I stared around at Jessa’s disastrously messy room, clueless as to what I was supposed to do with myself. There were too many moving parts, too many pieces to a puzzle I wasn’t sure were even supposed to fit together. And it felt exhausting just thinking at this point.
Jessa came in, sitting beside me and putting her arm around my shoulder.
“Disciplinary hearing on Tuesday morning, kicked out of my sorority, but hey, Professor Carmichael offered to be my advisor for the hearing, so at least I have his support I suppose.”
“Well, you have my support too. I’ll go with you to the hearing, and I’ll tell them they’re making a mistake if they—”
I chuckled mirthlessly. “No, you won’t. You’ll go to school just as you would any other day.”
“You need me there, Gabe.”
I smiled at her, tucking her stringy dark hair behind her ear. “I will always need you. I will need you for the rest of my life. But right now, I need your life to keep moving forward, even though mine is not.”
Her shoulders slumped. She was sulking.
“Besides”—I nudged her—“your sort of support would likely come off threateningly.” I smirked at her, and then I sighed. This day was almost over. It had to be. No day had ever been longer, and I almost felt happy, or perhaps just relieved, that it was dark out and I was somewhere safe and loved.
“I don’t know what you’re saying,” Jessa said defensively.
“Oh, you don’t?”
She shrugged.
“It’s a closed hearing anyway. You’d just be waiting.” I stood from the bed, and after rooting around in my bag and pulling out a pair of leggings and a T-shirt, I headed toward the bathroom to take a shower.
I stood under the hot water, and I closed my eyes as I yawned. I showered quickly, craving a warm bed above all else, and I pulled my clean clothes on over still-damp skin before pulling my hair up. Jessa was in bed when I walked back into her room.
“I still can’t believe how fast the good news has traveled,” I commented as I crawled into bed next to her. I laughed quietly, even though it wasn’t in the least funny.
Jessa rolled toward me. “Your picture was on the news…with your name…with a damn near complete bio, at least according to Desi’s mom, who called me in a panic. And…uh…Casey-the-Cunt now knows too, so you can’t be that surprised the news is traveling.”
“Yeah. You’re right,” I agreed. I closed my eyes, not really intending to fall asleep, but not at all opposed to it at the moment either.
“You’re…not going to do it again, are you?”
I opened my eyes. “Do what?”
“You know, sleep with men for money?”
I shook my head as I yawned. “No. Believe it or not, I already quit. Earlier this week actually. And I haven’t slept with any clients since…well, since I met Keegan.”
“But Keegan
was
a client, so weren’t you sleeping with a client this whole time?”
“No. Not really, no. He was…” I shrugged. “He was interference. He wanted me to stay away from David Edgerton because he was concerned about David’s image and what could happen if…well, if
this
happened.”
“So he was using you.” Her expression looked nearly venomous. She definitely did not like Mr. Keegan Lauri at this point, nice car or not.
I took a deep breath. “Yes. At first, but then…things changed. At least I thought they did. Maybe they did.” I shook my head. “I’m so confused about him at this point. What he did, what he didn’t do, what he knew, what he didn’t know. I swear I can’t keep up with it all.”
“But you’re upset with him, right?”
I opened my mouth to speak, but then I closed it again, trying to put my thoughts into words before sharing them. “I’m not really sure I am. Part of me thinks none of this would have happened if it weren’t for him. But then part of me
worries
none of this would have happened if it weren’t for him.”
Jessa nodded.
“At the end of the day…it doesn’t matter. He has a job based out of Washington—a very profitable one. He has a home there. He has a life. Edgerton was just”—I shrugged—“a job to him. That job’s over, and I’m now as much a liability to Keegan’s reputation as he was to my livelihood. Trust me, his parents made that perfectly clear.”
Jessa’s faced scrunched up. “Parents?”
“Yeah. It was bad.”
She nodded slowly, but I could tell she had more to say.
“What?”
“What, what?”
“What are you not saying?”
“Just curious if Keegan would agree with that. You know, that you’re a liability to him.”
“But you’re mad at Keegan, right?” My words came out slowly as my eyes narrowed. I had no real idea where she was going with this.
“Of course I am. I hate him.” She was silent for a moment. “You know I was going through your phone when you were in the shower—”
“What? Why would you do that?”
