Into the Darkness (17 page)

I walked up to their open bedroom door.

“Have a good time?” she whispered. Dad looked asleep, but I suspected that he wasn’t.

“Yes, but I didn’t stay until the end. I went to the diner with Shayne Allan for some peach pie and coffee.”

My father couldn’t pretend any longer. “You didn’t have enough to eat at the party?” he asked, turning around to face the door.

“I wasn’t going for the pie as much as for other reasons, Dad.”

He turned to Mom. “Translate, please,” he said.

“She was exploring the possibility of a relationship,” Mom said.

“A relationship? I remember that.”

She poked him, and he turned over to fall asleep again.

“Night, honey,” Mom said.

“Night. Oh. I’m going to picnic on the lake with Shayne. He has his father’s boat.”

Mom just smiled. Dad waved without lifting his head.

I entered my bedroom slowly, reluctantly, like one who knew she was about to do battle with her own thoughts and wished there was a way to avoid being alone.

I slept later in the morning than I usually did because I went to bed later than I usually did, and I did have trouble falling asleep again. While I was preparing to go to bed, I had thought about how much of a good time I’d had at the party and with Shayne afterward, but then I began to feel sorry for Brayden, especially when I remembered how he was when he walked away from me on the porch. It was so unfair that he had to be chained to his house because his mother was so ill and his father was not there to help. What kind of a man was he? I wondered. What kind of a father and husband? I couldn’t even begin to imagine my dad being like him under similar circumstances.

These thoughts lay so heavily on my mind that after I had gotten into bed the night before and tried to envision Shayne and relive the events of the evening, I had seen Brayden’s face instead, just the way I was seeing him in every boy’s face at the party. It was as if I had spent time at the party and the diner with Brayden and not Shayne. I heard Brayden’s voice in my mind when I should have been hearing Shayne’s, and when I recalled kissing
Shayne good night, it was Brayden’s lips I pressed mine to and not Shayne’s.

In fact, when I awoke, I lay there for a while thinking more about Brayden than Shayne. Had I been too quick to accept Shayne’s invitation to picnic on the lake? Should I have waited to see if Brayden wanted to do something with me? Was I just as awestruck as most of the other girls with our school’s most popular boy now that he was paying attention to me? Would I have the same fate as the other girls Shayne hit on? How would I face that, especially if I had driven Brayden away?

While I was thinking, the phone rang. At first, I thought it might be Shayne, but as if she couldn’t start her day without first finding out what had happened between Shayne and me last night, it was Ellie who called. She sounded very tired, almost as if she were talking in her sleep, her voice straining and cracking.

“Where did you two go?” was the first thing she said after I said hello.

“Just to the diner for coffee and pie,” I replied. “You sound like you just got in.”

She laughed. “You’re not far from wrong. Just coffee and pie? Why?”

“It’s all I felt like eating,” I replied. I knew what she was really after, but I thought I would tease her.

“No, I mean, didn’t you do anything afterward, go anywhere else, do anything else exciting?”

“He took me home, and I went to sleep.”

“Oh, Amber.” She groaned with disappointment. “I hope you weren’t a bore. Everyone was surprised and delighted with you last night. You’re not going back to
being Prudence Perfect, are you? You didn’t disappoint him and make him feel like a fool for wanting to be with you? I warned Charlotte that you could do that. I told—”

“So, this whole thing was your and Charlotte’s plan from the start? That’s why you were so intent on my going to Charlotte’s party?”

She was silent. It was as good as admitting to it. I sat up quickly.

“Did you two approach him and tell him about the new boy in town and that I was interested in him, and then, when I told you that Brayden wasn’t coming, you called Shayne? Is that what went down here, Ellie?” I demanded to know.

“We were just trying to help you,” she whined. “What are friends for?”

“That’s a good question. What are they for?”

“Well, all I can say is, you blew off a great opportunity. Shayne is really—”

“Shayne’s picking me up later this morning,” I said, quickly interrupting what I knew would be a long lecture about my missed opportunity for a great romance. “We’re going boating and picnicking on the lake.”

“Really?”

“Unless he doesn’t show up, yes, really.”

“Just the two of you?”

“Just the two of us. He’s getting his father’s boat.”

She was silent a moment, and then, ironically, the heavy syrup of jealousy was layered over her next words. “That’s great. I’m happy for you. I told you that you two should be a thing.”

“Thing?”

“A couple. You know what I mean. Will you call me when you get home and give me real details this time?” Before I could say no, that I didn’t kiss and tell, she added, “I wish Bobby’s family had a place on the lake and a boat. We went to that silly little clubhouse behind his house that he and his father built. And we didn’t have any coffee and pie.”

“Sorry to hear it,” I said.

“I meant, we didn’t need that. We had a better dessert.” She laughed. “I’m sure you will, too, eventually.”

“I wouldn’t jump to any conclusions about anything yet, Ellie. The truth is, I’m really just getting to know Shayne. He might as well have just entered the school as far as I’m concerned. And I think the same is true for him when it comes to me.”

“So, what about your new very good-looking neighbor? Is he already yesterday’s news?”

“The jury’s still out.”

“Huh? What does that mean?” She was really waking up now. “You mean you would still see him, go out with him, too? You can’t play both of them,” she said with a moan. I could almost feel through the phone how much the idea intrigued her. “Can you?”

“Now, Ellie, would Prudence Perfect even think of such a thing?”

I could almost see the dam holding back her imagination break open and rush out in all directions.

“Well, I guess you could have a great ménage à trois,” she said. “Male bookends.”

“Control yourself, girl,” I said, even though in my
own imagination, that had already taken shape, but in a way she could never envision.

