Authors: Audrey Carlan
He grabbed the folder, read the name and saw the note. His eyes widened. “Precious, this is not what it looks like.”
“Really? Because it looks like you had me investigated. Why? Why would you do that?”
His hands curled around my biceps and he brought his face close to mine. “Listen to me. Yes, I had you investigated. That was right when we met.” I stiffened in his arms and tried to pull away. “No, no way. You are not running. You are going to listen.”
“Talk fast,” I grated through my teeth, anger and hurt filling my tone.
“I admit to having you investigated. Only it was when we first met. You didn’t want to go out with me. Christ, I had to chase you at every turn. And I…shite, Camille. I really wanted to know you.”
“So you had my privacy exploited. Betrayed my trust? Why didn’t you just ask me what you wanted to know instead of reading my entire life in here?” I tapped the red folder.
“I didn’t. I swear. I haven’t read it. Johnny delivered it months ago. It’s been sitting on my desk this whole time and I’d forgotten about it. I swear to you on all that’s holy I didn’t read it!” His tone was pleading and laced with fear. “Camille, I promise on our love, on Tanner’s life that I did not read that file.”
I held his gaze. He didn’t flinch, twitch, or anything that would lead me to believe he was lying.
“I’m not okay with this!” I shoved against his chest. He stepped back giving me the space I desperately needed. I picked up the file. “I need some time alone. Either you can leave or I can.”
Nate’s eyes widened. “Just for a time. Not forever. I won’t let you leave me forever. Not for something so bloody asinine. It was a mistake, Camille. A stupid fucking mistake. I regret it! I didn’t know I’d fall in love with you. I didn’t know!” he roared hands in the air. Then his shoulders slumped and he took a deep breath. “Tell me you’re not leaving me?”
The wealth of sadness in his eyes almost destroyed me. “I’m not leaving you. But I need some space to think about this. To read this file alone. Do you understand?”
He nodded solemnly. “If you want me to leave, I will, but I’d rather stay here with Tanner. I can’t bear to be away from both of you right now.” His words broke me. I went to him cupped his cheek and kissed him briefly. A small touch to let him know I still loved him.
“I’ll be back later.”
“When?” His request sounded desperate, uncertain.
“When I’m ready. When I’m not so angry with you. When I have perspective again.”
“Fine. Your men will be here when you come home, waiting for you. I love you more than anything, Camille. Please don’t make this more than it is. A sodding mistake. Okay?”
I nodded, not trusting myself to respond. I needed time to think, to understand and forgive. My whole life I’d spent running. Right now, I planned on taking a step away with every intention of coming back.
With a heavy heart, I went into Tanner’s room and told him Mommy had an errand to run. Then I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and cleaned up after my vomiting spell. When I got to the living room, Nate stood with the door open, holding my coat. God, I loved him to insanity but I was angry with him.
When I walked to the front door, he pulled me to him and covered my lips with his own. He didn’t allow me to pull away. Instead he dove deep with his tongue, pressed our bodies together tightly and kissed the daylights out of me. My entire body filled with light, connected to his. Without him, life was dark. In his arms, the sun shone so bright I needed shades. He patched all the doubt, worry, and concern I had about his love, his intentions with one simple kiss. I pulled away.
“I love you, Nate. I will come home. I just need a little time.”
“Take the time you need just…come back.” His soft blue eyes were bursting with sadness. “I love you.”
“I love you more. I’ll be home soon.” I turned and left.
Instead of hailing a cab, I decided to walk the streets of New York until I came upon Central Park. There I sat on a bench and looked out over the wide expanse of green. It was a lovely spring day in the City. There were people playing catch, throwing a Frisbee, and walking their tiny dogs. Most were pint sized. You didn’t see a lot of big dogs in New York. If we got a dog we’d get a
dog
. A large one, like Butch, Hank and Aspen’s dog.
After spending a few minutes talking myself down and taking in the scenery, I pulled out the file.
Nate said he didn’t read it and I believed him. I had to. What was a relationship without trust? Besides, we’d survived bigger betrayals than this. My stripping for example, and keeping Tanner a secret. Those were pretty large secrets and Nate had been hurt. We’d survived those trials and tribulations and come out on top. We’d get past this one too.
