Jace (River Pack Wolves 2) (Paranormal Romance) (14 page)

Holy fuck, what was he doing?

Jace struggled with his beast, wrestled with it, cursed and shouted and summoned every ounce of will he had to shove it back deep inside him. He watched as his claws receded, felt his fangs tuck back into his mouth, and his heaving breath mixed with sighs of relief. What was he thinking? That he could take Piper like that, the way he wanted to—the way his
wolf
wanted to—and not risk his beast bursting forth? He knew she needed to hear those words, to feel his body, to know what he felt for her was more than just lust… but he’d gotten too lost in it.

And almost lost control.

Her words from before haunted him—
I ruin everything.
He wanted to kill the man who told this little girl she didn’t matter in the world. Because she was starting to be
everything
to him—someone who needed him; someone he could care for; someone he could rescue to make up for all the lives he had destroyed. And he’d almost let his wolf loose on her. A shudder ran through him, but his beast was quiet again, even though his hard-on was still raging.

He turned back to Piper. She was naked and horrified, laid bare physically and emotionally against his door. Her expression speared through him. She had to wonder, had to
know
, there was something terribly wrong with him, but he couldn’t let her go for one second more thinking it had anything to do with
her
—because he could see it all over her face.

He’d told her to get out.

Fuck.

He lumbered back toward her. “Piper, I’m sorry.”

“I can… I can… leave now…” She was hysterical, looking everywhere in the room but at him. “I’ll just… get my clothes…” She bent to pick up the scraps he’d torn from her body.

God, he had messed this up so badly. His body was still coursing heat from their lovemaking, and his hard-on stuck out from his body like an awkward additional limb, but he didn’t let any of that stop him from pulling her up from where she crouched on the floor and gathering her into his arms. She was trembling again. Because of him. And not in a good way.

“You’re not going anywhere,” he said, his voice less ragged, now that his beast was under control. “Come with me to the bed.”

She was blinking and shaking. “I don’t… I don’t understand.”

“I know. Let me explain,” he said softly, slipping his hands down her body. Damn, she was so soft and delicious… his hard-on wasn’t going anywhere at this rate. But he eased her toward the bed with him, holding her around the waist because her legs didn’t seem so steady. When they reached it, he drew her down into his lap as he sat on the edge. His erection made its presence known, but he ignored that, pushing a wild lock of her gorgeous black hair behind her ear. She was so goddamn beautiful—and so open and vulnerable to him right now. He felt like he was holding a kitten. A very
sexy
kitten… but a fragile, beautiful thing, nonetheless.

“I have a secret to tell you.” His chest clenched because she might run from him. She might decide he was too dangerous to be around or just plain evil. But he obviously couldn’t risk making love to her—his beast was too easily drawn to the surface by her—and she deserved to know why.

Her dark eyes were wide, her body still flushed from their lovemaking. Her nipples were tight, and he couldn’t help running his hands up the gentle curve of her waist to lightly trace the flesh hardened with pleasure. He could spend the rest of the night just playing with her gorgeous breasts.

“I think I’ve already figured out that you like my breasts,” she said with a small smile.

It made him laugh and broke his heart at the same time. “You have no idea how much I like your breasts,” he said, his voice suddenly going husky again. His cock twitched… and that really wasn’t where this needed to go. “Maybe I’ll show you later. But first, there’s something you need to know about me: I can’t shift.”

The smile dropped from her face. “But I saw you…” Realization dawned on her face. “You said before that you choose
not
to shift. Why?” She was open and curious now. Unafraid.

For the moment.

“Because I can’t control my beast.” He said it quietly, but he could count the heartbeats between his words and her response.

A frown slowly drew down her face. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that, when I shift, I turn into a wild animal, not a man in wolf clothing.”

To her credit, she didn’t immediately pull away in horror. In fact, she just looked perplexed. “I’ve never heard of anything like that.”

“It’s pretty rare.” He cleared his throat. He was unusual in more ways than that. “In fact, I’m the only one I know with this… affliction. But it means that I can’t risk shifting, not when anyone else is around, at least.”