“Will you call me later? Will you?”

“Yes,” I said. “I can’t talk anymore. I have to get up before my parents leave for work.”

“Don’t forget to call me,” she cried into the phone quickly. I hung up and got out of bed. I knew it was already too late to greet my parents before they left for the store, but I didn’t want to talk to her anymore. I put on my robe and slippers and ran a brush through my hair. When I went down to the kitchen, I found a note that Mom had left on the kitchenette table:

“Call me if you need anything. Otherwise, have a great day. I know I don’t have to tell you to be careful, but be careful, and don’t worry about anything. I left you a beach towel in the laundry with your beach bag.”

I folded it up and smiled. Who else had a mother like mine? Most of the time, she really was more like an older sister. I wondered if there was more pressure on a mother to be more of a friend than a parent when there was only one child, one daughter in the family. If anyone would feel guilty for not having another child to be with me in this life, it was my mother.

I made myself some breakfast and went out on the porch to get myself more woken up. Luckily, it was going to be a great day to go boating on the lake. The sky was only spotted here and there with small, puffy clouds, and there was barely a breeze. What’s more, it felt as if it was going to be one of the warmest days of the summer, if not the warmest. I sat in my robe and slippers and looked at the front of Brayden’s house, wondering what his plans
were for the day. Would he spend all of it at home? Were his little walks around the area really all he could do?

I saw a grocery delivery truck approaching and watched it pull into Brayden’s driveway. From where I was sitting, I couldn’t see the front door, so I rose, walked down our driveway, and watched the delivery boy get out with a box of groceries. He went to the front door and knocked. When it was opened, I was hoping to see Brayden, but I was surprised instead to see his mother. She wore an ankle-length baggy black dress. Her face and hair were wrapped in a black scarf, making her look like someone with the mumps or a swollen jaw. I could barely make out her eyes and mouth. She paid the delivery boy quickly and took the box. I could see that he wanted to carry it in for her, but she was not letting him set foot in the house. Before she closed the door, she saw me standing there. I started to wave at her, but she looked at me with what I thought were cold gray eyes and closed the door so fast and hard that it left me with a chill.

I hurried back into the house. I was actually trembling. The unpleasant look on her face when she saw me was startling. Did she know that Brayden had made friends with me? Did he tell her? Did she resent it, thinking that I might take up more of his time, time he would otherwise spend with her? Or was her reaction to me simply part of her illness, in that she would have reacted to anyone the same way? She looked as if she was terrified of setting one foot out that door and into any sunshine. What I managed to see of her face looked so pale, chalky white.

Where was Brayden? Was he still sleeping? Surely he would have been there to carry in the box of groceries. Was she really so bad that she couldn’t even shop for herself? Why hadn’t her husband hired a full-time nurse to care for her if she was so ill? Once again, I wondered why his father would depend on his teenage son to look after her.

I shook off my questions and went up to take a shower and dress for the picnic with Shayne. I didn’t want him to see the darkness in my face and start asking questions. I put my bathing suit on first. I really had only two suits, a one-piece and a two-piece, both in a rhinestone pink. When I tried them on, I realized that I hadn’t bought a new suit for nearly a year. They both felt a little tight, with the top of my two-piece almost like the top of an abbreviated bikini because of how much larger my breasts had become.

If I wore it, I thought, I’d bury Prudence Perfect forever. I turned every which way, gazing at myself in the full-length mirror. I pictured Shayne’s face after I stripped down to my suit. The look I imagined coming into his eyes brought a blush to my cheeks and neck, but rather than any shame or embarrassment, it brought a sense of power with it. How easily I could make him tremble with desire, I thought. I held a pose, lifting my breasts and turning my waist. Was this a terrible thing to feel? How do you know when you’ve moved from pride into arrogance, an arrogance that causes you to flaunt yourself and perhaps diminish the respect any man would have for you?

Afraid of just that, I quickly took off the two-piece.
For a moment, when I stood there naked, I had the feeling that Brayden was watching me. I had closed the curtains fully, but although I knew he couldn’t see me, I stood there frozen, just the way I might be if he had somehow walked in on me. It was a little creepy but also titillating. Why was my imagination so active, my body so electric? I closed my eyes and saw him close to me as he was in the woods. I felt his lips on mine just as they were in my dream, his hands caressing me. I was shocked and surprised by my own moan and snapped my eyes open. Then I reached for the one-piece and hurriedly put it on. As I did so, I pictured Brayden standing behind me, a wide, impish smile on his face.

It made me move faster, choosing shorts, a blouse, and a pair of sandals. I worked on my hair, pinning it back, put on a little lipstick, and grabbed my book and went down to wait for Shayne on the front porch. I knew I was fooling myself, thinking that I would actually get some serious reading accomplished. I wasn’t only watching and waiting for him; I was also watching for Brayden. I saw some of our other neighbors on the street. Some were outside, working on their flowers and lawns. Some were talking, but there was no sign of Brayden.

The moment I saw Shayne’s car turn onto our street, I put my book on the small table and grabbed my beach bag, in which I had the beach towel Mom had put out for me, some money, my hairbrush and lipstick, and my cell phone, and I walked to the driveway.

He pulled in and got out quickly to open the car door for me.

“Morning,” he said. “You look terrific.”

“You sound surprised,” I said, getting into his car. He laughed and hurried around.

He was wearing a pair of light blue shorts and a darker blue T-shirt. He had on a hat with a wide brim. I thought to myself that he could easily become a male model. Everything he wore looked good on him—or, rather, he made everything he wore look good.

“Everything about you surprises me, Amber.” He shifted into reverse. “That’s what makes you so interesting, or should I say exciting?”