"I
can thumb my nose at fate now. I can tell it to bury its tail between its legs and go off. And as far as unhappiness goes, that's over for you. too. Grace. Next year you'll be attending a private school, and you won't have to battle any Phoebes or any other girl who thinks she's superior to you. You'll be able to buy and sell the whole lot of them, and they'll know it.
"No," she practically screamed at me.
"I
am not in love. but I'm in comfort and security. I've had love. It was ripped out of my heart. but I won't wilt like some flower without water or sunshine. I'll have my own sunshine whenever I want it, and we'll water our flowers with champagne.
"Be happy for me. Grace. Be happy for us both. Winston is so fond of you, at times I think he's fonder of you than he is of me. You're the daughter he never had but so wanted, and you like him. too.
I
know you do."
"I'm not saying
I
don't."
'Good," she snapped as if she was closing the lid on any further mix of thought, "We're getting married in two months, and the wedding will be at Joya del Mar, and it will be a wedding fit for
a
queen.
"Your father and I didn't have a big wedding, just a simple ceremony with a few of our relatives. We had a two-day honeymoon at Atlantic City. We used to talk about getting married again and having a really big wedding and a real honeymoon."
"Does Winston know all this?"
I
asked her. "Does he believe you love him very much?"
"I'll
just tell you what he told me last night before he gave me this ring. He said the day I was angry
at
him was the saddest and hardest day he's had since his wife's death, and that told him that he needed me to make his life worth living. He asked me if I would do that. and
I
said yes. yes I would. and
I
will, I'll be a good wife for him. Grace, and you'll be a good daughter. We'll give him happiness, and that is more than most men have in their marriages, believe me.
"Be happy for us, Grace, please." she begged, taking my hand into hers.
I looked down at our joined hands and nodded. "Okay. Mommy. If this is what you want."
"It
is, yes, very much."
"I
have to get to school," I said.
"I'll
call for the taxi."
"I
can still make the bus."
"But you haven't had your breakfast, and you have a final exam. Go on, eat something. and I'll call." she insisted. "We're not going to worry about the expense," she added. smiling.
I looked at her. No, we won 't, I thought. "Okay," I said, and made myself some toast and jam and had some coffee.
When the taxi came
I
called out to her, and she called back. "Good luck. honey. That's all we're going to have now."
I hurried to the cab and told the driver where to take me. We pulled away, and
I
looked back at the condo which was truly only one of our many way stations. We were still on a long journey. I wanted to be happy for my mother. I really did. and I understood how much marrying Winston Montgomery meant to her and haw it gave her a sense of security and purpose when all that seemed to have been stolen away with a tragic helicopter accident.
She was going to put it all behind us. and I supposed that was good.
But when she married Winston.
I
thought, on that day, my daddy would truly be gone. Her name would change. She would become another man's wife.
It was like closing a book and putting it an the shelf, burying it in a cemetery of emotions and memories. No more laughter and smiles because of something Daddy had said. No more waves and salutes.
All of that drifted away on the wings of a sea gull and left me standing alone on a beach in a strange new place, looking out at the water and waiting for a sign of what was now to come.
13
Happy Forever
.
I did remarkably well an my finals considering
all that had occurred around me and to me during the final days of school. Mommy quit working almost a minute after Winston gave her the engagement ring. We wouldn't be needing the added income, of course, and she now had a great deal to do in planning the wedding itself. Winston gave her carte blanche on every aspect and told her to spare no expense.
"I
know you think I've become obsessed with all this. Grace." Mommy told me when I muttered one morning that the event had taken over our lives.
She wasn't up a minute in the morning before she was on the telephone, and as soon as she gobbled down some breakfast she was out and about meeting with every person and every business that was involved in the affair. Winston provided her with the chauffeur and limousine to do all this. Sometimes
I
accompanied her, but most of the time I remained at home. She didn't seem to notice whether I was with her or not anyway. I couldn't believe how much time and energy she spent on the colors, designs, and fonts of her wedding invitation.
