Kelly Hill (10 page)

Before Kelly could answer Jefferson was in the car and locking the doors. He looked over at Rachel, his eyes black as coal, “Put your seatbelt on.”

Rachel didn’t say anything, but did as she was told.

Jefferson pulled out of the parking lot with a screeching of tires and sped off down the interstate, heading back towards the safety of Phillips.

As they neared the student parking lot Jefferson cleared his throat. He pulled into a parking space and turned the car off. “I don’t want you to get the wrong impression.”

Rachel shook her head, unable to find words.

“Kelly is unhinged, I mean, really. The guy is a lunatic.” Jefferson tried to start.

“
You don’t have to explain.” Rachel’s voice was softer than she had meant it to be. She just wanted to get out of the car and go home. What had even happened that night?

“
But really.” Jefferson was looking directly at her, “If he says anything to you-”

“
Jefferson, I don’t even think he saw me.” Rachel whispered, trying to appease the nervous mess of man sitting next to her.

“
Oh he saw you.” Jefferson nodded his head, “He’s like a little parasite.”

Rachel reached up and gently touched the already swelling part of Jefferson’s face, “I won’t talk to him.”

Jefferson held her eye contact for a second, and she could tell he was weighing his options. Then his lips were on hers and she tasted his blood in her mouth.

She pulled away as he did and looked at him, waiting for him to say something more. Waiting for him to explain.

But he never did.

Agoura Hills, California

June 9th 2010

Rachel

The whole rest of yesterday had been spent thinking of all the different ways Rachel could make Kelly upset with her enough to leave her alone. She didn’t want to talk about Melody or Jefferson or anyone else that Kelly felt it was necessary to pick over.

She didn’t have the energy to try again. She didn’t want to have to think about all the memories that Kelly’s mere presence was bringing to the front of her mind, bidding her not to sleep, requesting her full attention.

Rachel’s blood shot eyes slid over to her night stand. The letter still sat there, still unopened.

Both Kelly and Jefferson would be the death of her.

She had left Phillips to get away from their dysfunction. She had left Phillips to protect him. Rachel exhaled in defeat and rubbed her face. Life wasn’t supposed to be this way. She was supposed to be able to leave and never look back. That was the agreement.

Rachel cleared her throat and pushed her tired body up and away from the wall of her bedroom. She hadn’t eaten in the past two days in her quest to avoid Kelly and now her stomach hurt with its hollow pangs.

She took a shower and tried to wash off all the bitter feelings that were coursing through her body but there was nothing she could do, nothing that would make her feel better in the slightest.

She got dressed, taking the time to pick out her clothes carefully. Taking the time to breathe. She just needed a moment to relax. A moment to tell hersef she didn’t have to deal with any of this. This wasn’t her fight. This was between them.

No matter what Kelly had said, this wasn’t her fight. That wasn’t her secret. How dare he put this on her. She did her part.

Rachel wandered down the stairs and could hear the boys in the kitchen, laughing as they made breakfast. She paused at the entrance and watched Kelly’s thin frame at the stove, making what smelled like scrambled eggs.

Part of her felt the very real pull to let it all go. To just go over to him and tell him everything she ever wanted to say, but the other part of her, the better half, knew she had to stay still in one spot. Not to move. Not to say a word. To speak was to admit and that was something she would never do. Admission was betrayal. But of herself, or him, she wasn't sure.

Silently, she slipped into the kitchen and opened the fridge. The noise in the kitchen stopped as they all waited for her to say something, but they didn’t know her like she knew herself. This resolution of self wasn’t anything new to Rachel; she had just never concentrated it in an area such as this before.

Rachel grabbed an apple from its crisper drawer and closed the refrigerator, as she did, her eyes caught Kelly’s and she didn’t make a face. She held no outward emotion for him and she wanted him to know it. After all, he meant nothing to her. That’s what she had said at Phillips, and that sentiment still held true to this day.

Rachel walked out into the backyard and prayed that no one would follow her.

Picking one of the lawn chairs farther away from the table she started to eat her small meal.

As if they had been waiting for her, Ethan, Logan and Kelly all emerged from the house and sat at the table.

“
Hey, Rach!” Ethan called over to her back while she chewed her rather unsatisfying apple. “Come sit by us!”

“
Yeah, Rachel! Don’t eat alone!” Logan added, backing Ethan up. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in days and days.”

Rachel turned around to see all three of them were looking at her, expecting her to move over and eat with them, expecting her to do something that would be considered normal for Rachel. But she didn’t feel normal.

She no longer had an escape. At Phillips she had run away, gone home and hid from everything that was happening. Now, it had followed her home.

Slowly, reluctantly, Rachel got up and moved over to the fourth chair that was offered, sitting across from Kelly and next to Logan.

She put her apple core on the table and crossed her arms in her lap, looking at nothing in particular.

“
Why’re you so sullen this morning?” Ethan asked, stirring his breakfast around with his fork.

“
Just tired.” Rachel made a show of yawning and cleared her throat again. Things she wanted to say but were never to be let out it seemed to keep building up.

“
Maybe you should get out today. It looks like you could use a distraction,” Logan blindly offered, unaware of how accurate he was.