“But you’re still a wolf, right?” Her voice was light, like she was still trying to puzzle out what he was saying.

He should just come out and tell her all of it. “Yes and no. My wolf is… large. Massive really. Twice the size of any normal wolf. And crazy strong. Plus he’s always been… well, a bit on the wild side.” He smiled a little and squeezed her waist, teasing her about her name.

She shook her head. “Maybe you’re not as wild as you pretend.”

That dropped the humor from his face. “My wolf has always been hard to control. And that was before…” He sucked in a breath, then just forced the words out. “When I was deployed, I lost control of my wolf, and a lot of people died because of it.”

She was frowning again, but not pulling away. “What happened?”

He gritted his teeth, but there was no holding back now. “My troop was on patrol. Afghanistan. We were going to check on a remote village that had some reports of insurgent activity. When we were almost there, our Jeep must have hit an IED or something—all I remember was being thrown in the air and shifting on the way down. After that… it’s a blur. I can only remember bits and pieces. The burning village. The people…” His voice hitched, and he had to choke back the horror and guilt welling up. “Later, when I woke up in a hospital, they told me—everyone in the Jeep died. The entire village had been wiped out. They were either blown up by the IED or torn to pieces by some kind of wild animal.”

Her eyes went wide. “You think it was your wolf?”

“It
was
my wolf, Piper.” He sighed. He could still see his patrol’s faces, just before everything went to hell—Owen, Wyatt, Anthony. He was the only one who came back. He hadn’t been able to face their families either, just slunk off to join Jaxson and Jared at Riverwise. “I can’t remember it all, just snatches of what happened that come back to me in my dreams. My nightmares. But I was there
—in the village—
or rather, my wolf was. I can smell the burning flesh. I can see the fear in their eyes—” He had to stop and look away from her beautiful, concerned face. He couldn’t change what had happened, and he would forever regret losing control, but the only thing that mattered now was making damn sure it never happened again. He cleared his throat and looked back to her. “The tribunal investigating the incident ruled it technically as an “accident.” But they left the cause as “unknown attack by a wild animal.” They let me leave with an honorable discharge. But it’s a lie—I know it, and they know it.” He gently touched his fingertips to her cheek. “It means I can’t
ever
shift again. I can’t submit to my alpha, I can’t take a mate… I can’t ever be anything more than a man. And some days, I feel lucky to even have that chance.”

A roil of emotions churned across Piper’s face, and he half expected her to bolt. Instead, she moved slightly in his lap, her beautiful soft skin sliding against his, and gripped his cheeks with both of her small hands.

She gave him a fierce look. “You are a
good
man.”

He closed his eyes briefly. “Piper—”

“Shut up. I’m talking.”

His mouth hung open for a second, then he smirked. “Yes, Ma’am.”

But she didn’t say anything else—she
 just gripped his cheeks harder and kissed him. It was intense and fast and the taste of her, the
feel
of her grinding against him, sitting naked in his lap, made his cock spring to attention. By the time she pulled back, he was breathing hard again.

“I like the way you talk,” he said, the smirk still playing on his face.

“Now you listen to me,” she demanded, eyes blazing. “You are one of the bravest, most selfless, most honorable men I’ve ever met. And there’s no way in hell you took out a village of innocent civilians. I don’t care what form you were in.”

His shoulders dropped. “Piper, please—”

“I’m still talking.” She mock glared at him, and he couldn’t help it—it wrenched another smile out of him. “If you don’t want to shift,
fine.
If you want to believe your beast is something different than
you,
fine. But I want you to know that
I
know the truth about you, Jace River. And the truth is, you’re good and decent, through to the core, like no one I’ve ever known. You’re the kind of man I’d trust with my life… the kind I’d trust with my heart. And there are literally no others in that category.”

She held his gaze. It took a long moment for him to realize what she said, and more importantly:
she wasn’t running away.
Then she leaned in and kissed him again, slower this time, less intense but more erotic, like her tongue wanted to take its sweet time exploring his mouth. He couldn’t believe she was still here, still kissing him, still naked in his lap, when she knew—she
knew
—everything that he was. He held her tight and kissed her back. But when she reached down to stroke his raging hard-on, he caught her wrist and pulled it away.

