Kate's Song (13 page)

“That can wait a few minutes.”

Nathaniel didn’t want to hurt Sarah’s feelings since he knew why she had come, but he did want to nip everybody’s hopes in the bud. “Another time, Mamm. I want to get to Kate’s before it’s too late.”

Nathaniel caught the crestfallen look on his mother’s face and saw Ada’s irritation. But Sarah had turned her face away, so her expression, if there was one, was hidden.

“Very well,” Mamm said in surrender, but Nathaniel could see her quickly formulating another plan.

Without waiting to discover what the plan was, Nathaniel tromped into the bedroom to take care of Dat.

* * * * *

Dat sat in his room in the wheelchair, gazing out the window. Mamm had bathed him earlier, and his hair was still damp.

“You see our game?” Nathaniel said, pushing his dat to the side of the bed.

His dat replied with a barely audible grunt.

“Jah, you taught me everything I know.”

Nathaniel knelt down and removed Dat’s slippers, replacing them with a fleecy pair of socks. Dat seemed unusually agitated, nodding his head back and forth and letting out the drawn-out moan he used when things were out of sorts. Nathaniel sat on the bed and stroked his dat’s hand and hummed a familiar tune. He only sang for his dat.

The effect was almost immediate. Dat calmed down and glued his eyes to Nathaniel’s face.

“You should hear Kate sing,” Nathaniel said. “You would feel like you had bathed in the waters of Bethesda. Kate has the most beautiful voice. She says the Met people are interested in hearing her sing. The Met is an opera company in New York. Kate says they are very important. I am so proud of her.” He tried to ignore the yawning pit in his stomach.

The subtle change in Dat’s expression did not escape Nathaniel’s notice. “Okay, I am not especially excited that the Met people want to hear Kate sing,” Nathaniel said wryly, “but I am attempting to be supportive of Kate’s choices.”

The nagging doubt knocked his confidence down a notch as he pulled back the covers and lifted Dat into bed. “Is the pillow gute?”

Nathaniel moved the wheelchair to the wall and pulled up a chair. “There is a girl in the kitchen Mamm wants me to marry.”

Dat moved his eyes upward.

“Jah, she means well, but I love Kate. Mamm will not accept that.” Nathaniel took his father’s hand. “I want you to meet Kate, but I am afraid to bring her home. She senses the hostility from Mamm. I wish Mamm would try to understand.”

Dat slowly nodded, and Nathaniel could almost hear his voice. “As the Lord wills,” Dat would have said.

Nathaniel smiled sadly as he watched Dat settle onto his pillow. With his slowly wasting body, he seemed to disappear beneath the covers. “As the Lord wills,” Nathaniel said as he picked up the Bible from the table next to the bed and began reading quietly.

“‘I am the resurrection, and the life. He who believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.’”

While he read, he stroked Dat’s head until the older man fell asleep.

When Dat’s breathing became steady and relaxed, Nathaniel stood up, placed the Bible back on the table, and gave his father a light kiss on the forehead.

* * * * *

After cleaning up, Nathaniel went into the kitchen to tell Mamm goodbye before heading to Kate’s. He hoped he had taken long enough that Sarah and Ada had given up waiting and gone home.

No such luck.

They sat at the table with Mamm, intently studying the paper she folded and unfolded in her hand.

Mamm jumped up and quickly poured four cups of coffee. “Sit, sit, and have some coffee before you go,” she said. “Running after girls can wait a few minutes. I feel I don’t see you ever.”

Nathaniel tried to act agreeable to his mother’s request. He loved Mamm dearly, but the extra time spent with Dat and the fact that he hadn’t seen Kate for three days had heightened his anticipation of seeing her until the yearning hung about him like the smell of a potent herbal tea. His need to be close to Kate threatened to overwhelm every other part of his life. He had no desire to spend one more minute humoring Mamm in her yearning to marry him off to Sarah Schwartz, the bishop’s daughter. But there was more involved than his wishes.

Suppressing his irritation, Nathaniel pulled up a chair next to Mamm and as far away from Sarah as possible. Though he wouldn’t have stayed merely to satisfy Mamm in regards to Sarah, his instincts told him that Mamm could sense that she was no longer the most important person in his life—that in a way, she was losing him, probably had already lost him, and she needed the reassurance of his love more than ever.

