'I suppose you're right,' Dee had acknowledged, but she still wasn't sure. She felt that if she was going to have to share her kitchen with another cook it had to be someone who was committed and switched on by food. She knew she was probably being too fussy but, as she'd said to Lisa, this person wouldn't just be sharing her kitchen but sharing her home, too. Oh, well, she reasoned as she turned off the motorway, she'd find out very soon if the ideal candidate was, in fact, ideal.
As soon as she pulled up outside the house, she saw Sam waving excitedly at her from the window only to disappear and reappear seconds later in the doorway with Lisa beside him.
'Mum, where are we going?'
'I thought we could go into town for new shoes,' Dee said mildly but felt immediately guilty when his face fell. 'And then maybe you could take me to see
Happy Feet
.'
'Yes!' Sam punched the air and did a little dance.
Lisa raised an eyebrow. 'I think he likes the idea.'
'Okay, sweetheart, into the car, we'll have to hurry if we want to make the train.'
'We're going on the train?'
'Dear God, the child will burst with excitement,' Lisa laughed, as she helped him into the car. 'Put your seatbelt on, Sam, and have a great time.'
'Thanks!'
Dee drove the short distance to the train station, Sam singing loudly all the way. Fate was on her side as a car pulled out of a spot near the entrance and she hurriedly took it and switched off the engine. 'Come on, little man, we have a train to catch.'
'This is the best,' Sam said as they stood waiting on the platform. 'The only thing that would make it better would be if Conor could come too.' He whirled around excitedly. 'Mum, why don't you phone him and ask him?'
'I'm afraid it's too late for that, sweetheart. Conor would never make it on time.'
'I s'pose.'
'Anyway, this was a last-minute idea because I got home early. I thought you'd like a trip out, just the two of us.' She cringed at the peevish note in her voice. Who exactly was the child here?
'Of course I do, Mum,' he said hugging her, 'but I like spending time with Conor too and so do you. It's nice when the three of us go out.'
Dee didn't have to reply as the train rounded the bend and Sam was immediately distracted.
'Yippee, it's here. Let's get in the first carriage.'
Dee took a firm grip of his hand until they were safely ensconced in the first carriage, Sam bobbing up and down happily in his seat. She really had no need to take him to the cinema at all, she realized. He'd be happy enough with this little jaunt to and from the city on the train! Still, it was nice to have time together and wonderful to see him looking so healthy and happy.
Sam had been absolutely fine since his funny turn the previous Friday and Dee was starting to relax a little but a scare like that had made her realize how easy it would be to lose him. Lisa too had been troubled about how quickly he had gone downhill unobserved and she was taking steps to make sure it didn't happen again. When Dee had gone into the room on Monday evening it was to find the furniture in the crèche had been rearranged so that Lisa and Martha could see every area from their usual vantage points. Of course, there was no way to watch every child every minute of every day but they were still determined to be even more vigilant in future.
The train pulled into Tara Street station and Dee stood up. 'Come on, Sam, this is our stop.'
'Are we getting my shoes first, Mummy?' he asked, as they stepped down on to the platform.
Dee checked her watch. 'No, the film is starting soon so we'll go to the cinema first.'
'Cool!'
Sam skipped along happily at her side, his hand in hers as they left the station and made for O'Connell Bridge. They were halfway across the Liffey, the wind whipping Dee's hair around her face, when Sam broke free with a cry.
'It's Aunty Peggy! Aunty Peggy!'
Sam raced ahead and as Dee pulled her hair out of her eyes and hurried after him she groaned when she saw that he was indeed right. Bending to hug Sam was Peggy Callen, a horrified expression on her face as her eyes met Dee's and, standing slightly behind her, looking shocked and confused, was her son Neil.
Dee hurried over, her eyes flicking between mother and son, pleading with them not to say anything. 'Peggy, great to see you!' She kissed the older woman's cheek but her fingers dug into Peggy's arm.
'And you.' Peggy replied, her voice shaky.
'We're going to the cinema,' Sam announced, dancing around them.
'Well, aren't you the lucky one.' Peg smiled down at him.
But Sam had now noticed Neil and was looking at him curiously. 'I'm Sam, who are you?'
Neil opened his mouth to answer but Peggy jumped in before he could say a word. 'This is my friend Ne—' She stopped. 'Noel. This is Noel.'
