major Doggies, and Cat People, respectively. Or, as they preferred to be called, Reptilians, Canus Majorians, and Feliniads.

“Think we could be riding the top sentient life-form on this planet?” Christopher asked.

“Wow. Dude, you're getting as good at the mind reading as Jeff. No idea.”

“I don't think so,” Chuckie said slowly. “They're too . . . docile.”

“That's the Poofs' influence, I think,” Christopher said.

“Yes, and the Poofs can't influence us in that way,” Chuckie pointed out. “Ergo . . .”

“Yeah, okay, I can buy that. There's got to be minds, because the Poofs could affect them. But I'm getting nothing.”

“I think you're trying too hard,” Chuckie said. “Not that you appear to be doing anything, by the way, but from the scrunched up look on your face, you're concentrating. Probably too hard. You could hurt yourself.”

“Or the wind could change and my face could stay like this, right? Wow, remind me to hurt you later. But fine, yeah, I'm trying to be mentally telepathic, and it's not working.” Had a thought—something else with wings had come along for the bumpy ride. “Bruno, my bird, could you do reconnaissance and let Kitty know if it's safe for us to try to get down onto the ground? If for no other reason than that the katyhoppers' wings have got to be getting tired.”

Before Bruno could so much as squawk or the guys could ask what the Peregrine was doing here, my katyhopper did a slow dive toward the ground. Checked behind me—the katyhoppers with the guys on them were following.

“What did you do?” Christopher shouted.

“No clue. At all.”

“She was kind and concerned about the animals,” Chuckie called.

“Insects,” Christopher said. “At least, I think.”

“Whatever they actually are, apparently they appreciate thoughtfulness. Think nice thoughts about the katyhoppers, White. I'm sure you're capable of it if you try.”

“I'm with Kitty—I'm going to hurt you later.”

Despite the witty banter we landed with little hops and no difficulty. For the first time the katyhoppers' wings were still. Sure enough—iridescent and fairly transparent, the internal veins and such visible and quite pretty, all things considered. The veins, like the rest of them, were the same bright colors. Had no idea if the colors meant male, female, both, neither, or if they were just three examples of the Katyhopper Rainbow.

What hadn't been apparent in the air was that they had three sets of wings, similar to their three sets of legs. So each katyhopper had a small, medium, and large set. But when they were flying they just looked like one big set of wings.

“The wings are fascinating,” Chuckie said.

“Dude, you're doing the mind-reading thing, too. I wonder if it's the planet's atmosphere.”

“Seems normal.” Chuckie looked around. “I mean, for here.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Refrained from saying that we were in a freak world because, frankly, this was no freakier than the facts that aliens lived on Earth or that we'd somehow taken a magic carpet ride to another solar system.

Contemplated whether or not we should get off. The katyhoppers seemed amenable to passengers and it would be a lot easier if we had transportation. Then again, they'd already done a lot for us, and it probably wasn't right to just assume they wanted to continue to do so.

I was about to dismount when my katyhopper made a sound. I was in no way an Insect Noises Expert, let alone a katyhopper noises expert, but my gut said that the sound wasn't a good one. It was a low kind of screech, as if a metal door that hadn't been oiled in ages was being opened.

Either the katyhopper was calling for reinforcements or it was saying we were in danger. Based on all three of our katyhoppers leaping up into the air, wings going faster than they had before, I went with how our luck rolled and figured on the obvious—we were in danger. Again.

Or, as we called it, routine.