Katie's Glimpse (The Glimpse Series) (21 page)

Mom looked up,
reached over and pulled us both into her arms. We sat and cried together until
Asher squirmed between us. She pulled away and took him in her arms. “I love you,
Asher. You and your momma are going to be just fine,” she said with a small
smile.

Dad walked over and
sat on the coffee table in front of me. He took my hand. “We knew this day
would come. I know it’s going to be hard on everyone for a while but deep down,
we always knew this was going to be temporary.” He looked over at Mom, and she
nodded her head, urging him to continue. “That’s why we never finalized his
adoption.”  

“What? You never
adopted him?” I asked, stunned.

He shook his head.
“No. You have full custody and always have. We didn’t want to tell you until we
knew you were ready to take care of him on your own.”

I leaned back on the
couch and tried to catch my breath. After a minute, a huge smile spread across
my face. God really had been working it out this whole time. I just didn’t know
it.

“What about Seth?
He’s not going to be happy when he finds out and is going to want some answers,”
Dad said.

I sat up straight
and squared my shoulders. “I know, and I’m ready for that too. I’m not going to
be afraid anymore. If he tries to start trouble, I won’t hesitate to call the
police.”

 They asked about my
panic attacks, and I confessed that I’d had a few and the reasons. I assured
them that I could take care of Asher and myself, even if I had another one. I
could tell they were concerned, but they let it go.

Dad suggested I stay
until the weekend so they could show me how to take care of Asher and I agreed.
I didn’t know much about caring for babies. I knew the basics, but doing it all
my own was still a little unnerving.

***

 I spent the rest of
the week feeding, bathing and taking care of Asher by myself. My parents were
there if I needed help, but I didn’t ask for any. I knew I had to be ready to
handle everything alone.

When Saturday
morning rolled around, I was exhausted but ready to begin my new life with
Asher. We went upstairs and packed a few bags for him. I decided I would just
buy him a new crib once we got home. I had enough money saved from my job and was
determined to pay for the things he needed. They had done enough already. Plus,
they were going to continue to pay my bills throughout the summer, so I could
enjoy my time my Asher. After that, I didn’t know what would happen. If I
didn’t find a job that could support us, we’d have to move back home with my
parents. Only time would tell what the future held for us, but I was determined
to be with my son no matter what.

 I ran to my room
and grabbed my bag I had packed earlier in the day. Mom had some of his
bottles, baby food and formula packed up for me when I got back downstairs. Dad
loaded my car with all our stuff. I had to borrow Mom’s car seat but promised
I’d get it back to her soon. I had a feeling I’d be seeing a lot of my parents
on the weekends.

I changed Asher’s
diaper and made him a bottle for the drive. My parents spent some time loving
on him. When it was time for us to leave, there were lots of tears from me and
my parents. I held Asher as we all walked to my car.

“Are you sure you’re
okay with this?” I asked Mom.

 She nodded her
head. “I think I’m going to see about teaching again. I’ll need something to
keep me busy, and I really miss it.”

I smiled. “That’s
great, Mom.”

I looked at Dad and
he just shrugged. “Don’t worry about your old man. I’ll be okay, pumpkin. I’m
glad to see you happy, and I know Asher is in good hands.” My eyes misted at
his words. He gave me a hug and kissed the top of my head. “You are a great mom.
Don’t ever doubt it.”

Mom pulled me in for
a hug next. She didn’t say anything just cupped my face in her hands, looked
into my eyes and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

I loaded Asher into
his car seat and slid in behind the wheel. I looked back at him and reached
over to touch his sweet face. “It’s a new life for us from now on.”

 He giggled as I
pulled out of the driveway and headed for our home.

I made it back to
Jackson after a pretty smooth trip. I only had to stop once to change Asher’s
diaper and get him out of his seat for a little bit. It was early afternoon when
I pulled up in front of my apartment. I took Asher in one arm, dug his playpen
out of the car with the other and made my way inside. I set it up and placed
him inside so I could unpack the car.

After the sixth
trip, I finally had everything in the house. Asher started to fuss so I made
him a bottle, sat on the couch and fed him. He drifted off to sleep when he was
done, so I took the playpen to my bedroom and laid him down inside for his nap.
I was exhausted but as I looked down at my sleeping angel, I knew it was all
worth it.

I opened a dresser
drawer to find an old t-shirt to wear. I wanted to be comfortable while I
tackled the huge chore of putting away all the baby stuff. On top of the stack
was Levi’s t-shirt. I reached in hesitantly and felt the soft cotton. I pulled
it from the drawer and held it to my nose. I inhaled deeply, but it only
smelled like the dryer sheets I used. His scent was gone, and I couldn’t hold
back the pain and tears that came. I cried as I took my shirt off and slipped
his on. As the tears continued to roll down my cheeks, I wondered if my
memories of him would always hurt so much. I finally pulled myself together and
dried my face on the sleeve. I prayed for strength and feeling resolved, tied
the shirt at my waist. There was no time for tears. I had things to do.

