'All you have to do to make me happy, love, is to live an honest, decent life.'
'Then, in that case, you
can
be proud of me, Mam.'
Dee looked at the expression on Peggy's face and saw that Neil's eyes were bright with tears and immediately began to feel suspicious. 'Your story still doesn't make any sense.'
His face darkened. 'It's not a story.'
'Then explain this debt?' Dee challenged him.
Peggy waited in silence for her son's reply.
'I have a friend who was also a gambler. She—'
'She?' Peggy's eyes widened.
He nodded. 'Women gamble too, Mam. Anyway, Benita had taken money from the shop where she worked. She never took a lot, but she did it on a regular basis. Like me, as she got more desperate, she grew careless and she was caught. Her employer was an old family friend and so he agreed not to call the police if she paid it back and continued in her job for free.'
'So, where do you come in?' Dee asked.
'As soon as I got out of prison I started to attend Gamblers Anonymous meetings. That's where I met Benita. We became very close quite quickly. We've been together now for two years.' He shot her a nervous look.
'Isn't it a bad idea to get involved with another addict?' Dee asked.
'Absolutely,' he agreed, 'but thankfully it hasn't worked out that way for us.'
'So you've taken on her debt?' Peggy asked incredulously.
'Yes.'
Dee shook her head. 'And how do you know she's not using you the way you used me?'
'She's not; she loves me.'
Dee flinched. 'You can't always believe what people tell you, Neil,' she said bitterly, 'especially a gambler.'
'Dee, I am so sorry for how I treated you and if there was any way I could take it back, I would. I'm sorry if I'm hurting you again by telling you that I'm in love with another woman, but you wanted the truth.'
'You still haven't explained why you came home,' Dee said sharply. 'And where is this girlfriend of yours?'
Neil looked away. 'She's in Spain. I'm here because I'm working. Andrew had to come here on business, he's the one thinking of starting up in Ireland. He was in an accident a couple of months ago and busted his wrist and ankle and he can't drive so he brought me along to drive him.'
Peggy blinked. 'You're a chauffeur?'
He nodded, clearly embarrassed. 'The car is only in my name because he finds it so painful to use a pen and it was easier to let me take care of the paperwork.'
'But why didn't you just tell me that?' Peggy cried. 'I would have been thrilled to know that you were working, that you were okay and that you'd found someone special,' she shot a quick apologetic smile at Dee, 'again.'
'I'm sorry, Mam, I just wanted to be a big shot. I did intend to tell you everything but you were so impressed and proud. Then I picked up that newspaper and saw Dee and Sam and' – he held up his hands and shook his head – 'I was in shock. I knew immediately that I wanted to see Sam but I didn't know how Dee would feel. I thought it would add insult to injury if she knew I was with someone else and—'
'And?' Peggy prompted.
He hesitated for a moment. 'I just decided to say nothing.'
'You told us that you were thinking of moving back to Dublin for good,' Dee reminded him.
'I'm sorry, but I thought if I told you I was going to live in Spain you really wouldn't let me get to know Sam.'
'I don't know what to make of all this,' Dee said, wearily. 'How can we trust you? There have been so many lies.'
'And there's still something you haven't told us, isn't there, Neil?' Peggy was watching him steadily.
'No, that's everything.'
She closed her eyes briefly. 'Don't, Neil, please? You've come this far, don't stop now.'
He shook his head. 'I'm sorry, Mam, I really don't know what you're talking about. If there's something else, then I've forgotten it.'
Frowning crossly, she put a hand into her bag and, producing the handwritten note, tossed it across to him. 'How can you forget that?'
Neil picked up the note and smiled slightly and then in front of Dee and his startled mother, began to cry.
Neil had excused himself and gone out into the garden and Dee turned to Peggy.
'What? What's going on? Why is he so upset?'
Peggy shook her head. 'I don't know.'
'What was that letter about?'
'It was from a girl, presumably Benita, I couldn't read the signature. She was telling him she missed him and that she didn't care about the money. She wanted him to be with her because it was nearly time and she didn't want to have their baby alone.'
'She's pregnant!' Dee exclaimed. 'But why would that upset him?'
Peggy sniffed and pulled a handkerchief from her sleeve. 'She must have lost it. I'd better go out and see if he's okay.'
