Keep Her (31 page)

“Wanna know what else is right?” he asked, nudging me in the stomach with his elbow.

“What?” I mused, looking into his eyes and forgetting all about the things weighing heavy on my mind.

He stripped the blanket off of us, stood up on the mattress, and started dancing. “Breaking out in song! And this one’s just for you since I’m bringing sexy
Beck.
”

I busted out laughing so hard I thought I might pee in his bed and ruin the sheets. He stood there doing a little strip tease while singing the lyrics to
Sexy Back
, causing tears to burst from my eyes.

“
Dirty babe. You see these shackles, baby, I’m your slave. I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave. It’s just that no one makes me feel this way… Take ‘em to the chorus!”

“Beck, you’re killing me,” I managed to get out between snorts and giggles. “Come back down here.”

He curled his finger, gesturing for me to join him in his dance and continued serenading me so much better than JT ever could. “
Come here girl. Go ahead, be gone with it. Come to the
Beck.
Go ahead, be gone with it
…”

As if of their own accord, my legs made the decision for me. I jumped up to dance and Beck grabbed my hands, swaying me around as if we were on a dance floor and not a queen-sized pillow-top mattress. “I’m so glad you showed up and brought my sexy back.”

“Yeah, well,
those other boys don’t know how to act
.”

Tilting his head and rewarding me with a soft peck, he arched a brow. “I’m glad we’ve moved from
Cabaret
to this, but I don’t even like that dude, Riles. Can’t we paraphrase Zeppelin or The Who?”

“Who?” I exaggerated, as if I was clueless.

“The Who. You know,
Baba O’Riley
,
Won’t Get Fooled Again
.”

“I know
who
The Who is, B. But I’m dating a younger man, not an old fart. You should be hip to Justin and Drake and Usher.”

Pulling me closer to him and nuzzling his scruffy face in the crook of my neck, he laughed against my skin. “My little hip-hop lovin’ freak. I learn something new about you every day.”

There were a lot of things he didn’t know about me. A lot I wanted to tell him, so much I didn’t. But I was getting ahead of myself. I needed to be present in our moment. I owed it to myself—to Beck—to enjoy this and worry about the rest later.

“Do you have plans today?” I asked, hoping he didn’t have to pull a three day shift or something like that. I knew little about his schedule, except that it was erratic. There would be times he’d be off for weeks and then others when he’d probably be MIA for a while. I hoped we could spend some time together, getting reacquainted and reconnected.

“As a matter of fact I do,” he said pointedly.

I couldn’t help hide my disappointment. I was very comfortable wrapped in his arms, dancing like a fool in nothing but one of his oversized T-shirts. “Really?”

“Yup. With you.” He leaned down and kissed the tip of my nose. “I let you go once and I’m not letting it happen again.”

“B, that sounds like the fairytale I’ve always wanted, but unfortunately this is reality.”

“Not in this room it ain’t. When you’re in here…” he crooned, guiding me back down to our still-warm pillows. “… it’s all about the fantasies, baby. And I plan on living them out all damn day.”

There was this saying I’d heard a couple of times that popped into my head as I stared into Beck’s hungry dark eyes.
I still believe in fairytales, they’re just a little dirtier now.
I loved the idea of living out my knight-in-shining-armor, white-picket fence, picture-perfect fantasies with Beck—I wanted to make them a reality.

After living out quite a few fantasies, napping while spooning, and snacking on the only unexpired thing in his cupboard—peanut butter and jelly—I convinced Beck to release me as his sex prisoner. I wanted to go home, take a shower and change into my own clothes. I felt grimy from all our… reacquainting… and I wanted to look nice for my man.

We made plans to head into Hoboken and had reservations at one of my favorite Cuban restaurants. Not only was their sangria the best in town, but we also picked the spot to be discreet. Marcus and Tessa rarely had the opportunity for fine-dining since they had Luca to take care of, but Beck and I decided that keeping things on the DL for a little longer wasn’t the most terrible idea.

As I got in my car and plugged my cell phone into the car charger, I felt a pang of guilt over Griffin. It was mid-afternoon and I still hadn’t called him. He was probably worried or annoyed and I really didn’t want there to be any hard feelings between us. Aside from having fun together, we’d formed a friendship that I hoped would remain plutonic. Especially since he’d hired me to work on his studio.

Turning at the green light, I slid my sunglasses from the top of my head to shield my eyes from the sun, and decided to give him a call.

“Get it over with before you make it worse,” I told myself. I couldn’t just ignore the last few weeks and pretend he didn’t exist. That would be the most immature thing I could do. And Griffin was far from immature. From what I’d seen he was a secure and confident man. He didn’t need to play games, and he certainly didn’t seem like the type to stand for them either. Having knowledge of what it was like to be on the shit end of the game-playing stick, I struck up the nerve to speak the truth as his phone continued to ring.

Just as I thought his voicemail would pick up, and wondered if I should punk out and let him down in a message, his gruff, sexy voice filled my car on the Bluetooth. “Thank God, you’re alive!” He was clearly being sarcastic, probably ticked off that I’d taken so long to give him a call.

