Throughout the night June had prayed and sought God's counsel. Her mind had exhausted every conceivable option. As darkness turned to dawn, still no word came from the Lord.
By nature she wasn't impatient, nor was she prone to acts of extreme stubbornness. She thought of herself as submissive, forgiving, charitable when needed. She'd carefully considered her next step, and she was left with no other choice. Eli was dead, she had failed Reverend Inman, and Parker gave no indication that he wanted her to stay.
Parker. How she wished God had sent her to Parker-illogical as that seemed. She felt a closeness to him, an attraction she was powerless to understand. Yes, even a deep love.
She must leave Seattle now, before she made an even bigger fool of herself. Parker was a man content to live life alone-he never once indicated she had a permanent place in his life.
Oh, he had been affectionate toward her at times-even, perhaps, teetering on the edge of being loving. But never, not even once, did he suggest she become a part of his life. Except for the moonlight picnic, he had never initiated an encounter with her.
She still had a small portion of her savings left. She would purchase ship passage to San Francisco. From San Francisco, she would board the stagecoach that would take her to Deliverance. She'd be done with the whole unpleasant situation before week's end.
Sam would be disappointed, but she would understand. Now that the orphanage was gone, it was only a matter of days before the children were placed in foster homes.
Reaching for her hairbrush, she drew it through her tangled locks. She was comforted at the prospect of seeing Faith again. They would laugh and talk and try to figure out why June's plans had never materialized. Faith's steadfast belief was exactly what she needed.
She slipped out before anyone was awake and rode to Seattle to purchase her ticket. There was so much commotion at the complex, no one seemed to notice her absence. When she returned, she packed her meager belongings, then took a moment to sit and compose herself, staring at the ticket. The ship sailed at five o'clock that afternoon. There was still time to say good-bye to Sam. Then she could put the past behind her.
Setting her bag by the door, she stepped outside the complex. Joe and Ben were playing with the children, kicking a ball around the empty crusade grounds.
Ettie was trying to keep up with the toddler, who seemed to always be a step or two ahead of her.
Surrounded by baskets of overflowing laundry, Sam was up to her elbows in sudsy water this morning. Three wooden tubs encircled her, and she rubbed the children's smoke-stained clothes up and down on the large scrub board.
"Aye, lovey!" Sam sighed when she spotted June. "What are you 'bout so early this mornin'?"
June forced a smile. She dreaded telling Sam she was leaving. No one else knew-she wanted it that way, hoping to discourage attempts to talk her into staying.
Sam dried her hands and walked to meet her. "Ow-are you angry with me for spoutin' off last night? I didn't mean it, lovey-"
"No, Sam. That isn't it."
Sam eyed June curiously. "So, are you gonna tell me what's bitin' your back, or do I 'ave to drag it out of you?"
"Oh, Sam ... since when did you become so perceptive?" Tears welled in June's eyes, and she tried to avoid Sam's concerned look.
"Ain't smarts, lovey." Sam patted June's hand. "Just know a saggin' soul when I see one. You tell Sammie what's trou- blin' you, other than the fire. That's troubling us all."
June glanced at the children, swallowing around the thick lump suddenly crowding her throat. "Coming to Seattle was about the dumbest thing I've ever done!"
"Hey, now! Don't you be talkin' like that! I know things didn't exactly turn out the way you'd hoped. But if you hadn't come, we'd never got thick as thieves!"
"You remind me of Papa, only he used to say `tight as ticks."' June dabbed at the corners of her eyes with her handkerchief.
"Ah, thieves, ticks ... makes no never mind. Thick is thick and tight is tight. We'll always be close-"
"Sam, I'm leaving."
"What?"
"Leaving. I'm going to Texas to stay with my sister Faith for a while-at least until I can determine what God would have me do. There's really nothing left in Seattle for me anymore.
"Oh, June. Me dear, dear friend!" Sam wrapped her arms around June's neck and held on tight. "There's plenty for you to do 'ere. We'll find another house for the kiddies-"
June shook her head. "No, Sam. I thought Seattle was my calling. But look at all the terrible things that have happened since I arrived. Eli's death, the orphanage burning. I no longer feel a part of Reverend Inman's crusade, and he thinks I've lost faith in the tabernacle. I haven't; I still believe, but I also believe in other needs as well."
