"Joe," I replied instantly. "And my own guilty conscience."
I didn't need to see Adam's face to know his eyebrows had flown up. "Joe?"
I explained what I'd done when I'd left the restaurant, everything Joe and I had talked about, everything I'd thought, felt, considered over the past week. Adam listened patiently, as I'd listened to him, so quiet and still, that only the too-quick rise and fall of his chest beneath my hand, and the constant brush of his fingers through my hair, hinted that he hadn't fallen asleep.
"What a fucked up world this is," Adam concluded with a wry laugh once I'd finished telling my side of the story.
"And you're just figuring this out now?" I teased lightly.
Adam shook his head, his chin bumping my forehead. He dropped a kiss there, a feather-light apology. "No, I knew it a long time ago. I learned it the hard way."
Silence stretched for a time. "Where does that put us?" I asked finally. My heart beat rapidly in my chest, driven partly by the soft sweep of Adam's fingers against the back of my neck and a little by the fear of what he might say.
"Where do you want it to put us?"
I wrinkled my nose, unsure. The tired, lost little girl side of me wanted him to hand me the answer, to make a decision and tell me how it was going to be for us; the stubborn, inquisitive journalist in me wanted to be upfront and blatantly, probably brutally, honest. Stubborn won out. "I truly don't know, Adam. I wish I did, but I don't."
He nodded against my forehead. "That's fair."
"No it's not," I countered.
He chuckled. "Always the truth with you Lilly. Do you ever lie?"
"Not really, no," I laughed. "I'm very bad at it."
The tension in Adam dissipated, melted as we spoke. The tempo of his heartbeat had slowed with his breathing and there was a moment when I could have sworn I almost felt him fall asleep. I kissed his neck, he drowsily kissed my forehead, and then I closed my eyes and joined him in sleep.
********
I was vaguely aware of his hand on my breast and for a drowsy moment thought I was dreaming the sensation until he rolled my nipple between his thumb and forefinger, pulling me from slumber.
"What are doing?" I teased, prying one eye open. The alarm clock read 4:43.
"Saying 'good morning'," Adam murmured in my ear. His voice was low and sexy, husky with disuse. It sent a shiver across my skin. I was spooned against him and in the small of my back I could feel his cock stir.
"Morning?" I moaned. "It's not even close to morning."
Adam pinched my nipple again, before smoothing over the sting with his thumb. I arched against him and gasped as the feeling shot straight between my thighs. His other hand snaked around to cup my other breast, his fingers mimicking each other as they teased me.
"I can stop," Adam laughed. "If you want me to." He pressed his erection against me, nestling himself between my buttocks. I couldn't contain my sigh of satisfaction.
"I thought about this all week," he whispered into my ear as one hand strayed down to brush lightly against my curls. "Thought about you, the noises you make when I touch you, how wet you get for me." He trailed a finger through my wetness, all the while holding me immobile against him. His laugh was low as I groaned and tried to wiggle against him.
"We haven't done this nearly enough," Adam murmured. He stroked my clit lightly before his fingers danced further down to test the dampness he'd caused. "There's too much I don't know about you yet. Too much we haven't tried." He repeated the procedure a few more times and I was torn between the teasing brush of his hand between my legs and the firm pull of his fingers on my nipple; both sensations made me crazy, made me want more.
"It would be so easy to wake up beside you every morning, just like this," Adam said in a low tone, shifting his hips so his cock slipped between my thighs. We both groaned with pleasure.
I only had to move just a little to take him inside and his hiss of satisfaction echoed my own. He moved slowly, withdrawing with almost lazy intent, taking his time with each new thrust inward, making me feel every inch of him. He kept one arm around my waist, holding me against him to stop me from moving too quickly, from speeding up the pace with my typical impatience.
All I could do was gasp repeatedly to try to get air into my lungs. There didn't seem to be any room left in my body for oxygen, for anything but Adam and the constant push and pull of him within me.
My first orgasm was a jumble of light and sensation, a sharp pulse of pleasure that made me cry out. Adam was whispering encouragement in my ear, a steady stream of words I couldn't understand but wanted to hear anyway. The second time I came, Adam matched me seconds later, his own contractions the mirror of my own.
Satisfied and still only half-awake, I turned my head to kiss him. I could feel him smile against my lips as I stretched and purred contentedly.
"Go back to sleep, Lilly" Adam prompted. He tucked me more firmly against the warmth of his body and smiling, I did as I was told.
********
I woke up to find Adam propped up on his elbow staring down at me with a grin on his face. I smiled back and we just stared at each other for a while, not needing words for a time.
"Okay, you look like a woman with something to say," Adam teased as he brushed my hair out of my eyes. "You might as well say it then, it'll just eat at you until you do."
I laughed. "You've got the measure of me this early on, huh?"
"Damn right," Adam retorted, his grin wide. "You just always need to know 'why', always need to have your say."
"Pretty much," I conceded with a shrug.
"So say it," he prompted, giving my nipple a pinch. I pushed my hip against him, laughing.
"It's just, all my life I've had to put names to things, label them, quantify them, put them in neat little rows, alphabetical order if you like," I paused and looked up at him. Adam's green eyes were solemn, but he smiled softly and kissed my shoulder in encouragement. "But you and me, I don't think we can fit ourselves into a neat and tidy definition, not yet, not now."
I stopped and Adam took up the cue. "I don't think so either, Lilly. I guess that's mostly my fault too. If I'd known that someday I'd meet you, maybe I would have done things differently in the past. It's going to follow me everywhere, always will. I like to pretend I could escape what I've done, but you know I can't. When people here find out, it might not be pleasant and it certainly won't be easy. Me, I have to deal with that; I always will. But you have a choice, Lil."
I closed my eyes, but not before a tear slipped past my lashes. I turned my cheek to my pillow so Adam wouldn't see.
"I'm not going to do the story," I whispered.
Adam froze in the act of brushing my hair from my shoulder. I don't think that was what he'd been expecting to hear. "What are you going to tell your boss?"
I thought for a moment. "I don't really know," I confessed. "I guess I tell him I think it's wrong, snooping into people's lives like that. It's none of my business, none of his either for that matter."
"What will he do?"
I laughed dryly. "Knowing Sterling, he'll probably relegate me to the social column, writing about silver anniversaries and retirement parties."
"And that's?"
"And that's okay." I filled in, and as I said the words, I realized they were true.