Authors: Ashley Beale
I don't make it far before the rumbling of his motorcycle echoes behind me. He pulls up next to me, letting the bike remain idol. "Will you get on the bike?" he asks frustrated.
"What's the point? So you can tell me I'm an idiot for being with him?" I can't even look at Jaron. I have to look forward, feeling embarrassed for being caught in the midst of everything.
"Ravyn." He says my voice kindly. Almost like he doesn't want to be upset with me. He just wants my attention. It takes more effort than it should, but I turn to face Jaron, allowing him to see the tears brimming in my eyes. "Will you please get on the bike?"
Nodding my head to answer, I climb on the bike behind Jaron, hanging onto his strong body. He doesn't have a helmet with him this time, but I don't care. I like the freeing feeling it gives me as we race down the road. I don’t have a clue where we're going, but it’s okay, I want to be anywhere but here.
I'm not sure how much time passes by but I know it has to be a few hours. We're in an entirely different region. My legs start to throb from the constant vibration. Jaron finally pulls into a motel parking lot while I was contemplating on asking him to stop, killing the engine once we're in a parking spot.
"What are we doing here?" I ask, glancing up to the neon vacancy sign.
"Don't worry, I'll get two beds," he says before tapping on my knee to get up.
He's a difficult person to understand. He's reserved yet kind, a bit controlling without being a complete asshole. I haven't figured him out yet and I'm not sure I ever want to.
Climbing from the motorcycle, I look around to find familiarity. I don't leave Arlington often, I have no need to really. There have been the few occasions with Dawn though. Nothing about where we are is familiar, I recognize completely nothing. "Where are we?" I ask Jaron as we head into the motel lobby.
"Vermillion."
"As in... South Dakota?"
"Yup." He opens the door and allows me to go in first. I don't walk though, instead I stare at him with question. Why are we in a completely different state over two hours from home? At a motel no less. He has a life, as do I, we can't just run away.
Lifting his brow, he asks curiously, "Are you coming in or not?"
"Uh, yeah," I answer after a second before finally walking through the door.
The air conditioner makes it twice as cold in the lobby than it is outside. A lady in a maroon polo shirt greets us from the other side of the desk, a large smile on her face when she notices Jaron. "Hi, can I help you?" Her eyes never once fall upon me, they remain glued to Jaron while he orders a room for the night, with two beds like he claimed. I swear I watched the ladies smile widen when he mentioned that part.
Getting the room keys, we walk down the hall towards room one-eleven. Jaron opens the door and allows me to go in first. The room reeks of stale cigarette smoke, the same smell as walking through the front door of my house. I sit on the first bed while Jaron walks past and sits on the one closest to the window, taking his shoes off and pushing them out of the way. He stretches and I can't help but stare at him as his shirt lifts from his stomach, revealing not only a chiseled stomach underneath the fabric but a hint of a tattoo as well.
I want to ask what it is of, but I don't push those boundaries. Instead I ask, "What are we doing here?" Since he didn't answer me the first time I asked.
"Needed to rest," he answers casually. Reaching to the side table, he grabs the remote and turns on the TV, then lays back on the pillow to relax. He does this too often, ignoring the real questions asked.
As much as I want to ignore life and all the unanswered questions as he does, I can't. Being pesky I ask again, "Jaron. What are we doing here? As in Vermillion, as in hours away from home?"
With a sigh, Jaron mutes the TV and sits up a little straighter in his bed. He looks at me with disappointment. "How long has he been doing that?"
I stare at Jaron, too scared to tell him the truth but not wanting to lie. So instead I don't say anything.
"Well?"
"I don't know," I mumble, looking down at my hands. I wring my hands nervously, knowing I'm going to receive some kind of lecture from Jaron.
When he doesn't say anything after a minute I look up at him curiously. He's still staring at me but I don't think he's looking
at
me. Something is playing in his mind, such as a memory, one he doesn't exactly enjoy.
"Jaron," I whisper. He jumps out of his skin, blinking a few times until he's focused on me once more.
Lifting his lips, he pretends to smile, not fooling me one bit. He has a painful past as well. "We don't have to talk about it, but if you
want
to, I'm here for you, Ravyn. I'm your friend."
"Why are you being a friend to me? You don't even know me."
"I don't have to know you to know that you don't deserve that shit. I knew you were different, I knew you had pain from the first time I met you, and I had an idea there was shit going on behind closed doors, but that... I didn't expect you let someone hurt you like that."
His words cut me. I don't know what to say to him. "I'm an idiot," I admit out loud. I've told myself that many times, but I finally find the encouragement to say it to another person.
"Yeah, that you may be, but you don't deserve to be hurt that way. Ever."
"I let it happen." I use his words to remind him that I do in fact deserve everything I allow into my life.
Jaron stands from his bed to walk over to me. He comes down towards me, causing me to fall back on the bed while he places his hands on either side of me. His face inches in front of me, making my heart thump in a way it hasn't in years- since Kyler spoke to me the first time.
His lips spread into a cocky smile, one I honestly don't care for, except that it makes him look absolutely beautiful. His eyes, mainly brown tonight, tell me more things than his words do. "I get it. It's easy for one to judge when they're not in your situation," he whispers against my lips. "I won't judge you anymore, Ravyn, as long as you don't go back to him."
I manage to breathe out the word, "Okay," but honestly, I'm not sure how. Not with him this close to me.
"Don't be scared to stand up for yourself and to follow your dreams. You deserve nothing but the best."
Lifting my chin towards him, I press my lips softly against his. He stays frozen against me for all of a second before lifting himself entirely off me. My heart breaks from the rejection. It hurts to know he doesn't think of me that way, but I shouldn't have expected it. He hasn't given me a reason to believe that he's interested in me in any other way than a friend.
