Jane Vejjajiva (9 page)

You were the answer to my prayers.

Kati could not imagine what made two people decide to be together or what made them decide to break up.

Kati met her own eyes in the big mirror in Mother’s bedroom. Tonight Aunt Da and Kati would sleep in this room and Uncle Dong would sleep in the guest room. As for Uncle Kunn, he had already claimed the sofa in the living room. The reflection in the mirror before her receded, giving way to images from the album that Kati had viewed that afternoon.

The honeymoon in the Lake District, the summer in Scotland, a scenic spot in Hong Kong: it seemed Mother had been as happy as could be. The person next to her looked just as content – or was he? Even then, deep in his heart, could Father have known that Mother was not the life companion he had sought?

‘Some people run after dreams their whole lives without realising that the fulfilment of their dreams is close at hand,’ Uncle Dong had said as, hand in hand, he and Kati strolled around the garden.

Earlier that evening Uncle Kunn had suggested they walk to a nearby hotel for dinner. ‘It’ll be a change for you and I won’t have to do the washing-up. What do you say, Kati?’ Everyone had agreed and in only five minutes they passed the guardhouse at the driveway to the hotel. Uncle Dong gestured to Uncle Kunn and Aunt Da to go ahead and book a table, saying he’d take Kati for a walk to look at the garden and work up her appetite. As they retreated, Uncle Dong said nonchalantly, ‘Do them good to have a little time alone... My goodness, what had to happen before those two sweethearts got together, with one so cautious and the other not able to see what was going on right before his eyes!’

Kati wasn’t paying attention; she was too busy craning her neck to study the jungle around her. The tree in front of her was flowering high above her head, huge yellow flowers with many-layered petals. Uncle Dong said it was a torchwood flower. Kati’s neck grew tired, so she lowered her gaze and saw fallen flowers on the ground before her. She gathered them up. They appeared quite fresh. Uncle Dong said he knew the gardener here because he’d been asked to do their flower arrangements on numerous occasions. He would ask permission for Kati to take the flowers home so she could float them in a glass bowl and see how pretty they looked.

Kati had never been to a buffet meal in a restaurant before. There seemed to be a huge amount of food, food to delight the eye and gladden the heart. Aunt Da took her round to read the labels and lifted the lids of the warming dishes, kept steaming hot by the little alcohol lamps burning beneath them. Kati stood on tiptoe trying to see everything. Some she could see and some she couldn’t. In the end Uncle Kunn lifted her up so she could get a better look. Behind her, Uncle Dong was urging her to fill a plate with whatever she fancied, and then on another to put everything she wanted to taste – she shouldn’t mix them up. Then when she knew what she liked she could go back for another helping. Kati blinked: something as easy as this Uncle Dong had to complicate! She pointed, Aunt Da served the food onto her plate, and in an instant it was done. Uncle Kunn lifted Kati onto her chair before spreading her table napkin on her lap. Just the presence of all this lovely food seemed to make life instantly better.

That night, in front of the mirror, Kati picked up a brush and began brushing her hair dreamily. She stared at her reflection in the mirror as the pictures in her head from the evening’s events receded. Now Kati knew where her big eyes came from.

She missed her mother so much. Mother must have studied her own reflection in that mirror on countless occasions. Kati thought that images from the past must have popped into Mother’s mind too. But Kati had no idea how Mother felt about that past of hers. Was she regretful, angry and vengeful, or tearful and sad? Kati wished she had a magic spell to make the mirror answer her question. ‘Mirror, mirror on the wall, tell me how did Mother go on living after losing the love of her life?’

Love comes in many shapes and colours.

The department store was cool and seemed to spread for miles. Aunt Da and Kati walked here from their home in the centre of the city. Goods of all kinds were displayed temptingly, inviting them to stop and shop. Kati was content to window-shop until she heard someone call a greeting to Aunt Da.

‘Da! Great to see you!’

A woman about the same age as Mother, holding the hand of a child about the same age as Kati, came hurrying over to them. She began to greet Da vigorously, grasping her by the arm and clasping her hand. She caught sight of Kati and asked in a loud voice, ‘Is that Pat’s daughter? What a sweetie! Last time I saw her she was this big!’ The speaker gestured with her hand to indicate the height of the child she’d met. Kati could not have been more than three at that stage.

By the tone of their voices, their questions and answers, it seemed their conversation would continue for some time. The little girl, whose mother called her Pinkie, began to get bored and restless, calling ‘Mama’ and pulling her towards their destination. Kati thought she might like Pinkie. She smiled at her and Pinkie stopped pulling away and somehow the expression on her face became a little less sour.

‘Quite right, let’s invite Kati along, shall we? There’s an art corner upstairs where kids can make things. Would you like to come too?’

Aunt Da turned to look at Kati. She must have been thinking how nice it would be for Kati to spend some time with someone her own age.

