Just Enough Light (32 page)

She licked her lips. “Are you trying to frighten me?”

“No…well, maybe. Maybe I want you scared enough that you won’t take any unnecessary chances. Mostly I’m just trying to lay out the facts for you to see. And those facts include me telling you I’m not letting Broussard come close to you. Not on my watch.”

His words reminded Kellen of something she had learned a long time ago. Life wasn’t fair or unfair. It was simply surprising.

Sometimes, like her parents, the surprises could be breathtakingly cruel. Other times, like being with Dana, they could be simply breathtaking. As for having a federal agent protecting a former homeless kid? She didn’t know the answer to that just yet, but as she watched Grant, the corners of her lips twitched. “You’re telling me I have to put up with your gun, aren’t you?”

“You got it in one.” Grant smiled faintly. “If it helps, I’ll try to keep it out of sight as much as possible when you’re around. But if Broussard’s nearby, I want an opportunity to level the playing field. So it’s going to be visible.”

“Then I guess I shouldn’t bother to remind you he uses a high-powered rifle”—it took all Kellen had to keep her grin to a minimum—“and if he has us in his sights, we’re both dead and there’s nothing you and that little gun you’re holding can do about it.”

Grant stared at the gun in his hand a moment longer, then started to laugh. “Well, hell,” he said and conceded the point.

“Actually,” Kellen murmured thoughtfully, “that begs a different question. The odds are high Broussard has us in his sights at this very moment. So tell me, Special Agent Grant, why are we being played with? Why doesn’t he finish me off here and now in a single merciful stroke?”

“I asked that very question last night when I was talking to the behavioral analysts in Quantico. They’re not sure, but they think maybe he wants to make one final grand gesture.”

“You mean during the clinic celebration, don’t you? With all those politicians and dignitaries on hand.”

Grant nodded. “We’re down to the wire. And the experts have concluded your little celebration will undoubtedly bring Broussard out so he can finish what he started.”

Kellen thought about that for a minute or two. “Do your experts think he’ll hurt anyone else? Or just me?”

“They aren’t sure.”

“That’s not a very good answer. What do your years of experience—what does your gut instinct tell you?”

Grant sighed. “I’m sorry, Kellen. I honestly don’t know.”

“Then why don’t we let him find me? And in doing so, make sure no one else is close enough to get hurt?”

“Kellen…”

They stared at each other in silent contemplation. And then, without saying another word, Grant put his weapon back in its holster and they resumed checking the perimeter of the property.

While Kellen knew they were both looking for signs that might tell them where Broussard had been and where he could be hiding, she understood Grant was also looking for potential placements for his team. Places that would afford the best lines of sight on every approach that led to the clinic. They just needed to be ready for him.

They needed to be ready for anything.

Thinking about that made Kellen realize something else. Nearly twenty years ago, her father had made her a victim. At the time, she’d been too young, too inexperienced, too trusting to prevent what had happened. None of those words could be used to describe her anymore. This time around, she wasn’t about to let Broussard or anyone else make her a victim, which meant she had to push back fear and be ready and willing to do whatever it took to bring this nightmare to a close.

She wanted—no, she
needed
to move forward again.

That knowledge left her with a heady sensation of being freed from a cage. Able to move in a breathtakingly beautiful direction with a woman who didn’t care where she had been or who she had been in the past. She simply loved her for who she was.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and retreated, as she did when in crisis, to a quiet place inside her where she could listen to her heart and know what to do. Surprisingly, it didn’t take long. “Um…Grant?”

*

Dana leaned against the kitchen counter, took her first sip of coffee, and grimaced.

This was not how she’d imagined the day beginning. But after spending the night spooned against Kellen, holding her tight and relishing her words of love, she’d awoken to find herself alone in bed. And if that wasn’t bad enough, she’d found the sheets cool to the touch, telling her Kellen had been gone for quite some time.

She’d tried but couldn’t fall back to sleep with the bed beside her painfully empty. For a few sweet moments, she tried floating on a memory that made her forget everything else.

