Jack A Grim Reaper Romance (23 page)

Mason nodded and left them. When Lilly turned back to Corwin, it was to find his jaw set tight, his eyes on the door Mason had walked through.

“Does he love ye?” Corwin turned his gaze on her, his piercing green eyes commanding her to answer him.

She shrugged her shoulders. How could she possibly answer him when she wasn’t sure herself. “I wish I could tell you, but if Mason’s involved, then the matter is never a simple one. He says he does and I’d like to think so, though I doubt he even knows himself.”

“Then there is no hope for us?” Corwin held her gaze as his eyes silently pleaded for a chance. “Tell me I’ll not be forced to watch you love another for an eternity.”

Lilly’s heart broke at the thought, though she could not give him the reassurance he was looking for. “I wish I knew. It’s only recently that my relations with Mason turned more serious. But he knows I’ve never stopped loving you.” She wasn’t sure if she was making matters better or worse.

“And do ye love him, lass?” Corwin slid an arm around her waist and pulled her close, nuzzling her cheek.

She struggled to find the words to explain her feelings for Mason, but having Corwin so close did nothing but distract and confuse her further.

Corwin continued, his lips just a whisper away. “Was he able to steal yer heart in my absence or do ye just need to remember what we had together?”

Before she had a chance to answer, he kissed her until her knees turned to water and she was left clinging to him for support. When he pulled away, they were both short of breath, his words but a murmur against skin.

“I love ye, Lilly, and I’ll not give ye up without a fight.”

***

Lilly got ready to have memories and mind violated, while Corwin left with Pierce for an introductory lesson on reaping. She knew Mason would make it as easy for her as possible, but it was still one of the most unpleasant experiences she’d ever endured.

Mason poured himself a whiskey and then lifted the bottle in question. “Will you have some drink to help numb things?”

“I might as well. Anything to help with the pain.” She took the glass Mason offered her, and then took a big gulp, hoping to speed along the spirit’s affects. By the time she finished her glass, she was feeling lightheaded.

“One more for good measure, aye?” He refilled her glass and his own, though he looked no more drunk than when they had started drinking.

She sat by the fire, feeling chilled on this rainy and cold day. In a way, it reminded her of the rainy day she spent with Jack, the one she used to recall the murder. Or perhaps it was on her mind because of Mason’s intentions to take her back to the cottage.

Mason sat by her side and pulled her close. “So, how did Corwin take it?”

She was annoyed with Mason for mentioning Jack the way he had, but as always the case, she couldn’t stay mad at him long. “You could have given me the chance to explain my relations rather than dragging them out in the middle of breakfast.”

“It’s best he knows from the start that he’s no longer in the world of the living. Things are different here, and the faster he figures that out, the better off he’ll be.”

“It wasn’t your place to tell him, Mason.” She let out a ragged breath, weariness settling into her heart.

“Perhaps not.” There was a long pause, and when he spoke again the tone in his voice had changed. “Do you not think it difficult for me to see the way you look at him; the way you touch him? To know you nearly sacrificed everything for just an evening in his presence. To know he was…” He shook his head, but said no more.

“He was—what? What were you going to say, Mason?” She held his gaze, and in that moment she knew. Every muscle in her body tensed, but she still managed to get the words out through clenched teeth. “How long have you known?”

She felt as if the earth had fallen away from under her feet.

“Damon told me.” He reached over and touched her cheek, but she pulled away. “It makes no difference, love. You know society’s rules don’t exist here. It doesn’t change the way I feel about you, aye?”

“How can you say that?” She squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to let her emotions get the better of her. It then occurred to her. “And Nelson? He knows, doesn’t he?” Mason punched him for a reason and now she knew why.

He grabbed her hands and squeezed them. “Nelson’s a bastard, aye? But I’m telling you, love, it changes nothing.”

“It changes everything.”

The shame and guilt returned once more, as if she were sitting there in her parent’s sitting room after telling them she was with child. She’d never forget her father’s harsh words and the look of disgust on his face. Heat flushed her cheeks as she wondered who else knew. Pierce? Amara? Hell, half the reapers probably knew by now.

She could not look at him. “You should have said something when he told you.”

“It was not my place to bring up something of such a personal nature. But I love you, Lilly. And I’ll not fault you or think less of you for something that should have brought you joy. It’s no wonder you’ve had such a hard time letting go of the past. I’m only sorry you didn’t feel you could trust me with such a matter.”

Her anger and hurt wavered, for she knew, Mason of all people, would not judge her. “I could not bear to speak of it, and I worried that the Elders… I worried they might harm her if I didn’t obey them.” When she let out a weary sigh, he wrapped her in an embrace, and nestled her under his chin. “Not even Corwin knows.”

“Will you tell him, love?”

“I’ll have to eventually, though it won’t be easy, especially when he’ll not be able to go find her.”

She did not think Corwin would think anything less of her, seeing as he was a willing participant. And yet, it had brought her such disgrace when her family sent her away lest she soil their name. She could not help but wonder how he’d react, especially when he’d only just left that society and its way of thinking.

“You’ll know the right time when it comes along.” Mason kissed the top of her head. “Should we get started then or do you need a little longer?”

“We may as well start.” She just wanted to get it over with. The sooner, the better.

“It would be best if we take it slow. If you’re at ease, it’ll be less painful.” Mason twined his fingers with hers and brought her hand to his lips. “Shall I get you another drink?”

“I suppose. Anything to be oblivious to the pain.”

He refilled her glass and waited for her to finish it. By the time she did, it was an effort to even keep her eyes open. When he pulled her into his arms and cradled her head against his chest, she went willingly.

“I’m going to start, love. Are you ready?” When she nodded, he got to work as she kept her breathing slow and steady. “Think of that intimate memory with Jack.”