“Because I’m a total snoop,” she said bluntly. “I mean I’m nosy as hell.”
“Jessa, do you have no respect for my privacy?”
“Uh…I’m seventeen. So to answer your question…no. Like none whatsoever. Duh.” She shook her head as though exasperated with me. “Anyway, I saw how many messages he left you.”
I rolled my eyes.
“And then…well, then I listened to them.”
“Jessa!” I snapped loudly at her.
“What?”
“You’re incorrigible!”
She smiled. “I know, right? Thank you for noticing. But here’s the thing…” She pushed up to her elbow as though just a bit too worked up about something to be lying down. “He seemed really upset. So, like, I wanna cut his balls off, but at the same time, I kind of feel sorry for the loser, you know?” She hummed as she stared off for a second in contemplation. Her contemplation was really just deciding what kind of ridiculousness she was going to say next. “I think he cares about you.” Her voice was hesitant, as though she was not entirely sure she liked the words she was saying.
Well, I’d pegged that one wrong. Her contemplation was actually real contemplation. Maybe my sister was capable of having a normal conversation. What the hell was the world coming to?
“But I don’t know.” She flopped back down beside me. “Maybe he was just constipated, and that’s why he sounded so serious.”
Never mind.
I rolled my eyes. In truth, I was relieved. My sister was being my sister, sarcastic and ridiculous to a fault. I was rolling my eyes just the way I was required as her older sister to do. The world was clearly just as it should be.
I rolled away from her, curling up on my side and pulling the blankets up to my chin. “What did he say?” I closed my eyes.
“Well, he clearly has an unhealthy fascination with your lips or maybe it’s kissing you in general.”
I smiled. “Yes,” I said quietly.
“Basically, he just begged you to call him and apologized profusely for what was happening. He also said he was worried about you, and he needed to know you were okay.” She sighed. “And then he asked you to tell me that I can have his car.”
I chuckled. “Sure he did.”
Chapter 17
Keegan
IF
you’d told me that I’d find myself driving slowly through the streets of Waterville, Wisconsin, on a Saturday evening two months ago, I’d have laughed at you and asked what you were smoking. If you’d have told me that little trip was going to be preceded with me packing up all my clothes and office equipment from my condo because my contract with the illusive Malcolms had been prematurely terminated, I’d have likely gotten offended and, once again, asked what you were smoking. And finally, if you’d have told me that I’d be doing all of this because I’d become overly attached to a college student who liked to moonlight as a call girl, I might have finally been done with your bullshit and punched you in the face. And I’d have likely still asked you what you were smoking.
What I wouldn’t have done was believe you.
Waterville. There wasn’t a whole lot to say about Waterville except…no, there was really just nothing at all to say about it. I turned up and down the streets one after another. It wasn’t a large town, and yes, I was just desperate enough that I was willing to drive every street like a psychopath until I found Jessa’s car. It was an older model Honda Accord made out of rust and a bit of white paint. It couldn’t possibly be that hard to find, but I was still freaking out thanks to the fast setting sun.
It took me less than twenty minutes to find the car, and I pulled up in front of a small building that looked more like a house than an apartment building, but it was definitely the place. There were four parking spots in total and a sign indicating that parking was for tenants only. This had to be it. I grabbed Gabe’s duffel bag and book bag from the backseat of my car, and then I jogged up to the front door.
When I entered, I found a half-flight of stairs going up and another going down. It was a fourplex. The mailboxes were labeled with nothing more than the unit numbers. I ran down the stairs first, staring at the doors. There were no names there either, and I ran upstairs next, hoping for a clue as to what door Gabe would be behind. And that’s when I saw it.
BEWARE OF GUARD FISH
The sign was displayed prominently on the door of unit three. I knocked, knowing full well whose door I was knocking on.
“Well, look what the cat dragged in.” Jessa smirked at me. “You’re not our favorite person anymore.”
I sighed. “I need to see her.”
“She’s not in great shape right now. After getting a call from David Edgerton earlier today, more or less threatening her to keep her mouth shut
and
telling her what a dumb fuck you are, followed by more news coverage showing Casey-the-Cunt shaming her on the five o’clock news, I’d say her threshold for bullshit is wearing thin.”