I grabbed my phone
from my purse and called my parents to let them know we’d made it home safely
and everything was okay. I then sent a quick text to Levi, letting him know I
was back in Jackson, but wouldn’t be able to work for a while. I apologized and
told him it was probably best if he hired someone to replace me. After hitting
send, I stared at the phone for a minute but got no reply. I put it down and
began working on the tons of baby gear I now had to find a place for.

I’d just finished
folding a stack of baby clothes and piled them on the couch, when someone
knocked on the door. I peeked through the blinds and saw that it was Levi.
What’s
he doing here?
I wasn’t ready to see him again.

I opened the door
and stepped out onto the small front porch. I quickly shut the door behind me
before he could see the mess. I looked up at Levi’s face and noticed he was
back to his usual gorgeous self. Gone were the wrinkled clothes, dark circles,
and facial hair and somehow, seeing that he was okay made me feel better. He
looked like he’d made peace with the end of us.

 He looked down at
my clothes. “You’re wearing my shirt,” he stated.

I gave him a tight
smile. “What are you doing here, Levi?”

He studied my face before
his eyes drifted to the sleeve of the shirt. He reached out, felt the still
damp sleeve and let out a ragged breath. “I got your text and wanted to talk to
you in person. Can I come inside?”

“No. Now is not a
good time,” I replied firmly. 

He looked into my
eyes. “Please?” he whispered.

 “Levi, I brought
Asher home to live with me.” I watched as a smile slowly spread across his
face.
Why does he look so happy about it?

“That’s really great.”

“Yes, it is. I felt
that God was directing me to raise my son and even though I’m alone, I’m going
to do it and not be afraid.”

He reached out and
took my hand. It felt warm and so right but I knew he didn’t mean anything by
it. “I need to apologize for the...” he started to say, but I pulled my hand
from his and held it up.

 “Stop. You don’t
owe me an apology for anything. I was selfish to let you in my life without
telling you from the beginning about Asher. I will always regret that because
you are an amazing man, and I wanted more than anything to make a life with
you. You are so strong and loved me so much, that I started to see you as what
I needed most. I tried to put all my pain and fear on you, thinking it would go
away, but when you left it all came right back. That’s when I knew that I’d
been leaning on you for strength in my life and not the Lord.” Silent tears
started rolling down my cheeks, and I swallowed back the lump that had formed
in my throat. I had to be strong and finish this. “Levi, I will forever cherish
the time we had together and even though it hurts me, I can let you go now. The
Lord is going to take care of me.”

He grabbed me by the
shoulders as a tear slipped from his eye. “No, Katie. Don’t let me go.”

    “What,” I gasped
out. “I thought that’s what you wanted.”

He let me go and
wiped the tears from his face. “We need to talk but not out here. Please let me
come in.”

I opened the door
and let him step past me. I barely had the door closed when he picked me up for
a forceful embrace. I wrapped my legs around his waist and clung to him like a
child. He rested his head on my shoulder, burying his face in my hair. We held
each other tightly, neither one of us wanting to let go and while I was happy
to be in his arms again, I still needed an explanation. I loosened my grip on
him, and he set me back on my feet. I looked up into his smiling face. “You’ve
got to tell me what’s going on here because I’m lost.”

 He turned to lead
me to the couch but stopped and looked around at all the baby things littering
the living room and kitchen. “Good grief, that’s a lot of stuff for one baby.”

 “Yeah, I know, and
I’ve got find a place to put it all.”

He went to the couch
and held up one of Asher’s shirts. “It’s so little,” he said with a look of
wonder. He glanced around the room. “Where is he?”

I gestured to my
room. “He’s taking a nap in his playpen.”

 I moved past him
and sat down on the couch. I looked up at him expectantly. After a second, he
scooted Asher’s clothes out of the way and sat down facing me.

He took a deep
breath and spoke, “I can’t even describe how angry and hurt I was when I walked
out your door. I’d already made a decision before I reached my truck. I was
going to forget about you and move on. That night, I couldn’t sleep so I got up
to watch TV. That movie you love was on and I wondered if you were watching it.
I was about to change the channel, when the part where the girl sings came on.
It made me think of how you looked that night, singing that same song in front
of your TV, and I lost it. I knew I still loved you, and you were supposed to
be mine so I let my anger go. I got on my knees and started praying for
guidance. God gave me an answer, but it wasn’t the one I wanted.”

I swallowed. “What
was it?” I asked, a little afraid to know the answer.

He gave me a sad
smile. “The Lord led me to Psalms 27:14- ‘Wait for the Lord; be strong and
courageous. Wait for the Lord.’ When I read that, I knew God was working in
your life and I had to stay away. It was such a struggle to not call or come
see you. When you stopped by the nursery and I saw you, I almost caved. I
wanted to chase you down, but I knew I couldn’t. You had to trust God to let Him
lead you without me getting in the way. It tore me up, but I obeyed. When I got
that text from you today, I started praying and felt a peace come over me. I
knew that my waiting was over. So here I am, and now I can tell you that I
don’t care what you’ve done. You belong with me forever,” he said as tears
streamed down his face.

