Jaguar Sun (4 page)

“Are you gonna need help with your ritual?” Lyssa asked, looking up from the papers Grandma had given me.

“Thanks, Lyss,” I said. “Actually, I kinda feel like I need to do this alone.”

I also realized that I was going to have to find a handy spot to hide what Grandma had given to me, and I was definitely going to have to do it while Dad was out. I knew that there was no way he was going to be cool with any of this. Well, there went wearing my hair in a ponytail, not to mention tank tops. I mean, it was New Mexico. That was practically all I owned.

As I dropped the twins off, they sweetly repeated their offer to help. I was really touched by it, but at the same time something inside me was telling me that this ritual needed to be private. I spent the rest of the ride home formulating a dinner plan.

I went into the house and started dinner while Dad sat at the kitchen table catching up on his paperwork. He taught natural sciences at Western New Mexico University. That was yet
another
reason why I knew he wouldn’t understand about me. Scientists had been trying for years to find some kind of mutant gene or something to explain shape-shifting, and so far they hadn’t come up with anything. I mean
nothing.
I didn’t blame him in the least. His brain needed proof and there just wasn’t any. End of story.

“That smells amazing,” Dad said, putting a pile of papers on the counter. “What’s for dinner?”

“We’re having stuffed shells with sauce and garlic bread.”

“Mmm, sounds great. I don’t know how you do it,” he said, as he smiled at me.

“I don’t know either,” I muttered. “I like to cook. It relaxes me.” This was actually true. But I dunno. It was something about working with my hands. And even though Dad thought I was some kind of culinary genius, a lot of the recipes I used were ones that my loser-mom had left behind. (Guess they don’t eat in Las Vegas.) Grandma had given me quite a few over the years as well and—
voilà!
Instant teenage chef.

“You headed out pretty early this morning,” Dad said. “Where were you off to?”

“The twins had an intramural game this morning, and then I brought them up with me to see Grandma. They hadn’t seen her in months,” I added, “so they really wanted to go.”

“Listen, honey, you don’t need to make excuses or give a reason for wanting to see Rosa. She’s an important part of your life. I don’t have a problem with it, you know that. Just make sure you stick to the weekend-only rule.”

Yikes
.

“I know. I just...I feel bad about it sometimes, I don’t know, like I’m reminding you of things from the past that you’d rather forget.”

“I know you do. You know, sometimes I worry about you. You have a tendency to want to take care of everyone around you except yourself.” He cleared this throat. “But I’m the adult around here. Let me worry about you for a change, okay?”

“’Kay,” I said. I knew he was right. And he really was a great dad. I mean, he basically had been both parents to me for most of my life. But I also knew it didn’t mean he would understand about me being a shifter. I just knew he wouldn’t. It would scare him. Hell, it scared me!

It was also Saturday night, which meant he would be in the lab working on research. Which also meant tonight would be the perfect chance to work my first ritual. After dinner, I sat on my bed looking over Grandma’s instructions. It didn’t look particularly difficult. I don’t know why I was nervous. I’m not sure exactly what I thought was going to happen. I mean, we’re Catholic, and we went to mass, and mass is a ritual. It’s not like if you prayed to a saint he would just show up and introduce himself.

Never having seen one before, I was kind of unsure about using the little incense burner. It was just a small tea candle with a little tray for the
copal
suspended above it. I set it on my desk (not having an altar), took three pieces of the resin out of the baggie, and placed them in the tray. Then I lit the candle. A minute or two later, I noticed that the
copal
had melted into a liquid. I began to smell its sweet scent.

I went over to my window and opened it to be sure that any negative energy would have a way to leave my room. Then I stood next to the incense and placed my hands above the
copal
to let the incense purify them. I cupped my hands and wafted the incense toward the rest of my body as best I could. Then I began to recite the blessing that I had first heard my Grandma use when I was a little girl. I noticed that she had written in a few changes to the beginning on the sheet, so that it could be used for my specific purpose.

“
Balam
,” I began, “you follow me in and out of shadows, a spirit that manifests in form. Knowing that your spirit is within me, guide me, great One.”

I fidgeted for a moment as I tried to get my bearings and remember where north was so I could continue. Once I found it, I put the candles on my desk then placed each colored candle at its correct cardinal point. Then I turned toward the east. Lighting the red candle, I said, “Fire, you represent warmth and knowledge. May you bring me the gift of wisdom.” From there, turning north, I lit the white candle. “Air, you give us life. May we learn to live in harmony.” Next I faced west and lit the black candle, saying, “Earth, you give us stability. Lend me your strength so that I may do what must be done.” Then I turned to the south. I lit the yellow candle and said, “Water, you cleanse and purify. Give me the clarity to see through my emotions so that I may unite with my
Nagual
.”

But I knew I wasn’t finished yet. Grandma had taught me that we had two souls: our human one and that of our
nagual
. My spirit was already soaring, as I concluded the invocations. “And may I be one with my Jaguar soul!”

As the last words came out of my mouth,
Balam’s
face flashed before me several times. At first, this made me feel slightly dizzy, but after a moment, figuring I had just imagined it, I walked to my desk and blew out the candle to let the resin cool off and harden again. I felt lighter than I had in weeks. I walked into the bathroom and looked at the back of my neck in the mirror. It was strange. I was in such shock the first time I saw my mark, and I was so confused about why it wasn’t of my
nagual
. But now as I looked at it, it seemed more as though it was part of me. Like it belonged there. I was still curious about why it was different, but I didn’t feel stressed about it now. And, almost instinctively, I knew that
Balam
was sending me the strength to accept it as it was.