Sam was silent for a long moment; then she spoke. "Much of what you're sayin' is true. I'll not be denyin' that. But you're makin' it sound like every bad thing that's happened ,as been your fault."
June bit her lower lip, wiping at tears that refused to stop. "Sometimes I suppose I do feel responsible."
Sam flared. "Well, if that's not 'bout the most ridiculous thing I ever 'eard! I suppose the next thing you'll be believin' is you're responsible for 'angin' the moon and the stars as well! I got a bit of news for you, missy. Good or bad, you didn't 'ave a bloomin' thing to do with any of it. Not everything is of your doin'."
June was stunned. Sam had never talked so harshly before. Her words chafed.
"Eli Messenger, God rest his soul, would 'ave died whether you were 'ere or in Cold Water. It was 'is time to go. As for the tabernacle, you know Reverend Inman will see it through, with or without you-or anyone else for that matter. The orphanage was failin' long afore you got 'ere and long afore the fire brought it down. But because of Reverend Inman's generosity, the kids is eatin' better and sleepin' warmer than they ever were before."
"Yes ... I told you Reverend Inman is a good man-"
"That he be. But we can't keep our needs dependent upon the crusade's charity." Sam's lips parted with a sly grin.
June eyed her suspiciously. Sam was hiding something, and June had a feeling it was something good. "Are you going to tell me what's behind that mischievous look of yours?"
"Well, I wish you'd come bearin' better news. But still, I'll share me lot with you."
"I could use a bit of good news."
"It's me and Simon," Sam exclaimed, love flooding her words. "The bloke's done asked me to be 'is bride, 'e 'as."
"Sam, how wonderful! Did you accept his proposal?"
"Of course! Told 'im the sooner, the better."
June hugged her and they did a jaunty dance around the washtubs. "Congratulations! I'm so happy for you and Simon."
"Thank ye kindly. Simon is a good soul, and me 'eart is filled with much love for the man. We want desperately to take care of the children. As soon as new quarters can be arranged, we'll work 'ard to give the children a real home. Joe's agreed to stay on. And even sweet Ben has offered to 'elp, 'e 'as."
"That's marvelous, Sam."
Sam's smile died, and her features sobered. "Be more of a hoot if you'd be stayin' on."
"I wish I could, but it's time for me to go." June squeezed her hand. "Truly it is."
"Can't stay even long enough for the weddin'?" Sam chided. "Fine friend you are."
"I would like nothing better, but it would only make my leaving more difficult. I'm leaving today, Sam. This after„ noon.
"This very afternoon?" Sam's eyes widened. "You surely can't be meanin' this afternoon!"
"It's for the best. But we'll keep in touch. I promise."
"You bet we will. I'll see to that." Sam's voice grew stern. "And what about you and Parker?"
June hesitated, then said quietly. "What about me and Parker?"
"Have you told 'im you're leavin'-this very afternoon?"
"No, why should I?"
Sam shook her head in disbelief. "'Cause you're crazy in love with 'im, and you know it!"
June blushed. "And what makes you think that?"
"It's not what I think. It's what everyone, includin' you, already knows."
"Don't be ridiculous."
"Ridiculous? Me? Aye, lovey, you're the one who needs a good dose of reality." Sam's lips thinned. "You've got to tell 'im; got to swallow your pride and tell Parker Sentell how much you love 'im!"
June felt as though the breath had been sucked out of her. "I could never tell Parker that!"
"Sure you could. If you'd pack that pride as quickly as you did your valise."
"But you don't understand-"
"'Course I do. There's a fire 'twixt the two of you, burns bright as a torch, it does, every time you get near one another."
"That's not a fire; it's a facade!" June defended. "It's the only way we can be around each other without arguing."
Sam shook her head. "Nah, it's a fire all right. I know smoke when I smell it."
"Sam, you're not old enough to recognize-"
"Aye, that's where you're wrong," Sam warned. "I know all about love, no matter my age."
Sighing, June conceded, "Maybe in the past, but this time you re wrong.
"And what would it 'urt if I am? Which I'm not," Sam added. "Just tell the bloke you love 'im. Your heart will never be truly at rest, 'til you do. I know 'e feels the same. And if'e doesn't, what 'ave you lost? At least you'll know for certain."
