Jenna's Cowboy (29 page)

“I’ve learned good things from the psychiatrist and worked through some stuff, but I honestly think I’ve benefited the most from our prayer times. It can be a rough session, but when we spend time praying together at the end, I feel the Lord’s peace.”

“How do people make it without him?”

“I don’t know. I sure couldn’t have. Next week I start seeing Pastor Brad regularly instead of driving to Big Spring. I only have to check in with Doctor Silverman once a month.”

“That’s wonderful.” She sat up again, an enthusiastic smile lighting up her face. “We know you’re better, but that’s confirmation you’ve improved.”

“True, though he thinks I’ll probably always have some issues.” Nate didn’t like admitting that, but he needed to be honest with her.

“According to my parents, Dad still deals with some things too.” She cupped his face with her hand and met his gaze directly. “Sweetheart, we all have issues. Some may be tougher to handle than others, but we don’t have to struggle alone. We have Jesus. And each other. You have me.”

She’d called him sweetheart. He’d been so caught up in the thrill of the endearment that her other words barely registered— until he noted the tenderness in her eyes and did a quick replay.
You have me
. He told himself not to jump to conclusions. But his heart started tap-dancing anyway.

“I couldn’t have made it this far without my friends,” he said carefully, watching her closely.

Disappointment flashed across her face, and she lowered her hand. Sliding back against the seat back, she looked down and took a deep breath. “I thought I was more than a friend.”

“Oh, you are.” He gently lifted her face so she would look at him. “I fell in love with you when I was fifteen, and you’ve been in my heart all these years. Since I’ve been home, I’ve grown to love you more than ever.” A tear ran down her cheek, and he gently brushed it away with his thumb. “Sweetheart, you’re the most important person in the world to me. I love you with all my heart.”

“I love you too. I think I always have.”

He pulled her into his arms, kissing her with half a lifetime of love, rejoicing that he hadn’t been wrong, that she loved him too. Lifting her onto his lap, he kissed her again and again, delighting in her eager response and the love in her touch. She caressed his face, curled her fingers in his hair, and then wrapped her arms around his neck.

They both sensed their control slipping at the same time and eased back. He dropped a light kiss on the tip of her nose. “I think we’d better go duck our heads in the spring.”

Eyes twinkling, she looked over at the cold water, then back at him. “Go right ahead. I’ll watch.”

Laughing, he picked her up and set her back on the bench. He noticed the horses gazing at them, ears twitched forward. “I forgot we had an audience.”

“They’ve probably been laughing at us.”

“I suppose we did look pretty silly to them.” Nate knew she wouldn’t like what he was about to say. But he had to do it. Fortifying his resolve, he picked up her hand and brought it to his lips, tenderly kissing the back of it. “Jenna, I love you, and I want to marry you . . .”

“Yes.”

He closed his eyes, desperately wishing he’d phrased that differently.

She sat up again. The woman was like one of Zach’s bouncy balls. When he looked at her, she was staring at him with narrowed eyes.

“I just said yes, as in yes, I’ll marry you. Me, the love of your life. And how do you respond? No hallelujah. Not even a yee-haw or a yippee. Instead you sit there quiet as a sparrow in a hawk’s nest. You kinda look like one too, all wide-eyed and searching for a way to escape.” She pulled her hand from his. “What’s going on?”

He sat up straighter, remembering when they were kids and she would get riled. Jenna hadn’t been above taking a swing at her brothers, or occasionally at him. “Honey, I do love you, and I want to marry you, but I can’t make a commitment yet.”

Jumping to her feet, she put some distance between them, stomping a trail in the scattered pale green grass in the process. Nate breathed a little easier. She spun around and glared at him. “Why not?”

He stood too. As if his height and bulk could intimidate her, which they couldn’t. Nor did he want them to. He simply felt more secure on his feet than he did cowering on the bench. “Because I need better proof that the therapy and prayer is going to work. I’ve only been at it for a month. I won’t obligate you to marry me when I could go off my rocker next week. I need a little more time, honey. That’s all.”