Kati chose to make a necklace out of beads while Pinkie did a drawing with coloured pencils. The art corner staff were happy to supervise the children so the adults departed to sip coffee and chat, promising to come and pick them up in an hour.

‘If you don’t want to stay that long, just tell me, okay? I’ve got a mobile. I can ask Mama to come and get us, see?’ said Pinkie, and picked up an attractive mobile phone to show off to Kati.

Kati concentrated on the plastic thread on her palm and the little tray full of multi-coloured beads. She planned to thread her beads into a long necklace for Uncle Dong to wrap around a vase of flowers. That would make an original and striking table decoration! If she had time she’d make a smart necklace for Aunt Da to wear with the Mexican patterned blouse she’d just bought.

Kati was engrossed in her task, so she got a shock when she looked over at Pinkie’s work of art. It should have been called a work of mess – there were heavy black pencil marks smeared all over it as though the artist had drawn something and then changed her mind, scribbling over it in black. Her picture was of two men, a big one and a little one, holding hands. In the distance was a little house engulfed in flames. From the artist’s satisfied face it seemed the picture had turned out as intended. Pinkie saw Kati looking at her and explained her drawing with gestures to match.

‘I’m drawing my father and my brother, Pie. Hrmph! They like each other so much, they dumped me with Mama and ran away to live with Grandma and Father’s new girlfriend. Take this! And this! And this! Now I’m making them look really ugly and horrible...’

Kati felt sorry for the white sheet of paper that was the recipient of Pinkie’s anger. But then again maybe it was good for Pinkie to be able to express her anger and not keep it pent up inside. But if Kati had those coloured pencils in her hand, she doubted that her picture would have looked such a mess. Her own heart seemed to harbour no such anger.

On the way home Kati asked Aunt Da, ‘Did Mother hate Father?’

Aunt Da was startled. She bent down to look at Kati’s face and answered, ‘Your mother never spoke of your father to me and I never asked, because I only knew your mother afterwards. But I don’t think your mother hated anyone. Especially anyone who helped her bring you into the world! Your mother loved you so, so much – she used to say all the time that you meant everything to her.’

If she had some coloured pencils, Kati would have drawn Mother in a beautiful pink gown with clear wings holding a wand like a fairy. Kati truly believed that by now Mother was happy in a new world, and that in the future they would meet again.

The happiness of those around us is our happiness too.

The rooftop garden on the nineteenth floor was truly beautiful. When Kati stepped out of the lift with Uncle Kunn, it was hard to believe that she was on top of a skyscraper in a big city. A blue swimming pool appeared before them. Long deckchairs with white cushions were scattered round the pool and beach umbrellas with a blue-and-white striped pattern shaded various nooks and corners. A path led towards an open wooden pavilion over which a
kanpai mahidol
vine had grown, boasting blossoms of pink and white.

Kati had not yet made up her mind whether she should first explore the garden or jump in the pool to cool off when a glass door opened on her left, emitting a blast of cold air and a smell of lemongrass oil.

A woman in a white coat walked out and raised her hands together to greet Kunn in the Thai way. She smiled at Kati. Uncle Kunn bent down. ‘Touk knew Pat really well…’ Touk finished the sentence for him. ‘I was Pat’s masseuse. I gave her massages from before she was sick right until…until she moved to Hua Hin.’

Touk’s eyes grew moist. ‘Pat spoke of her little girl so often I felt I knew you. Be a good girl, won’t you, dear – it would make your mum so happy not to have to worry about you. And if there’s anything I can do for you, Kunn, just let me know. Pat was very helpful to me and I will never forget her.’

Afterwards, Uncle Kunn told Kati that Touk’s husband had been addicted to gambling. He gambled everything they had. Touk separated from him and had to bring up her son on her own. Kati’s mother had helped out many times, especially with school fees. It seemed that Mother had done a great deal to make those around her happy. Kati felt proud to be her mother’s daughter.

The little swing was half-hidden under a trellis overgrown with vines. Uncle Kunn had gone swimming in the pool. Kati walked all around and came to a stop in front of the swing. Swinging up in the air on top of that tall building had a curious feel,

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as though she were swinging up to touch the clouds. Kati let her feelings go with the breeze. The view of the capital city looked strange and new to her eyes. Her thoughts returned to the envelope that Uncle Dong had handed her that afternoon.

The envelope had been addressed in Mother’s handwriting. The person to whom the letter was addressed was none other than Kati’s father. Uncle Dong said that just by slipping this letter in a mailbox Kati would get to meet her father.

Kati missed her mother so much. Mother had prepared everything for Kati but had been willing to leave the final decision for Kati to make for herself.

The swing flew higher and higher. Post the letter. Don’t post the letter. Post the letter. Don’t post the letter. Kati chanted to herself in the rhythm of the swing.

But she already knew what she wanted to do. It was how she was to do it that required some thought.