Just Friends (23 page)

“That night…the way you were dressed…” He
shook his head. “Guys like Steve only want one thing.”

“You had no right to do that. Why did you do
that to me?”

“You know why.”

“No, I honestly don’t.”

“I love you,” he said simply. “I loved you
then.”

“That’s not love!” Alannah shrieked. “Love
doesn’t deceive and lie.”

Trenton swallowed and spoke in a soothing
voice. “I understand you’re upset.”

“You have no idea.” Alannah took a tremulous
breath. “I’ve spent my whole life—our entire friendship—worried
about your needs, and you’ve spent our entire friendship worried
about your needs. I’ve been all about you and you’ve been all about
you.”

Color tinged his cheeks. “That’s not true.
You know that’s not true.”

He was right, but she was angry and hurt and
disillusioned by his actions. She couldn’t stop talking if someone
suddenly stuck duct tape over her mouth.

“You knew how hurt I was that night. You saw
how upset I was that no one even tried to talk to me, yet you
pretended to be my friend, pretended to care, and the entire time
it was your fault.” Anger and disappointment burned a path through
her veins. “My friend Jill told me about a great job in
Atlanta.”

He became very still. “Why are you telling me
about a job in Atlanta?”

“Because I applied for it. It’s a great
opportunity.”

He pushed away from the counter, nostrils
flaring. “You have a good job here. Why do you want to work way
down there? Atlanta is on the other side of the goddamn
country.”

“Because I’m tired of my life revolving
around you. You can’t even be honest with me.”

“And you were honest with me?” he shot back.
“Sneaking around behind my back and applying for a job all the way
in Atlanta? What’s the matter, you couldn’t find one in
Timbuktu?”

“Nice, Trent. Now you’re trying to make me
into the bad guy, but I had every right to apply for that job.
Let’s get back to what this conversation is about. The truth. And
the truth is,
you’re
part of the reason I’ve been unhappy
for so long.” Alannah pressed a hand to her forehead. “I’m so
stupid.”

“You’re being ridiculous and blowing this out
of proportion.”

She looked up at him. “I trusted you. You’re
my best friend. But all these years you’ve been pissing a circle
around me, claiming you want to protect me. That’s all well and
good, but who’s been protecting me from you?”

Trenton didn’t answer right away, his mouth
drawing into a tight line and his body stiffly rejecting her words.
“You don’t need protecting from me,” he finally said in a grim
tone.

“Yes, I do. I need protecting from you, and I
need to get away from you, your family, everything. Everything I’ve
known, because you know what? I don’t know anything else. My life
is too wrapped up in yours. I’ve been living my life for you. How
sad is that?”
Me and Trent
. Every story about any major
event in her life began with those three words. “I need to make my
own memories, without you being involved.”

Alannah marched back into the living room and
headed for the front door.

“Where are you going?”

She turned to see Trenton staring at her, no
longer happy, no longer smiling. Tension radiated from his
body.

“Away from you.”

Their relationship was still
in a cool stage. In the past two weeks, they’d seen each other
twice—once for lunch and another time when they’d attended a party
together.

Guarded and stilted, they barely touched.
Alannah wasn’t sure what she wanted to do. She didn’t want to break
up with him, but at the same time, she didn’t think their
relationship was a healthy one.

When she received an invitation to go to
Atlanta for the job interview, she sent a group text to Trenton,
her family, and Terri. Her sisters and Terri texted back their
congratulations right away, and her parents called to wish her
well.

She didn’t hear from Trenton until that
night.

Congratulations. When is the interview?

Monday.

A full hour passed before he replied.
Knock em dead
.

He wasn’t trying to stop her, so she should
be happy. Yet she wasn’t.

The doorbell rang. Alannah set the book she’d
been reading on the coffee table and rolled off the couch. She
peeked out the window, a little disappointed when she saw Terri. Of
course it wouldn’t be Trenton. He’d promised to give her space so
she could “make her own memories,” and he was certainly sticking to
his promise.

Alannah opened the door.

