Kate Sherwood - Dark Horse 2.3 - Into the Light (4 page)

I still wasn’t too sure about that, but I headed out the door and started the walk to the restaurant anyway. I wasn’t sure what I was doing, but I felt good. I felt like I was moving in the right direction.

Into the Light | Kate Sherwood
CHAPTER THREE

I got to the Fireside on time, but Ryan was already there, sitting at the bar and surrounded by—well, honestly, I’d have to say admirers, or even fans. I knew he’d been joking, earlier, calling himself a rock star, but for these people maybe there was a little truth to it.

I stood just inside the doorway for a minute, watching him. He seemed to be handling the whole thing pretty well. He was smiling and gracious, talking to everyone, relaxed and friendly. The fireplace that gave the restaurant its name was lit, and the rest of the lights were lowered a bit. The firelight played off Ryan’s golden skin, making it seem like a glow was coming from inside him. And when he turned and saw me, I felt like I could feel the warmth of the fire coming from his eyes. He smiled and stood up, and we met half-way across the floor, his arm circling around my shoulder easily in a casual hug.

He spoke with his mouth close to my ear. “It’s worse than I thought, here. Do you want to go somewhere else?”

I wasn’t sure. Did that seem needy, like he wasn’t allowed to have his own friends? Or would it seem worse if I wanted to stay, like I was some sort of fame-whore who was only interested in him because other people were too? I pulled away enough so that I could see his face, calm and accepting, and I realized that, as usual with Ryan, the best option was probably to not worry about appearances, and just tell the truth. “Maybe. Why don’t we get a drink here, and see if things calm down?”

“Sounds good.” He nodded over to a table near the fireplace. “There?”

 

We went and sat down. Just like at Zio’s I knew most of the staff
Into the Light | Kate Sherwood

here at least to say hi to, but it was pretty clear right from the start that I was of only marginal interest to anybody. Ryan was the draw. At first it was sort of cute, the way that there was always somebody at our table, chatting away. Then it got annoying, and I could see it as Ryan noticed my reaction and tried to shoo people away from the table. But for every one that he got rid of, at least one more appeared, and finally it just got ridiculous and I started to laugh. He saw me, and smiled back, and right there, in the middle of the crowd, that’s when I felt the first strong, hard pull of attraction.

Before that, it had been tentative, easy to mistake or dismiss, but not anymore. I wanted him. I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to do once I had him, but that seemed like an unimportant detail. I knew there would be skin involved. Golden, beautiful skin, preferably lit by firelight. I wanted him horizontal, definitely, our limbs free to tangle together.

His eyes didn’t leave mine, and it felt like he could read not only every thought I was having, but also every thought I’d
ever
had, and a few that hadn’t even come to me yet. He leaned forward over the table, until he was close enough that I could hear him as he quietly asked, “Want to get out of here?”

“Yeah.” I maybe could have been a bit more subtle, but there was no point.

He smiled again, quick and genuine. “Okay. Let’s go.” He reached around as if looking for his wallet, but I was too quick for him. I had a twenty in my hand, and I tucked it under the empty beer glass on the table and stood up. “You don’t have to pay for everything, you know,” he said, but he wasn’t really arguing.

It took us a while to get out of the restaurant, with every person in the place needing to give him a personal goodbye as if he were going off to war. By the time we made it out to the sidewalk, my nerves were back,
Into the Light | Kate Sherwood

but now at least I was sure that I wanted to fight through them. “You want to try Zio’s?” Ryan suggested.

“Or we could go to my place.” Again, I was a bit confused about the different rules. That would have been pretty sleazy, probably, if I’d said it to a woman. But if I’d suggested it to a guy friend, it would have been fine. Where did Ryan fit in? “I mean, I’m not a great cook, but I’m okay. I’ve got—I don’t know, we could do pasta, or a stir-fry. Or—how late is Bart’s open?” Bartleby’s was the closest the town had to a gourmet food shop. “Have you had their grass-fed steaks? They’re pretty good.”

Ryan checked his watch, then grinned at me as he pulled his phone out and hit a speed-dial number. “Hey, Paulo? Are you guys closed? Yeah? Are you still there, though?” He made a face at me. “Yeah, okay, he’s a bastard, you’re a slave, I know. But, listen—can I come by and pick up a couple steaks? And maybe some side dishes—whatever’s good.” He listened again. “Yeah, so I’ll owe you.” He smiled, and it probably shouldn’t have made me want to hit this Paulo asshole in the face, but it did. Apparently once I’d decided that I was attracted to Ryan, I was going for the full cave-man approach. Interesting, since I wasn’t normally all that possessive about the women I dated.

