I blinked back the tears clinging to my lashes, afraid that if I spoke my voice would betray the emotion flooding through me.
“You’re so strong.” She cupped my face with her hand. “I know I haven’t been the best mother.”
“Mom, you—”
“No.” She squished my cheeks with her fingers. “Let me finish. I’ve made mistakes, Rileigh. Stupid, immature mistakes that ruined my reputation and ended my career. But somehow, amidst all that, I managed to do one
thing right.”
“What?” I asked with my fish lips.
She shrugged and released her hold on my face. “I have no idea, because despite it all, here you are—the most amazing person I know.”
U, T, S, R, Q …
I remembered dancing with my best friend a month ago at my junior prom.
“Rileigh, will we always be friends?” Quentin asked.
I looked up from his shoulder. “Always.”
He smiled and spun me in a circle. “Even if I get into a car accident and my face looks like this?” He rolled his eyes into the back of his head and stuck out his tongue.
I smiled. “Without a doubt.”
He pulled me against him and lowered me into a dip. “Will you still be friends with me when I steal all the high-tipping salon clients?”
He pulled me up and I shrugged. “Sure. But keep in mind I’ll put Nair in your shampoo.”
“Understood.” He nodded. “Would you still be friends with me if I left you alone for a minute so I can ask Brad Stevens to dance?”
I laughed. “I knew there was a point to this.” I dropped my hand from his shoulder. “Go. Dance. Be merry.”
He gave me a quick kiss. “Love ya!” He turned to leave, but hesitated.
“What’s up, Q?”
He smiled and pulled me into a tight hug. “You know I
do
love you, right?”
“Of course.” I hugged him back.
“Like a sister,” he whispered in my ear.
“Like a sister,” I agreed.
P, O, N, M, uh, L …
I was having more difficulty concentrating on the letters as my mind wanted to bring into view the one person I couldn’t bear to think about.
K
Kim. The name raked like nails across my heart, filling me with more pain than the smoke burning through my lungs. What I thought was a spirit trying to take me over had really been the voice of my heart. And I’d refused to listen.
Now it was too late.
I sobbed with the knowledge that I would never see his almond eyes or smell the sandalwood that infused everything he touched. He had said he loved me, and in return, I had said nothing. Now I would die and he would never know that I remembered.
That I loved him still.
Yoshido, my soul mate, lost to me again. The tears running down my cheeks felt as hot as the flames drawing nearer.
I heard another crack above me and braced for the impact that would follow. Instead, my vision swam in black. I wondered if I had passed out, but I could feel strong hands sliding underneath me and picking me up. Was I dreaming? Surely if I was, I wouldn’t be able to feel the thick film of sweat that coated my skin and ran in streams down my neck.
My body jerked forward and something soft brushed past my face. A blanket? Seconds later, I shivered as the cool night air melted against the sweat on my skin. A golden hand pulled the heavy wool away from my face and the chocolate eyes that stared down projected a mixture of fury and terror.
I smiled up at him. Kim. My Kim.
He pulled me tighter against him. “Oh, thank God. Rileigh, I—”
But I could no longer hear him. Unconsciousness pulled at me, and I sank away. I had seen his face and been held in his arms. I couldn’t ask for anything more.
42
I
wasn’t dead. The aches and pains of my body that seeped into my dreams assured me of that. Groaning, I tried to sit up, but two strong arms tightened their hold around my waist. I glanced down to find Kim’s face drawn into tight lines even as he slept. His upper body draped awkwardly over my lap while his lower half sat half-spilled in a chair pulled up to the side of my bed. Gradually, his face relaxed and his arms loosened their grip. I shifted my body and let my hands rest on his head, curled in his hair.
My first thought was that I was in a hospital, but glancing around, I decided this was like no hospital I’d ever been to before. It looked more like the medical ward on an episode of
Star Trek.
My room had no windows, yet was eye-flinchingly bright. It was almost impossible to tell where the white walls ended and the floor began. Several flat-screen monitors hanging on the far wall displayed a rainbow grid of lines and numbers. To the side of me, blinking instruments and tools unlike anything I’d ever seen sat on stainless steel shelves.
“Where am I?” I murmured.
“I wish I knew.”
Startled, I looked up and found Quentin staring at me from an additional chair tucked off to the side. I sucked in an excited breath and felt a great ease in the pressure that had built in my chest. Quentin was okay.
He leaned forward, and the blanket that had been pulled up to his chin fell against his waist. “I think we’re in a secret government infirmary or something. They took you and Michelle here after they pulled you from the fire. You looked so bad with the blood and … I, well, all of us were freaked,” Quentin whispered. “But he,” Q inclined his head toward Kim, “went absolutely crazy. He hasn’t let anyone within five feet of you.”
As if in response, Kim mumbled something incoherent and pulled me tighter.
“Michelle’s here too?” I asked. “Is she okay?”
“She’s going to be. Drew found her in the nick of time.” Quentin paused. “But what about you? Are
you
okay?”
I wasn’t sure. While he watched, I stretched and flexed various muscles, careful to make my movements as minimal as possible so as not to disturb the sleeping guy who held me. Aside from stiff joints, sore muscles, a burn on the back of my arm, and several swollen bruises, everything seemed to be in working order. “I’m okay,” I answered.
Quentin smiled and relaxed back against the chair.
“How is everyone else?” I tried to sit up, but quickly abandoned the idea when Kim’s arms tightened.
Quentin rolled his eyes and waved his hand. “You don’t need to be worrying about anything right now. Braden, Drew, me—we’re all fine. Everyone is fine … well, except that guy with the horn tattoos. Drew told me that Kim beat him within an inch of his life. That’s how they got him to spill where you were.”
