Intoxicated (39 page)

“Do you want to go somewhere and talk in
private?” I gestured up to the loft, hoping that we could do
whatever this was behind closed doors.

With one word he crushed that wish
completely.

“No,” he shook his head, finally taking my
hands in both of his so that he could turn me toward our captive
audience, “the last time all of us were together, I’ll admit I
behaved very rudely. I wanted to apologize and promise to everyone
that I won’t do that again. And nothing that I have to say to you
today needs to be kept private. I didn’t come here to argue,
Lauren, I came here to tell you how much I love you.”

I couldn’t help myself. I gasped. It figured
that the first time those words would form upon his lips during our
relationship that I’d be standing in front of my roommate and her
brother. My eyes scanned the room for their reaction. Blake stood
frozen in mid-bite; Matthew’s expression was unreadable.

“I know the past couple of months have been
hard on us as a couple. And I’m to blame for the majority of that.
I wanted too much, expected you to drop everything for me. And it
wasn’t fair. I know how much this job means to you, Lauren. In a
way, we are so much alike.

“I promised you before you left Indianapolis
that I would find a way to make this work. I meant that with all of
my heart. It just took me longer than I thought it would to come up
with a plan. I was close when I came up with your Christmas gift,
but it still wasn’t quite right. Like I expected you to, you held
your ground and wouldn’t back down.

“So I went back to square one and regrouped.
The basic idea was good. You’re completely right; we need to make
compromises. I needed to take baby steps to get there, but I now
have the exact solution to our problems. Everything didn’t come
together as quickly as I planned, but it’s all here now.

“So if you’ll allow me to, I am asking you
for a do-over of my Christmas gift to you.”

He paused and I nodded, feeling as though I
should answer him somehow, even if I wasn’t sure what was
happening.

“Lauren, I’ve decided to put the condo up for
sale. I want to show you how much I am committed to you, to us. So
there will be no backup plan, no easy out, just me and you
beginning our lives together in earnest. Like adults do. We’ll take
our time and find our dream house and both our names will be on the
mortgage. We’ll both come home to each other every night that I’m
not traveling, like a real couple does.

“But that’s not all,” he said softly,
dropping to his knee, “Lauren Marie Jefferies, I love you. For some
inexplicable reason, you have returned the favor. It took this
distance between us to realize that I want you by my side for the
rest of my life. So I’m asking you right here, right now, to be my
wife. Would you do me the honor of marrying me?”

Time stood still as he pulled a black velvet
box from his pocket and propped it open to reveal one of the
largest diamond rings that I had ever seen in person. Eric looked
up at me expectantly, his green eyes shining with emotions I had
never before seen him express. I opened my mouth, once, twice, but
words wouldn’t come. Trapped in the surreal moment, unsure if I was
dreaming, I spun around to where Blake and Matthew stood. Blake was
just as eagerly awaiting my answer as Eric, but Matthew grabbed her
by the elbow and pulled her into the kitchen to allow us our
privacy.

Before he disappeared into the other room,
Matthew turned and looked back at me. The expression on his face
wrenched at my stomach and burned into my memory. If I didn’t know
any better, I’d swear that someone had ripped his heart out of his
chest and stomped upon it. Sheer pain was what I saw reflected in
those eyes. I wanted to break free of Eric’s hold and run after
him, but my feet were cemented to the carpet.

Instead, I let out a whimper as I closed my
eyes, tears spilling over my cheeks. Eric, of course, interpreted
my outburst as a positive response.

“Lauren,” he said softly, “that’s not exactly
an answer. This is the part where you tell me yes. We can cry about
it after you accept.”

“Oh, Eric,” I said eventually, “I am in
complete shock right now. My head is spinning; I can’t formulate a
coherent thought.”

“That’s a good thing, right?” he asked
hopefully. He straightened up, rising to his full six foot plus
frame and escorted me over to the couch.