While Peggy followed Neil outside and disappeared into the shadows, Dee went to the fridge and took out a bottle of wine. She felt as if she'd just gone three rounds with Mike Tyson and she wasn't sure if it had been worth it. Where did this leave them? Where did it leave Sam? She poured wine into a glass and drank thirstily, pacing back and forth, occasionally pausing to look out the window into the darkness. It might be April but they'd freeze if they stayed out there much longer. She was just about to refill her glass when the door opened behind her and she watched as first Peggy came in and then Neil, both of them subdued and red-eyed.
'Can I use your loo?' he asked Dee.
'Sure.' She took him out into the hall and pointed him towards the staff loo and then went back in to Peggy. 'Well?'
'Good news and bad. She was expecting twins but she lost one last month.'
'Oh, God, that's awful. When is she due?'
'Eight weeks.'
'I still don't understand why he wouldn't tell us.' Dee took down two more glasses, poured the wine and handed a glass to Peggy.
'He was still afraid it would affect your decision about Sam and also he thought it would be bad luck to talk about the baby. He seems to be fairly traumatized by the loss and he hates being away from Benita at such a time.'
'Then why doesn't he just go back?' Dee said.
Neil appeared in the doorway. 'Because if I hang on here with Andrew for another five weeks I will have enough money for an apartment for us. I can't let Benita and the baby come home to a room in a boarding house, what kind of start in life would that be?'
'If you want to be with her then you should go,' Peggy told him, 'I'll give you the rest of the money.'
'Oh, no, Peggy,' Dee started.
Neil flopped into his chair and shook his head in disgust. 'Dear God, she thinks I've made this all up just to get money out of you.'
'I didn't say that,' Dee protested.
'But you thought it.' Neil stood again and going to the counter, took up Dee's pad and pen. 'Thanks for the offer, Mam, but no. In fact, if you want to help me, please don't ever offer me money again. You can buy something for the new house or for the baby, that would be very kind, but never offer me or Benita money.'
'What are you doing?' Peggy asked as he sat down at the table and started to write.
'This is Benita's number. I want you to call her and talk to her and get her side of the story. Her English is very good so you should be fine. And this is Andrew Charles's number, he's my boss. He'll be able to verify the whole story.'
'Oh, Neil, why didn't you just tell us the truth in the first place?' she asked, tears rolling unchecked down her face.
He smiled sadly, his own eyes full of tears. 'I was ashamed, Mam. To admit what I had done to Dee was hard enough but to tell you that I had gone to prison.' He shook his head. 'I just couldn't do it.'
'Is that everything now?' Dee asked, dashing a hand across her eyes.
He nodded. 'That's everything. I'm so sorry for all the lies and the hurt and I can't prove to you that I won't gamble again in the future. All I can tell you is that I've never had more reason to try not to.'
Once Neil finally opened up it was as if he couldn't stop. There were tears all round as he told them of some of the lengths he'd gone to to finance his gambling, and his horror when he'd found himself in a Spanish jail. He explained, quite movingly, how he felt he couldn't face Peggy as he'd let her down so much.
'You always taught me the importance of honesty and having a good name and I thought you would be ashamed of me if you knew how much I'd lied and cheated,' he said.
'I'm your mother,' she cried. 'There is nothing you could do or say that would ever make me disown you.'
She explained to Neil how she had found out everything she could about the addiction and how she'd talked to the counsellors and asked for their advice.
'And I bet they told you to protect yourself,' he guessed.
She nodded. 'But the reason I didn't trust you and I went through your things was because they said that if you'd really stopped gambling, you would be able to talk about it.'
'But it was different because I was out of the country,' he explained. 'You hadn't seen me at my worst and I thought I'd got away with it. I thought I'd be able to swan back here looking rich and successful and you'd be proud of me.' He looked at her from tear-filled eyes. 'Pathetic, I know.'
Peggy took him in her arms as if he was still a child and Dee crept out of the room to give them some privacy. She went up to Sam's room and sat on his bed and wished he was there so she could hold him.
After twenty minutes or so, she gathered up some photo albums and returned to the kitchen. 'I thought you might like to see these,' she said, setting them down on the table in front of Neil. Within minutes they were all laughing and smiling as they flicked through Sam's life in pictures.
'Dear God, Pauline is laughing in this!' Neil gasped in amazement at the photo of Sam as a toddler, sitting on his great-aunt's knee. 'I don't think I ever saw the woman crack a smile.'