Tell me what you want, Dana.

I want you—in every way possible.

But then she blinked and Kellen was still gone.

She had a vague recollection of hearing someone knocking on the front door. Or at least she thought she did. She could even picture Kellen getting up to check while she had drifted back to sleep, fully expecting Kellen to come back to bed.

Clearly, that hadn’t been the case.

Releasing a sigh, Dana closed her eyes, not certain what had happened, even more uncertain about what would happen next. But as she listened to the silence, she could only hope something other than fear had driven Kellen from her bed.

One thing at a time.

She opened her eyes and rolled from the bed. She took a deep breath, inhaling the seductive pull of their mixed scents—her own and Kellen’s—before leaving them behind. Forced to contend with a coffeemaker that seemed to cooperate with only Kellen’s programming, she swore softly after taking another sip of what she’d produced and dumped the contents from her cup into the sink.

Stripping out of her pajamas, Dana headed for a hot shower and tried to rub a combination of tension and fatigue from her neck before going back into the bedroom and getting dressed for the day. All the while pondering both the wonder and absurdity of life.

Last night, Kellen had said she loved her.

It hadn’t come as a surprise. In her heart, Dana had known for some time how Kellen felt about her. It showed in her every look and every touch. She just didn’t realize how much she had wanted to hear the words until that moment. And hearing them…hearing her say the words for the first time, that had meant everything. It also made it so much more difficult to accept she was nowhere to be found this morning.

The challenge was that she could be anywhere.

She could be taking Bogart for a run…or debriefing a team after a callout…or dealing with Grant and the FBI’s security plans for the celebration…or terrified by what she’d revealed and gone walkabout.

The last possibility left Dana shaken. Could that be what happened?

She had long ago accepted Kellen came with issues that made her own pale by comparison. Kellen was uncomfortable in crowds, was frequently haunted by nightmares, and remained fearful of her past—and her parents—catching up to her. Hell, Dana didn’t even know her birth name.

But the truth was she didn’t care. Because somewhere between leaving New York and now, she’d found exactly what she had always hoped to find. An intelligent, passionate, and loving woman with whom she could talk, laugh and cry, and share her life. A place where she could sink permanent roots. A job that satisfied her professionally. And a chosen family to call her own.

She was in love with Kellen and had resolved to give her the time and space she needed to come to terms with having someone—having Dana—in her life.

Perhaps she had given her too much room.

Determined to deal with the situation directly, she left the cabin. She first checked on the clinic, but Liz had everything under control. Her next stop was the office by way of the gym. Kellen was nowhere to be seen, but last-minute preparations for the gala were clearly well in hand.

Annie looked up and smiled as Dana entered the office before her expression slowly gave way to one of concern. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

Dana shook her head. “I don’t know. Nothing…everything.” She shrugged and pressed forward. “Have you seen Kellen?”

Annie’s eyes narrowed and she studied her more closely. “I believe she’s still combing the woods with Grant and his team, finalizing placements for all those FBI sharpshooters he’s brought in. At least that’s where she was when I sent Cody out with coffee for them about twenty minutes ago. Why? What’s the girl done?”

Dana let out a long breath. “She told me she loved me.”

Clearly confused, Annie leaned back in her chair. “That’s wonderful, sweetie. I happen to know you feel the same way, so forgive me if I don’t understand. What’s wrong?”

“Loving her is easy, Annie. Losing her terrifies me.” Her throat had tightened and she found it hard to swallow. “I woke up alone this morning, after the most amazing night of my life. It scared me more than I thought possible. It made me wonder if it had all been a dream. Or worse, that Kellen panicked when she realized what she said and took off.”

“No dream. And definitely no panic.”

The husky voice had her whirling around. Kellen stood at the door, and Dana saw a kind of elemental wariness in the depths of her eyes. “No?”

Kellen shook her head. “No. Just an obligation that slipped my mind.” She approached Dana slowly. “I forgot I’d promised Grant I’d help him with a couple of things this morning. Or maybe I got so preoccupied with other more important matters that I forgot, until he showed up at the cabin. But the things he needed my help with, they’re all done now.”