She rubbed the toe of her worn brown boot in the dirt, then emphatically squished a clod. “How much time?”

Since he hadn’t planned to tell her that he loved her yet, he hadn’t figured that out.
Better pull some number out of
the air.
“How about until April 1st?”

“No.”

“No?”

“If you propose on April 1st, I won’t know if it’s real or an April Fool’s joke.”

“Aw, honey, I wouldn’t be that mean.”

She glared at him again. Given the way he had botched things in the last five minutes, maybe she had a point.

“Okay, make it April 2nd.”

She counted the months on her fingers, clearly not happy with the idea.

Nate thought of something else. “I promised your dad I wouldn’t rush you.” That was a very loose paraphrase of what he’d said to Dub, but the meaning was the same.

“When?” Her forehead creased in a frown.

“When I went to see him after I got home. When he took your advice and hired me.” Judging by her puzzled expression, she was clearly confused. “My senior year, Dub figured out that I was in love with you. Back in September, after I got home, he asked me if I still was. He was worried about you being hurt again.”

Her frown faded. “What did you tell him?”

“That I’d always love you as a friend, but I wasn’t sure if I was still in love with you. That it would take time to sort out those feelings and to see if God had something more in mind for us than friendship.”

He walked toward her. When she didn’t move, he stopped in front of her and lightly gripped her shoulders. “Can you give me those four months, Jenna? To take you on dates, sit with you in church, and love you? Time to regain confidence in myself?”

“On one . . . no, two conditions.”

“Let’s hear them.”

“That you make sure all those single women in town who have you in their sights know that you’re my guy. We may not be officially engaged, but you belong to me.”

“Not a problem. What’s number two?”

“If you decide before April that you can make the commitment, you’ll go ahead and ask me again. But you’d better wait at least a week because it will take me that long to get over being mad at you.”

“Yes, ma’am.” When she looked up at him, he swooped down and kissed her.

A minute later, with her arms wrapped around his neck, she murmured, “You don’t fight fair.”

“Maybe not.” He brushed a feathery kiss across her mouth. “But it sure is fun.”

24

December was filled with holiday parties and church and town activities. It was chaotic but also the best Christmas season Jenna could remember in years because she and Nate shared so much of it.

They took Zach to the Christmas parade three weeks before Christmas. It was little more than a bunch of tractors with wreaths fastened on the front, a few floats, and the sheriff’s posse. The highlight was a cowboy riding a longhorn. The cow’s horns were at least six feet wide, and she sported a big red bow around her neck. Santa was last, riding on Callahan Crossing’s biggest fire truck. Zach didn’t like the boisterous man in the funny-looking red suit. Instead of resting his arm on Nate’s shoulder as he usually did, he scooted closer and put one arm around his neck. “Santa too loud.”

“Shall we go to the Sonic and get something to eat?”

Zach nodded, but he stayed tucked real close to Nate.

They drove up to the drive-in restaurant, sitting in the pickup to eat the meal. Zach played with a little car while Jenna broke his chicken strips into smaller pieces and blew on them to cool. Nate poured some milk into a spare sippy cup and snapped on the lid. He handed it to Zach through the opening between the seats. “Here you go.” After Zach took a big drink of milk, Nate handed him a French fry. “Munch on this until your mom gets the chicken cooled down.”

“Almost there, Zach.” She glanced back at him. He had half of a French fry sticking out of his mouth and grinned around it. She handed Zach a piece of chicken, took a bite of her hamburger, and met Nate’s gaze as he watched her. “What? Do I have mustard on my face?”

He inspected her face, then lightly touched the corner of her mouth. “No, not really.”

She laughed and checked to see how Zach was doing. Sometimes Nate came up with the silliest excuses to touch her. And she didn’t mind a bit.

“So, Zach, what do you want for Christmas?” Nate peered back at him.