She did as she was asked, but a moment later, her head throbbed and Mason was in there with her. Now fully awake from the pain, she took several deep breaths to try and cope. He waited for the pain to subside and she forced her body to relax once more before he continued.

“Return to the murder and let it play out for us.”

Her head hurt again as he held onto her thoughts while she recalled the scene in the alley. Again, just like the last time, Jack stood above the body of a woman, her throat cut, and his knife dripping with blood. She watched as Jack plunged it into the woman’s abdomen, when Mason stopped her.

“Where’s the beginning? Why do we not see that first blow? Go back and try again, love.” Another sharp pain spiked through her mind as Mason tried to push the scene back to the start of the event.

She winced in pain, but nothing more would come. “I can’t, Mason. That’s all I see.”

Releasing the image, it all played out before them, finally coming to an end with the grizzly mutilations completed.

The pressure in her head eased as Mason withdrew from her thoughts, though neither the throbbing pain nor the gruesome images had yet to subside. She wondered how many times she’d be forced to live the nightmares, and how many more women would be brought to their deaths, torn to pieces.

When she turned and faced Mason, it was to find him deep in thought. Something was eating at him, for he seldom looked this distracted. “What is it?”

“I didn’t see the first murder through your eyes, but you said it started with the woman already dead. Then there were the two murders we were able to recreate, but again, none started with the actual deaths. We know Jack’s there with a knife in his hand, hacking at the woman, but why don’t we see the start of it all? It seems like the recreations only start once the women have had their throats slashed.” His brow furrowed in concentration, his gaze lost in thought. “I wonder if you’re unconsciously blocking out the women’s actual deaths because of your closeness to Jack.”

“What’s happened when you’ve done this type recreation with other reapers? Was there ever any portion left out?” As chancellor, he must have had plenty of practice with this technique.

“Though I’ve gone through other’s thoughts before, we’ve rarely had reapers turn to murder. Still, Jack’s energy should link with the woman’s when they come in close contact with each other. That’s how we’re able to retrieve what happened—it’s the energy that’s linked to the body. We
should
see the beginning.”

Lilly tried to think of an explanation, but her head was still lolling around with drink, exhaustion setting in. “I don’t know what it could be then.”

“I don’t know either, love, though I wish I did.”

***

Lilly led Corwin through to the sitting room of her home. “You can stay here as long as you’d like.”

When he closed the distance between them, she felt her heart trip over itself. “Will ye also be here?”

One more thing she’d have to try and explain. “I’m afraid not, though that may change soon enough. There was a recent incident with a stranger, and it’s probably best if I remain at Mason’s for now.”

“An incident? Lilly, I must admit, the little I’ve seen of this life has me wondering how suitable it is for a lady.” Worry lined his forehead, as he brushed a stray lock from her face. Her heart raced at his very touch, but his words nagged at her.

“I stopped being a lady when I became a reaper, Corwin—and when the alternative is being dead, I’ll take my chances with this life being a bit unsuitable.”

Her tone was harsher than she’d intended, but his words only reminded her of how very unladylike the end of her life had been. She reminded herself to be patient with him—he did not know of their child and was still new to this life, his words only spoken out of concern.

Feeling guilty, she gave his hand a squeeze. “I know this life is far from conventional, but it has its advantages.”

How was it she was now sounding like Mason and Pierce? If they ever heard her, they’d be laughing until their sides ached.

“I hadna meant to imply…” He sighed and shook his head. “Forgive me,
mo chridhe
. I feel as if I’m constantly saying the wrong thing.”

“No, love. It’s just that things are different here. It’ll all come with time though—and that’s the one thing we now have plenty of.” She looked up at him, still not used to having him around. It all seemed so unreal.

He cupped her cheek, and slid his thumb across her lips. Her breath hitched and her heart raced as he leaned in and nuzzled her, his kiss but a sweet touch. “I like that we’ll now have an eternity together, for truth be told, my heart has yet to recover from yer absence all those long years.”

When he kissed her again, Lilly lost herself in him. His arm went around her waist and pulled her close, as her hands fisted the fabric of his shirt, her body coming alive under his touch. Memories sparked in her mind of that one evening so long ago, weakening her defenses further.

By the gods, she wanted him. And yet… every touch, every wanton need and thought was tainted with Mason’s presence. How she found the strength to pull away, she knew not.

Had she worried about explaining herself to Corwin, she need not have bothered, for the kind look in his eyes told her that he understood. He pulled her into a comforting embrace, and kissed the top of her head. “I’m sorry if I’ve made a mess of things for ye, love. I know it canna be easy to have two brutes pulling ye in different directions.”

“It’s not your fault, and the truth of the matter is that in this world, one seldom has a claim on another. Life is just too long.” She would not lie to him about the realities of being a reaper, and in a way it was her own confession to her lack of innocence.

Corwin was smart enough to know exactly what she was implying. “I said I wouldna judge ye, love, and I meant it. As long as I still get to hold ye in my arms, nothing else matters.”

He led her to the sofa, and then nestled her by his side. Leaning against him with her head on his chest, she listened to the pounding of his heart and inhaled deep. He still smelled of the sea, as if it ran through his very veins. So familiar, it at once triggered a rush of memories. Needing more, she nuzzled against the crook of his neck, each breath pulling her further away from Mason. Corwin ran a gentle hand down to the small of her back as her lips pressed against his skin, slowly trailing kisses to the hollow of his collar bone.

“I’ve missed ye, Lilly.” He pulled her up to him, so they came face to face. Ruddy freckles danced across his skin, as bright eyes of green locked with hers, his full lips only a breath away. “It’s been too long.”