Ryan finished up his call with a cheerful, “Okay, we’ll be there in a few minutes,” and then turned to look at me. “You’ve been in town long enough to know the names of the right places—that’s good. But have you been here long enough to know who you need to call at those places?”

“Paulo, huh? Maybe you can introduce me.” I tried to keep my tone light.

“Or maybe not—I like being the one with the hook-ups.” He grinned, and we headed off down the street towards Bart’s. “Sorry about that. In the bar. I swear—I like attention as much as the next guy, but it’s a little much, sometimes. Especially since I feel like a total fake—the band’s

Into the Light | Kate Sherwood
on the way, but we’re not exactly burning up the charts.”

“Yet. I mean, being on your way is more than most people ever manage. And I’ve never heard you play, but Danny and the guys say you’re really good.”

He grinned. “Danny and the guys? Is that how you think of them?”

“I don’t know—I guess. I mean—I work with Evan, and we’re friends. And Jeff’s a good guy. But—Danny’s the one I know best. If they all split up, Danny’s the one I’d still hang out with.”

“Just hang out?” We were walking, facing the same direction, but I could tell he was keeping a pretty close eye on my reaction. “Nothing more? I mean, Dan’s gorgeous, and you guys are pretty close… how come you’re thinking about this now, with me? Not some other time, with him?”

And that seemed like a bit of a challenge to my honesty policy, but I struggled to meet it. “I’ve thought about it. With him. Like—not details, but, yeah, I’ve—I don’t know. It’s occurred to me. But—he’s Danny.” How could I put that into words? “He’s—well, partly, he’s Justin’s, you know? I mean, I was never attracted to Justin. We were pretty much brothers. And then when Danny came along, he and Justin were so into each other, there’d have been no point. I guess I just got into the habit of not thinking about him that way.” This wasn’t coming out quite right. “And, also—you know, I’m—I don’t know, I guess maybe not quite straight, but—mostly. I think. I like women. A lot.”

“So what are you doing, then, Chris?” He sounded genuinely curious, and a bit concerned. “One bad breakup doesn’t mean you have to totally switch orientations.”

“No. It wasn’t—it wasn’t a bad breakup. It was a good breakup. Almost all of my breakups lately have been good.” I wasn’t sure if he was getting the point, here. “But I think maybe that’s bad. Like—there’s not enough passion for us to even have a real fight.” I glanced over at him, and he seemed like he was listening. “I don’t have a big life plan. You

Into the Light | Kate Sherwood

know—marriage, kids, all that—if it happens, okay, but it’s not a big goal. But—I want to live with passion. I want to really feel…something. Anything.” The next part was a bit tricky, but I felt like I had to say it. “Justin—that was the lesson that I wanted to take from Justin’s life. You know, like as a memorial. He didn’t get to live as long as he should have.” I was pretty sure I could get through the next part without choking up, so I kept going. “But I’m still here. So I feel like I need to live enough for both of us, you know?”

Ryan didn’t say anything for a while. We were almost to Bart’s when he said, “And you think this is what he would have wanted? You hooking up with a guy?”

I shook my head emphatically. Ryan was sounding like Danny, all of a sudden. “Justin’s dead. I have no idea what he would have wanted, and I can’t spend my life trying to figure that out. I just—for
me
—I’m trying to learn a lesson. I can’t live his life, but I want to make sure that I really
live
mine.”

Ryan stopped walking. It took me a couple steps to realize it, but when I turned around, he was standing there, waiting for me. “And you think this is the way to do that?”

“I have no idea. But—it doesn’t feel wrong. I mean, it feels right. Scary, but good.”

“Yeah?” He took a step closer. There wasn’t much light, but I could see him clearly, his eyes on mine, waiting for me to bolt. Another step, and he lifted his hand up to my neck, just where it met my shoulder. Again, he waited for me to spook, but I didn’t want to. It felt different, the size and strength of his hand clear even with that light contact, but it didn’t feel bad. He stepped in closer. He was going to kiss me, and I was going to let him.
But he didn’t. He just hovered there, watching me, his hand on my

Into the Light | Kate Sherwood
neck, until I frowned in confusion. “What?” I tried not to sound as insecure as I was suddenly feeling.

 

“You’re really going to do this, aren’t you? I mean—you’re not going to flake out.” He sounded genuinely surprised.

“I don’t know—I think so. I wouldn’t have dragged you along this far if I didn’t think there was a good chance.” How much of an asshole did he think I was? I felt almost betrayed, like he hadn’t understood me as well as I thought he had.

