Irrefutable (The Apprehensive Duet Book 2) (5 page)

Just a few days ago, I was close to getting through to her, and she was considering changing her mind about marrying Jordan. Then she was gone. To be by his side.

Jealousy isn’t something I should be feeling toward Jordan right now. His father just passed away, and he deserves nothing but my sympathy. But it’s hard. He has my girl. Again.

“She looked tired and worn out but okay,” Ashley answers. Images of Quinn from a few days ago flash in my mind. The shocked look when she saw me walking through her door. The pure agony on her face as she fought with herself over what she should do. I could tell she didn’t want to hurt Jordan or provoke her father. It was also clear this was slowly killing her. She was terrified of all the possible outcomes.

I have to assume that Jordan’s father dying is only adding to her stress. She can’t exactly back out now if she wants to. One, she would look like a heartless bitch if she broke it off with him after his father died on their wedding day. And two, she wouldn’t do that. The old Quinn who didn’t let people get close to her, would’ve been out at the first sign of trouble. This Quinn let him in. She won’t abandon the people she loves when they need her, and I’ve seen firsthand how far she’ll go to help someone.

Quinn never left Ashley’s side after her accident even though Ashley was a huge bitch to her. Day after day, she endured everything Ashley dished out at her, most of it unjustifiable, but she never turned her back. It killed her inside. Seeing her friend so hurt upset her and Ash’s lash outs just made it worse. I’d told her to put Ashley in her place many times but she was always so worried of the backlash.

Until one day Quinn exploded. The explosion caused Ashley to wake up and smell the coffee and things ended happily-ever-after, but Quinn lost herself for a little bit. It took her a while to come back but she’d been happy to do it because Ashley needed her even though she wouldn’t admit it.

Ashley sighs as she takes a seat on the couch and curls into Tanner. “She didn’t leave Jordan or Diana’s sides the entire time. I didn’t really see her speak to anyone other than them and the director. I barely got a nod and smile as a greeting from her. It looked to me like she was trying to hold everything together for them.”

I glance at Tanner because it sounds like Ashley is describing Tanner at their son’s funeral. Tanner got through that day by focusing on making sure everyone else was okay. Regardless of all the anguish and pain he was feeling inside himself. It’s completely different, yet the same.

“She’s doing what she has to so she doesn’t fall apart,” Tanner adds in. He must have been able to see something in my eyes when I looked to him. A need for reassurance that Quinn is okay?

My imagination wanders to torturous images of doing what she needs to. I haven’t been celibate since we broke up, and I don’t think Quinn has been either but I certainly don’t want to be thinking about it in detail. Will she lose herself in Jordan to get through all this stress? Everything just seems to keep piling on top of her.

“What if this brings a new level of intimacy to their relationship that wasn’t there before? Regardless of how she was feeling the other morning, things have changed for her. She does love him, and she’s so freaking loyal. She’s not going to leave him now.”

Tanner and Ash both look at me funny so I elaborate for them. “People bond over terrible things all the time. It’s not unheard of. And with everything Quinn is dealing with mixed with what Jordan is now going through, it’s entirely possible that things could turn romantic. Two people seeking comfort in each other. They’re essentially alone in this battle with Quinn’s dad, and Jordan losing his father just cranks up the emotion.”

Ashley immediately shakes her head no. “I have no idea what’s going on with the two of you, but I don’t think it matters either way. Quinn isn’t that woman anymore. At least that’s what she told me, and I believe her.”

I remember Ashley telling me that Quinn claimed she didn’t indulge herself in sex like she used to. Quinn told her she had grown up. And that she wasn’t sleeping with Jordan. I didn’t know she actually believed her. “You do?”

“I do,” she repeats. “She’s not sleeping with Jordan.”

Ashley seems so sure, but I’m not. Quinn brings out this side of me that I don’t like. I haven’t had to see her face to face this much since we broke up. Distance was great for fooling myself that I was fine without her. Seeing her, hearing her, being near her, it brings it all back and I don’t fucking like it. I hate this pull I have to her, but I fucking love it too. I love the connection we have. I love the way she looks at me when she’s letting me in.

“God,” I grunt out in frustration. “I hate this rollercoaster that comes along with her. I hate feeling like this. I should hate her. But I can’t. No instead I want to save her. But for what? For her to run from me again? To finally break me? There’s no guarantee with her ever. And now she’s turned me into a raving lunatic. I’m not the insecure guy waiting to be dumped, but she’s turned me into him. Why do I want to do this to myself again?”

“Because you love her,” Tanner answers. “Because she’s worth it. You just have to wait out the storm. It won’t last forever, and there’s paradise waiting for you on the other side.”

“Wait,” I huff. “Waiting for the next obstacle to pop up. Waiting for her to make a decision. Waiting for her to stay or run. I’m not sure how much more waiting I have left in me.”

“You have so much more in you than you think you do. When it comes to the woman you love, you can wait out anything standing in your way. The question you need to figure out is if that’s the way you really do love her or just the way you think you do.” The look in Tanner’s eyes as he makes his comment draws my attention. It’s a look that speaks of no regrets and unconditional love when it comes to his wife. He doesn’t regret the absolute hell he went through to get his girl back when she shut him out of her life completely and blamed him entirely for the death of their unborn son.