Running his hands through his thick, dark hair, he looks towards the window covered in a floral curtain. Apparently he finds more to appreciate in that curtain than he does with me, because it sure gets a lot of his attention. My body jolts a little when I hear his voice fill the room once more. "It's not that I don't want to Ravyn, because trust me I do, but you deserve better than me."
"It's fine," I tell him.
"It's not fine," he replies with a fire in his voice. I can't tell if he's angry at himself or at me- probably both. "I have secrets too, ones you definitely wouldn't understand even if I explained them to you. You have a future ahead of you, you don't need someone like me holding you back. I
won't
hold you back. I'm your friend, okay? Just your friend." With a question still in his voice, he turns towards me to gauge my reaction.
I simply smile at him, nodding my head to answer.
"Then... let's get some rest," he adds.
"Are we going back home tomorrow?"
"Do you want to go back home?"
I shrug my shoulders because I'm honestly unsure. I don't but then again... I do. It's an odd feeling because I thought if I ever got away from home I wouldn't miss it, but I feel like I have too much unfinished business- and too many belongings left back there. "I don't have any clothes."
"Then we'll head back in the morning."
"Why did you bring me here anyways?" I look around once more at the cheap motel with the even cheaper decor.
"I know people," is his vague response.
"How long were you planning to stay?"
With a shrug, he answers, "I have to go back to work on Tuesday."
"I'll stay," I say, surprising us both.
Jaron tilts his head as he looks at me, staring curiously into my eyes. I wish he would have allowed me to kiss him a few seconds longer. I want to feel sparks and witness fireworks. I feel like if our lips collide full force I'll get those things for the first time in my life.
Stripping from his shirt he tosses it to me. "I'm going to take a shower, wear this to bed so you're comfortable. I'll get you clothes tomorrow."
It takes all my effort not to examine his body. Instead I give a weak attempt of a smile and nod my head, squeaking out a small, "Okay."
While Jaron is in the bathroom I pull my cellphone from my pocket. It's blown up with text messages from Dawn, wondering where I am, what happened, and if the rumors were true. I can only imagine what's been spread around at this point, but honestly I don’t even care. I don't care about one damn thing. The only other thing on my phone is a message from Bruce, curious as to where I am and when I'll be home.
I power down my phone, not wanting to deal with the mess of reality. I want it all to disappear from my life forever. Slapping the phone down on the table, I strip entirely of my clothes, leaving on my underwear, then I pull Jaron's shirt over my head. It smells masculine, exactly like him. I pull the fabric up to my nose and inhale deeply, loving the comfort it brings me in an instant.
The water turns on in the bathroom and I find myself wondering what Jaron looks like naked. I shouldn't have those thoughts. I've learned what being with an attractive, dominate male has gotten me. With all honestly I don't think Jaron is anywhere near the same to Kyler, but I wouldn't know. I don't know much about him at all except that he has skeletons hanging in his closet as well.
When the water shuts off, I change the channel on the TV to find anything to distract me from the visions inside my head. He comes out moments later surrounded by the steam of the shower, wearing his jeans and a pair of boxers playing peek-a-boo above them. He pushes back his dripping wet hair while glancing over at the television. I finally get a glimpse at the tattoo on his side. There is so much detail in such a simple picture of a falling angel dressed in a gown that bellows out around her. The wind taking her from the dark sky to a beautiful heaven. I want to ask about it, the question remaining on the tip of my tongue, but the words don't escape. We said we weren't asking about one another’s secrets, so my mouth remains shut as I focus back onto the TV show I picked.
Jaron collapses on the other bed, his face down into the pillow. I can imagine the bike ride exhausted him, he was driving the whole time, keeping his concentration on the road while I just sat there, hanging on, mainly keeping my eyes closed while I thought over and over about what I'll do when I return home.
"Thank you," I finally say out loud. I realize I hadn't said it up until now.
Turning his head to face me, he gives a small smile that doesn't seem any more sincere than my words. "I'd have wanted someone to save me, too."
"I'm scared to go back," I admit. Somehow now that he knows that secret of mine, I feel like I can admit a few things here and there. I’m not sure if he wants to hear it, but I tell him anyways.
We stare at each other for a few moments and I watch as his eyes soften. "Don't be. I'll kill him if I have to, Ravyn. I'll protect you."
Although my heart flutters at the thought of Jaron being my white knight, I know that there is only so much he can do to protect me. Then I remember his fist shaking earlier, he didn't hit Kyler like I thought he would have. Dawn's words echo in my head with what Jaron just said. "Why are you here? Why are you back in Arlington? I know we said we'd mind each other’s business and what have you, but..."
"But you've heard things," he adds, already knowing what I was going to say. I nod my head to answer him. Leaning onto his elbows, he looks down at the pillows beneath him rather than at me. "I made some mistakes, Ravyn. Some that I don't want to think of but I'm reminded of every single damn day. Things I can't change. I'm here because I'm required to be, and when my community service bullshit is done, I'll be gone again." When Jaron looks at me this time, everything about his appearance has changed. He now looks... pained. "Which is why I can't kiss you."
"Can I ask one question, then I'll leave you alone about it all?"
Nodding his head slowly he allows me to continue.
"Did you kill someone?"
When his only response is to stare at me I'm not sure if I should be scared or not. We both have a staring contest but I'm the first to give up. Falling back into the pillow, I remain focused on the television the rest of the night until my eyes become too heavy. I can hear a soft purr of a snore before my eyes close altogether and I fall asleep.