“Yeah. Okay, yeah.” He stepped back a little, his hand leaving my neck. “We should get going. Paulo won’t wait around forever.”

It was an abrupt return to reality, and I wasn’t at all sure what was going on. He started walking, and I fell in beside him; I couldn’t think of what else to do.

We got to Bart’s and Ryan rapped on the glass door with his knuckles. There was movement inside the darkened shop, and a youngish guy with olive skin and short dark hair opened the door part way. “Ryan, hi.”

“Hey, man.” Ryan turned a little to include me in the conversation. “This is Chris—he moved to town just after I left, last time. Chris, this is Paulo. Trust me, he’s a good person to know.”

I leaned forward to shake Paulo’s hand, and I felt Ryan’s hand on my lower back, barely touching, but definitely there. I’d done the same thing, countless times to countless women, but thinking about it, I really had no idea what the gesture meant. He wasn’t balancing me—I was leaning forward, not back into his hand. He wasn’t guiding me—it was pretty clear where I was heading, and I really didn’t need his help.

I shook Paulo’s hand and managed to give him a friendly smile, despite being distracted. I was pretty sure that when I touched a woman like that, I was staking a claim, making it clear that she was with me. Was
Into the Light | Kate Sherwood
that Ryan was doing? And if it was, how did I feel about it?

My mind got back to what I was doing when I caught sight of the paper bag Paulo was handing out to Ryan. It was huge. “Jesus, how much food do we need?”

Ryan hefted the bag thoughtfully. “There might be enough for leftovers. But, I don’t know—I’m pretty hungry.” He grinned at Paulo and stepped back. “Thanks man. You can put it on my tab, right?”

Paulo nodded. “I already did the cash, for today, and there’s no way I’m doing it again, just because you can’t do your shopping at normal hours.” He turned towards me. “Nice to meet you, Chris.” Then his grin got wicked, and his voice was teasing. “Has he taken you down to Santa Cruz, yet? Ryan likes taking guys to Santa Cruz….”

“Shut up, Paulo,” Ryan said. He actually looked a little embarrassed. “Thanks for the food.” He backed up out of the doorway and I followed, as Paulo locked the door behind us.

Ryan and I walked silently towards my house, but we didn’t get far before I said, “You took Danny to Santa Cruz. Right?”

 

Ryan sighed. “It’s a nice town. There’s a boardwalk, and it’s right on the ocean.”

“Well, yeah. I wouldn’t think you’d take him to some slum, somewhere.” I wasn’t sure what I was getting at, but I felt like I had a question. “So—why don’t I get to go?”

He gave me a weird look. “I still don’t—you’re not freaked out that Paulo assumed we were together? You’re honestly doing this?” “Fuck, Ryan, how many more times can I say it? I mean—I can’t guarantee anything, but, yeah, I want to try.”

 

He stopped walking, and turned to look at me. He was a couple
Into the Light | Kate Sherwood

inches taller than I was, and he was standing close enough that I had to bend my head back a little. Then he got a little closer, and his hand returned to its place on my neck. He leaned in slow, his eyes never leaving mine, and I wasn’t sure whether this was a test or more of a dare, but I knew I wasn’t going to back down.

His lips barely brushed mine. It felt fine, but not exciting; it was like a slightly-misjudged air-kiss, or something. He pulled back a little, I guess so he could see my face more clearly. He was clearly waiting for my big freak out. I took a moment to be sure that it wasn’t just sneaking up on me, but I felt fine. “Huh. That’s all you’ve got? I gotta say….”

He moved in faster this time, and the kiss was harder, more confident. I could feel the strength of his jaw, the faintest hint of stubble on his skin, and it was interesting, but it still didn’t exactly overwhelm me. He pulled away again, and I wondered for a moment whether maybe this actually
was
all that he had. But, no, I didn’t think so. He was clearly still holding back, and I raised an eyebrow at him, daring him to do more. I was going to give him one more try before I took over and saw what I could do.

He kept his eyes on me as he bent over a little and dropped the bag of food onto the ground. Then he came in slow again, and I was prepared for another disappointment, but this time he went for it. He used his hand to angle my face and then brought our mouths together, and when his tongue came forward mine was right there to meet it. He leaned into me, pushed me backwards a little, and that was the first truly new sensation, the feeling that I was with someone who was at least as strong as I was, if not stronger. I let him move me around, let him pin me up against the wall, and by the time he brought his hands up to brace on either side of my head, I was glad I had the bricks at my back for support. His lips left mine, skimming down over the skin of my neck before sliding up along my jawline, and a shiver raced through my body. My breath caught when he nipped my earlobe, and my head tilted automatically to give him more