I bit back a sob and
threw myself into his arms. He pulled me tightly to his chest and together, our
tears of joy healed our broken hearts. When I pulled away, he leaned down and
kissed me gently. I felt his love for me radiate through his lips onto mine.

He rested his
forehead against mine and said, “I love you.”

I looked into his
eyes and gave him a sad smile. “I love you too, but I have Asher now. It’s not
just me anymore.”

He stood up, pulled
me to my feet and started to lead me to my room. “I know, so I think it’s time
I met him. I don’t want just you. I want him too.”

I came to an abrupt
stop, shocked at his words. “H-how can you say that? You’ve never even seen
him,” I stammered out.

He chuckled, stepped
closer to me and cupped my face in his hands. “When I prayed for guidance, it
wasn’t only about you. It was about Asher too. When you told me you were going
home, a part of me already knew that you would come back with him. Now, here
you both are, and I have no doubt that this is God’s plan for us.”

My heart soared at
his words, because I knew right then, that God had indeed brought us together,
and we would never be apart again.

     We looked over
the edge of the playpen as Asher stirred. He rolled over onto his back, opened
his eyes and smiled right at us. I glanced up at Levi. He had a huge grin on
his face. “Katie, he’s beautiful.”

I smiled when Asher
reached for me. I picked him up and smoothed down his blond hair. I turned him
towards Levi. “This is Asher Wesley Crane.”

“Wesley, huh?” he
said and smiled. “That’s my middle name too.” I grinned at this discovery and
knew it wasn’t just a coincidence.

 Asher reached for
Levi and with no hesitation, he took him in his arms. He held him on his hip
and said, “Hey, little man.”

Asher reached his
chubby hand up and touched Levi’s cheek. I saw the love already shining in
Levi’s eyes as Asher continued to study his face. Asher tried to stick his
fingers into Levi’s mouth, but he pulled them away and kissed all over his little
hand. He smiled at Levi and began to babble. He ended on a word that sounded a
lot like “dada”.

Levi looked over at
me, and I shrugged. “He’s just making sounds. He doesn’t know what it means
yet.”

I took him back and
changed his diaper while Levi watched. “He’s ready to eat. Are you staying for
a while?”

 “You couldn’t make
me leave,” he said as we weaved our way around the bags in the floor.

I laughed and
strapped Asher into his high chair. “Okay, we’re looking for baby food. It’s in
one of these bags,” I said, gesturing with both hands to the living room and
kitchen.

We searched through
several when Levi stopped and held up a small jar. “I’ve got peas,” he called
out proudly.

   “You are
awesome,” I said and gave him a peck on the cheek as I took the jar. “These are
nasty but Ash loves them.”

     “How do you
know they’re nasty?”

     I popped the
top on the jar and tried not to gag at the smell. “Because I tasted them, in
fact, I’ve tried all his baby food.”

     He wrinkled up
his nose. “That’s gross. I’m not trying that stuff.”

     I giggled. “You
don’t have to. I just wanted to know what it tasted like for him. The desserts
are actually pretty good,” I said with a sly grin.

Levi set the bag of
baby food he found down on the table and sat down next to Asher. He leaned down
to him. “Don’t worry, buddy. I won’t let Momma eat all your dessert.”

My heart melted at
the sight of him talking to my son. I never thought it could happen. I fed him
the peas as Levi watched. He held out his hand, so I passed him the baby spoon.
He wanted to feed him some pears but after he gave him a few bites, he had more
on Asher’s face than in his mouth.

He chuckled. “He’s a
wiggly little thing.”

“It just takes
practice. You’ll get it,” I said as I finished feeding him.

 I cleaned off his
face and placed a toy on his tray. “That will keep him occupied while I find us
something to eat.”

I searched through
the kitchen cabinets and fridge, while Levi played pick the toy up off the
floor with Asher.

I heard him laugh. “He
seems to really like this. I think he’s dropped this block about ten times.”

I went into the
living room and found one of his toys that had a suction cup on the end. I
walked over to the high chair and stuck it on the tray. Asher’s eyes lit up
when he saw it.

“I thought I better
come save you. He was just getting started.”

He chuckled and
joined me in the hunt for something to eat. “Baby, you have got to buy
groceries. It looks like we have a choice of chicken noodle soup or ravioli,” he
said as he pulled the cans out of the cabinet.

I ended up cooking
both and making a salad with what little I managed to find in the fridge. After
our pitiful dinner, Levi played with Asher so I could clean up the kitchen.

When I was done, I
leaned over the back of the couch. “He needs a bath. We’ll be back in a little
bit,” I said and reached to take Asher from him.

 “Can I help you?”

Oh, he really is
awesome.
“That would be
great,” I replied.

I ran water in the
tub and showed him how to check the temperature with the inside of his wrist.
When it was warm, I put Asher in and he immediately splashed water all over the
bathroom and us. Levi laughed as he wiped the water from his face with the
towel I had ready.

  “You can’t turn
your back with him in the tub and be sure to get a good grip on him because he
gets slippery. Do you want to wash him?”