“Hey, honey. I hope you don’t mind me
stopping by unannounced.”

“No, come on in.”

They went into the living room and Alannah
pulled the fleece throw over her legs.

“What’re you reading?” Terri asked, brushing
hair from her face. Tonight her hair was parted in the middle.

Alannah showed her the cover. “A book that
offers tips on how to ace an interview. They include sample
questions and suggestions on how to answer them.”

“Oh.” Terri folded her legs beneath her on
the couch. “Listen, we need to talk about you and Trenton. You know
I never understood your relationship with him. I’ve told you before
I thought the two of you are weirdly codependent even though you
were supposedly just friends.”

“Yes, I know. Where are you going with
this?”

“I only said that because I want to make it
clear that what I’m about to say is completely without bias.”

Alannah waited.

“Trenton’s behavior sounds like a classic
case of man logic.”

“And what is man logic?” Terri considered
herself an expert on men, so her answer should be interesting.

“Basically, a man does something so
ridiculous, it doesn’t make sense to the average woman, but makes
perfect sense to the man in question.” She waited for the
explanation to sink in before she continued. “He didn’t mean to
hurt you.”

“That doesn’t make what he did okay.”

“I know that and you know that. But in his
own crazy way, he was keeping other men away from you, even though
he wouldn’t be with you and was nailing every piece of tail that
shook her ass at him. But in man logic, that makes perfect sense,
because he was keeping you for himself, and he didn’t mean to hurt
you.”

“That’s cute, but if that’s the case, man
logic sucks.”

“I know. It’s the reason the world is so
messed up today.” A soft, sympathetic smile graced her
features.

“I’m still going to Atlanta. I have to see
what other opportunities there are for me.” Alannah picked at her
fingernails. “I’ve made decisions around Trent all my life. It’s
sad, it’s pathetic, and I don’t want to do that anymore. Who knows
what I’ve been missing out on because I’ve been so caught up in
him? What if there’s another man out there for me? Someone who I’m
more in tune with?”

“But you’ve had boyfriends over the
years.”

“Yes, but have I really given them a chance
when I’ve basically been in love with Trent my entire life? When he
calls, I answer. When he needs me, I’m there. There’s got to be
something different. Someone different. In a new environment I can
explore my options in a way I haven’t before, because I won’t be
distracted by my feelings for Trent.”

Terri’s eyes filled with sympathy and
understanding. “If getting a job on the opposite side of the
country is what you need to do to feel better, then do it. But
honey, I don’t think that’s going to make a difference.”

“I’ve got to do something. Even if I don’t
feel better, I…at least I’ll be living. Right?”

“Yeah.” But Terri’s lackluster response
didn’t sound genuine. It sounded like she was saying what was
necessary to make Alannah believe she’d made a sound decision. “If
you get that job, I’m going to miss you, though. What about me?”
She poked out her bottom lip.

“I’ll miss you, too, but it’ll be nice to see
what it’s like somewhere else.” Alannah dog-eared a page in the
book and closed it. “I’ve lived in Seattle all my life. It might be
nice to start over, y’know?”

“I know. I had to do it myself once. That’s
why I left Atlanta.” She clutched Alannah’s hand. “Is it wrong that
I hope you don’t get the job?”

“Yes, Terri.”

Her friend smiled. “In that case, good
luck.”

****

October sixteenth.

Alannah paused on the way out the door to
answer her cell phone.

“Alannah, hi. Is Trent with you?” Ivy’s
worried voice came through the line.

Alannah felt terrible. She’d hesitated for
far too long on whether or not she should go to Trenton. She
thought maybe he wouldn’t want to see her, but hearing the anxiety
in his sister’s voice confirmed she was doing the right thing.

“No, but I’m on my way to his place now.”

“Oh good.” Relief flooded Ivy’s voice.

In the background, she heard a male voice
ask, “What did she say?”

Ivy covered the mouthpiece, and a muted
conversation ensued before Cyrus’s commanding voice came on the
line. “As soon as you confirm he’s at home, call Ivy or text her so
we know he’s all right. He hasn’t answered his phone all evening.
Ivy and I are out of town, and so is Xavier. Mother’s been trying
to reach Trenton but can’t. She’s ready to go over there to check
on him if need be.”