For whatever reason, Griffin’s opinion of me mattered. He was a good person, someone I liked having around; if not on a romantic level, at least as someone I could call a friend. I didn’t want him to be irritated with me, so I started off with an apology. “Yes, I’m alive and I’m so sorry I didn’t call sooner, but I was… tied up.” The simple phrase could be interpreted in many ways. It was his choice to decipher it before I explained myself.

He cleared his throat and spoke in a sultry voice. “That’s quite a vision you’re painting for me, Riley. I would have liked to see it for myself.”

That was the one scenario I’d hoped he didn’t envision. “Listen, Griffin.”

“Uh, oh. I’ve been on the other end of those words in that tone before. What’s up?” Poor Griffin. I should have known not to get involved with such a perfect person so soon after Beck. I always had the hope we’d find our way back to each other so maybe I was a bitch for agreeing to spend time with Griffin. Was I that girl?
God, I was that girl!

“Griffin, I hate to be
that
girl and I hope you understand, but…” Why was this so hard? I didn’t owe him anything. We’d barely kissed. It wasn’t like I’d led him on. These things happened all the time. Right? “I really think you’re a great guy. Like
really
great, but I just… I shouldn’t have gotten involved with you in the first place. You see, there’s someone else and I thought… it doesn’t matter, really. I’ll spare you the details and just let you know that I can’t go out with you again. I want to give it a shot with this guy and it wouldn’t be fair… to either of you… to continue whatever it is you and I started. I had a lot of fun with you and I would still love to work for you, that’s if you’ll still have me, and even though this sounds like a shitty cliché-like thing to say, I would really like to stay friends.”

The line fell silent for a few seconds and I worried that I’d gone through a bad area and dropped the call. I really didn’t want to have to say that all over again. My body was a little shaky from getting it out the first time. I was thankful I didn’t live too far from Beck’s—driving while preoccupied and jittery wasn’t exactly safe.

Unable to stand the silence any longer I blurted out, “Hello? Griffin? Did I lose you?”

“I’m here. I’m just… well, this blows.” He finally admitted, huffing. “I like you a lot, Riley. You’re a very unique woman and I wanted to get to know you better, but… I understand and it was very noble of you to come out and just say it. So, thank you.”

“You’re welcome?” It came out as a question because, really, was this guy serious? Thanking me for breaking up with him out of the blue.

Chuckling, the musical rasp in his voice spread a comforting warmth through my nerve-chilled body. “Don’t sound so surprised, Riley. What did you think I was going to do? Demand you to continue dating me? Give you a hard time for being honest? You’re a sweetheart, and I’m sorry we can’t be more because I really dig you, but… I’d love to remain friends. There’s no reason we can’t be. Unless of course your boyfriend is jealous of the older, rugged, artsy gentleman type?”

I laughed, relieved by his cool response. “Oh, Griffin, you are one perfect gentleman, for sure. I’m happy we met on the beach that day.”

“Me too. Let’s just say it’s your loss, babe.”

“Hey!” I shrieked.

His booming laugh filled my car before his words made me sigh. “He’s one lucky guy, Riley. I can’t help feeling like a sore loser.”

“There are no winners or losers, Griffin. It just… is what it is.”

“I guess so and thank you for being honest with me. I’ll just have to take what I can get.”

A bit mournful over the premature ending to whatever it was we’d yet to even start, I tried to hide my melancholy over the situation. I couldn’t have my cake and eat it too. And I wasn’t about to date two men at the same time just to figure out who was the right fit. Besides, I already knew who I wanted to be with. My feelings for Beck were so much stronger than the tiny bit of regret I felt ending things with Griffin. It was time to make this professional and amicable with just the right amount of sincerity. “Now you’re making it like it’s goodbye. It’s definitely not goodbye… we’ll need to meet up in a week or two to go over all the ideas I have for that impressive studio.”

“I look forward to that. And Riley?”

“Yes?”

“You’re one special lady. Don’t ever forget that.”

“Thank you, I won’t.” I hesitated for a second before saying what had to come next. “Bye, Griffin.”

“Bye. Call me to set up our appointment.”

“Okay. Have a good one.”

“You too, love. Ciao.”

He hung up the phone just as I turned into my driveway. I put the car in park and rested my head against the seat. That totally sucked. I hated doing things like that. I shouldn’t feel any remorse—I was ending things with Griffin to start things with a man I was pretty sure I was falling in love with.

As I let it all sink in—getting back with Beck, letting go of Griffin—I smiled, knowing this was what my mother meant when she told me to live. Part of living was losing. Part of living was loving. I’d done my fair share of the first, I intended to spend the rest of my meager life doing the latter.

Riley and I had hit the three month mark. Three months since our first time together—a drunken night of what we thought was a mistake and turned into the best decision of my life. Three months of sneaking around—even keeping the wool over Tessa’s eyes since getting back together—and enjoying the thrill of it all the while. Three months of taking things slow—learning new things about each other, enjoying making sweet love and fucking like animals, and just doing what any normal couple did in the beginning of a relationship. Three months of holding in how much I loved this girl—that part was unbearable. I only held off because I wanted the timing to be
perfect
. But now I was at the point where I couldn’t wait one more day to express how deeply I’d fallen in love with Riley Grayson.