'Sam brings out the best in her,' Dee agreed, 'and I've never heard Jack talk as much as he does when he's with Sam.'
'That's because he never usually gets a word in edgewise,' Neil laughed.
With the atmosphere less charged they finally began to discuss how they could introduce Sam to his father.
'I can't believe you're going to let me do this,' Neil said. 'Thank you, Dee.'
'I'm doing it for him as much as for you, but please understand that it will be a while before I can let you spend time with him alone,' she replied.
'And you'll be going back to Spain in a few weeks so we have to be careful that he doesn't feel he's found you and lost you again, all in a very short time,' Peggy fretted.
'They can talk on the phone and write, or email,' Dee reminded her.
'I don't have a computer,' Neil said, 'but there's an Internet café very near the apartment.'
'I think that will work out fine.' Dee sighed. 'I'm not so sure, though, how he's going to feel when I tell him that Peggy is his granny.'
'I've given that some thought,' Neil said slowly, 'and I think we have to tell him that I haven't been well and that you were protecting him from me but that you wanted Peggy to be in his life, even if it wasn't possible to tell him exactly who she was.'
'That's a good idea,' Peggy agreed. 'It will make sense to him, he's used to us always trying to protect him and he's a very clever little boy. Maybe you could ask Lisa what she thinks. She knows him well and she's trained in childcare.'
Dee nodded. 'I'll do that.'
After she'd locked up, Dee curled up on the sofa and called Conor. He picked up on the second ring.
'Hi,' she said.
'Hi. Are you okay?'
'Yeah, fine. Is Sam?'
'He's great,' Conor said and she could hear the smile in his voice. 'We've had a busy evening feeding the cows, playing football, cooking—'
'Cooking?' Dee couldn't believe her ears.
'Well, barbecuing but don't worry, Sam was in charge of the marinade and the salad.'
Dee laughed. 'Sounds like fun.'
'Yes and we were just settling down to watch a programme about whales when Mum and Dad arrived so he spent the rest of the evening trashing us all at Snap.'
'He's fast,' Dee said proudly. 'Was he okay about going to bed in a strange room?'
'He conked out within minutes of his head hitting the pillow,' Conor assured her. 'So, tell me, how did it go?'
'Really well, although it's been a very traumatic evening. Peggy looked ten years older at the end of it and Neil wasn't much better.'
'And you?'
She thought about it for a moment. 'I feel more relaxed and at peace than I have in a long time.'
'I'm glad.'
She went on to give him a quick synopsis of the evening's conversation and finished up with the news that not only was Neil in a relationship but he was going to be a father again.
'I finally feel that he has been completely straight and honest with us,' she said when she'd finished, 'and he's working hard to make a new and better life for himself and Benita.'
There was a short silence on the other end of the phone. 'Are you okay with that, Dee?'
She smiled at the hint of doubt in his voice. 'I am one hundred per cent okay with that, Conor. I've told you Neil is Sam's father, nothing more. I loved him once but that was a very long time ago.'
'So when are you going to introduce them?'
'Probably some time next week. I want to talk to Lisa first, she might be able to advise me on the best way to broach the subject with Sam.'
'No one knows Sam like you do; follow your instincts.'
'Thanks, Conor.' Dee yawned. 'Oh, I'm sorry.'
'That's okay, I won't take it personally,' he said with a chuckle. 'You've had a rather tiring and stressful day. Go to bed. You need to be here at ten sharp tomorrow morning.'
She groaned. 'But Conor—'
'No buts, Dee,' he said firmly. 'Sam and I are going to buy some chickens and you're coming with us.'
'Okay, then,' she agreed, too tired to argue, 'see you at ten.'
Dee dragged herself out of bed and into the shower at eight o'clock the following morning. Though she was very tired she also felt exhilarated and high on life. Things really couldn't get much better. Then she remembered the ridiculous question she'd asked Conor. Well, maybe things could be a bit better, but she wasn't going to dwell on it. She certainly wasn't going to ask any more stupid questions. Conor had put so much money and effort into transforming his home just for her son; if that wasn't a declaration of love, what was? She dressed quickly in her denim skirt, white T-shirt and cowboy boots. Grabbing her jacket, bag and the apple tart she'd made for Conor yesterday before Peggy and Neil arrived – it may not be as good as Aidan's mother's but he still loved it – Dee went out to the car. She was just turning back to lock up the house when she saw Vi standing at the gate. 'Vi!'