Trenton usually worked through the
anniversary of his parents’ death in his own way, which often meant
that she spent as much time as she could with him. If the sixteenth
fell on a workday, he took the day off, but whatever he did, his
family never worried because they knew she and Trenton were
together.

They must know they were barely on speaking
terms, and Trenton must really be suffering if he hadn’t even
returned the calls from his mother.

Alannah exited her apartment. “Tell Miss
Constance I’m on my way over there right now, and I’ll send a text
when I see him.”

“Thank you, Alannah.”

“No problem. I’ll be in touch very soon.”

In the Lexus, she pressed the gas pedal to
the floor and allowed the car to accelerate as much as she could
without the risk of being pulled over for reckless driving. The
fact that Trenton was unreachable worried her immensely. Just as
she wasn’t sure he wanted to hear from her, he obviously didn’t
feel comfortable calling her, even though she knew he hated
spending the day alone.

At the building, she rode the elevator up to
his floor and entered the penthouse. When the doors slid open, the
lights didn’t automatically come on in the vestibule like they
normally did. The interior of the condo was quiet and dark, but the
distant hum of the television called her back to Trenton’s bedroom.
She walked down the hallway and past the open door to the music
room where he practiced the violin in front of the sweeping views
of the floor-to-ceiling windows. She found him propped against a
bunch of pillows stacked along the metal bars of the bed, watching
the movie
Shaft
.

He knew the dialogue by heart, and so did
she. It was a favorite of his father’s and they watched it every
year.

He didn’t look up. “What are you doing
here?”

“It’s October sixteenth.”

“So?” The television screen flashed light
intermittently across his drawn face.

“I’m not arguing with you.”

Alannah pulled out her phone and sent a text
to his sister, letting her know she was at Trenton’s and he was
fine. A
Thank you!!!
was immediately returned.

“What are you doing?” He looked at the phone
in her hand.

“Your family was worried and they called me.
I sent a text to let them know you’re all right. Don’t you have
your phone on?”

He returned his gaze to the television.
“No.”

Alannah slipped off her shoes and tossed her
coat and purse on one of the chairs in the room. She climbed into
the bed and pulled the covers up to her waist.

“How’s your head?” She gently ran a hand
across his forehead, over the top of his head and down to his
nape.

“Okay.”

“Did you have to take anything?” He never
failed to get a stress headache if he thought too much about that
day.

“Ibuprofen.”

After a while, he asked, “You staying the
night?” He tried to sound nonchalant, pretending not to need her,
but she knew him well enough to know that wasn’t true.

Despite the cool awkwardness between them,
she couldn’t let him be alone tonight of all nights. He’d managed
to conceal his grief in recent years, but she’d never forget the
year he’d been depressed and gotten stinking, sloppy drunk. The
pain of his loss and the torment of the memories had been written
on his face as clearly as the ink that marked his flesh. He’d been
so wounded. So broken. She never wanted to see him like that
again.

She placed her head on his shoulder, and
after a moment’s hesitation, he laid his head on hers.

“Yes. I’m staying the night.”

He visibly relaxed as tension eased from his
body.

****

The next morning, Alannah and Trenton stood
in his kitchen drinking coffee. He rested a hip against the counter
with a white mug in his hand, watching her.

She hadn’t slept so comfortably in a long
time. Her thoughts never gave her any rest at night, but spending
the night spooning with Trenton had put her mind at ease.

He wore a pair of black bedroom slippers and
black pajama bottoms and left his chest bare, such an unjust act.
He looked deliciously scruffy with a new growth of hair on his face
and his hard chest and tatted arms exposed to her hungry eyes. She
wanted to go over there and lean on him and rub his rough jaw. He
would smell like Trenton and morning sleep and comfort. Holding
tight to the mug in her own hand helped her resist the urge.

“You’re still leaving for Atlanta, aren’t
you?” he asked.