I looked down at the floor and nodded. “David called her?”
Jessa shrugged mildly and then walked away, leaving the door open. I set Gabe’s bags down just inside the door and followed Jessa down a short hallway to the small living room. Gabe was sitting on the sofa with a glass of red wine in her hand. Her eyes were lazy, and she looked too relaxed as she looked up at me. She was wearing a light yellow floral sundress, a thick cardigan, and equally thick wool socks on her feet. Her hair was up in a messy bun, and she wasn’t wearing any makeup. Her eyes were puffy and her skin splotchy. Pretty much, she looked stunningly beautiful and sweet in that hellish sort of way.
Jessa collapsed at the opposite end of the couch, grabbing an open carton of ice cream that had the handle of a spoon sticking out of it from the side table. “We’re just sitting here celebrating this amazing thing called life,” Jessa said sarcastically. “I’m binge eating ice cream ’cause, let’s face it, my seventeen-year-old metabolism can handle it. Fatty here”—she cocked a thumb in Gabe’s direction—“is hitting the wine ’cause, ya know, it’s heart healthy, and we’re all about clean living around here.” She tipped her ice cream spoon toward me.
I didn’t say anything. I just stared at Gabe, who was watching me calmly—too calmly. This wasn’t my Gabe. When my Gabe was pissed at me, she didn’t fail to show it. I might not have known her that long, but that did not mean I didn’t know her. And this wasn’t the Gabe I’d come to know. This Gabe appeared too drunk to give a shit. I wasn’t quite sure how to handle this Gabe.
Jessa nodded slowly as she stared awkwardly between Gabe and me. “Okay…well, I’m going to take the dog for a walk.” She stood back up, looking around absently. “Well, shit,” she muttered. “I don’t have a dog.”
When she took my keys from my hand, I let her. “I’ll just be outside sitting in your car.”
I moved to an old brown armchair nearby and sat down. “Are you drunk?” I studied the way her eyes watched me. They weren’t bright, wide, and vibrant the way they usually were.
She nodded lazily. “Yep.” She let the “P” pop off her lips.
“Has the press reached out to you?”
“Ah…that’s what you really want to know, isn’t it?” she said coldly. “What I’ve said—”
“I couldn’t care less,” I snapped back. “You can tell them anything you want. I just want to know how you’re doing. They can be ruthless and—”
She laughed. “Ruthless,” she repeated. “Some would say the same of you.”
“Like you?”
She nodded slowly. “I was thinking more along the lines of David.” She was silent for a moment as she watched me. “You know he reached out to me this morning.” Her eyebrows shot up. “He didn’t paint the most flattering picture of you.”
“Of course he didn’t. He’s jealous.”
“Oh, I think he has more important things on his mind than jealously at this point. He’s convinced you’re the one who leaked the photograph.” Her eyes narrowed. “Would you do that, I wonder?” Her head cocked to the side as she focused on me. “You said it was your bosses, but”—she shrugged—“who knows?”
“You know I wouldn’t.”
She hummed, and her lips pulled up in a sly, almost cruel smile. When she stood, she set the glass of wine on the coffee table. She walked toward me slowly, her gait languid and loose. My heart started racing the closer she got to me, and when she was standing in front of me, looking down on me, my chest started rising and falling quickly.
“Why are you here?” She bit into the side of her lower lip seductively. And when she planted her knee at my hip, I gripped the wide upholstered arms of the chair, bearing down on them as my muscles tensed.
“Gabe…” I could barely get her name out, and when she planted her other knee beside my other hip, I stopped breathing. She sank to sit on my lap.
“Are you going to let me use you? Is that why you came?” She leaned forward, bringing her face closer to mine. “Of course it is. You like to be used, don’t you?” Her voice was sing-songy and cool. “You like to use me too, don’t you?” Her hips moved as she ground her pussy against the front of my jeans.
I didn’t want my body to respond. I truly wanted to refuse what she was doing, but I moaned as I felt her heat through my clothes.
“We’re beyond this, Gabe.” I reached for her hips, stopping the slow, sultry motion.
Her lips pulled up slightly in a haunting, barely-there smile. “Maybe
you
are. But I need my whore. Be my whore,” she whispered.