January and the Single Heart (5 page)

Dina
Falkenberg paraded proudly about the room introducing everyone she bumped into to Red, her daughter’s boyfriend.  A few times she mentioned the word, fiancé, and Glen simply went along with it all.  Jan continued fighting her way through the crowd, trying in vain to catch up and stop this farce.  By the time she caught up with them, Glen had met four of her siblings, her father and virtually every one of her Mom’s best friends. 

When she arrived, almost out of breath at the wine bar, she snagged Glen by his arm and
whined, “Mom, don’t monopolize him.  I need a minute alone with my guy.”  She smiled pleasantly and Dina was only too happy to let go of Red and let him be displayed around the room on Jan’s arm for a change.  Jan continued smiling at everyone, nodding a few times to folks and leading Glen into the hallway and up the stairs.  Loud enough for others to hear, she said, “Let me show you the upstairs and I’ll show you my old room.” 

That, of course, was just a ruse.  Glen never got to see her old room.  She stopped halfway down the hallway and pinned him to the wall. “What in the hell do you think you’re doing?  What did you say to my
Mom?  She thinks you are Eddie?”

“No, I told her she must have heard you wrong.  I said you called me Red.  You know, because of the reddish tone in my hair.  I told her it was a nickname.  She bought it.”

“I don’t believe this.  Every time I think things can’t get worse, another fire drill starts.  Cripes!  The damage is done.  She already introduced you to everyone.  They think you and I are together.”

“I thought that was the whole idea.  You sounded so miserable I just thought I would help you out a bit.  Like you
told the real Eddie:  It’s only for three hours. I get to have some free food, some free drinks and all I have to do is pretend to be your beau and listen to some bad jokes for a few hours.  I can do that.  Relax.  When it is over, I can take you home, and you can tell your Mom that we broke up and you’re never going to see me again … and neither will she.   Isn’t that what you were going to do with Eddie?”

Jan looked at him, straight in the eyes this time.  Slowly, she
articulated, “Yes, but I liked it better when it was my plan not yours.  You are a loose cannon and I don’t want to end up as fodder here.”

Glen
just cocked his head and smiled.  Resignedly, with about as much enthusiasm as a night janitor mopping the floor, she agreed, “All right, but keep a low profile and try not to do too much damage, OK.”

Glen looked
right at her and smiled.  “Got it.  Low profile.”

She
straightened herself up and actually helped Glen do the same.  Then they returned to the downstairs party.  They met a few of her friends while she was still holding on to him and she introduced him interchangeably as Glen and as Red.  Just to keep their stories consistent.

As the evening went on, they mingled separately but Jan tried to keep an eye on him at all times.  She watched him as he seemed quite at ease talking with just about anyone, young, old, male, female
, whatever.  He looked quite dapper in a very fine fitting gray suit with a perfectly matched blue tie. 
He’s probably giving off a better impression than Eddie would have and … why do I hate that so much?
Jan thought. 

She watched him drinking conservatively, alternating mineral waters with an occasional glass of wine.  And she observed him with Aunt Marion, who rarely was pleased with anyone.   He spent close to twenty minutes talking with her.  It was starting to bug her. 
What could he possibly be saying to Marion to keep her engaged for all that time?  And she WAS engaged.  For crying out loud, she was actually smiling.  The last time Aunt Marion smiled was … well … never.  But there she was.  Talking to my phony baloney boyfriend and practically grinning from ear to ear.

With her
curiosity getting the best of her, she edged her way across the room towards Glen and her Aunt.  Halfway there, she was accosted by Jennifer and Hannah, her two youngest sisters.  Hannah whispered in her ear, “Come with us, girl, we want to talk” 

“In a minute.  I have to check on something.”  Neither sister wanted to be put off but Jan made it clear.  “I have to do something.  I’ll get back to you in a few minutes.”  At that, they both glanced at each other and backed off.  “OK, later, though, all right?” Hannah asked it but wasn’t really a question.

