Joy Argento - Carrie and Hope (19 page)

“Of course I’m marrying Erin. Who else would you think I would be marrying?” Annoyance was evident in Derrick’s tone.

“All right, let’s back up here. Are you telling me that you are engaged to Erin and you are getting married after you both graduate from college?”
Please
, she thought to herself,
please say that you are waiting until you are out of school.

“No, Mom. I mean we are getting married now.
Like in a couple of weeks.”

“No, I don’t think so.” She tried to control her voice but she noticed that the volume had gone up, considerably. “I don’t think that you are getting married now. That would just be stupid.”

“Please, Mom, just hear me out.” Derrick’s voice was calm and even. “Erin…we…Erin and I are going to have a baby. Erin’s pregnant.”

Hope felt a hot flush rush through her body. She closed her eyes against the raising panic she was feeling. She opened her eyes again to find Derrick watching her, waiting for her response.
“Oh Derrick, no.
You didn’t.”

Hope wasn’t naive enough to think that her son wouldn’t have sex before marriage but she had begun talking to him about the importance of birth control when he was only thirteen. She was careful not to lecture him, but to educate him so that he would never be in the same position that she found herself in when she was a teenager. She made sure he had access to condoms. She made sure that she or his
father were
always available for questions. She made sure…
I guess I didn’t make sure enough. He got his girlfriend pregnant anyway. Oh my God.

“It’s all right Mom. Honest it is. This will all work out,” Derrick told his mother.

“Derrick how could…” she didn’t finish the question. She knew how this thing could happen. She didn’t need to ask.

“Why do you have to get married? You are both so young.”

“We want to get married. We want to be together. You don’t want us to get married?”

“Just for the record I am a huge fan of ‘living in sin’,” Hope said.

“Since when?”
Derrick asked. “I thought I raised you better than that, Mom.” Derrick said, trying to be funny.

Hope wasn’t seeing the humor in it. “Since my nineteen year old son announced that he is getting married. Derrick, you are way too young.” She knew she was repeating herself.

“I am older than you were when you got married.”

“Then I know what I’m talking about.” Hope looked at her son. She saw the determination in his eyes.

“You aren’t going to change my mind, Mom. I love Erin. I really love her. I thought if anyone would understand that it would be you. Aren’t you the one that told me that ‘love knows no rules’?
”
He flashed a smile at her.

“No fair Derrick, using my own words against me.” Hope felt like she was losing this round.

“Mom, I just want you to be happy for me. I know it won’t be easy. I am willing to do whatever I have to do to make sure Erin and the baby have whatever they need. I am going to make this work. We love each other.”

“And what about Erin?
How does she feel about all this? Does she want to get married?” Hope couldn’t help but think about herself in the same situation at a young age. She hadn’t wanted to get married, but she did it anyway. She did what she thought everyone expected her to do, what was right for her baby. Her baby was standing here now telling her that he was going to make the same mistake that she had. It was breaking her heart.

“I told Erin that I would stand by her whatever she wanted to do. She told me she loves me, Mom. She wants to get married and raise the baby together. I know we can do it.” Derrick sat at the table and leaned the chair back on two legs. “Sit down, Mom. Let’s talk about this like two adults.”

Hope sat down. She couldn’t help but say, “Adults don’t sit in chairs like that. Now sit right, and we can talk about this.”

Derrick smiled. “Just can’t help but think of me as your little boy, can you?”

“You are my little boy. I know you are growing up and want to make your own decisions, but you are too young to get married.” Hope began to raise her voice, again.

“Mom, you need to calm down and let me explain.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down. There is no being calm about this.” Hope knew that calming down was exactly what she should be doing, but the thought just made her more upset. “This is not how I wanted your life to go. This isn’t what we planned for you.”

Derrick’s tone changed. He no longer tried to calmly explain. He switched to defensive mode.