'Nice to meet you.' Neil nodded at Dee and smiled at Sam. 'Hello, Sam.'
'Hi,' Sam said shyly.
'Hi,' Dee echoed. 'I'm sorry to run, Peggy, but if we don't hurry we'll miss the start of the film.'
But Sam wasn't ready to go quite yet. 'We haven't seen you in ages, Aunty Peggy. Does Prince miss me? That's Peggy's dog,' he added for Neil's benefit.
'Yes; yes, I know.' Neil looked from Sam to his mother.
Peggy reddened but kept her eyes on Sam. 'He's fine, love.'
'Can I come and see him soon?' he persisted.
'Of course you can, darling.'
'Come on, Sam.' Dee was actually dragging him away now. 'I'll call you, Peggy, and we'll set something up.' She avoided Neil's eyes completely.
'Great, love. Bye, now. Bye, Sam, have a lovely time.'
He waved furiously, walking backwards so he could still see her. 'Bye, Aunty Peggy,' he roared.
Dee quickened her pace and Sam was forced to turn around. 'Mum, you're going too fast.'
'Sorry, I just don't want us to be late.' Dee wondered if Sam could hear the wobble in her voice.
'Why haven't we been over to Aunty Peggy's, Mum?' Sam asked as Dee held open the door for him and they went into the lobby of the movie theatre.
'Mummy's been very busy,' Dee said, reaching into her bag for her purse.
'Can we have popcorn?'
'Sure,' she replied, knowing that right now she'd agree to anything.
When the movie had started and Sam was engrossed in the story, Dee slumped back in her seat and closed her eyes, grateful for the darkness that enveloped them. She felt physically exhausted although she knew her weariness was due to shock. She wondered how Peggy was doing and how she would explain all of this to Neil. Would he be happy that Peggy and Sam had a relationship or just furious that she had kept it from him?
Dee remembered vividly the first time she had come face to face with Peggy Callen after Neil had left her. She had gone to the airport to pick up Pauline and Jack after their annual visit to a cousin in Atlanta and was wandering around the arrivals area in the vain hope of finding a seat. She had paused when she became aware of a woman staring at her and had been horrified when she realized it was Neil's mum and her eyes were firmly fixed on Dee's eight-month-old bump. Dee had turned away and moved to the other side of the arrivals hall but Peggy had followed her and with a firm grip on her arm, guided her towards the coffee shop and sat her down.
'I don't have time, I'm collecting my aunt,' Dee remembered protesting, but Peggy wasn't interested.
'I won't keep you long,' she'd said, her voice quiet but determined. 'Is it Neil's?' Dee's eyes met hers and she knew she couldn't lie. She'd simply nodded.
Peggy gasped and put a hand to her mouth. 'Oh, dear God.'
'You don't have to worry,' Dee had retorted, 'this is my baby and I'll raise it. I don't want anything from your son and I don't want him anywhere near us.'
'Oh, Dee, don't talk like that!' Peggy had been reproachful.
'Sorry, but can you blame me after what happened? Have you heard from him?' she'd asked then although she knew she shouldn't care.
Peggy's shoulders had slumped as she shook her head. 'He phoned last Easter and I gave him an earful about you as soon as I heard his voice. He hung up and I haven't heard from him since.'
'You're better off,' Dee had said bitterly but then she'd felt bad when she saw the wounded look in Peggy's eyes. They had always got on really well in the past and Peggy had been very kind when Dee's father had died. Whatever Neil had done it wasn't his mother's fault. Dee had stood up. 'I've got to go,' she'd said but put a hand on the woman's shoulder. 'I'll call you when the baby comes.'
Peggy had grabbed her hand and squeezed it, tears shining in her eyes. 'If you need anything, anything at all, you only have to ask.'
As promised, Dee had phoned Peggy the day she got home from the hospital and told her that she could see the baby on the condition that she never told Neil. Peggy had reluctantly agreed. 'I do understand, Dee, but I hope that if he comes back some day, you will change your mind.'
After that Dee and Peggy met up a couple of times a year but once Sam hit three, he demanded more contact with his Aunty Peggy, loving every moment with her. Dee was happy to oblige. It was wonderful to watch the close relationship develop between them and it was only slightly overshadowed by the fact that Sam didn't know that this was, in fact, his grandmother.