I dropped onto the cushion like a rag doll,
leaning into him as he wrapped his arm about my shoulders for
support. My body shook; no matter what I did I couldn’t stop the
trembling. I let out a couple of ragged breaths, trying to regain
enough composure to come up with something to offer him.

“I don’t know,” I admitted breathily, “I
can’t think right now. I just need some time.”

He sighed, obviously disappointed but not
angry like I expected. “I had a feeling you might say that. You
have the most beautiful, analytical mind and I sprung this on you
out of left field. So as much as I wanted to leave here tonight
with an answer, I will give you some time to digest this. Why don’t
you come to visit me on Saturday? That will give you a couple of
days to think it over, to realize that I am serious. You can give
me your answer then. Of course, if you make up your mind sooner,
I’d appreciate it if you’d let me know.”

He placed the velvet box on the coffee table
beside my cake plate. Untangling my limbs from his support, he
propped me against the back of the couch, holding me in place for a
moment before letting me go completely.

“I guess I should head back then,” he said
softly as he stood.

I stared up at him, nodding slightly.

Impulsively, he bent down towards me to place
a kiss on the tip of my nose. “You know I love you more than
anything,” he whispered.

I wanted to tell him the truth - that I
hadn’t known that up until a few minutes ago, but I refrained. My
thoughts were so jumbled in my head that by the time I realized I
should say something, anything at all, he had left me all alone.
The door latched quietly behind him before I realized I hadn’t
returned the sentiment.

I pressed the doorbell with a trembling index
finger. For a split second, I considered running for the safety of
my car and getting the hell out of there. Unfortunately, I doubted
that I could make a clean escape before he came to the door. He
would recognize my car, would know that it wasn’t some prank done
by neighborhood kids. Besides, with his house being so far back
from the road and not visible through the trees lining the neck of
the driveway, no one would come here on accident.

So I waited on his front porch instead. As
the seconds ticked by I worked on bolstering the fleeting resolve
that had driven me here in the first place. My hands clutched his
birthday gifts, a reminder that I had intended to end up here after
work today. I had scooped up the camera and the Red Wings tickets
that he had left behind the night before as I headed out the door
this morning. Blake had said he would pick them up sooner or later,
but for me they were an invitation to attempt to clear the air
between us.

Last night after Eric had left, I had
remained in my catatonic state for who knew how long before Blake
had emerged from the kitchen alone. It had only added to my turmoil
when I realized that Matthew had ducked out of his own party
without saying goodbye. Blake had tried to shrug things off, either
for my benefit or for his, but I knew there was a lot that she was
leaving out when she indicated it was no big deal. The look we had
exchanged as he retreated suggested that he hadn’t just left to
give Eric and me our privacy.

The subject had changed quickly to that of
the diamond ring that sat before me on the table. Blake had picked
it up, even taking it out of the box and sliding it on her own
finger, albeit her pinky. Of course he had had it sized to fit me;
why wouldn’t he? For the life of me though I couldn’t slide it on
my left ring finger like Blake had suggested, just to make sure. It
was like I was afraid that by putting the ring on, it would somehow
trap me into making a decision that I clearly wasn’t ready to
commit to yet. I couldn’t be swayed by the beauty of an inanimate
object, couldn’t let it make the choice for me. Call me crazy, but
once that ring was on, I doubted it would ever come back off. Like
something out of a science fiction movie, the band would devour my
finger and never let go.

A cold gust of wind reminded me that I had
been standing there for quite some time, and my heart dropped into
my stomach. I was almost one hundred percent positive that he was
home. Even though the Mustang and Camry were not parked in the
driveway, I knew he kept them in the garage. There were more than
enough lights on inside to mean someone was in there. Which meant
he wasn’t answering by choice.

I imagined him peeking out the window,
somewhere unnoticed by me. He would have seen my car parked in his
drive, then decided that he wanted nothing to do with me. I
pictured him pressed against a wall inside, praying for me to just
leave him alone. Pretending not to be there, silently begging me to
give up and turn away.