“Horsey.”

Jenna blinked and looked at Nate. She really hadn’t expected him to say anything. He never had mentioned anything specific before. “Wonder which of my brothers put him up to that,” she murmured.

“That’s not hard to figure out. If it’d been Chance, he probably would have said a bulldozer.”

“Bulldozer!” Zach grinned when they both looked at him.

“You already have one, remember.”

“Yeah. Chicken.” Zach held out his hand, and Jenna gave him some more lunch.

After they ate, they took him to the park and let him go down the kiddie slide a dozen times. Nate made it easy by lifting him up to the top of the slide instead of him having to climb all the way up the ladder. He played on the swings for a while too, and raced around in the grass as they chased him.

Walking back to the car with Zach riding on his shoulders, Nate looked down at her, his smile wistful. “I could get used to having y’all around all the time.”

“Just say the word, cowboy. It’s up to you.” She knew he wasn’t ready yet. But maybe he was getting closer. “How are your sessions with Pastor Brad going?”

“Good. We spend more time praying than talking, but that’s fine with me. I haven’t had a nightmare in almost two weeks.”

“Fantastic.”

“I think I’m seeing light at the end of the tunnel, and it’s not a train.”

It was an old line, but Jenna expected it spoke volumes about his state of mind.

“Praise the Lord.”

“Yes, ma’am. Many times over.”

The next day was the children’s Christmas program at church. As usual, it was touching, sweet, and funny. And all the more memorable because it was Zach’s first foray into performing before a crowd. He enjoyed it immensely. Remembering all the words to “Away in a Manager” was a little tough, but he knew the hand motions. He also wiggled and swayed in perfect time to the music throughout the whole song. Nate snapped a dozen pictures of the little group, most of them zoomed in on Zach.

When the kids bowed and walked down from the stage, her cowboy leaned over and whispered in her ear, “That’s our boy.” Nate’s name might not be on the birth certificate, or even on a marriage certificate yet, but he loved her son as much as any father possibly could.

That afternoon they decorated her big Christmas tree, then went to Nate’s and decorated his short, scrawny cedar. When she first spotted it, she stared at it in disbelief. “That’s the most pathetic tree I’ve ever seen. You should get your money back.”

“I didn’t pay anything for it. I found it over in the pasture, sitting there all alone, looking forlorn. It was in the area Dub is going to clear out in a few months, so I decided its days should end happily instead of being bulldozed into a big pile with all those mesquites and burned.”

“Then let’s dress it up.”

They put so many tiny white lights and ornaments on it that she thought the poor thing might collapse. When they were done and switched on the lights, they both gasped in surprise.

Zach clapped his hands. “Boo-ti-ful.”

“Yes, it is.” Nate slid his arm around her waist and drew her against his side.

“I think we made it happy.”

“Yep.” He gave her a light squeeze. “Just like me.”

They snuck away in the middle of the week and drove to Abilene to go Christmas shopping. After buying presents for their families and more than they should have for Zach, they split up and shopped for each other. They reunited at the appointed place and time, playfully trying to hide the shopping bags holding their gifts. After stopping for a visit with Nate’s grandparents, they headed back home.

On Christmas Eve, both families attended an early candlelight service at church. Then Jenna, Nate, and Zach drove around town for a while, looking at the Christmas lights. They went by the Langleys on the way home, where Zach got to open his first presents. She had no doubt that the older Langleys would make wonderful grandparents when she and Nate were married.

And they would be married. She wasn’t going to let him get away. The minute he officially proposed, she intended to haul him to the courthouse, buy a marriage license, and see the preacher as soon as it was legal. She’d have that cowboy roped, hog-tied, and branded before he knew what hit him.

Zach opened a few presents at home on Christmas Eve, ones picked out by Jenna and chosen because they wouldn’t excite him too much. He and Nate built a square house with his new building blocks, and Jenna cheered him on as he put together a simple puzzle.