I looked down at my left hand. The huge reminder of Nate’s love sparkled and glowed on my finger.
Nate loved me. I knew it with my whole heart. I was not going to let his stupid mistake take our happiness away from us. What was done was done. Re-living my childhood through a variety of medical reports and social worker comments wasn’t pleasant but it was my past. It wasn’t possible to change it. I needed to get over my childhood and start anew.
My life now was far removed from the broken orphan I was. I had a job, was going to school, had a beautiful son and a man who loved me for me. The future was now and I was happier than I’d ever been.
With a renewed confidence, I opened the file, and flipped to the last few pages. One was my hospital stay when I gave birth to Tanner and a copy of his birth certificate.
The last two documents were an absolute shock. My birth certificate with my real parents’ names filled in, not blacked out.
I held my breath as I read my mother’s name.
Name: Constance Camille Johnston. Age: 19, Status: Deceased
My mother had died the same day I was born. I flipped the page and saw another certificate. It was her death certificate. Cause of death: Complications during childbirth.
A tear dropped onto the sheet. I hadn’t realized I was crying. My mother, just a year older than I was when I had Tanner, had died giving birth to me. My father, or someone, had given me her name. It gave me a warm feeling knowing I shared a name with her. A picture of her driver’s license was attached to the report. Her long brown hair was wavy like mine and parted down the middle. Her eyes were hazel but it was hard to see in the small picture. Her smile was mine, big and toothy. She was beautiful.
I took a deep breath and wondered what it would have been like to have been raised by this woman. What was her life like? Her family? Anything? I read her death certificate and found the names of my grandparents. Both were listed as deceased. My shoulders slumped.
Then I realized I hadn’t looked at my father’s information. I flipped back a couple pages and read the name.
Father: William Robert Devereaux, Age: 30, Status: Living
That would make my biological father fifty-three now. I scoured the page showing my father’s last known address. He was in New Jersey of all places. Same city I grew up in. Why would he not have raised me? I scanned the information about William Devereaux, noting he had the same name as my new friend Tripp. Small world.
As I continued reading that world got a whole helluva lot smaller. William Devereux was married when I was born and had two additional children now. Marcus Devereaux was currently playing football at Michigan State University, present age, 20. Tripp Devereux was working as a model for AIR Bright Enterprises and bartending, present age, 26. Last known address, downtown Manhattan.
Holy shit.
My body tingled. Panic ripped through the edges of my vision, turning the once blue sky a faded black. My eyes rolled back into my head. The last thought I had before the world went black was that Tripp Devereux was my half-brother.
***
I slammed through the hospital doors into the emergency department. “Camille Johnston, my fiancée! Where is she?” I roared to anyone and everyone who would listen.
A petite mousy woman dressed in scrubs came up to me. “Calm down. Right this way.” The nurse led me and Tanner through throngs of emergency personnel and beds separated by drapes. His little feet tripped in my haste to get to Camille. I pulled him up and onto my hip. He clung to my neck but kept silent. Finally the woman pulled a pink drape back and I saw my girl.
“Precious, baby, what happened?”
“Mommy!” Tanner cried reaching out his little arms to his mum. I set Tanner on the bed and he scrambled into her arms. She held him tight and kissed the crown of his head. I cupped her face and she smiled. She looked fine until I grabbed the back of her head and she winced.
“What happened?” I barely contained my rage. If someone hit my girl, they were going to be dead.
“I fainted. Hit my head on a park bench in Central Park.”
“Why?” I shook my head not understanding. “Why did you faint?”
She shrugged. “I think I had a panic attack.” The words hit me like a punch to the gut. She was so stressed out about what I did, the files on her, that she couldn’t handle it. I knew I shouldn’t have let her leave alone.
“I’m so sorry. Camille.” I kissed her lips. “It’s all my fault. I should have never had Johnny investigate you.”
My sweet girl shook her head and then grabbed at the back of her head. I looked behind her and felt the nasty bump she had.
“I’m fine. Really. It wasn’t what happened. It uh…it was what I read in the reports that overwhelmed me.” She bit her lip and I sat on the side of the bed.