As Sam got older and started to wonder why he didn't have a father or grandparents, Dee had been sorely tempted to tell him the truth about Peggy but, realizing it would only confuse the child, she'd held her tongue.
As far as everyone else was concerned, Peggy was a cousin of her mother's who was slightly agoraphobic; hence the reason no one ever got to meet her and all the meetings took place in Peggy's house. Dee did wonder why Peggy hadn't gotten in touch when Neil returned. Maybe she was afraid Dee would cut off contact completely.
Looking down at her son now, his eyes riveted to the big screen, his hand mechanically feeding popcorn into his rosebud mouth, Dee knew there would be questions later. She hated the fact that it would mean she'd have to lie to him, but if she told him who Neil really was he'd know that she had been lying to him his whole life and that Aunty Peggy was in fact his grandmother.
Sam went to bed without complaint that night and was asleep within minutes, a fact for which Dee was supremely grateful. Conor had called to say another cow seemed to have been hit by the same bug and he couldn't leave the farm and Dee was glad. She'd never told him who Peggy really was and she wasn't ready to do it tonight. She needed time to collect her thoughts and prepare herself for what lay ahead, whatever that might be. She decided to pour herself a large glass of the wine that Conor had brought over the previous night. En-route to the fridge, she switched on the answering machine. She was afraid that Neil or Peggy might call and she wasn't ready to talk to them either.
As she'd expected, on the journey home from town Sam had returned to the subject of Peggy. Dee had kept her answers both simple and vague and, as soon as there was an opportunity, she had turned the conversation back to the movie. Sam had been easily diverted but she knew that it was a temporary reprieve. He was a deep thinker who would mull things over at length and come back with questions days, weeks, sometimes even months, later.
She remembered the time a lady had collapsed at the supermarket, Sam was only three and was sitting in the trolley, and Dee had stayed with the woman until the manager arrived and had taken her off to his office.
'What's wrong with the lady?' Sam had asked.
'She's not feeling very well,' Dee had told him but he continued to quiz her as they walked home and that night as she was putting him to bed. Nearly a year later, he had brought it up over dinner one day. 'Do you think that lady's okay, Mum?'
'What lady?' Dee had asked, confused.
'The one in the supermarket.'
Dee had been amazed that he had not only remembered the incident but had also been so concerned about the woman. It had touched her but also alerted her to the fact that Sam was a lot more observant and sensitive than she had realized.
Dee's musings were interrupted by the doorbell and, with a heavy sigh, she set down her glass, stood up, and went out into the hall. She opened the door, stood back, and smiled slightly. 'Come in, Peggy.'
The older woman's eyes slid towards the staircase. 'Is he asleep?'
Dee nodded and led Neil's mother back out to the kitchen. 'Wine?' she offered, pausing by the fridge.
Peggy shook her head as she perched on the edge of a chair, twisting her hands in her lap, her eyes anxious. 'What did he say?'
Dee sat down on the sofa and reached for her glass. 'Not much. He was wondering how you were suddenly well enough to be out and why we hadn't been to see you in so long but, thankfully, he never asked about Neil.' She looked at Peggy, noting the dark circles under her eyes, the slump of her shoulders and the nervous way she was biting on her bottom lip. 'Was he annoyed?'
Peggy gave a laugh that was half a cry. 'You could say that. I tried to explain but I don't know how much he actually took in. Finally he just stormed off.' Peggy shot her a nervous look. 'I was afraid he'd come here.'
It was Dee's turn to look worried. 'He'd never do that, would he? I mean, that would get him nowhere. I wouldn't let him in. In fact, I'd never let him near Sam—'
'Are you going to let him near Sam at all?' Peggy asked quietly, her eyes searching Dee's face.
Dee looked away. 'I'm not sure.'
Peggy waited.
'I want to,' Dee explained, 'but I'm afraid.'
Peggy nodded. 'I can understand that.'
Dee looked at her. 'Has he changed, Peggy?'
Peggy thought for a moment. 'Yes, I think he has. He's been home for over two months now, and I've seen no sign of him gambling. Having said that, I'm not sure I'd know what to look for.'
Dee sat forward. 'Why didn't you tell me he was back?'
'I don't know. I wasn't sure what to do. He hadn't mentioned you and so I suppose I thought maybe it was better to say nothing. Then he saw you in the newspaper.'