Dana swayed slightly, lulled by the low voice. “Finished? Really?”

“Really. Except for this.” Kellen reached for Dana, threaded her fingers through her hair, and brought her face closer. They stared at each other and long seconds passed without a single sound. “I love you, Dana Kingston,” she whispered just as their lips touched.

Hundreds of tiny white lights glittered like stars on the tall dark pines, casting a soft glow on the footpath and marking the way to the clinic, while soft music filled the evening air.

As Kellen made her way from room to room, people greeted her with smiles. Ignoring the rapid pounding in her chest, she licked her lips, politely paused to exchange a few words, and was happy to defer any acclaim for the success of the clinic to Dana and Annie.

She knew they had worked tirelessly, not only to pull this evening together, but to make the clinic something far more than it would have been had she been left to her own devices. Something truly special for the whole community. And if it meant forcing herself out of her comfort zone and mingling for one evening, then that’s what she would do.

The turnout had been tremendous. The silent auction was a huge success and would go a long way toward funding some much-needed equipment. And everyone seemed happy to join in the celebration. Standing off to one side talking with her parents and Leslie, Annie waved and beamed in her direction. With the speeches over, Annie could now relax, and it was clear she was thrilled.

Rightfully so.

Gabe walked by and put a plate of hors d’oeuvre in her hand, but Kellen’s appetite had vanished long before people had started arriving. She held the plate long enough to keep others at bay, then at the earliest opportunity, handed it off to one of the servers Michelle had provided, choosing to hold an untouched glass of champagne instead.

It still didn’t come easy to her, this being surrounded by so many people, no matter how many she actually knew or how motivated she was. She tugged at the collar of the black turtleneck Dana had asked her to wear—
because I like how you look in it
—and tried to recollect a time when being in a crowd had energized her. But if it ever existed, that moment was buried deep in the past, as irretrievable as her childhood.

It was futile to mourn what could not be changed. She could, however, change the present, and as the clock ticked off another hour of being surrounded by too many people, swallowing became more difficult, her heart beat much too fast, and she needed to take a moment for herself. She needed to step outside and find a place where she could breathe once again.

“Are you looking to make your escape?” a delicious soft voice whispered in her ear.

Kellen turned and felt a flood of warmth fill her as her eyes connected with Dana’s. In spite of the lighthearted comment, she saw Dana’s eyes were dark, saw concern in them, and it bothered her. She saw the lines of tension around Dana’s mouth, knew it was because of her, and felt even worse. But there was nothing she could do.

“Have I become so transparent?”

Dana laughed softly. It was a sweet sound, and with it, some of the tension in her face faded. But not the concern. “Ordinarily, I would say no. But tonight you do have a certain deer-caught-in-headlights look about you.”

“I’m sorry—”

“Don’t,” Dana said, pressing her fingers against Kellen’s lips. “I know how much this is costing you, and don’t ever feel you have to apologize for being who you are.”

Kellen kissed the tips of her fingers. “Thank you.”

“Any time, love. But try to remember if Broussard is going to make his move, tonight’s the perfect time for it. All the FBI agents I keep tripping over say so, which means if you’re going to go outside, you need to let Grant know and take a couple of his guys with you.”

Unwilling to give Broussard more control of her life than he’d already wrested from her, Kellen shook her head. “How about I take you instead?”

“How about we do both,” Dana said, suggesting compromise as she reached for Kellen’s hand.

Kellen marveled at the ease with which Dana slipped through the crowd and captured a glass of champagne from a passing server, while at the same time signaling their intent to Grant across the room. Grant responded with a quick nod of understanding, and an instant later one of his agents slipped through the doors just ahead of them.

Kellen no longer cared, because while night had descended and there were still too many people standing near the entrance, the air was crisp and clean as she stepped outside. And as she gazed up at the moon, a thin silver sickle, the din slowly receded, the tension deep inside her loosened, and she began to decompress.