I slid my hand along her calf and knee. “What was it?”
“You’re never going to believe this. I’m still not sure I believe it.” She shook her head.
“Try me.”
She licked her lips again and I got the cup of water sitting on a table near the bed and poured her a glass. She took a sip. “I have two siblings.”
My eyes widened. “Really? Did you find out who your parents were?” I knew that was something she’d always wanted to know but could never get the information.
A sad smile stole across her face. “Yeah. My Mom is deceased. Died while giving birth to me. She was young; only nineteen.” I could tell the information had wounded her. Even when you didn’t know your family, finding out they were gone before you could know them had to hurt.
“I’m sorry about your mum. What of your Dad?”
Camille nodded and pinched her lips together. “That’s the crazy part. He’s alive and living in New Jersey.”
“That’s bloody fantastic! We’ll look him up, ring him!” I said happily.
She shook her head. “I don’t know. Maybe. There’s more. His name is William Devereux.”
I scratched at my goatee and the scruff on my cheeks. I hadn’t had a chance to shave before our argument and I was beside myself while she was gone. The name was familiar though. Our mate shared the last name, but that was pretty common. “What else?”
“I have two brothers.”
“And how is that a problem? Precious, this is amazing news! You wanted siblings. Now we can find them.” I didn’t understand why her face seemed so concerned.
“Nate, one of my brother’s name is Marcus. He’s a college football player in Michigan.”
“Excellent sport! We can go see one of his games. What of the other brother?” She didn’t seem quite herself. I would have expected this news to have her shouting through the rooftops not sulking in a hospital bed. And why did she have a panic attack? This was incredible news not something to panic over.
Camille took a deep breath. “Nate, my other brother is Tripp Devereaux.” At that moment, my head literally spun on its axis.
“No fucking way!”
“Daddy! You promise-did no more cusses. Mom says those are f-bombs and you cannot have any bombs. No a-bombs, b-bombs…” He kept going until he got to the right letter in the alphabet. Our little man was a true comedian. “Mommy says f-bombs are the worstest ever!”
I ruffled Tanner’s hair. “You’re right, sport. No more f-bombs.” I grinned. He smiled and continued hugging his mum.
“That’s insane! I mean…” I shook my head as the doctor entered.
“Ms. Johnston, your x-ray looks good. No damage, just a nice size goose-egg. It will go down with ice and time. Take it easy a few days, take ibuprofen and let me know if you feel any dizziness. You the husband?” the doctor asked me.
“Yes,” I said without a second thought. It wasn’t his business if it was official or not. It would be soon enough.
“Wake her every four hours tonight, just in case. She didn’t incur a concussion but you can never be too careful when it comes to head trauma.”
I saluted the doctor. “Will do. But she’s okay?”
“Yes. Just needs to rest. Says here you have a history of panic attacks?”
Camille nodded. “I used to have them a lot when I was a kid. Hadn’t had one since bringing this guy into the world though.” She hugged Tan Man to her chest and he giggled. “I’ll be fine. Just some really shocking news. I’ll be more careful.”
The doctor handed her discharge papers.
We checked out of the hospital and hailed a cab home. Once I had her back in our flat and cuddled up in bed, I tended to Tanner, putting him down for his afternoon nap. He went out like a light. It blew me away how well the kid slept.
I made tea, put together some chicken salad sandwiches I’d prepared while Camille was out, and took them to the bedroom. I set the tray down on the side of the bed and kissed my girl’s forehead.
“How you doing, love?”
She smiled sleepily. It made my heartbeat quicken. Seeing her cuddled under the covers in
our
bed was the most beautiful sight. I never wanted her to leave again. Even if it was for the afternoon. Had I told her in advance about the file, she wouldn’t have hurt herself or been alone when she found out this startling information. I could have supported her through it.
“I’m fine. You don’t have to hover. Really. Just processing it all,” she said drowsily.
“Yeah. It is quite a lot to take in. I do want to apologize again. I feel responsible for what happened. If I told you earlier…”
“Stop Nate. We make mistakes. I should have told you right away about Tanner and Gems. But I didn’t. Sometimes we make bad choices. Surviving them together, that’s what makes us stronger.”