Joyful (19 page)

“I wish you didn't have to make things better by working here.”

“You really don't want me here?”

That couldn't be further from the truth. The problem was that he wanted her too much. But he wanted her there on her terms. Mainly, he wanted her to want to be around him, not because she needed a paycheck. “That's not what I meant.” Though his head was starting to hurt worse, he added, “Beth, it just seems to me that you could use some choices.”

“I don't mind being here,” she murmured.

“Sure?”

“I'm sure,” she said quietly. “At least for now.”

Because she was bothered too much by the conversation that had just taken place, the moment Randall started breathing evenly, she made her way down to the kitchen. She was determined to cook away her frustration and troubles.

If she was going to be steamed about the things that Randall continued to say to her, at least she could be steaming something in the kitchen.

She was pleasantly surprised that no one was in the kitchen. Before he'd drifted off to sleep, almost everyone had peeked in at Randall to make sure he was doing all right. She had imagined they'd be congregated around the kitchen table for the rest of the afternoon.

After opening the refrigerator and again feeling grateful that someone had put away the few groceries she'd managed to buy, she pulled out a chicken, some eggs, and a quart of milk. Fried chicken sounded like the perfect meal to make since the house was currently at odds and ends. Even though she had planned to make lasagne, she knew the boys would think fried chicken a treat since the only chicken Randall had ever managed was grilled—and usually overcooked.

She'd just heated up the oil and had put the first pieces of chicken in the pot when the kitchen door opened and Kaylene scampered in.

“Hi, Elizabeth! You're back.”

After making sure the pot was well out of Kaylene's reach, Elizabeth turned to her. “I came to help out. My grandmother is here, too. Did you hear about Randall?”

She nodded earnestly. “Uh-huh. I wanted to come home, but my teacher said I had to wait 'cause there wasn't nothing I could do.”

“I'm glad she had you wait. All we've been doing is watching Randall sleep.”

“Now what are you doing?”

“Making fried chicken. Want to help?”

“Can I go see Randall first?”

“Nope. We've got to let him sleep.”

Kaylene's eyes grew wide. “Nothing's gonna happen to him, is it?”

“What are you worried about?”

She bit her lip. “Nothing.”

“Are you sure about that?”

Kaylene said nothing, only looked down at her bare feet.

Elizabeth looked at the little girl closely. There was a line of worry on her face. Etched clearly there, as clearly as if she was spouting off a whole list of complaints.

“Come here.” When Kaylene got close, Elizabeth picked her up at the waist and swung her onto the kitchen counter.

“Lizzie, I'm not supposed to be sitting up here!”

“Maybe not. But I saw Levi sitting in this same place the other day. As far as I'm concerned, that means you can sit up here, too.”

She giggled. “You're funny.”

“Don't tell anyone that!”

“Why not?”

“Because everyone thinks I'm very serious, you see.” When Kaylene giggled again, Elizabeth smiled. “Do me a favor and stay right there for a few minutes while I finish the chicken. Then I'll make you a snack and we can talk.”

“What should I do while you're cooking?”

“You can tell me all about your day. How was school?”

“Okay.”

“Just okay?”

She shrugged. “You know I'm not very smart.”

“I don't know any such thing. You shouldn't talk like that.”

“It's the truth. I have trouble reading. And I'm not that
gut
at math, either.”

Carefully, Elizabeth pulled another two pieces of chicken out of the hot oil. “I thought Miriam was helping you with your reading.”

“She did. But I still don't make the best grades. That's okay, though.”

“And why is that?”

“Because we all have things we're
gut
at. Schooling isn't what I do best.”

“What do you do best?”

“Art. I'm a real good artist.”

“That is not something I am good at. I'd love to see some of your work. What do you like to do? Draw? Paint?”

“Draw.” She took a deep breath. “But we're learning about the food chain. Want to hear all about it?”

“Of course.”

Elizabeth let Kaylene's stories about school and foxes hunting rabbits float over her as she continued to fry up the chicken and place it all on a pile of old newspapers, just like her grandmother used to do back when she could see better and Elizabeth was a little girl.

“Want to hear about sea animals next? 'Cause I didn't know this, but seals eat a lot of fish.”

“I want to hear all about everything,” she teased.

Off Kaylene went again, telling all sorts of stories about seals and plankton, Orca whales and abalone. The nine-year-old wasn't talking in any special order. Instead, she seemed content to share as many random facts as possible.

And Elizabeth, who was so used to spending much of her day in silence, ate up the stories.

When the last of the chicken was done, Elizabeth made Kaylene some hot chocolate, then, to the little girl's delight, hopped up on the counter next to her.

“What are you going to do if everyone sees you up here?”

“I don't know. I guess I'll see if they're upset about me being up here. If they are, I'll make up an excuse.”

“What kind of excuse?”

“Maybe I'll say there's a bug down there?” she teased.

“They won't think that's a
gut
reason.”

“You can help me think of one.”

“Maybe we saw a rat?”

In spite of their silly conversation, Elizabeth found herself shuddering. “I don't even want to joke about something like that.”

Kaylene giggled. “I suppose not.” After a pause, her voice turned soft. “Hey, Elizabeth?”

“Hmm?”

“Is Randall really going to be okay, do you think?”

“I think so. The doctors wouldn't have allowed him to come home if they didn't think he was going to be okay. If they were worried, they would have asked him to stay at the hospital overnight.”

“He fell at his work site, you know,” Kaylene said importantly. “And not only did he break his leg, but he had to get stitches, too. Maybe the doctors are wrong.”

“I don't think so.”

“But he is really hurt.”

