“Mom . . .” Emmie wailed after her.
Nick put his arm around his sister's shoulder. “Save your breath, Emmie, and go home. She just booted my ass out of here, too. We broke the cardinal rule. Now we have to stand up and take our punishment like the big boys and girls we're supposed to be. Do you mind if Willow and I bunk with you until I can find someplace for us to live?”
Emmie nodded, her face miserable. “I have to get her to listen to me,” she said, starting after her mother.
Nick pulled her back. “Don't even
think
about it. Jesus! She sure can work fast when she wants to,” he said, referring to Smitty standing on the back porch with two white envelopes in her hands. Within minutes Willow's pots and pans appeared in cardboard cartons as if by magic. “I'll drive, Emmie, but first I have to pack Willow's stuff in the cargo hold.”
“What's wrong with her, Smitty?” Emmie sobbed.
Nick stopped long enough to hear the office manager's reply. “You both broke the rules. As far as I can see there is absolutely no excuse for your behavior. You're old enough to know better. There
are
telephones. If I were you, I wouldn't drag my feet,” Smitty said coldly before she turned to enter the house.
“I don't understand,” Willow said.
“With my mother there are no second chances when it comes to the horses. She gave us an inch and we took a yard. In plain English, we fucked up. She won't bend either. Let's get out of here. Stop bawling, Emmie. Life is going to go on whether Buddy left you or not.”
“But not without Mom. I'm not going until I talk to her.”
“It's too late for talking. You should have called. I should have called. We didn't. We're selfish bastards thinking only of ourselves. Look, we both know that is not acceptable on this farm or any other farm. She bent enough to give us a week. The horses always have to come first.”
“Just like that, we're walking away?” Emmie sobbed.
“Unless you want to crawl. It's your call. Get in the truck, Emmie. We'll talk when we get to your house.”
Her shoulders shaking with her sobs, Emmie climbed into the truck and buckled her seat belt. She turned to look out the back window to see her mother and Ruby staring at the truck. She cried harder.
Â
Â
Nealy watched her children drive away, a lump in her throat. Did she do the right thing? Only time would tell, she thought. Time had a way of dealing with everything. She slid off Flyby's back and led him to his stall.
“Nealy, are you sure you didn't overreact?” Ruby said, putting her arm around Nealy's shoulders.
Nealy's shoulders sagged. “To your way of thinking, I suppose I did. The farm runs as well as it does because of the rules. When Maud and Jess were alive, my ass would have been on the road in seconds if I had done what those two did. I accepted those rules going in, and I made damn sure I never broke them. Emmie and Nick learned that same rule from the minute they were able to walk and talk. I gave us all a week. I realize now I shouldn't even have done that.”
“Is your heart breaking, Nealy?”
“No,” Nealy lied. “I'm going up for that shower now. I won't be long.”
“What will they do?”
Nealy stopped and stared down at the ground. “I have no idea. Don't ask me that again, Ruby.”
“Okay. Don't forget the coffee when you come back.”
“I'll remember.”
In the kitchen, Nealy headed to Smitty, who held out her arms. She stepped into them as the tears started to flow. “Don't say it, okay, Smitty.”
“You did what you had to do, Nealy. Now you have to live with it. I know what you're thinking and how hard it was for you to do what you did. This isn't like when you lit out with Emmie at the age of seventeen. There was no love there. You moved from darkness to sunshine. Don't start comparing. It's over, it's done with, and you don't look back. If you look back, Nealy, it's all over.”
“It hurts, Smitty. I feel like those two ripped my heart out. Nick got married. He got married, Smitty, and he didn't think enough of me to invite me to his wedding or even call to tell me. I had no clue that he was serious about Willow. Flirting is one thing, marrying is something else entirely. And yes, I fired her. I had to. I sent my son packing, so how could I keep his wife around to cook for me? As for Emmie, we've always been so very close, and yet the one time when I could have consoled her, been with her, what does she do? She hangs me out to dry and stays home crying. I don't understand that either. I don't understand, Smitty, why she didn't come to me this time. At Thanksgiving they were talking about having a baby, they went on this second honeymoon cruise, and then he dumps her and leaves her stranded when they got off the ship. What's wrong with this picture, Smitty? Don't answer that. I probably couldn't handle it right now. I'd appreciate it if you would make some fresh coffee, and if you have time, call an agency and see about getting us a new cook. An all-round housekeeper might be better.”
In the shower, with the water beating down on her weary body, Nealy cried, her tears mingled with the water cascading all about her. She'd broken one of Jess's rules, one of the rules he said it was okay to break from time to time: never let them see you sweat. She'd let Smitty and Ruby see her bruised heart, let them see her tears.
Well, that was then, and this is now.
She stepped from the shower, towel dried her hair, dressed in clean clothes, and was back in the kitchen just as the percolator made its last plopping sound. She filled a thermos for Ruby and one for herself. She was back in the barn in less than fifteen minutes.
“You okay, Nealy?” Ruby asked as she reached for her thermos.
“No. But I will be.” The splintered door to Flyby's stall lay at her feet. “He really did a number on that stall, didn't he?”
“Yes he did. He didn't like your tone of voice, didn't like what was going on. And they say these guys are stupid lumps. Not this guy. You should have seen what he did, Nealy. He burst out of his stall and pushed Nick into the tack room. It was almost funny the way he did it, like he was trying to make your point for you. Nick said he hurt him, but I think he just scared the hell out of him. I know it scared the hell out of me, and he wasn't even after me.”
“I know you might find this hard to believe, but that horse understands everything that goes on where I'm concerned. His daddy, Stardancer, was the same way.” Nealy opened Misty Blue's stall door and smiled when she saw that the colt was nursing. “So, what do you think of our little Shufly?” she asked, shifting mental gears.
