Kaleidoscope Summer (Samantha's Story) (59 page)

“Good job tonight.
” I shook
Zack
’s
hand.
“
See
you
tomorrow.”

We
waved
goodnight to Maggie
,
busily
talking with Pastor Jim. I didn’t mis
s the
way she
smil
ed a
t something
he
whispered in her ear.
Could
my sister
be
interested in Pastor Jim
?

“Where you taking m
e
,
pre
tty woman
?” I winked
at Sam
.

We strolled across
the lawn
to the school parking lot
where she’d parked. She stopped and glared at me.
“Did you have anything to do with Daniel leaving?”

“We
talk
ed
.”
A
guilty
twinge brought on a deep sigh.

She sharpened her look. “Can you elaborate?”

“I
made a couple of suggestions along the lines of him leaving
.”

“Daniel is
Audra’s father. No matter what you or I think of him
,
she has a right to have her father visit her.”

“I—
”

“Di
d
n’t bother
talk
ing
to me before you went swooping in like so
me make
-
believe defender of woman
kind?” She
popped open the locks on her SUV. “I don’t want to discu
ss it.
I’m going back to
Stone Valley.
I never
belonged here. This was
Anne
’s world—n
ot mine.
”

I never realized physical pain cou
ld materialize from
having your heart ripped out of your chest. “So you’ve been saying all alo
ng.
”

She turned toward her vehicle
.
I spun her into my arms and found the sweetness of her mouth
. She leaned in closer
,
deepening the kiss
,
as if the wo
rld continuing depended on this
one embrace
. I
pulled away
. “Can you look at me wit
h those beautiful blue eyes
and tell me you’r
e not in love with me?
Can you
tell me when we kiss the whole solar system doesn’t come
alive in a blaze
?”

“I’m craz
y in love with you—sometimes it...sometimes
...” S
he opened the driver’s door
and waited for Goldie to leap in
to the passenger seat.
Sam
s
lid in behind the wheel,
swiping at
tears
as she drove away.

I could still feel
the
softness
of her lip
s. W
ould
she
even consider
accept
ing
the
ring still tucked into my pocket
?

Chapter Fifty

Is
Dr. Ellie
right? Do I want
to rewrite
history
?
Who am I to judge other
s and the choices they’ve
made concerning their lives
?
The other day
,
I reminded Rachel that
it’s
in our weakness
we f
ind His strength
. Do I believe that for myself?
Father
,
I need you—I can’t
do this on my own.
If funding for the school
was a sign for me to go back to Stone Valley—why do I feel so heartbrok
en
?
~ Journal e
ntry

Goldie sat in the passenger seat, her nose on the edge of the opened
window as we followed the winding road to the Sea
C
rest
Inn
.

True to her word, Abby put u
s in an ocean front suite. The
i
nn
spoke of a bygone era of unhurried, gracious living. The suite held the lacy charm of flowing drapes and canopies. I st
epped
out
on the
balcony. S
eagulls
were
in flight, gliding
on
to the water’s surface
before rising once more
. An ocean breeze brushed across my skin
with the lightness of silk
.
I
embraced
the peace like a
stream
flowing over smooth stones.

M
y resolve to leave
Serenity
Cove
was
weakening
.
How can I stay?
My mind was
already plotting how to become an advisor of the school—instead of being hands
-
on.
I gulped a dee
p
breath
of air and prayed for guidance as I headed for the
s
essio
n, hoping
Dr. Ellie
could
pull a miracle out of her bag.

The drive to the cottage
took longer
than t
he usual
trip from the bookshop. The extra miles allowed
more
time for negative intervention
to invade
my
mind, heart
,
and soul. I ignored
the
serene beauty of the coastal
road
drive
.
Thankfully, I
finally parked in front of Dr. Ellie’s
.
Goldie jumped
up the steps
ahead of me
and
touched her paw to the door before I knocked.

“Are you excited about your play date with Precious?”
If a
swish of her tail meant yes
,
she was shouting it for all to hear.

Dr. Ellie swung the
door
wide
.
“Hi
,
Sam.” She
lowered her eyes to my furry companion
. “And h
ello to you
,
Miss
Goldie. Precious is waiting with treats out on the deck.”
I
smile
d
at the way she talk
ed to my little dog, a sign of a true animal lover.

I followed her out the back door and poured a cup of the waiting tea.
“I thought ab
out canceling our session today.”
I angled my chair toward hers.

“When we sense being on the edge of a breakthrough, it’s often accompanied
with
a level of discomfort.”

“I’d think it would
be the opposite. Success
is a good thing, right?”

“Yes. But, it can also require us to change our paradigm, to
view our situation
in a different light.
It can thrust
us right out of our snug little cocoons
.
” She reached for an envelope next to her chair. “I printed out
a blank puzzle
and
cut out all the pieces. I’m going to write a name on each
piece. When I show
y
ou a piece, I want you to tell me about each
person or situation
.
H
ow your feelings may have been
altered
once
you acquired
more information. The fi
rst one is your adoptive
parents—l
et’s begin with when you
learned
about the adoption.”

“I f
elt betrayed
. But i
n our sessions
,
I began to
see how they nurtured me during my childhood.
Their opinions
of Anne
were harsh
,
but
t
hey are
my
real
p
arents—other than giving
l
ife to me
. I
do
wish they’
d been open about the adoption.
”

She made notes on the puzzle piece.
“The next one
is your biological mother
.”

“R
eject
ed
, unwanted,
unloved. But
I learned when Anne
became pregnant
, that
she didn’t have
the needed
suppo
rt from her family
. Her father insisted on the adoption.
Daniel
left her to deal with the repercussions of the pregnancy
.
I’ve c
ome to believe she loved me and
wanted me
.
And there’s something else I’ve realized.
In a society w
here it has become
a choice—s
he chose to give me life.
”

“
G
reat insight
. Now, y
our grandparents.”

“T
hey
provided food and shelter for
Anne
but apparently it ended there. T
hey weren’t there for her em
otionally. I think my grandmother
tried, b
ut
my grandfather
wouldn’t allow it. I’m convinced
she
regrets no
t standing up to
him
—although I doubt it would’ve made any difference
. M
y grandfather
is
apparently
dealing with his own misgivings
. I
’m happy
to be a part of their lives
.
I hope in some way it brings the closure Anne would have wanted.
”

“Your biological
father.”

“An irresponsible jerk. H
e
walked away without a backward
glance. I’ve read his letter of apology
to
Anne
—it’s
not
enough
, not for me
.
”

“C
an you elaborate
? Why isn’t it enough?”

“That’s where the confusion come
s in. I understand he was young
—a senior in high school.
I
told Audra
much the same thing
—i
t was a teenager
’
s irresponsibility
. It’s difficult to ignore the
far-reaching repercussions
of his actions
. Anne was de
prived of her baby
.”

“What do you want from him
?”

“
W
hat can he do?
He can
’t go back and change the past.
” A heavy sigh brushed my lips. “I’m stil
l trying to rewrite history
.”

“What about Audra?”

“
The bright light in all of this is finding my sister.
I want to spend more time with her.
But
I haven’
t figured out how to forgive Daniel
and definitely haven’t reached
the place of emb
racing him, he’s nothing more than
a sperm donor
.”
I was thankful she hadn’t mention the letter she’d suggested I write—I hadn’t b
othered. Why couldn’t I reach out and forgive him?

She
handed
me a glue stick and a piece of construction paper
with the outline of a puzzle on it
. “See if you can
fit the pieces together and paste
them on
the paper. Except for the one
with
Daniel
’
s name.”