“Yes. But then the Lord looked out for him. The other construction men called for an ambulance, and He provided
gut
doctors and nurses to check on him. Now Randall simply needs to rest and heal.”

After peeking around to see if any of her siblings were around, Kaylene said, “I'm not supposed to worry, but I was kind of afraid something was going to happen to him.”

“What do you mean by that?”

She averted her eyes. “You know.”

A slow, sinking feeling settled inside Elizabeth. Remembering how inconsolable she'd been when her own father had died, and how everyone had cautioned her to not talk to her
mamm
about it, she said slowly, “Kay, are you afraid Randall is going to die?”

Her eyes got wide. “Uh-huh. My parents died, you know. Both of them. My
mamm
died right after she had me.”

“I know. But that wasn't your fault. You don't think it was, do you?”

She shook her head. “I used to, but Junior told me over and over that it wasn't my fault.”

“He was right.”

“Junior said that no one thought anything was wrong with my
mamm
, but then she died.” In a soft voice, she added, “You never know what is going to happen.”

Elizabeth would have given anything for Junior to be right there with them. Even she knew that this was the kind of thing that Junior had always handled in that calm, competent way of his.

But since it was just the two of them she decided to say what was in her heart. Twenty years had taught her that erring on the side of trying to do the right thing was always better than being afraid to do anything.

“That's why we have Jesus, Kaylene. We have Him so we don't have to wonder about what will happen in the future, because we know that He will take care of everything.”

“Do you really believe that?”

No one had ever asked her about her faith before. Oh, someone might have asked if she believed in God when she was little. Or folks had asked her about being Amish.

But as far as asking about what was in her heart? Asking if she actually believed all the things she'd been taught to be true?

Little nine-year-old Kaylene was the very first.

“I really do,” she replied softly, surprising herself with the emotion behind her words. Suddenly, it was as if the Lord himself was reminding her that He'd always been with her. And through everything she'd been through, from her father passing away to her mother falling in love with another man and ultimately moving away . . . to bearing the responsibility of her grandmother and yes, having her heart broken by Randall . . .

Through it all, she'd felt a wealth of emotions. She had felt discouraged and worried and hurt. But her faith had never wavered.

Feeling more sure of herself, she said, “I don't believe that God ever forgets us, or makes bad things happen because we did something wrong or we weren't good enough.”

“Then how come I've lost lots of people?”

“I don't know,” Elizabeth said, choosing each word with care. “It's the way of the world, I suppose. We are supposed to outlive our parents. That means every one of us loses our parents at one time or another. I don't know of a person who said losing a mother or father was easy.” She sighed. “I don't know why you had to lose them so early, Kaylene. Only God knows that. All I do know is that while the Lord took your parents far too young, He also gave you a great big family who truly cares about you. And that is a blessing in itself.”

“Everyone's been leaving me. Even Junior.”

“Do you really think he has?”

“Uh-huh. He moved away. He wanted to go live with Miriam.”

“It's the way of the world for everyone to start their own lives, too,” she said softly. “Don't you think?”

“But I didn't want him to leave me. Even though he moved away it feels like he left me for good.”

“I heard he also asked if you wanted to go live with him. Is that true?”

“Uh-huh. But I didn't think I should say yes.”

“Why?”

“Because he loves Miriam now and they're gonna have a
boppli
.”

“What does that have to do with you saying yes?”

Kaylene bit her lip and hesitated.

Sensing that whatever was going through the little girl's mind needed to be shared, Elizabeth pushed a bit. “You can tell me anything, Kay. I won't judge.”

“I said no 'cause I don't think Junior loves me like he used to,” she finally replied in a rush.

“I happen to know he still loves you very much.”

“But he has Miriam now.”

“God made our hearts pretty big, Kaylene. I happen to know that there's room in our hearts to love more than one person.”

“You think so?”

Kaylene looked so skeptical, Elizabeth squeezed her shoulders. “Of course I do. I mean, look at you and me. I'm an only child. But you have seven siblings. Do you love all your brothers and sisters?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Well, is your heart better and bigger because you have more siblings and I don't have any? Do you think I can only love a little bit?”

She rolled her eyes. “Of course not.”

“Then why can't Junior love Miriam and you?”

“He's going to have a baby.”

“Babies aren't too big. I bet he could fit a baby in his heart, too.”

As she'd hoped, Kaylene giggled again.

“Dear, this might not be my place to say it, but I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. I promise things aren't as bad as you seem to believe.”

“Maybe not.”

“Definitely not. After all, I did make fried chicken. And I make really good fried chicken. Some of the best around.”

“Maybe Randall will want some?”

“Maybe. Or some soup. Are you ready to take a peek inside Randall's room now?”

“Jah.”

“Gut.”
After hopping down, Elizabeth turned and helped Kaylene down. “Go down the hall, peek in, and if he's awake, pay him a visit.”

She bit her bottom lip. “He might not want my company.”

“You're right, he might not. Or . . . he might. He might be grumpy like one of those polar bears you were talking about. But he is going to be okay. I feel certain the Lord is looking out for him right this minute.”

When Pippa sat down with both Bud and Miguel at one of the front tables in the restaurant, she made sure to face the door that led to the kitchen. She not only wanted to keep tabs on the dining room, but she figured if things got out of hand she could signal to one of the girls to help her out.

Her only consolation was that Miguel and Bud looked just as uneasy. They were seated at a square table, Miguel and Bud across from each other, and her on one side between them. Neither was looking directly at the other or at her. The tension emanating was a tangible thing—she felt like she was sitting with two strangers instead of the man she used to be married to and the man who had recently become a good friend.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” she asked impatiently. She was more than ready to have this little impromptu meeting over and done with.