I
was sure the presidentelect of the United States didn't spend as much time on the invitations to his inaugural balls.
"But you have to understand that we are getting married sooner than most people do in a proper Palm Beach wedding," she continued as a justification.
"Proper?"
"Well, the ideal duration for an engagement is from three to five months. Ours is barely two. If it weren't for Winston's influence with people we would have a very hard time booking caterers, decorators...
'Our engagement was announced the morning I showed you the ring, so people know about us. Normally we would have had an engagement party, but there is no time for that. Even sa. engagement gifts have begun to arrive at Joya del Mar. and
I
have to get out thank-y ou notes ASAP. I'm working on the design and paper style for that now. Winston is having his personal secretary assist me. You met Virginia Wilson. She's very good at this sort of thing.
"We should be getting the wedding invitations out ASAP so people will have at least a month's advance notice. The people we're inviting have very busy and full calendars. Many will cancel their trips just to be there," she said proudly.
"You don't know anyone," I said, which was a big mistake.
She hoisted her shoulders like
a
hen and looked down at me. "I happen to have met many of Winston's business associates over the last month or so. Grace. I know many more people than you think. I've been to luncheons and charity events and have become acquainted with some of the richest people in town."
"The only real friend you have is Dallas," I persisted.
She softened her demeanor. "I know that. That's not something I would forget. Dallas is going to be my matron of honor. She's very excited about it."
"I
guess that means Phoebe's coming." I muttered.
Mommy smiled. "I want her to come to see where you will be living. It will take the air out of ballooned ego so fast she'll shrink right in front of you." Mommy replied. She looked happier about that than anything, certainly caring more than
I
did. "Naturally you'll be sitting at the dais with the immediate wedding party. She'll sit somewhere out there with a table of strangers."
"I'd rather she wasn't there at all," I said. but Mommy didn't hear or didn't want to hear. She was riding so high my voice could no longer reach her.
"'You'll be my maid of honor. I'll be giving you a description of your responsibilities," she said. 'The first important thing is our dresses. This will be a formal wedding. I'll be wearing a long white gown with a train, and I've decided to wear a veil. too. Normally that's optional. but I sort of like the idea, don't you?"
I shrugged. I couldn't care less, I thought.
I
certainly wouldn't lose a moment of sleep over it.
The pursuit of the proper wedding gown began the week after her engagement announcement. I thought to myself that the FBI didn't go after its most wanted criminals with any more intensity. Mommy met with wedding planners, experts who gave her a history of weddings in Palm Beach. She actually took notes! Later she pondered every possible choice and then spent nights tossing and turning, agonizing in fear that she might have made a wrong decision.
"This isn't a naval battle. Mommy," I made the mistake of saying at breakfast one morning. "It's just a wedding."
"Just a wedding! Are you mad? This isn't just a wedding. It's a way of introducing me to Palm Beach. I'm to be Winston Montgomery's wife. Grace. That means a great deal to people here. You had better get used to it, understand it. Afterward we'll be featured in the society columns, have our pictures taken often, be invited to practically every significant party or event. Why, the only comparison
I
can make is
I
will be like an admiral's wife." she said.
It was precisely the wrong thing to say as far as
I
was concerned. Being an admiral's wife was the fantasy she had enjoyed with Daddy. That was their fun dream, their pretend. and
I
was a part of it as soon as I was old enough to appreciate and understand it.
"Well, you're not an admiral's wife," I snapped back at her too sharply. It made her wince. "And you'll never be."
I marched out of the kitchen before she could respond. Ordinarily she would have come to see me, to soothe my bruised heart, but she was back on the telephone moments later jabbering with some decorator, and soon afterward the limousine arrived and she was off again.
'Be happy for us. Grace." she pleaded on the day we went for our gown fittings. "People here gossip like crazy. Don't let anyone think you're in the slightest way upset. Please."
I did what she wanted and wore a mask over my true feelings whenever we were in public. She tried to include me in every decision, running different ideas, gifts for the wedding party, favors, decorations, and styles past me. All I did was agree with every decision she made, but that was enough to satisfy her. I was at least paying lip service in front of the wedding planners. Not that they cared, but no one had any idea about my true feelings.
