Keep Her (13 page)

She seemed to think about what I said as she bobbed the straw up and down in her drink. When her eyes finally met mine again she smiled shyly, but I could see a sadness wash over her soft features. “I hope you’re right, because quite honestly—” She let out a huff of air that seemed to deflate her whole body as she released it, eliminating a world of stress “—I’m so freaking tired of worrying about everyone else.

“I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I don’t really like to talk about her because it’s still so hard sometimes, but…” She sipped her mojito through the straw, staining it with her lipstick. “Since Mom’s gone, I feel like I do everything as if she’s watching me. As if she’s in the background nodding in approval or pointing her finger to warn me before I do something I’ll regret. It sounds crazy because that wasn’t her and it’s not how she would’ve wanted me to live my life.

“Not to boast, but she knew I’d always land on my feet and that I could take care of myself. She even told me not to worry too much about Dad and Marcus, but I took it upon myself to meddle in their lives only because it’s my way of holding on to her. Without my nagging daily reminders or my attempt at keeping the traditions of Sunday dinners and holidays alive, I feel like she’ll just disappear for good.

“But it goes beyond that and it’s something I just need to get over on my own. I can’t replace her for them and I can’t be her, as hard as I try. She always had the right thing to say and the most sensible way to solve a problem. Marcus was putty in her hands, for whatever reason.”

“Riles, you’re doing an amazing job of everything. She’d be so fucking proud of you. For keeping an eye on Marcus, for loving your dad the way you do, for accomplishing so much.” I took her hand again, staring deeply into her eyes. The tears were welling up, but she held them back. The server showed up to check our drinks, but I waved her away until Riley could compose herself. I needed to lighten the subject before this impromptu lunch turned into something way too serious for her.

“I nearly shit myself when I saw your office today, babe. You’re an interior design rock-star. You even got me hard thinking about adding some sconces and wainscoting to my place.”

She laughed at my joke, and the sadness slowly faded. I lifted my beer, motioning for her to do the same with the rest of her mojito. “A toast.”

“To what?” she asked, confused.

“To lightening up and having a good fucking time.”

“Are you saying I have a stick up my ass?” She squinted and pouted, withholding her drink from my toast.

“No, you definitely do not have a stick up your ass, but… I can certainly give you one,” I winked.

Finally clinking her glass to my bottle, she bit her lip and smiled. “I’ll drink to that! Now, let’s hope the food comes quick so you can deliver on that promise before I have to get back to work.”

Thank God he lightened the mood and changed the topic. I definitely was
not
about to take it in the back door my first time as some quickie on the way back from lunch, but I’d risk risqué sexual banter over a near emotional breakdown any day.

I was way too close to telling him about
all
my fears. All the things I was afraid of doing without my mom. All the reasons I missed her so much. Confessing secrets and talking freely with Beck just came so naturally. I guess it was that we’d known each other so long, but since hooking up and getting to know each other more intimately—I don’t know. I felt like I’d grown so much closer to him in this last week. I could let my guard down with him. I liked that. I was pretty sure he did too.

And there were those
feelings
coming into play again. Confiding in him as a friend was one thing, but getting comfortable enough to actually think he cared about what I was telling him… that was dangerous ground I probably shouldn’t tread on.

After lunch, we walked back to my office where I offered to have him come in and hang out for a bit. He sweetly declined, saying he had errands to run, giving me a soft goodbye kiss on the mouth. That kiss said something the previous ones we shared hadn’t. While our kisses on Saturday night were empowered by pure lust and desire, our “see ya later” kiss meant so much more.

It meant we’d reached a comfortable place in whatever this was. One where we didn’t have to think about who we were to each other, just what we felt for each other. That simple kiss spoke volumes about the little time we’d spent together. And even though it wasn’t much, I already knew that I liked spending time with him. A lot.

Something unexplainable was tugging at me and I wasn’t sure how to analyze it.
Yeah, that’s right
. My internal rational, mother-hen of a subconscious reminded me.
Keep overthinking, you freak! You’ve been alone with him all of two times, and one of those times you were completely intoxicated and mauling each other. This is Beck we’re talking about. Stop making it more than it is.

Was I making it more than it was? It didn’t seem that way at lunch when we were laughing and sharing confidences effortlessly. I didn’t want to cross a line and ask Beck where he saw this going because he kept mentioning that we were just having fun. He was fresh out of a two-year relationship with Marissa. Maybe he was just occupying his time with me until she wanted him back.

