Katie's Journey to Love (34 page)

“You didn't know. And neither did anyone else.”

Katie's eyes grew big as a new thought occurred to her. “Margaret! The money for the trip! You don't suppose it came from Ben…from his drug dealing?”

“Oh, Katie, it couldn't be…could it?” Margaret was staring at Katie.

Katie bit her lip. “But it
has
to be. No one else had that kind of money, and only a handful of people knew about the trip. And Ben was one of them.”

Margaret shook her head. “There has to be some other explanation, Katie. Don't jump to conclusions.”

Katie pressed back the tears. “It's no use, Margaret. Illegal drugs are just so evil. And it makes this trip bad—the way I got the money. I just want to die.”

“Katie, please.” Margaret held Katie tight. “You can't blame yourself. This is Ben's fault. Don't allow him to destroy your life on top of everything.”

“It's already destroyed,” Katie sobbed. “And for me this trip is over. I have to go home, Margaret. I have to.”

“No, you don't have to.” Margaret held Katie at arm's length. “Listen to me. Blaming yourself only makes the situation worse. It solves nothing. I know your heart is torn, but don't run home, Katie. You're here—and maybe for a reason. Let the Lord work His good work. You can't make things better by running away. Besides, I want you along, Katie. The rest of my heart would break if you left.”

Katie wiped away her tears. “I…I…don't know what to do. Maybe you're right. If I were at home, my anger might be worse than it is now. Is that possible?”

“Just stay with us, Katie,” Margaret pleaded. “I think you need us right now.”

Katie took a deep breath. “Don't tell anyone else about the money—that it came from Ben. I'm already embarrassed enough.”

“My lips are sealed.” Margaret tried to smile. “Maybe we should get ready for the day and eat breakfast. Are you hungry?”

“My insides have turned to iron. I couldn't possibly eat.”

“But you have to, Katie, or you'll wither up and die.”

“That sounds pretty
gut
right now.”

“Oh, dear Lord,” Margaret closed her eyes, “please help Katie right now. This is awful news we received last night. And I don't think any of us can bear this on our own. Comfort her heart, please. And also ours. Amen.”

“Thank you,” Katie whispered, the tears rushing down her cheeks. Somehow Margaret knew exactly what she needed at this moment. A prayer to
Da Hah
that she was too broken to make for herself. And Margaret had made it for her, being the great friend that she was.

A soft knock on the door sounded, and Nancy's worried face appeared when it opened. “Is everything okay?”

“We're getting dressed and will be right out,” Margaret said.

Katie tried to smile, but the effort was mighty weak.

Nancy seemed to understand and smiled in sympathy before closing the door.

Katie dressed as Margaret prepared for the day. Brushing out her hair, Katie did it up under her
kapp
, and when she was finished the two girls went down to breakfast. Nancy and Sharon were already there. They stood when Katie walked in.

“Please,” Katie said, “sit down. And please excuse me if I get a little weepy today. I just can't control the way I feel.”

“Of course not,” Sharon soothed. “And you should be torn up. Any of us would feel the same way.”

“It'll take a long time to absorb fully the news from last night,” Nancy said. “But the Lord can bring healing over time, even though it seems impossible right now.”

Katie hung her head, holding back the tears. She wanted to trust
Da Hah
, but it seemed a little impossible right now.
Da Hah
had seemed to lead Ben and her together. How could she have been so wrong? How could her understanding of
Da Hah
's leading have been so wrong?

Nancy continued. “The question now is, where do we go from here? What about our plans for today? I can hardly imagine Katie wanting to see sights with how she's feeling. And yet I don't want to leave her here alone. Shall we all take a day off and rest?”

“You will do no such thing!” Katie said at once. “We will keep to the plans we had. There is no sense in Ben destroying more than he already has.”

“That's a mighty brave thing to say,” Sharon spoke up. “But I'm fine with staying here for the day.”

“So am I,” Margaret added.

“But we're not going to,” Katie told them. “That would only break my heart further. You may have to put up with me gushing tears once in awhile, but that's better than sitting around here.”

“Are you sure?” Nancy asked.

“It's decided,” Katie declared. “Let's eat and then we're going.” Putting her words into actions, Katie filled her plate with a small piece of bread, some meat, and a chunk of cheese. Opening a container of juice, she waited until the others were ready. They prayed and then began eating.

Bridgette soon stuck her head through the doorway. “It goes good?”

“We're doing very well,” Nancy replied.

After she left silence hung over the table. Katie struggled to swallow a few times. The cheese stuck in her throat until she washed it down with juice. The others gave her sympathetic glances.

“We can leave everything here today except our purses,” Nancy said, when everyone had finished. “We're coming back tonight. Tomorrow we'll spend the night in Interlaken, at the foot of the Alps.”

“
Gut
. Let's go!” Katie said, trying to sound happier than she felt. As they made their way to the car, Katie rubbed her head, and when they were seated in the back, Margaret having read her thoughts, popped open her purse. “Ibuprofen for what ails you. It's non-drowsy.” Katie held out her hand. “Give me something that knocks me out. Double dose.”

“Now, now,” Margaret said with a smile, giving Katie two of the pills. “Sleep will come tonight when you need it.”

Nancy pulled out on the street as Sharon punched in the first destination on the GPS. The man's voice began talking at once. “Turn right, sixty yards, then proceed to the rotary.”

The man sounded a little like Ben, Katie thought, and she now hated the voice. But that couldn't be. This voice had been speaking in the car for two days now, and she hadn't once thought of any resemblance to Ben. Was every little thing going to remind her of Ben now? Would it ever end?