I couldn’t say I felt too bad for him. “And my house?”
Quentin looked away.
“It’s gone, isn’t it?”
He nodded. “Your mom knows. She’s a little hysterical, but that’s to be expected.”
“Where is she? Can I see her?”
Quentin chewed on his lip. “Um, she doesn’t know you’re
here
exactly. She thinks that while we were at my house your place had an electrical fire. She’s staying in a local hotel.”
That didn’t make sense. “I thought she was out
of town.”
“Yeah.” Quentin darted his eyes around the room like a bird preparing for flight. “They didn’t make it. There’s something you should know about your mom’s boyfriend … ”
My stomach clenched tightly. “I knew it! He’s bad news, isn’t he? What is he? Another Noppera-bō?”
“Um, not exactly.” Quentin looked like he was going to say something, but his eyes moved past me and he was suddenly standing. “I think I’ll get us some lunch.”
“Lunch?” I gripped the side of my bed ail. “You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on!”
“Gotta go! I’ll be back soon.” He tossed the blanket across the chair and practically ran out the door.
“Q!” I yelled after him. When I realized he wasn’t coming back, I settled against the bed with an angry growl and found myself staring down into Kim’s quiet eyes.
“Rileigh, I—” Kim swallowed hard. “How are you feeling?”
“So much better,” I whispered, smiling at the face I never thought I’d see again. It felt like a lifetime had passed since the last time we were in a hospital room together, and in a way, it had.
Kim gently pushed off of me and stood up. “Show me.”
I didn’t bother to hide the hurt in my eyes as I stared at him from the bed. “What?”
He motioned me up with his fingers. “Please show me that you are okay.”
I pushed the blanket off and dropped my bare feet onto the cold tile, trying to swallow the hot anger that tightened my throat. We had come so close to losing each other. I wanted nothing more than to cling to him, and he wanted me to touch my toes?
I moved slowly, trying to ignore my screaming muscles as I worked through the various stretches that Kim directed. When he gave me a final nod, I straightened my back and put my hands on my hips. “Satisfied?”
“Not entirely.” His jaw flexed and I watched a strange battle between anger and fear play through his eyes.
I dropped my hands to my sides. “Kim, what’s wrong?”
He nodded to my shoulder. “What is that from?”
I looked down at the dried blood crusted underneath the neck opening of my hospital gown. I pulled it down my shoulder to reveal a faint pink scar.
“And that?”
I followed Kim’s line of sight, to the crimson discoloration on my abdomen.
Just because I was mad and proving a point, I lifted the hem of the gown past my navel, exposing my pink, heart-covered underwear so he could see that no wound lay underneath, only smooth, unharmed, blood-stained skin.
Kim paled as he balled his trembling hands into fists. “What did he do to you?”
I dropped the gown back in place and tried my best to smooth it out with my hands. “I’m fine.”
He growled, turning and punching his hand straight through the drywall behind him. Kim’s shoulders heaved as he slowly removed his bloodied hand. I tentatively placed my hand on his back, but he refused to turn around. “I failed you again,” he whispered. “I am unworthy.”
“What?” I slid my hand along his shoulder and gave it a tug, but I might have had better luck pulling on a brick wall. “Kim, how can you say that?”
He turned around but kept his eyes locked on the floor. “I am no good for you. Twice, under my protection, harm has befallen you. Surely you would want better
for yourself.”
“Kim!” I struggled with his name, trying to keep the panic from rising to my voice. “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
The tendons in his jaw flexed as he ground his teeth together. “It would be better for us both if you just left. And spare me your pity. I don’t need your soft words.”
I staggered back, his words seared across my heart like hot wire. “Don’t you—don’t you love me?”
Kim’s eyes widened and he closed the distance between us in two long strides. “Oh no, Rileigh, please never think that.”
I threw my hands in the air. “What am I supposed to think? You just told me to go!”
Kim fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around my waist, pressing his forehead against my waist. “No, no, no.” He shook his head back and forth. “I would rather die a thousand times than have you think for one moment that I don’t love you.” He pulled away and I could see the unshed tears that hung from his lashes. “It is because I love you that I want you to have so much more than I can give.”
I sank to my knees and slid my hands on both sides of his face, forcing him to look at me. “You gave up your life for me. Who could possibly be more deserving of my love than you, Yoshido?”
His head jerked up. “You—you remember?”
I smiled. “Everything.”
His eyes widened. “And you forgive me for failing you?”
I slid my hands over his shoulders and laced them behind his neck. “Let go, Kim,” I whispered. “Let responsibility lie where it falls. Zeami was the sole person responsible for our deaths.”
Kim’s eyes fell to the floor.
I ducked to meet his gaze. “Would you like to know what you are responsible for?”
He waited.
“You, Kim, are responsible for the way my breath catches in my throat when you walk into the room.”
His face softened.
I continued. “You are responsible for the way my pulse races when I watch you smile. You are responsible for the heat that burns through my skin when you touch it, and you are responsible for the ache in my heart when you’re not around.”
He smiled and ran his hands gently through my hair. “If I have already given you my heart, what more would you have from me?”
I pressed my face against the curve of his neck, inhaling the warm scent of him. “I would like to keep you, Kim Gimhae.”
His arms pressed me closer until I could no longer tell where I ended and he began. “Then I’m yours, Rileigh Martin. From this life into the next.”
A voice cleared behind us and I reluctantly pulled back from Kim’s arms to find Dr. Wendell dressed in a lab coat and clutching a clipboard.