Jan continued toward her Aunt and Glen but when she got there, only her Aunt remained.  Jan waved and came to greet her.  She looked around as she did it.  “Aunt Marion, it has been too long.  I saw you chatting with Red and …”

“Red?  His name is Glen.  If you had any sense you would knock off the nickname thing. 
He certainly had a lot to say about you!”  Aunt Marion was actually smiling … and smiling at Jan.  That was a first.

“Oh really.  I hope he said nice things.”  Jan tried to give a little laugh but it came out more like a cough.

“He described you quite glowingly.  In fact, I believe he used every complimentary term in the dictionary to describe you.  The man has a wonderful vocabulary.  Looks to me like you have him hooked pretty well.”

“Oh, I don’t know …”

“Trust me”, Aunt Marion continued, “he won’t be fighting you much as you reel him in.  And, by the way, he even added that you mentioned me to him on several occasions and always said how much you admired me.  I found him to be refreshingly honest and I would have to say that you have my wholehearted approval with this one.”  With her blessing given, Marion turned and walked away.  Jan stood there shell shocked for a few moments and then scanned the room in search of Glen. 

She looked all over the living room but could not see him anywhere.  She checked the kitchen, the food tables, the wine bar, the hallway, and even stood outside the Men’s room to see who
came out.  Glen was nowhere to be found.  A small part of her panicked.  What could he be up to?

She heard the kids playing in Mom’s painting room which had been transformed for tonight into the children’s play room.  She walked up to the doorway and peered in.  Hannah’s sons were playing with
little race cars on the floor to the right.  And, there, in the middle of the floor, was Glen, sitting cross-legged with three five or six year old girls.  They had their play dolls and plastic tea set laid out and each was sipping their pretend drink.  One of the girls, someone Jan did not know, said, “And Uncle Glen, would you like another cookie?”

Glen made a dramatic pat of his tummy and reached out to take one of the invisible cookies from the plate.  “Oh Miss Kaitlyn, I would be so happy to have one more.  The last one was so light and delicious it just melted in my mouth. You are a very fine cook.   Thank you.”

Little Kaitlyn gave the appropriate ‘You’re welcome’ response and passed the cookies to the others.  Glen made a big show of finishing his tea and then stood up, spotting Jan in the doorway.  “I think that was the finest tea I have ever had, girls.  Thank you for inviting me to your tea party.”  The girls all laughed and waved goodbye as Glen turned to Jan and walked out into the hallway. 

“Found some new friends, I see”
deadpanned Jan.

“I sort of stumbled onto them.  I heard little voices laughing and I was drawn to them. 
I like the way youngsters think and express themselves.  I wouldn’t mind having a whole brood of those little rug rats someday.”

“You like kids?”

“What’s not to like?  They’re full of wonder.  They have no hidden agendas except that they want to be loved and cared for.  They are fascinated by all the wondrous things on this earth that we take for granted and they start out with such a pure intent.  I always thought I’d have a slew of kids to play Daddy to but I’m getting kind of a late start on that now.”  Glen stopped walking and looked back at Jan.  She was looking at him in a way he had not seen before.  “Sorry”, he added.  “Long answer to a short question.  Yes, I like kids.”

Jan started to say something but
Jennifer and Hannah entered the hallway, grabbed Jan by the arms and almost carried her away.  Jen looked up at Glen, smiled and said, “Sorry, we must borrow your squeeze for a moment.  We promise to return her later.”

Glen just watched as they carted her away. 
They moved on, practically dragging her into the den, closing the door behind them. 

“Where have you been keeping him?  He is a walking Ken Doll, Jan!” 
Hannah was gushing with excitement.

“Oh, geez, I, you know, just wanted to not make a big deal about this one.  Sometimes these things don’t last you know.”  Jan looked at both her sisters and
registered the look on their faces.  Once again, she had said the wrong thing.

“
My gosh!  No wonder you’re not married.  You can’t have that attitude girl. This one’s a keeper.  Do you know that when I talked to him, I slipped and started talking about my kids!  Most guys walk away but he listened to me.  I mean really listened!” 