At one time, I did love Quinn unconditionally. I’d have gone to hell and back for that woman, but she broke my heart and my trust. I’m not at that place yet to say whether or not my love or trust can be rebuilt. I won’t know until I get the whole truth from Quinn.

I promised myself that I would get the answers from her I needed to move on, or we were going to work on us and move forward together. But now is not the best time to get into what I need without completely pushing Quinn too far.

For now I’ll have to settle for helping her through this because of the love I used to have for her and hope it’s enough to keep me going until we make some progress. I just hope that it doesn’t do too much damage to me in the process.

It’s hard getting myself into this without any assurance from her. But I guess we all do crazy things in the name of love.

TONIGHT’S DINNER INVITE from Ashley couldn’t have come at a better time. I haven’t really had the chance to speak with her since the rehearsal dinner. I know she and Tanner were at the wake and the funeral, but there was no time to talk to her. She’s sent a few thoughtful texts, knowing I needed time to myself. But she also seems to know when I need people too.

Jordan went back to work this week—only a week after his father passed away. I didn’t think it was the best of ideas, but Jordan made some compelling points I couldn’t argue with.

“I can’t sit around knowing there’s so much that has to be done at the office,” he explained when asked what the rush was. “And I need something to occupy my mind other than the fact that he’s not coming back.”

“Jordan, I think you need more time,” I tried to convince him. “Going into the office and knowing that he’s not coming in and he’s not a phone call away is going to be hard. You need to give yourself time to heal.”

“I’m never going to heal, Quinn,” he snapped at me. He scrubbed his hands over his face and took a deep breath, composing himself before he continued. “I have to go back into that office no matter what. Sooner rather than later. Putting it off isn’t going to make anything better. It’s going to hurt. I’d rather deal with it all at once than start moving on and having that wound ripped open again when I go back to work.”

When I went to open my mouth and say something, he stopped me.

“This is what I need to do, babe. This is all I have left of him. I want to make him proud. I want to take what he built and continue to make it better. He left big shoes to fill, and I’m not going to fill them from home.”

I can totally get behind that, so I let him do his thing. Not that I have any right to tell him what he should and shouldn’t be doing right now. I’m just trying to make sure that he eats and sleeps.

I ring Ashley’s doorbell and wait for someone to answer the door. Why didn’t I just go through the garage like I usually do? It’s freezing. Thankfully, the door opens rather quickly and Tanner smiles at me from the other side.

“Hey Quinn,” he greets as he waves me inside.

“Hey,” I smile back quickly taking off my coat, hoping to shake off some of the bone-deep cold I’m feeling. “Smells good in here.”

“Yeah, Ashley went all out tonight.” The way he says she “went all out” has a funny vibe to it. He kind of chuckles as if it’s the punch line of some joke.

My eyes narrow in suspicion. “All right, what’s going on?”

Tanner gets a brief reprieve when we hear a whine come from the kitchen. I follow him back and we head toward the baby. Michaela’s sitting in a strange highchair thing that reclines, calling out for attention.

“Sorry, baby girl,” Tanner coos in a disgustingly sweet daddy voice. It kind of creeps me out, but Ashley thinks it’s the hottest thing ever. “But I brought Aunt Quinn back with me.” Again his voice has that “off” tone to it. That’s when things click together for me. “You’re buttering me up. Good food. The baby. What’s going on, Tanner?”

“Nothing. You’re here for dinner,” he says as he takes the baby out of the chair. “You’re just having dinner with me and not Ashley.”

“We’re having dinner?” I ask gesturing between the two of us. “Why?”

The hand not holding Michaela runs through his hair and he sighs. “I’m worried about you, Quinn. I’ve been here with you before. The last time you tried to hold someone together after something terrible happened, it took its toll on you. And you had help. You had me and Alex. Now you have no one you trust. And we need to talk about that.” He hands the baby over to me and turns, walking over to the oven. “But we’re going to do it over dinner. I don’t even want to know the last time you ate a decent meal.”

It’s been a long time since Tanner and I have had a heart to heart. We were each other’s rock after Ashley’s accident and the long months of rehab and depression. We have a deep-seated bond that was formed during that time. But when Ashley finally pulled herself out of it, we still had that bond, but it was more of an unspoken one. We knew we had each other’s backs if we ever needed each other again. I guess he feels I need him right now. I can’t fault him for that. If they had told me why I was really coming over, I would’ve bailed and they knew that, so I get why they lied.

Michaela swats the side of my face and laughs. “When did she start doing that?” I ask. Last time I saw her she didn’t have quite so much mobility.

“About a week ago. She’s starting to learn that she can control her hands, and that’s her favorite thing to do.” He laughs as she does it again. “Ashley yelled at her the first time she did it, and Michaela started bawling, and then Ashley started crying, so now we kind of just occupy her hands with something else. I’m not equipped to handle that much crying all at once.”

Ashley’s pregnancy is much more hormonal this time around. She goes from high to low in a split second. The week before the wedding should have gone off, she was a basketcase. I knew she didn’t want me to marry Jordan and she was trying to mask it. She would cry a lot, but feed me the bullshit that they were happy tears. I knew they weren’t.

Tanner comes back to the table with a bottle of wine and some weird pull toy thing for the baby. “Here, this should keep her busy for all of five seconds.” Michaela reaches for the toy in his hand and then he fills both glasses set out with wine.