“You don’t get to plan my life for me. I’m old enough to make my own plans and decisions. I’ve decided to marry Erin and that’s what I’m going to do. I was really hoping that you would support us on this. But you aren’t going to change my mind.”

Hope suddenly found it difficult to breathe.
Please, dear God, don’t let my son go through what I did. Don’t let him make the same mistakes
.
Please let me find the right words to say to him to make him understand.

Hope closed her eyes and rubbed her temples in an attempt to compose herself. She took a deep breath, opened her eyes, and looked directly at Derrick. “You are making the biggest mistake of your life.”

She saw her son’s face turn a deep shade of red. “It’s my life and I am going to live it the way I want to.” He raised his voice to his mother, something he hadn’t done since he was six years old. “I
am
going to marry Erin and we
are
going to have this baby. There isn’t anything you are going to say that is going to change my mind.” He stormed out of the kitchen and out the front door. It slammed behind him.

Hope stared after him. Her world imploded in the blink of an eye. Her son was about to ruin his life and there was nothing she could do about it.
Nothing.

Chapter 23

Carrie knocked again, wondering why Hope wasn’t answering the door. Her car was in the driveway. Carrie started to get worried. She pulled her cell phone from her pocket to call Hope when the door opened.

“Hi,” Carrie said as she entered the house. She noticed that Hope had been crying. “What’s wrong?” Carrie put her arm around Hope’s shoulder as they walked to the living room.

“My son.
My son is what’s wrong.” Hope sat heavily on the couch.

“What’s wrong with Derrick?” Carrie asked, sitting down next to Hope. “Is he okay?”

“That depends on what you mean by okay. He is about to throw his life away. He won’t listen to me at all.”

Carrie could clearly see that Hope was very upset, but still wasn’t sure what the problem was. When Hope didn’t continue on her own, Carrie asked, “What is he doing?”

“He’s getting married,” Hope said. She reached for the box of tissues on the arm of the couch and wiped her nose.

“Oh, my God, is that all? You had me scared that it was something really bad or serious.” Carrie smiled and patted Hope’s knee.

Hope stared at her. “This
is
really bad and serious. My son is about to throw his life away because he got some girl pregnant.” She shook her head.

“Who did he get pregnant?” Carrie asked, not sure what else to say.

Hope was suddenly angry. “Erin,” she said with some force. “Who do you think it would be?”
“Well, the way you said…never mind. Okay, so Erin is pregnant and they plan on getting married?”

“Yes. He is much too young to get married. He is making a big mistake. I should know
,
it’s exactly what I did.”

“I know that you went through a lot of stuff, honey and that you’re worried about him, but maybe it isn’t the same for him.” Carrie put a comforting arm around Hope, but Hope shook it off.

“What do you know about it,” she said in a high-pitched voice. “This is going to ruin his whole life. This changes everything. You don’t understand at all.”

Carries face showed her confusion. She was speechless for several seconds. “Hope,” she said when she found her voice again, “let’s calm down here a little and talk about this.”

“Will everyone just stop telling me to calm
down.
I will not calm down. I really don’t want to talk about this right now. I think you should go.” Hope stood up.

Carrie remained seated and looked up at Hope, her mouth agape in surprise. “What? We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I wanted to spend the evening with you. I don’t want to go.”

Without meeting her eyes Hope said. “I need to be alone. Please go. I’ll call you later.” When Carrie made no move towards leaving, Hope turned to her. “Please, Carrie.”

Without a word, Carrie got up and walked to the door. She opened it and turned back to Hope. She opened her mouth but no words came out. She wasn’t sure how to handle this. She left without saying anything else, and closed the door behind her.

Chapter 24

Carrie didn’t hear from Hope at all the rest of that day. She picked up the phone several times, but hung it up without dialing. She would just give Hope time to calm down and wait for her to call.

She got very little sleep that night, tossing and turning with bits and pieces of bad dreams drifting though her mind. She finally fell into a sound sleep at five o’clock in the morning. That sleep was shattered by the sound of her cell phone ringing.