“Nealy, he is so gorgeous, he takes my breath away. He's just what Metaxas needs. I don't know how I can ever thank you for him. And for allowing me to be a part of all this. In my life, I've never been happier. I'm sorry about the kids. Things will get better.”
Nealy waved her hand in dismissal. “Look, it's your turn to hit the shower. Take all the time you need. If you can, try to get a couple of hours' sleep. Be sure you take your medicine while you're up at the house. I'm okay, Ruby. Over the years I've learned how to sleep with one eye open. I mean it, I'm okay. I have to see about getting this gate fixed before Himself decides to pitch another fit.”
“Okay, Nealy. Things will work out. I want to say just one thing before I go up to the house. I want you to listen to me, Nealy, and we will never talk about this again. It isn't all that hard to say those two little words, I'm sorry. But only if you are sorry in your heart. If you don't mean the words, don't say them. You are a mother. A mother is supposed to love and love and love. A mother will stand by her child even if he or she is an ax murderer. Never having been a mother, I can't know what you are feeling. To have a child must be the most wonderful thing in the world. I don't want to see you throw away the relationship you have with Nick and Emmie.”
“I didn't throw it away, Ruby. They did. Maud and Jess used to say, for every action there is a reaction, and you go on from there. Let's not talk about this anymore.”
“You got it. See you later.”
“Yes, later,” Nealy said, leaning over the door of Misty Blue's stall to watch the colt suckle from its mother.
Â
Â
“Make yourself at home, Nick. You've been here often enough to know where everything is. You, too, Willow. Take any room you want on the second floor. Before you can say it, Nick, Buddy must have had someone come in and move all his things out while we were on the cruise. It doesn't look like he ever lived here. I was so shocked, I just caved in. I wish you could have seen me. I was like a maniac going through everything for some little scrap of something that was left behind. There was nothing, not even an empty shaving-cream can. Not even a stray sock. I just don't understand how he could do this to me.”
“Do you want me to go to Ohio and kill him?” Nick asked. He grimaced when Willow jerked her head sideways to indicate he should go upstairs while she talked to Emmie.
“He planned it very thoroughly,” Emmie said, flopping down on the couch. “He let me talk and plan for a baby; he arranged the cruise, said it would be like a second honeymoon and then wham bam, he dumps me on the gangplank when the ship docked. He said he doesn't want anything. The house is mine, our joint bank account, everything. He just wanted out.”
“I'm so sorry, Emmie. I wish there was something I could do for you. I need to ask, why did you wait so long to go to the farm and tell your mother?”
“I was too ashamed, Willow. Do you know what I did? Right there on the gangplank with people watching us, I begged him. I held on to his arm and tried to hang on to him. He shook me off like he would shake off a stray dog. And if that wasn't bad enough, I told him I would stop talking if that would make him stay. He laughed in my face. I was too ashamed to tell that to my mother. I just holed up here and cried all week. I didn't think about Mom, the farm, or the horses. All I thought about was Buddy. I turned on the computer and watched it until I thought my eyeballs would explode out of my head. I was so sure he would write me and tell me . . . something . . . anything. Today, I finally realized it wasn't going to happen. How could I have been so stupid? How, Willow?”
“You loved him. Love doesn't come with an intelligence degree.”
“I feel terrible that you and Nick came home to such a mess. You just got married, and already there are problems. My brother is a great guy, but then I guess you already knew that or you wouldn't have married him. Mom won't bend. Things are either black or white with her. There are no gray areas anywhere in her life.”
“I can't believe that, Emmie. Mothers are very forgiving. They love their children unconditionally. I'm sure you and Nick will be able to work things out with her once she calms down.”
Emmie laughed, a bitter sound to Willow's ears. “Maybe other mothers are like that, but ours isn't. We learned early on, almost as soon as we could walk, that the horses always came first. We were raised that way. I'm not saying it's wrong, it's the way it is, and we knew that, accepted it. Mom is very loving, very generous and kind with us. As soon as we hit our teens she told us we could take care of ourselves. She stopped that motherly hovering thing all mothers do. I don't know how Nick is going to handle this. All he knows is horses, and yet I can't see him signing on with another farm. I'm glad he has you, Willow. I'm glad you're both here. I'm a terrible hostess. Would you like some coffee? I'll make some. Why don't you go upstairs and freshen up. I'll call you when the coffee is ready.”
“That sounds like a splendid idea. Emmie?”
“Yes.”
“Would you really have stopped talking if Buddy agreed to stay with you?”
“I guess I meant it when I said it. I know that doesn't say much for me, now does it? He dumped me because I'm normal. He hated it when people talked to me and I responded. He wanted me to keep signing. I got so used to talking I would forget to sign. Then he would grab my arm and swing me around and make me sign. I guess that should have been my first clue. I don't know what to do without him. All I do is walk around in circles.”
“This is a pretty kitchen,” Willow said, changing the subject.
“Mom helped me decorate it. The breakfast nook gets the full morning sun. I like to curl up in the wing chair in my pajamas on Sunday morning and read the paper and drink a whole pot of coffee. Nick and I used to alternate Sundays. I always looked forward to that time. It was special. I guess I can do that every day now for the rest of my life. Do you want to hear something strange, Willow? When my stepfather, Nick's dad, died, Mom never cried once. He was dead, and she didn't cry. Buddy leaves me, and I fall apart and can't stop crying. Can you explain that to me?”
“No, Emmie, I can't. Each of us grieves in her own way. I'm going to go upstairs and freshen up. I'll be down soon. Are you sure you're okay?”