"You don't understand, Sam. Last night when the orphanage burned, Parker came right out ..." For a moment, she couldn't speak.
"Yes?"
"Well, Parker came right out and said the orphanage burning was probably for the best. He kept talking about how the responsibilities were draining everyone and now something would have to be done. If he meant that, then he meant he thought it was time for me to go home."
"Ow, I'm sure 'e didn't mean it that way. You're just borrowin' trouble."
"Well, I was there, and I know what he said. And there's no mistaking what he meant. It was as if he couldn't wait to finally be rid of me."
Sam shook her head. "I think you misunderstood. From what you've told me, it doesn't sound anything at all like the mountain you're makin' it out to be."
"I thought you'd be on my side, Sam!" June burst into fresh tears. "Don't you realize how humiliating it is for me to even tell you about-?"
"Ow, now!" Sam stepped closer to comfort her. The smell of lye soap and wash water swept over June. "I'm always on your side. But I'll always be tellin' you the truth the way I see it. And this time I think you're wrong about Parker and 'is intentions. For the sake of love, I'm beggin' you to go see 'im. Ask 'im straight-out to make 'is feein's known."
"Sam, I can't do that." She just couldn't. That would just confirm that she was an utter fool. "I understood his remarks all too well. He will be relieved to see me go."
Sam sighed. "Well, I guess there's no convincin' you."
"No, Sam." June wiped her eyes and put the handkerchief back in her pocket. "I know when I'm beat. I want to leave with some measure of my pride intact."
"Would you like for Simon to drive you to the dock?"
"Thanks, but that isn't necessary. O1' Joe will. I'm sure he won't mind." June paused. "Besides, if Simon took me, Parker would know. And I'd just as soon be gone when that happens."
Tears glistened in Sam's eyes. "I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you, too."
"We'll stay in touch?" Sam's voice cracked.
"Always."
The women hugged, and June left in search of Reverend Inman, but she couldn't find him anywhere.
Joe was next. He was shocked when she told him she was leaving, but he said he would be glad to be of service and drive her to the dock. Ben openly cried when he heard the news. With her ride secured, June returned to her room, where she paced the floor and counted the hours until time to leave.
Each tick of the clock was louder than the one before. As hard as she tried to rid her thoughts of Parker, his image filled her mind. Sam's words haunted her. What if Sam was right? What if Parker cared that she left? What if he actually cared about her? The thought brought both hope and despair.
In a moment of weakness, June grabbed her cloak. She glanced at the clock. A little over two hours remained before the ship departed. She hurried out the door before she had a chance to change her mind. She found Ben playing with the children.
"Ben!" June shouted as she quickened her steps.
Ben waved. "Hey, Miss June! You come to play with us?"
June frowned. "No, Ben. I need a favor of you."
Ben turned to the children. "Miss June needs me. I'll be right back."
"Ben, could you hitch the buggy for me?"
"No trouble for Ben." He smiled, then sobered. "I will miss you.
"I'll miss you, too." She hugged him, teary eyed.
His sunny disposition returned. "OK!"
Ben quickly hitched the buggy and helped June climb aboard.
"Thank you, Ben."
"Miss June welcome. Ben go play with his friends."
June headed the buggy toward Pine Ridge at a fast clip. Her stomach felt as knotted as a sailor's rope, and her mind raced with every conceivable reaction Parker Sentell might have to news of her leaving. She alternately quaked and prayed as she whipped the horse to run faster.
The buggy bounced along the rutted road, and she reminded herself she was only going to tell Parker goodbye. It wasn't as though she'd had a change of heart. She would be on that ship when it sailed at five.
Parker was just leaving the office when June pulled the horse to a stop. He waved and walked in her direction.
She waved back, her heart heavy with the knowledge that this was the last time she'd ever see him. Blast that Parker Sentell anyway. Why did he have to be so good looking? So tall, and so sweet when he wanted to be, so ornery when he didn't.
Why hadn't he fallen in love with her as she'd fallen hopelessly in love with him?
Parker reached the buggy, smiling. "Hello. I was just on my way to check on you and the children. Is everyone all right?"
"Yes-no one seems worse for the wear," she admitted.