Katie laid her head back against the seat as Nancy pulled out onto the four-lane highway traveling toward Bern. Watching the signs flashing by, Katie told herself,
It wasn't my fault what Ben did. Somehow I'm going to make it. I can't spoil the fun for the other girls. It cost too much for them to fly over here to waste the trip. I have to try…I have to enjoy something of the day. Think beautiful sights and smile
.

As if Margaret knew what Katie was thinking, she whispered, “You'll make it, Katie. The Lord will help you.”

Katie glanced away, squeezing back the tears.

Chapter Thirty-Six

An hour later Nancy pulled the car into an underground garage and announced, “So let's see what Bern, Switzerland, has to offer.”

The girls piled out of the car, Katie vowing to act cheerful despite her true feelings.

“We have some interesting things to see,” Nancy continued. “But if it gets to be too much, please let me know and we can go back.” All eyes were on Katie as she said this, and each girl understood Nancy's meaning.

“I'll be okay!” Katie set her chin with determination. She
would
be okay. It wasn't every day that people got to see Bern—especially an Amish girl from Delaware. No matter what had happened with Ben, this was still the trip of her lifetime.

“This way,” Nancy said, leading the way up some stairs. Once outside, they crossed a busy street and climbed another set of open steps to the street above them. They stopped in front of a huge cathedral with a high tower in front. On each side near the top was a clock.

Sharon searched through the guidebook before announcing, “This is the first Protestant church built in Bern after the Reformation. Like 1727 or so.”

“I want to see the inside,” Margaret said, running up the steps and pushing open the huge doors.

Katie followed her, taking in the immense interior with its decorative artwork and detailed carvings. This was not a church in which her faith would be comfortable, that was for sure. Yet it had a wonder all its own.

All four gazed for a long time at the dim interior before going outside again.

“Okay, next site,” Margaret said, marching up the street.

“This way,” Nancy said, turning onto a side street. Katie stayed close to the others as they twisted in and out of the narrow streets. Already she was feeling better. The decision to continue on with the planned activities had been the right one. And the other girls certainly seemed to enjoy themselves, which they should. It wasn't their fault Ben had turned out the way he had.

Nancy led the way out into what was obviously the main street, where large, roofed sidewalks ran along the street. Little shops filled every inch of the available space.

“Amazing!” Margaret proclaimed as they all paused to look. “Absolutely amazing. Now this is how one should enjoy shopping.”

Katie imagined
Mamm
here, and her face darkened. She had to stop thinking of home.
Mamm
would also be heartbroken at the news about Ben, and she was no doubt worried about how Katie was taking it…if she even knew that Katie might have heard the news.

Nancy pointed up the street. “Albert Einstein's apartment is over there. And I do know that's the famous Bern clock tower up the street.”

Katie glanced that way as they climbed down steps and
crossed the cobblestone street. All along the street in each direction water fountains splashed and colorful flags hung on the covered walkway. This was a beautiful old town, Katie decided, as they dashed up under the overhanging walkways on the other side.

Sharon soon found the entrance to the Einstein apartment. It had a long set of stairs leading the way up. When they got to the top, a sign said to purchase tickets in the café below. Retreating, the girls entered the café and made their purchases. Nancy led the way back up to the ticket counter and then on to the first display, which consisted of Einstein's desk.

Margaret walked right up close whispering, “Grow, brain cells, grow!”

Sharon laughed. “And you think that's going to help?”

“I figured it might,” Margaret said. “Not much else has so far.”

Katie followed them into the living room, where Nancy leaned out of the window. “Einstein looked right out of here, gazing toward the clock tower. Can you imagine that?”

She could imagine it, Katie thought. Maybe it was the old room or the feel of the place. Not that she knew much about Einstein, but she could imagine the white-haired man puttering around, thinking about light and slowing down time—thoughts that were way beyond her. Ben would probably understand all that when she told him. And then she remembered how he'd wanted her to tell him everything she saw on the trip. But that wouldn't happen now. He would be hearing nothing about this visit to the birth of the Amish faith. Katie choked back a sob and turned away from the window. She had to think about something other than home or Ben. Thankfully, the other girls hadn't noticed her tears.

As they left and walked down the stairs, Sharon said, “I'm hungry. Let's eat in that cute little restaurant.”

They all agreed, and a few minutes later were seated in the crowded café, having already ordered.

“So what's next on the list?” Margaret asked.

Just then the waitress appeared with their food, and when she left, Nancy said, “There's an old church in town we haven't seen yet. It's close to here. And there's the castle out in the countryside that has an old dungeon where our forefathers were kept in prison. Some of them for quite a length of time before they were martyred or released.”

“I want to see the castle,” Margaret said, taking a bite of her sandwich. “That sounds romantic.”

Sharon had been paging through the guidebook with one hand while she ate with the other. She gave a little shriek. “Horrors! This is awful! But we have to see it.”

“Please enlighten us,” Margaret said.

“They have a figure of the executioner right out here in the street where they used to chop off heads,” Sharon said. “It can't be far away.”

“Then I'm running the other way!” Margaret proclaimed. “No heads rolling in the street for me.”

Nancy launched into a story about the executioner preserved high above the street. “It was in this very street, many years after the persecution started, where one of the Anabaptist martyrs had a vision prior to his execution. When they led him out he boldly told the crowd that the Lord would perform several signs today attesting to his innocence. First, he would place his hat on the street and his head, after being chopped off, would fall into it and laugh.”