“
Maybe.” Rachel nodded, smiling warmly at the young man. When she first met him he had reminded her a little of Ryan, but now, having spent more time with him she saw that he was more carefree than Ryan had been. He seemed like the type of person to relax with. Someone who didn’t mind if there was nothing substantial to discuss. Someone who didn’t mind letting a secret stay a secret.

“
Well, I don’t have any plans today.” Logan continued as if they were the only two people sitting at the table.

Rachel could sense what he was getting at before he actually got to the real point and she didn’t mind the suggestion. She did need a distraction and she did want to get away for a while.

“Do you want to go see a movie or something, later?” She asked before he had time to think of something that would involve more talking.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Kelly shift in his chair, he didn’t like the idea, but he wasn’t going to say anything about it.

“That sounds pretty great actually.” Logan was smiling, “There’s some good ones that I’ve been meaning to see.”

“
Great.” Rachel offered a fresh smile to match his, to make it look it like she wasn't ditching the other two she looked around the table, “How about it, guys? Wanna see a movie?”

Ethan shrugged and shook his head, “Nah, I gotta work on the van.”

Rachel looked at Kelly, daring him to agree to it, daring him to call her bluff. He stared back with those green eyes of his and smirked, “Nope. You guys have fun on your date though.”

He stood, his plate of food barely touched, “I’m not feeling so well.”

Rachel swallowed, he was upset now. More than he had been last night but that meant he was going to give her some space and that’s all she really wanted.

“
Well, I think I’ll go get some chores done before we take off.” Rachel stood as well and looked at Ethan and Logan who were still eating, “I’ll see you guys later.”

She passed Kelly in the kitchen on her way to her room and almost paused, wanting to tell him it wasn’t him that was driving her away. It really wasn’t. It was everything he represented. It was everything she was trying to forget.

“I’m not going to give up.” Kelly said to her retreating back. “I know what you’re doing and I want you to know, it’s not going to work.”

Rachel closed her eyes and stopped at the base of the stairs. “It has to work, Kelly.”

And that was the final truth she had left inside of her. It had to work. Because of everything, he had to forget her.

“
But what if I said no? What if I didn’t let you make all the hard decisions anymore?” Kelly asked, his voice softer than it had been in a long time.

Rachel pushed down the guilt that was forcing betraying tears to well up in her eyes. She couldn’t feel this way. She shouldn’t feel this way, “Just go away, Kelly.”

Chapter Seven

Phillips Academy

Charleston, West Virginia

October 1st, 2008

Rachel

It had been one month since Jefferson had kissed her in his car. One month and still he had yet to say anything about it. She had gone on other dates with Ryan and they had even managed to have that awkward talk of whether or not they were exclusively dating one another.

She had all but tried to forget about the strange kiss that night following Jefferson’s fight with the man Rachel only knew as ‘Kelly’, but sometimes, she would catch Jefferson looking at her, and she knew he was thinking about it.

But really what could be said? She was with Ryan now and she liked it that way. And from what she could tell Jefferson and Melody seemed to be hitting it off just fine.

On that afternoon, Rachel was sitting on the park bench that was placed between the admissions building and the English department. She had always enjoyed the spot, more so than the other scenic areas at Phillips.

The bench was made out of a white marble, freckled with black specks and was shaded by two large oak trees that had to be older than the college itself. Her ankles were crossed and she was reading her advanced intro to psychology to pass the time. She was already ahead of the class in leaps and bounds, but it never hurt anything to gain more ground, it just meant more time later to do other things.

Ryan had told her he would be busy for most of the day, spending it with his cousin, and Melody and Jefferson had taken a day trip to the neighboring town to do a little shopping and sightseeing, leaving Rachel completely on her own.

Rachel couldn’t complain; she preferred it this way. When she was on her own, the only person she had to worry about was herself and it felt nice, like a weight was lifted from her shoulders for the time being.

The painful knot in her abdomen had even subsided. A self-diagnosed ulcer, Rachel had decided to deal with it in a more natural manner, one that wouldn’t require her to fill a subscription.

So, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, Rachel awoke at four a.m. to attend her five o’clock yoga class. The yogi, Miss Teller, was a wonderful, thin woman who also held Holistic Health seminars every other Saturday in the park. She had told Rachel that most stress came from bad energy in the body and could be expelled through basic yoga techniques designed to heal and strengthen the human form.

Rachel wasn’t sure how much she subscribed to Teller’s beliefs, but she had to admit, it did help, not a lot, but enough.

She had pulled her light hair into a bun at the base of her neck, held in place by pearl-ended pins; one strand of hair was left out, a small golden curl that framed the left side of her face.

She turned the page and the breeze that brought a promise of autumn brushed the curl across her face in a slow dance.

She loved moments like these at Phillips. Moments where she didn’t have to worry about anything or anyone and all she had to do was just exist. It was the easiest form of satisfaction she had ever experienced and she thoroughly relished in the time she spent alone.

But all good things were fleeting and soon, Rachel found that she was no longer alone on the bench.

The spot next to her had been occupied by a young man that Rachel didn’t recognize as anyone from any of her classes, but yet, he sat next to her as if he had known her for years.