A week before the ceremony we moved cut of our condo. When I say we moved out I really mean we picked up our most precious possessions, only what we could personally carry, and walked out. Winston had arranged for movers to do everything else. It was truly as if we were whisked away on a magic carpet. I had been given the choice of a half dozen rooms at Joya del Mar and picked one just down from what would be Mommy and Winston's suite. That week Mommy, like some virgin bride-tobe, stayed in one of the guest suites. While Mommy occupied herself with the wedding dinner
arrangements I became more acquainted with the maids and the butler, as well as Winston's chef.
I
even met the head groundskeeper.
For a while I felt as if I was staying at a very expensive resort.
I
didn't think of it as my new home. Our breakfast was prepared whenever we wanted it. We had about as much choice as anyone would have in a hotel, and we could easily have it brought to our rooms on silver trays. I had no household chores anymore.
I
could spend my time reading, swimming, learning how to sail, being chauffeured to shopping or anywhere else I chose. It was truly as if one day I was a scullery maid and the next I was a princess.
Mommy had little or no time to spend with me. When she did finally settle down for an hour or so she was always complaining about how exhausted she was.
"I might need a vacation before our
honeymoon." she quipped.
Winston was keeping their honeymoon destination a surprise until their wedding day.
"I love the way he does that," she told me. "He enjoys overwhelming me with unexpected things, like he did the night he took us both to Paradise Island for dinner. That's sweet, isn't it?" She held her eyebrows up, waiting for my reaction.
"Yes," I admitted. I really had nothing bad to say about Winston. He was always very sensitive to my needs and feelings and even spent more time with me that week than Mommy did.
He described many of his wedding guests to me, explaining that his best man was a long-trusted business associate. He was very concerned with what I would do the week he and Mommy were on their honeymoon.
"Maybe you should come along," he suggested.
I shook my head quickly. It was one thing to see Mommy on his arm at balls, dinners, and charity events or to see them kiss on the cheeks occasionally, but to be there when they were spending what to me was always the most romantic time of married life was surely too much to bear. Their kisses would have to be more passionate, their time together closer and far more intimate.
"I'll be fine," I said.
"Soon you'll be making new friends," Winston assured me.
He and Mommy had chosen a new school for me to attend. It was called the Edith Johnson Wood School, named for its principal benefactor. It was only twenty years old. A. group of very wealthy Palm Beach residents had created it, and it was like no school
I
had ever attended. and I had attended quite a few.
few.
acre tract of land with a waterway, bridges, fountains, and palm trees, everything beautifully designed. The buildings looked brand new It had a very modern small theater that could hold eight hundred people, an up-to-date computer laboratory, a beautiful
gymnasium, and classrooms designed for only ten, possibly fifteen students at the most The school's population was kept to an exclusive 750 students from kindergarten to grade twelve. My entire class would have fewer than fifty students.
Ordinarily any prospective new student would have to go through an admission procedure not unlike that of an Ivy League college, but Winston's contributions to the school fund put me at the top of the list. I could have been a mass-murdering drug addict. and
I
would have been admitted. Everyone I met was overly solicitous. I wasn't used to or comfortable with teachers and administrators who were so concerned about how I felt and haw happy I was.
No one could not be impressed with what was offered to every student. however. There was an elaborate music program, a program in theater arts, an art department, and a language program. Every student practically had a personal trainer when it came to physical education.
Mommy squealed and clapped at the sight of everything. "I wish I was your age and attending this school," she told me. "Aren't you excited about it. Grace?"
"Yes," I said, but overwhelmed was more like the truth. The school year at Edith Johnson Wood began in late August, so
I
would be back in class faster than I had expected. I was happy about that. though. I needed desperately to occupy myself with things other than the recreation available to me at Jaya del Mar.
The night before their wedding. Winston stayed away, supposedly having dinner with close friends. He told Mommy he wanted to give her some space. We dined on the rear loggia overlooking the setup for the wedding: the tables, the dais, the dance floor, and the various kiosks to serve the great variety of food and drink. The altar had been created out of flowers.