Carrie looked at the clock.
Six-thirty.
Who would be calling her at six-thirty in the morning?
Hope? It must be Hope
. She picked up her phone from the nightstand and blinked to try to force her eyes into focus. She pressed the talk button on the phone and put it up to her ear.

“Carrie?” It was her mother. Instantly Carrie was awake.

“Mom.
Mom what is it? Is it Gram? Did something happen to Gram?” She sat up in bed, suddenly alert

“The nursing home just called me. She has pneumonia. It isn’t good when a person in a coma has pneumonia.” She could hear the tears in her mother’s voice.

“What can we do, Mom? What are we
suppose to
do?”

“There’s nothing we can do. They moved her from the nursing home back to the hospital. They are trying to keep her comfortable and get it under control. I just thought you should know. I’m going to call your brothers as soon as I hang up from you.”

“Okay, Mom thanks for letting me know. I’m going to get dressed and go see her before I go to work. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yes. I thought you would want to go see her. She’s on the fourth floor. Call me when you get a break at work later. Bye, honey.”

“Bye, Mom.” Carrie pushed back the covers. She didn’t bother making the bed. She went into the bathroom and went through her morning routine as quickly as she could. She changed out of her pajamas and into her casual work clothes and headed out the door.

*****
          

Twenty-five minutes later, Carrie pushed open the door to her grandmother’s hospital room. She could tell immediately that there was a change in her grandmother. The sound of Gram’s breathing was labored and IV hung by her bed with a tube attached to her arm.

The main overhead light in the room was turned off. A light attached to the wall above the bed’s headboard dimly lit the room. Carrie walked to the windows and pulled cord on the blinds to let in some of the morning light.

Carrie sat on the side of the bed and picked up her grandmother’s hand and held it between her own. She reached over and smoothed out the old woman’s hair. Carrie thought about how old and frail her grandmother looked lying in this bed, so helpless. This was not the woman that she knew. Not the woman that she had grown up with.

Carrie sat for a long time, just looking and watching her grandmother breathe.
One harsh breath in, one harsh breath out.

Carrie pulled the covers back gently on one side of the bed. She slipped onto the bed next to her grandmother careful not to disturb the IV line and wrapped her arms around her. “
Grammie
,” she said softly into her grandmother’s ear. “
Grammie
, I want you to wake up and talk to me. I want you to wake up and tell me a story about when you were a little girl and you used to skinny dip in the river, or about the time your brother Albert put a frog down your back. I miss you,
Grammie
.” Carrie let sad angry tears slide down her cheeks. They felt cool on her hot skin. “But, I know that’s not going to happen. So I want you to be able to leave here. I want to tell you
it’s
okay to leave us now. I’ll take care of Mom. I promise. It can’t be much fun for you just hanging out like this. It’s time to go join your mother and father again, and grandpa. I know you’ve missed him an awful lot since he died. I’m sure he’s missed you, too. I know he’s waiting for you,
Grammie
.”

Carrie paused to let a small sob escape. The tears filling Carrie’s eyes made her grandmother look bleary, as if in a dream. “It’s time to stop fighting this. I love you and I will miss you, always. I couldn’t have asked for a better grandma or a better friend. But I want you to be happy and free again, and you can’t do that here. So, please
Grammie
. Please go.”
 
Carrie continued to cry softly. The tears fell on the pillow and on her grandmother’s shoulder. She reminded in that position for a long while, just holding onto the little bit of life that was still her beloved grandmother.

*****
    

Carrie had a lot of trouble keeping her mind on work. She arrived late after spending two hours with her grandmother that morning. Now her mind vacillated between her grandmother taking a turn for the worse and the argument with Hope the day before. She still wasn’t sure what had happened there, and why Hope had gotten so upset with her.

She wanted so badly to call Hope and tell her about Gram, but she didn’t. She would just give Hope some time.
She’ll call me when she’s ready. But, please Hope, please don’t take too long,
Carrie thought
.