Jennifer
jumped in too, “And when I talked to him, he hardly said a word about himself but he talked about you like you walked on water.  And then, he asked me questions about my job and then after I told him, he asked some more detailed questions about what I do.”

Jan was a bit lost.  “OK. So?”

“So!  I have a dull job at the bakery.  No one asks me about it and if I tell them anything they only pretend to listen.  When he asked me about how we prepare the raisin rolls in the morning, that meant he truly listened to what I was saying.  He listened! To me!   And he asked questions and then listened some more.  Girl, do have any idea how rare that is?  I thought male listeners died off in the prehistoric years.  You got a keeper, honey!”

Jan shook her head and tried to slip out of their grasps.  “I
gotta go.”

Hannah held tight.  “Jan, what’s wrong?  You look miserable.  Tell us.”

“I can’t.  You could never understand. You’re both beautiful and have good husbands and your own families and we are not in the same universe.  This thing with Glen isn’t what you think.”

She walked to the other end of the Den and stopped, her face just inches away from the books on the shelf that covered the whole wall.  “I love you two.  And Mom and Dad and the others and I just don’t want to let you down. 
Mom is, well, Mom, and you both know what is most important to her.  You’ve both made her happy with your choices and I’ve tried but it just isn’t happening for me.  Events like this are just a huge reminder of that.”

She walked back to face her sisters and gave them both a hug.  As she broke away from Hannah, she said, “Glen and I are not really that close.  It isn’t what it appears.  I’m still a screw-up.”
And then, as if her legs were going out from under her, she collapsed into the nearest chair and the tears poured out at a record pace.  She buried her head in her hands and continued crying.  She kept saying “I can’t do this.  I have to go home.  Now!”  Hannah nodded at Jen and Jen left the room.  When she returned, Glen was with her.  Jen led him into the room, whispered something to him and both of Jan’s sisters left them alone.  They stood outside the door guarding it against any untimely intrusion.  Jan had been a Mom to them for three years when they needed her.  Now, they were going to take care of their big sister for a change.

Glen approached the chair where Jan sat crying.  He briefly placed his hand on her shoulder and then, thinking better of it, removed it.  “Hey, you OK?” 
It was a clumsy opening but he had to start with something.

“I just want to go home.  I can’t do this anymore.”

“I know.  It’s hard.  But your Mom and Dad are going to have their special toast at ten o’clock and that is only 35 minutes away and, I don’t know, but I think your Mom would miss you if you weren’t here.  What do you say?  Think you can stick it out for a little longer?”

“No, I need to go now.”

“OK, I’ll take you out of her anytime you say.  Whatever you want.”   Glen paused for a bit and then continued, “… is that what you really want.  To leave right now?”

Jan was calming down a bit.  The sobs had quit coming and she was dabbing her eyes. 
“Yes, let’s go now.”

Glen stood up.  And then softly, ever so quietly, he said, “Anything you want me to do, I will do right now.  But I just want to say that I think you
r Mom is a wonderful person who is having the time of her life right now.  Your Dad too.  And I think if you left now, no matter how much pain you have in you tonight, they would feel even more if you don’t stay and celebrate with them.  I think you are a good person with a good heart and I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.  But, that being said, I’ll leave now and go get the car for you and then we can go … if that is what you want.”

Glen turned and walked to the door. As his hand rested on the knob, she calle
d out, “Glen, don’t get the car … I … um … I’m being selfish … I should … I know I need to stay.   Could you … could you send my sisters back in?”

The grand finale to the party was the cutting of the cake and the raising of the champagne glasses by everyone as toast after toast ensued.  With new make-up applied by her sisters, Jan got through the evening and actually laughed a few times as she did it.

The ride home was a quiet one.  Glen took her straight to her apartment on 70
th
and walked her to her door to make sure she was safe.  Jan stifled another sob as she touched Glen on the arm and said, “Nothing has changed.  I still would rather not socialize with you.  But … thank you.  I’ve got nothing else left in me.  But thank you for what you did.”  Then she slipped inside, closing and locking the door.