Mamm handed him a large slab of white bread with a jar of jelly and a knife. He didn’t protest, just spread a healthy dollop of jelly onto the bread and started eating. Like Dat, Mamm seemed restless. Nathaniel would make her unhappy if he appeared to be in a hurry.

“The bread is wonderful-gute,” he said between mouthfuls.

“Sarah made it,” Mamm said.

“It is very, very gute, Sarah.”

Ada studied Nathaniel’s face while Sarah smiled but avoided his eyes. “She made it for you,” Ada said.

“For me?”

“I…feel bad about the trouble in La Crosse,” Sarah said.

“Jah,” Ada added. “Most people are feeling sorry for Kate, but it can’t be all pies and cakes for you, either.”

“You are very kind, Sarah, to make the bread, but it does not matter about me,” Nathaniel said, placing his half-eaten slice on the table.

“Of course it matters!” Ada insisted. “Kate dragged you into her troubles. We all saw how you suffered. Rumschpringe or no rumschpringe, had Aaron been Kate’s father, he would have given her the strap the day she started all this nonsense with that voice teacher. He would never have allowed the GED books or the graduation test. Nothing. Aaron has said many times that Solomon coddles her, gives in to her. He makes it too easy for her to break with our ways.”

Nathaniel placed his cup on the table and slowly wiped his hands on the napkin. “I will give thanks to the Lord tonight that I did not have such a father as Aaron,” he said quietly. “Cruelty should never be a substitute for good parenting.”

Ada widened her eyes, and she couldn’t have looked more horrified if he had slapped her.

Mamm thumped her fabric on the table. “Nathaniel, there is no need to be so sharp. Ada is only expressing an opinion.”

Nathaniel folded his arms and frowned at Ada. “I apologize. I do not mean to be rude.”

Sarah tried to pretend there was nothing out of the ordinary. “I think we know how to do the binding now, don’t you, Ada?”

Ada nodded curtly and quickly gathered fabric and paper into her basket.

Mamm’s eyes darted from Nathaniel to Ada. “You will come back if you have any questions?”

“Jah,” Sarah said. “I think we can manage.”

The sisters finished collecting things from the table, said their good-byes, and hurriedly slipped out the back door.

A disheartened sigh escaped from Mamm’s lips. “You didn’t have to ruin a pleasant conversation.”

“Pleasant for whom?”

“Ada goes rattling her tongue too much, but she doesn’t mean anything by it.”

“Is that what you call it, rattling her tongue? I will not sit by and let her say such things. God does not rule by force, but with persuasion and love. Regardless of what they think of Kate, Aaron and Ada have a warped perception of God’s dealings with His children.”

“She was referring very specifically to Kate, and you took offense for the whole world.”

“I took offense for Kate since you will not.”

“Why should I?”

“Mamm, how can I make you understand what a gute and worthy girl Kate is?”

“Worthy? Because of her and what happened in La Crosse, you walked around this house so sad I feared you wouldn’t recover.”

“I recovered, Mamm. You did not need to worry.”

“It need never have happened. Life flowed so much more smoothly before she came back.”

“It breaks my heart to hear you talk that way, Mamm. It is true that I sank very low. But that cannot be Kate’s doing. Only my own.” Nathaniel fixed his gaze on his mother. “I am glad for what happened. The despair prepared my heart for the lesson God wanted to teach me. How could I understand my weaknesses if my strength had not been tested? How would I have known what I needed to learn?”

Mamm shook her head. “You are so very wise, my son. Like your father. You see so much gute in people that I cannot.”

“I see the gute in Kate that you will not.”

“I will not apologize for how I feel. The more time you spend with her, the more I worry that this will end badly for you. She has given you no promise, no sign that she will be here in September. You offer her everything and expect nothing in return and spend hours in your shop crafting that rocker she may never use. The time has come for her to make a choice. If she loves you, she should get off the fence and quit playing a game with your life.”

Nathaniel exhaled slowly. In his less charitable moments, such thoughts had crossed his mind. He had to admit that what was happening between Kate and him did sometimes seem like a futile chase. Did he appear like a stray cat, following after Kate for any morsel of food she might throw him? And did he care if that’s how everyone saw him, when being with Kate left him so deliriously happy? Was he a fool to stay on such a roller-coaster ride?