“I can’t.” His voice was heavy with lust. God, how he wanted her to keep going. “It’s not safe. My beast almost broke loose before—”

“You’re not going to hurt me.” The confidence in her voice was… insane. Did she not hear all the things he just explained?

“I mean it, Piper.”

“Shut up. I’m talking again.” But she wasn’t—she was sliding off his lap to kneel between his legs on the floor in front of him.

“Piper, what are you—” But he didn’t have to ask, because she gripped his cock and slid her hot little mouth over it.
“Fuck.”
The feel as she took him deep in her throat, the insanely erotic sight of her lips sliding over him, her tight fist stroking the length that she couldn’t take in… all of it made his eyes roll back in his head. He gripped her hair in his fist to stop her, but she just sucked harder and wrenched a moan out of him. He ended up guiding her head as it bobbed in his lap, and he struggled to breathe between strokes.

To his surprise, his wolf was quietly humming with the pleasure she was giving him, but staying buried. After a long delicious minute of this, his sanity returned, and he gently lifted her mouth from where it was greedily devouring him.

“Dammit, woman,” he said, breathless. “I told you, I can’t do this.”

“And I’m going to prove you wrong.” She pushed him back on the bed. “Scoot to the head of the bed, soldier.”

He grinned, in spite of the fact that she was playing with fire. But his wolf was quiet, at least for the moment. If it started to claw its way out again, the way it did when Jace had her up against the door, then he would just have to pull away. Sooner, this time.

He edged backward and leaned against the pillows propped at the head of his bed. “What are my orders, Captain?”

She crawled across the bed toward him, her hungry gaze dropping to his cock then springing up to lock him with an intensely sexy look. “Your mission is to see how long you can hold out.” When she reached him, she straddled him, poised over his cock, placing it right at her entrance. Her gorgeous breasts were level with his face. She peered down at him with a lascivious smile. “You’re also allowed to enjoy the view.”

“I’m going to enjoy the hell out of this view.” He palmed both of her breasts, bringing one tight nipple to his mouth. Then she quickly sank down on his cock. He groaned, releasing her breast from his mouth and slipping one hand to the small of her back to balance her as she started to ride him. His head tipped back against the headrest for a moment, then he snapped his eyes open again. He wanted to see the pleasure she was taking from him, breasts bouncing before his face, her own head tipped back as her breathing quickened. God, she felt
so
good. He didn’t know how far he could take it—his wolf had come out mostly when he was close to his own release—so he needed to get her there
first.
He reluctantly dropped the hold he had on the heavy globe of her breast and slid his hand down to rub her hot little nub.

She gasped when he touched her sex, and he knew that would take her there fast—and him, too. It was so damn sexy, watching his cock disappear into her. He would never be able to claim her, he never be able to sink his fangs into her and make her his mate, but if he could keep his wolf under control, maybe he could keep her with enough of
this
—his love, his protection, and all the hot orgasms she could stand.

“Oh, God, Jace!” she cried out, and he could feel her tightening around him. He breathed through his teeth, trying to forestall his own release, all while flicking his thumb across her nub with one hand and grabbing her breast with the other. He twisted her nipple to give her that small touch of pain to tip her over the edge. She screamed his name and came undone around him, convulsing around his cock, and suddenly, his own climax rushed at him.

No, no, no…
but it was there, coursing white-hot pleasure through him, more intense than anything he’d felt before. Through the blinding haze of release, he could tell—
he was still human.
He groaned with relief and pleasure as she rode the last waves and then collapsed on him, burying him in the softness of her arms and her breasts in his face, wrapped around him, kissing him.

He rolled to the side with her, both of them collapsing with their pleasure spent. She cuddled into him—complete trust, complete openness, every small part of her spread wide to him. It was the most sublime feeling he’d ever known, and he couldn’t stop touching her, all over, just skimming his hands and reveling in her nearness. Her soft kisses were slowing, and a drowsy haze was calming his motions, too. They remained locked together, tangled but utterly comfortable in each other’s arms.