Just Crazy (3 page)

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I have to stop.

It's the worst pain ever.

It's the worst pain in the history of worst pains.

And I've only peeled off one and a half
millimetres. I've still got another sixty-eight and a half millimetres to go.

Maybe fast is not the answer.

But neither is slow.

I can't leave it on.

But I can't peel it off,

To peel or not to peel?

That is the question.

Or is it?

There must be a better way than peeling.

Peeling sucks.

It really sucks.

Sucks?

Sucks!

That's it!

Sucking is the answer!

I can use our new vacuum cleaner to suck this stupid Band-Aid off.

Our old vacuum cleaner broke recently and Mum and Dad replaced it with a new super-powerful model. It's so powerful it can practically suck dust off the surface of the moon. Not that I've actually tried yet, but I bet it could.

The Band-Aid won't stand a chance.

All I'll have to do is wave the vacuum cleaner near it and the Band-Aid will be off in a second.

No peeling.

No pain.

No nothing.

Just one quick suck and it will all be over.

I go to the hall cupboard and get the vacuum cleaner.

It's huge. I drag it into the bathroom and plug it in.

I take the brush off the end of the nozzle. I don't want anything getting in the way of its sucking power.

I switch it on. The noise is incredible. It sounds like its powered by a jet engine.

I'd better concentrate.

It's a tricky job because I have to use the mirror to guide the nozzle into position. And the nozzle is so long I can't get as close to the mirror as I'd like to.

I guide the nozzle close to the Band-Aid. I can feel the Band-Aid lifting, but not quite separating from my cheek.

I go a bit closer.

Still not working.

I can't understand it. It should have pulled the Band-Aid free by now.

Maybe there's something blocking the nozzle. I pull it away from the Band-Aid and
look into the end. But I can't see anything. It's too dark.

I put it up closer to my eye.

And closer.

And just a little bit closer.

PHOOMPH!

My eye!

Help! The vacuum cleaner is stuck on my eye!

It's sucking my eyeball out of its socket!

The pain is incredible.

It's worse than paper-cuts, tongue-cuts, and whacking your thumb with a hammer all put together.

It's got to be even worse than being boiled alive, burned at
the stake or being stretched out in the desert, covered with honey and eaten by ants.

It's even worse than peeling off a Band-Aid . . . well . . . maybe not quite that bad, but you know what I mean.

And it's not just painful . . . it's potentially fatal. It could suck my eyeball right out of its socket.

And my eyeball is connected to my brain. It could suck that out as well.

Which would be even worse because my brain is connected to everything else . . . any moment now the whole inside of my body could be sucked out of my head!

I have to act.

Fast.

Now.

Right now!

I stretch my leg out and kick the ‘off' switch.

The noise dies down.