I swallowed down the lump in my throat and
prepared to do just that, but my feet wouldn’t move. I stood frozen
in place, still as a statue. Eventually he would find me out here,
frostbitten and stiff as a board and choose not to ignore me. We
needed to talk. Besides, I had his things and I had come to return
them. I wasn’t about to leave them on his doorstep and hope they
didn’t blow away.

Emboldened, I reached up again to ring the
doorbell just as I heard motion on the other side of the door. It
sounded like the deadbolt was being turned. I dropped my arm and
stepped back slightly.

Sure enough the door opened. As soon as
Matthew made his appearance, I realized that his delay in answering
the door had nothing to do with me. He was wearing only a pair of
jeans, hastily thrown on by the looks of it, zipped up but
unbuttoned. His feet were bare. Also bare was his chest, though a
t-shirt was flung over his shoulder. His hair was wet, and he
practically radiated that easy confidence of a model in a men’s
bodywash commercial.

For a moment, we just stared at each other.
Of course I had seen him shirtless before, many times in fact. Yet
this was so unexpected that I couldn’t help taking in the scene,
completely awestruck.

“Hey,” he said finally. I noticed immediately
the lack of the “gorgeous” that typically followed, and may or may
not have outwardly winced.

“If it’s a bad time I can come back later. Or
not at all. I just brought your stuff.” The words came out in a
rush of stupidity and I thrust his items in his general
direction.

“No, no, it’s not a bad time. Come on in.” I
detected a trace of amusement in his tone as he pushed the door
open wide enough to allow me through. As I entered, I passed
dangerously close to him, breathing in the heady scent of soap and
warmth.

He trailed me into the living room, pausing
briefly to slip his shirt over his head. Ever the gentleman, he
offered me something to drink as I clumsily put the camera and the
envelope with the tickets down on the table. I politely declined
and seated myself on the couch. He shrugged then took a seat on the
same couch, though as far away from me as possible. Yet again I
might have made a face that hinted at my discontent with the
awkwardness, but I really wasn’t sure.

“Thanks.” He motioned to the items I had
brought with me.

“You’re welcome. I didn’t want you to have to
make a special trip to pick them up.”

“So you went out of your way to drop them
off?”

I shrugged. “It was the least I could do
after single-handedly ruining your birthday party. And this way I
can apologize for it, too.”

“Lauren,” he said softly, pronouncing my name
almost reverently, “you didn’t ruin anything. Whatever you think
you did, there’s no need to be sorry. You didn’t do anything
wrong.”

“You had to leave your own birthday party
because my – Eric – crashed it. If I hadn’t been involved, clearly
that wouldn’t have happened. So I’m sorry for that. And I’m sorry
on his behalf, since he would never apologize to you for what
happened. In fact, the more I think about it, I believe he planned
it that way.”

Matthew’s eyebrow raised, inviting me to
continue.

“He knew you were going to be over there. I
had talked to him about planning your birthday party with Blake.
Isn’t a little convenient that he would pick your birthday, of all
days, to drop by for an unexpected visit?”

“If I were him, with that question for you
and that ring burning a hole in my pocket, I doubt I could have
waited any longer, either. I’m sorry that I walked out like that; I
just needed to leave before I said something to ruin the
moment.”

“I can’t believe that you of all people are
giving him the benefit of the doubt.”

He shrugged. “Where are my manners? I guess
congratulations are in order.”

I shook my head. “I haven’t accepted his
proposal.”

A flash of unadulterated emotion, perhaps
joy, lit his face for a split second. Whatever it was, this was the
first he was hearing of this development. Up until now he had
clearly thought I was engaged. Either Blake hadn’t talked with him
since last night at the party, or she had chosen not to reveal my
indecision over the subject. His features returned to normal as he
processed my words and the carefully chosen meaning behind them.
“You haven’t yet, or you’re not going to?”

It was my turn to shrug.

“Oh, Lauren,” he whispered.

“I know,” I said flatly, “what the hell am I
going to do?”

He laughed, though the short chuckle was
without humor. “I am so the wrong person to ask. What about Gracie?
Or my sister?”