"All this for me," she said, shaking her head. "I have to pinch myself every five minutes."
She smiled at me and reached for my hand. "We've beaten fate. honey. We've driven it out. We'll never have a sad day from now on. If anything displeases us, we'll get rid of it or buy something else. When we have some dark moments well call up and make reservations for dinner at the best places in the world, and whenever we're bored we'll get on the private jet and see something new. No one at school will ever look down on you again, and you can be ar do anything you want."
She waited for me to smile back. I knew how important that had become for her. "Okay. Mommy," I said, giving her that smile, "We'll be happy forever,"
"That's my girl," she said. "That's my Sail..." She stopped herself, bit down
on
her lower lip.
"You can say it. Mommy. None of this ever changes that," I told her with firm, steely eyes.
She nodded, "I know. honey. I know." She quickly wiped off any semblance of sadness and smiled, practically jumping in her seat. "Oh. I'm so nervous
I
can't eat anything. I think I'll go up and soak in a hot bath and try desperately to relax. Come see me before you go to sleep. okay?"
"Okay," I said.
I watched her go inside, and then I sat and looked out at the ocean, watching the sun sink below the horizon
and
waiting for the first star. I waited so long that by the time
I
went up to see Mommy
I
found her asleep in her bed, a smile of pure happiness on her lips.
"Good night." I whispered, and went to my room where the silence and the solitude finally brought home to me what was going to happen tomorrow.
.
The wedding was everything Mommy had dreamed it would be and far more than
I
had imagined. I thought she looked beautiful in her wedding gown, and I could see from the faces of the guests that many of them did as well, especially the men who looked enviously at Winston. As he moved through the line of well-wishers his mare
contemporary friends either gave him lusty smiles or leaned in like roosters to peck at his ear with something similar to "You lucky dog," I'm sure.
For her part Mommy surprised me by not looking half as nervous as
I
had anticipated. In fact, she looked as if she had been brought up here among these very wealthy people. She knew so many by first name.
It
was apparent to me that she had taken detailed mental notes at every single social event to which Winston had taken her. Most of the guests she spoke with looked as
if
they had expected no less. How could you forget that this one was called Brownie or that one Muffy or Bunny, even though they were married to men with names like Chester Lloyd Marlborough and Stratton Newton Polk, Jr.?
When they were introduced to me
I
could see their thoughts in their eyes: Winston was old enough to be my grandfather, not my stepfather.
My legs trembled as I walked down the aisle of flowers to the altar with Mommy. The sheer opulence and grand scale of this wedding made it seem all the more unreal to me. Looking around at the army of servants, the decorated tables, the ice sculptures, the wonderful displays of every imaginable food, the dance floor, and the twenty-six-piece orchestra. I thought I was surely in some fantasy. I had wandered into another woman's dream, and soon I'd wake up in bed, blink, and realize none of this was happening.
When the ceremony began, the minister's voice assured me it was real. Mommy avoided looking at me through most of it I think she was afraid of what my face would say and how that would affect her. She focused entirely on Winston, and together they repeated the vows until the minister declared them husband and wife. Winston gave her a quick, almost fatherly kiss, and the guests cheered.
Everything went as it had been orchestrated, down to the very toasts of good wishes. Winston's friends rising to speak for exactly forty-five seconds, almost to the man jokingly warning him not to be "too vigorous a husband." Many of the couples I met resembled Mommy and Winston, however, the women looking years younger than their husbands. mostly. I thought, as a result of thousands and thousands of dollars' worth of cosmetic surgery,
Both Dallas and Warren were very happy for Mommy and me. At one point I overheard Mommy tell Dallas she owed it all to her. They swore they would never stop being friends, and they cried and hugged. I had to look away, and that's when I was forced to confront Phoebe, who was sitting and glaring at me. scowling. If ever a face was a glass window it was hers. She was probably not even aware of how it was betraying her jealous, hateful thoughts.