~ ~ ~

The twins were coming to the house later so we could have our weekly Gleek-a-thon. We’re total Gleeks. I love me some Matthew Morrison! (Leave it to me to have a huge crush on an actor named Matt playing a Spanish teacher. Ha!) We had a rule that none of us was allowed to watch
Glee
during the week. We DVR’d it and then took turns watching it at each other’s houses on Saturday. So when the doorbell rang, you can imagine how surprised I was when I opened the front door and found Matt standing on the doorstep.

“Hey, Matt, what’s up?”

“Hey, My, do you mind if I come in for a sec?” He smiled with those dimples, and suddenly I was totally unable to put two coherent thoughts together.

“Uh, yeah, sure.”
Brilliant.
I let him in and we walked around the corner and into the living room and plunked down on the couch.

“I know, I usually call to make plans,” he said, “but I was just on my way to Josh’s and I saw your car in the driveway. You didn’t come to the game.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I had...I just had something really important that I had to do. You know, family stuff. There was no way I could get out of it. Please, please, don’t think this has anything to do with not wanting to see you play.”

“Okay, if you’re sure. I just figured you’d be there.”

“I’m really sorry.”
I suck, I suck, I suck.
“It wasn’t some kind of anti-football protest, I promise. I went to your last game,” I reminded him.

“You’re right. I know you can’t be at every one.” He took my hand, and I grinned at him like a huge idiot. Then with his other hand he moved a few stray strands of hair away from my face. I thought my heart was going to pound right out of my chest. “Your hair is so amazing,” he said. He leaned in and brushed his lips gently against my cheek and then lightly over my lips. We kissed. Softly, searching at first, but then it deepened. Electricity shot through my body. It was just like he was the “old” Matt. I somehow forgot all the weirdness that had been happening between us.

And then he moved my hair to kiss my neck.

“Whoa!
Your
Dad let you get a tattoo?”

Oh, crap, crap, crap!
“Uh, not exactly,” I said, and pulled my hair back over my shoulder.

“Can I see it?”

What the hell was I gonna do? Damn! Just then, the doorbell rang. I was saved!

“Oh, Matt, that’s the twins. We were just going to catch
Glee
real quick,” I said, standing up and making for the hall.

“So you’re not coming to Josh’s then?”

“Maybe afterward,” I said. “Do you want to stay and watch?”

“Not so into it,” he said. “But come by Josh’s later if you feel like it.” He gave me a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He said a quick hello to the twins on his way out and headed for his car.

Alyssa watched him drive away. “Ooh, let’s have the details about the hottie,” she said.

“Well, let’s see. We were talking, then we were kissing, then he saw my mark.”

“Oh. My. God. Maya, how did that happen?” Damian asked.

“Use your imagination,” Lyssa said. “What did he say?” she asked me.

“He thinks it’s a regular tattoo. He thought my dad let me get one!”

“Uh oh.”

“I know. You guys, what am I gonna do? I can’t believe I let my guard down like that. What if he tells anyone? Oh, my God. He’s going to Josh’s tonight. What if he tells someone at the party?”

“Okay, you’re freaking out. I’m sure he won’t even think of it,” Lyssa said.

“Even if he does, don’t forget that your mark isn’t an animal like people would expect. There’s actually nothing about your mark that gives you away as a shifter,” Damian pointed out.

Whew
. “I hadn’t thought of that,” I said. I had been so busy worrying about
why
my mark was so different that somehow I had managed to overlook that one teensy little blessing. I mean, jeez, paranoid much?

“Honestly,” Lyssa said, “I really think you’re in the clear on this one. As long as your dad doesn’t find out, you’re good.”

“He’s going to know eventually,” I said, cringing at the thought.

“Well, we’ll just have to deal with that when it happens.” She smiled and plopped down on the floor in front of the TV.

“I’ll go grab the snacks,” I said.

“Need some help?” Damian asked.

“I’m good,” I said, and headed into the kitchen. I pulled some sodas out of the fridge, popped open a diet Coke and took a sip, then took some munchies out of the cabinet. I brought them back to the living room and joined my BFFs on the floor with some big pillows. I was more than happy to Gleek out like a regular kid for a while.

“So how did the ritual go?” Lyssa asked a minute later.

“Okay, I think. I definitely feel calmer, more centered. You know, it was the strangest thing...,” I began, but then something stopped me.

“What’s that?” Damian asked.

“Well, this is going to sound weird—”

“—weird? Coming from
you
?” Lyssa giggled.

“Chill, Lys,” Damian said. He looked at me. “What happened?”

“Well, just as I finished the ritual,
Balam’s
face flashed before my eyes a few times.”

“That’s interesting. I wonder what that could mean.”

“You mean you don’t think I imagined it?”

“Well, do you?” he asked.

“No, I guess I don’t. I wasn’t sure at first, but now….”

“Then I don’t either.”

“Me, neither,” Lyssa chimed in optimistically. “You know, maybe
Balam
is
trying to communicate with you or something. I mean, first it was in your dreams while you were asleep at night. Pretty normal, as far as we know. But then he seems to be...not chasing you like you thought...but
following
you and maybe even trying to get your attention. And now he shows up in your ritual.”

“Hey, who says Damian’s the smart one?” I grinned, knowing full well it was a sore spot for Lyssa.

“You know, she could be right,” her twin said. The serious look on his face put an end to my silliness. “I hope your grandma can locate that friend of hers,” he added. “I think there might be more going on here than meets the eye.”