He cleared his throat and tried to sound matter-of-fact. “You can’t talk me out of loving her.”

Mamm lifted her chin slightly as she stood and cleared the cups from the table. “You love her?” she said, not looking at him.

“Jah.”

Mamm was quiet. All that could be heard was the tinkling of the cups in the sink as she washed them. “Then may the good Lord bless you.”

* * * * *

The fine sandpaper glided along the arm of the rocker like ice skates on a glassy lake. Kate would never get even the tiniest sliver from the rocker Nathaniel was making. Once he finished the first armrest, Nathaniel started sanding the other one, painstakingly shaping the piece of wood with finer and finer grains of sandpaper. After running his hand back and forth across the surface, he smoothed it and smoothed it again, caressing the beautiful wood until it almost shone.

Though always a detailed craftsman, Nathaniel had never spent more time or care on a piece of furniture before. He would see to it that every joint fit perfectly, every piece lined up flawlessly, and every surface felt as silky as Kate’s soft cheek against his calloused hands.

The meticulous work kept his mind off his doubts and his worst fears. What if Kate would never use his rocker?

What if she rejected his gift?

“We’d sure have a lot more peace and quiet around here if you’d stop that whistling,” Luke Miller said, holding his drill aloft like a torch. Luke, bishop of one of the districts in Apple Lake, was a short man with bushy eyebrows and a thick beard that made up for the disappearing hair on top.

The ten men in Nathaniel’s workshop were busily putting together an order for a customer in La Crosse. A cacophony of tools powered by the drive shaft echoed off the high aluminum ceiling along with Nathaniel’s whistling.

“Ach, was I doing it again? Sorry,” Nathaniel said.

“It would be bearable if you could carry a tune.”

The men within earshot laughed at Luke’s grumbling.

Nathaniel chuckled and shuffled through the invoices that constituted this month’s orders. “The windows are open and the diesel engine drowns out my music. Why are you complaining?”

“You’re so blamed cheerful all the time. Makes a man want to tear his hair out,” Luke said.

“If you had any.” Zeke Kauffman, Nathaniel’s oldest employee, laughed and clapped Luke on the shoulder.

“You’re a grump, Luke,” said Calvin. “Nathaniel’s trying to balance out your sour disposition.”

“His whistling makes me sourer.”

“Have some patience with the poor kid, Luke,” Zeke said. “She’s a mighty pretty girl.”

“Then why doesn’t he marry her and give us all some peace?”

“I am working on it,” Nathaniel said.

“If you ask me,” Luke said, “she is the one working on you.”

Calvin glanced uneasily at Nathaniel. “Nobody asked you, Luke.” He pulled out a handkerchief, wiped his brow, and found something on the other side of the workshop that needed his attention.

Without looking up, Nathaniel slowly replaced the papers in their correct order and hung the clipboard on the peg. “I’ll try to curb the whistling.”

Zeke furrowed his brow and put a hand on Nathaniel’s shoulder. “Luke doesn’t mean any harm when he spouts nonsense like that.”

“I see what I see,” Luke said. “She bats those long eyelashes and Nathaniel comes running.”

Adam Zook and Marvin Mast came through, carrying a stack of finished cabinet doors between them. Luke pointed at Adam. “You go to the singings. How does Nathaniel behave?”

Walking backward, Adam looked behind him to see where he was going. “He don’t sing, that’s for sure.”

Panting with exertion, Adam and Marvin propped their load on the saw table.“We don’t see much of him when Kate is around,” Marvin said. “He circles her like the sun.”

“Or like a whiny puppy,” Luke said.

Adam looked at the ground. “I won’t say a word against it. Nathaniel knows what he is doing.”

He nudged Marvin and they picked up the wood and headed to the varnish drying room, muttering softly to each other.

Nathaniel pried his eyes from Adam and looked from Luke to Zeke. “Am I doing something wrong?”

“No one would fault you for anything,” Zeke said.

“You are a fine, handsome boy,” Luke said. “Of course she welcomes your attention. And you make it no secret that you fancy her. What we all want to know is, does she fancy you? You have placed yourself at her beck and call, but do you ever sense that you are her second choice?”

Nathaniel looked away and massaged his forehead. It was easier to pretend that everything with Kate was going according to plan. “Jah, I feel that way some days,” he said.

“And you follow her like a puppy yet. We all see it.”