These were all questions I wanted answers to, but there was no way I’d ask them. I wasn’t about to fuck up this good feeling I had when I was with Beck. I wanted to just let it be without putting too much weight into it, even if there was this unexplainable warmth and giddiness every time I thought about him. It was probably just the idea of something new, the idea of being wanted by someone. But, was I crazy to think we could be more than some friend-turned-fling situation? I mean, look at Marcus and Tessa. They were trying to make it work and that seemed pretty absurd to me.

Either way, it was all too much to think about with the kind of weekend we had ahead of us. Sitting at my desk and scrolling through my to-do list without really paying attention, I thought about how everything would play out at the lake house.

We’d have to be super discreet in front of Marcus. For one thing, he would think I was playing tit-for-tat by hooking up with his friend since I told him not to hook up with mine. And secondly, I didn’t want to justify myself to him. Right now, my feelings were all over the place. Explaining to my brother that I was enjoying meaningless sex with his best friend would not go over well. And describing it as meaningless sex wasn’t fully true—on my end at least.

I had a lot to think about before I went and said anything I’d regret to anyone. Most of all, Beck. I’d have to feel him out before I made a fool out of myself by asking him a million questions about our situation, or lack thereof.

“Hey, boo. Have a second?” Fallon broke me of the internal struggle between my brain and my heart.

“Sure, what’s up?” I didn’t bother to look up from my desk, because Fallon would be sure to read right through me and see I’d been overthinking all things Beck since the moment I sat back down.

“We got a call from a new client today. I wanted to go over your calendar with you so that we could schedule—Ah! Who the fuck am I kidding? I want to know about your lunch date with the young, hot fireman.”

I turned around to face him, arching an eyebrow incredulously. “Smooth one, Fal. But there’s nothing to tell. It went great, he’s a sweetheart, and somehow I’ll screw this whole thing up because I already feel that I like him more than I should.”

He plopped into the chair next to my desk, pulling it as close to me as humanly possible. “Yeah. Okay… nothing to tell, wench. That’s quite a mouth full. Oh and speaking of mouthfuls, is he one?”

“Fallon! Can’t you be serious for one damn second, you perv?”

“I’m sorry, but my mind was wandering the whole time you were at lunch. Did he really take you to eat or did you go, you know, act out some of those schmexy-ass texts in person?”

“Okay, that’s enough. Back to work.”

I usually didn’t mind sharing all the gory details with Fallon, but today my mind was racing with too many warring emotions to hash it all out in a timely fashion. I had shit to get done if I wanted to have a decent Fourth of July weekend dodging my brother and Tessa’s make-out sessions and trying to hide my feelings toward Beck from everyone, including him. This was going to be fun. I could hardly wait.

That night, when I’d finally left the lonely office around nine thirty, picked up a fast food salad from a late-night drive thru, and settled in on the couch to catch up on my recorded shows, my cell phone chirped with an incoming text and my hopes immediately soared.

When I reached over to the end table and saw it was from Beck, a huge smile grew on my face. I couldn’t help but bounce up and down on the cushions. Pausing an episode of
The Voice,
I blew a kiss to Adam Levine and told him I had another man to deal with. Yes, I was obsessed with far too many male musicians to count, but there was no harm in my outlandish obsessions over the unattainable. It was the one I had with my brother’s best friend that I had to worry about.

Beck:
Whatcha doing?

Me:
Drooling over Adam Levine.

Beck:
God, my competition is fierce. First JT and now Adam?

Me:
They’ve got nothing on the Beckster.

Beck:
rolling my eyes

Me:
I love getting under your skin.

Beck:
I love getting over your skin—with my tongue.

I loved our schmexy texts, as Fallon had put it, but I was seriously bone tired and couldn’t see myself being that creative tonight.

Me:
Oh, B. Don’t get me riled up. I’m exhausted and I have to be on the road early tomorrow to help Marcus set up.

Beck:
Well, that’s actually why I’m texting you.

Me:
To rile me up? ;)

Beck:
That and… I wanted to see if you needed a ride. We can go together.

Together? Was he kidding? My fingers typed “yes” then erased the letters, then typed “no” and erased those too. I was stuck with no way to answer this reasonably. Finally, I decided on what was best.

Me:
Probably not a good idea. We don’t want to give anyone anything to talk about.

Beck:
Ah, fuck ‘em. Let’s let ‘em talk!

Me:
Yeah? You’re ready to deal with Marcus and tell him you’re banging his sister?

Beck:
Correction: BANGED his sister. You’ve been holding out on me all week.

Me:
Me? You had work!

Beck:
And now you’re tired. I could’ve come over tonight and really wore you out.

Me:
LOL. As appealing as that sounds, I still have to pack, tie up some loose ends, and do all those fun things us women have to do in order to look decent in a bathing suit.

Beck:
All you have to do is put one on and you’ll look drop dead gorgeous.