“
Nice day out.” He pointed out, while lighting a cigarette.

Rachel didn’t look up from her book as the pungent odor of cigarette smoke filled her sinuses and made her want to cough. She abhorred smoking. It was a filthy habit for people who had made poor life choices. “Well, it was.”

She knew the line wasn’t the most pleasant thing she could have said, but he was invading her personal space, ruining her calm and quiet with his obnoxious poisonous smoke.

Her eyes shifted over and noted his shoes, brown leather lace ups, a vintage of she didn’t know what year, but they had to be older than the person wearing them.

She wanted to look at him, just to see what he was doing, but she kept her head down, her eyes on her book, shutting him out.

“
Hey, you’re Rachel Gunn, aren’t you?” He hid the statement like a question, and she heard him take another drag.

“
You don’t miss much, do you?” She refused to look up, her tone dripping with sarcasm. She just about had had enough of the smoke blowing in her face and was about to leave. Chased away from her favorite spot by a clown, what a shame, it was looking like it was going be such a wonderful day.

“
Ryan showed me some pictures of you.” The man continued.

That caught Rachel’s attention. Ryan? Was this Ryan’s cousin? If it was, and he was here, then where...

“Where’s Ryan?” Rachel was frowning now as she looked up and into the stranger’s face.

He had bright green eyes dotted with bits of gold and bronze and his face was clean shaven. He didn’t look at all like she had pictured him, he almost seemed halfway decent.

“He said he had to run some errands with Jefferson.” The man was shrugging, “Don’t really know, to tell you the truth.”

This made Rachel’s frown deepen. “But I thought Jefferson was with Melody for the day?”

She received another shrug as an answer.

He flicked the remainder of the butt from his cigarette across the sidewalk and leaned back into the stone, relaxing.

Rachel blinked at him and then set down her book. Slowly, methodically, she placed it in her book bag and made sure all of her things were in order. Once satisfied everything was in its place she got up and pulled a napkin out of a side pocket.

Slinging the book bag around one shoulder she walked across the sidewalk and bent down. Napkin protecting her fingertips, Rachel gingerly picked up the cigarette and wrapped it completely in the napkin. Walking back over to the man on the bench she held out her hand. “I believe this is yours.”

His smile was crooked and he took the small bundle, “Thanks, I guess.”

“
You’re welcome.” Rachel’s voice was cold and flat, she sat back down on the bench, curious of Ryan’s cousin and why Ryan wasn’t with him.

“
I’m Kelly, by the way.” He lit another cigarette and glanced at Rachel, gauging her reaction.

Rachel could feel her heartbeat quicken as she put two and two together. He was thee Kelly. The one Jefferson had asked her not to speak to. The one that had punched Jefferson in the face.

Rachel swallowed, “Oh? That’s a very interesting name for a boy.” Trying to push past the fact that her hands had become cold and clammy.

Kelly shrugged, “It’s a family name.”

“Are the Prescotts big on family traditions?” Rachel tried to find her voice while also thinking of a way to get away before anyone saw her talking to him.

“
I’m not a Prescott.” Kelly replied with a snort, “I’m a Hill. We’re from the shunned side.”

Rachel frowned, “Shunned? That's gotta be tough.”

“It would be if it mattered.” Kelly finished off his second cigarette and put the spent butt in the napkin she had handed him.

Rachel felt herself nodding, she understood him in a way she couldn’t quite explain. It is difficult going unaccepted, but then again, it wouldn’t be if it didn’t matter. “I wish I could care less about things like that.”

“You?” Kelly lifted an eyebrow looking at her, “You don’t think people like you?”

Rachel shrugged, unsure why she was opening up to this person that she wasn’t even supposed to be talking to. There was something about his honesty that made her feel comfortable. A rare feeling in Rachel’s world. “I mean, they do. As long as I can be who they expect.”

“You shouldn’t have to live for other peoples’ validation.” Kelly said rather pointedly.

Rachel gave him a sad smile, “It’s not that simple.”

“Listen, I can promise you that I’ll like you just the way you are.” Kelly was joking with her, but she could feel the sincerity in his words. “You don’t have to be any certain way. Just remember that any time you come back to this bench. There’s someone out there who doesn’t care.”

Rachel laughed, “Well thanks, I guess.”

“Anytime.” He winked at her.

Rachel laughed at him and looked at the time on her watch. She didn’t need to be anywhere in particular, but she knew she shouldn’t be talking to Kelly, let alone enjoying his company. “I um…” She trailed off, not wanting to leave, but knowing she had to.

“I get it.” Kelly was smirking again, “I know you’re friends with Jefferson, I know what that’s like. You can get out of here if you want.”

“
It’s not that.” Rachel tried to defend herself even though he was right, “I have a lot of studying I have to do.”

“
So people will like you?” Kelly’s question was more of a statement, hanging in the air for the whole world to see.

“
So people will like me.” Rachel confirmed, that same sad smile gracing her face. “But it was nice meeting you, Kelly.”

“
Don’t forget, Rachel Gunn, this bench. There’s always someone out there for you.” Kelly answered, refusing to say goodbye.