Interesting Times (Interesting Times #1) (19 page)

The
other quarter of the congregants were Kalatari. Most of them were wearing
overcoats or other clothing designed to conceal as much of their bodies as
possible. None wore hats as Orris Rin and his compatriot had done outside, but
Oliver had no doubt each of them had similarly concealing headgear secreted
somewhere within the church.

Several
of the Kalatari hissed at him the moment he caught their attention. The humans
looked on with expressions ranging from sleepy disinterest to outright fear.

“Behold,
the Destroyer!” intoned a woman’s voice. Oliver turned to see another Kalatari,
arguably a female, standing near the long-disused wooden pulpit. She wore
floor-length, silver robes and held a jeweled wooden staff that extended a good
two feet above her head.

“You
must be the Matriarch,” he said.

“Indeed.”

Oliver
sighed. His head was buzzing now. He could hear the sound of rushing water, but
it was very faint, as if he were hearing a river from a great distance away.
“Look, I’m sure we can settle this without anyone getting hurt.”

“Silence!”
commanded the Matriarch. Orris Rin cuffed Oliver harshly on the back of the
head.

“Ow,”
said Oliver. “Stop that!” Orris Rin blinked in surprise. “Don’t hit me again,”
Oliver said. “I’m getting sick of it.”

“Brave,”
Orris Rin muttered under his breath.

“So,
Destroyer, now you have come to stand before me!” the Matriarch intoned
gravely.

Oliver
had had quite enough of this. “It wasn’t my idea!” he said. “I don’t know what
the hell you’re on, but I’m not any Destroyer. I’m an ordinary person. I’ve
been telling your guy here that,” he nodded at Orris Rin. “This is all a
mistake!”

“You are
the enemy of the Kalatari,” the Matriarch said.

“I had
never heard of the Kalatari until yesterday,” Oliver insisted. “I knew nothing
about any of you. I still don’t.” He glared back at Orris Rin. “Get your damn
reptile claws off of me! I’m warning you!”

Orris
Rin looked amazed at Oliver’s boldness. The Matriarch only scowled at him. “You
are the Destroyer. I have foreseen this.”

“For god’s
sake,” Oliver said. “Why don’t you just tell me what it is you foresaw and
maybe I can help you work this out?”

“Yes,”
said a new voice from behind him. “I’d like to hear that as well.” Oliver
turned his head in surprise. Artemis stood in the back of the church, wearing a
black jumper over a light blue blouse. The little girl’s arms were crossed
sternly in front of her.

Sally
Rain and Tyler flanked her on either side. Sally held two curved farmer’s
sickles, one in each hand. Blood slowly dripped from the blades of each of
them. Two pistol holsters were strapped to Sally’s upper thighs, and Oliver
could see her familiar silver pistols nestled within. She had an evil grin on
her face that Oliver found only slightly less disturbing than the fact that she
was covered in blood, and none of it appeared to be hers.

Tyler
stood next to her in yet another Hawaiian shirt. Oliver wondered if he’d lost
the last one to another wolf episode. That had to play hell with a person’s
wardrobe.
He must buy those shirts in bulk
, Oliver thought.

“
How
?”
hissed Orris Rin.. 

Sally
gestured back at the door with one of her sickles. “Your trap?” The two sickles
disappeared behind her back in a flurry of motion, only to have her pistols
take their places in her hands. “Not so much of a trap,” she shrugged
dismissively.

“Enough,”
Artemis told her. She turned her attention to the Matriarch. “Kallas, I am
extremely upset with you.”

Orris
Rin took a step towards the girl, flanked by another of the Kalatari. “You are
hopelessly outnumbered,” he said to Artemis. He nodded at Oliver. “This man is
ours. You have no claim to him. Leave now and you will not be harmed.”

“Aw,”
said Sally. “Do you
promise
not to hurt me?”

“You
should thank me,” the Kalatari said to her. “For what you have done we should
be eating you alive.”

Sally
took a threatening step toward him but Artemis held up a hand and she stopped
in her tracks.  “Kallas,” Artemis addressed the Matriarch. “You’ve lost. Free
this man and I will forgive your transgressions against me.”

“
You
will forgive
us
?” Rin interjected, his tone incredulous. “For what?”

“You
assaulted my people and are attempting to murder a man who is under my
protection.”

“Things we
did to defend ourselves,” Rin protested. “We have the right to
self-preservation.”

“What a
bunch of crap,” Tyler said. “Your boss there ate some bad mushrooms. Screw you.
You don’t get to kill people because of it.”

“I have
given a true prophecy,” the Matriarch said, pointing at Oliver. “He must die.”

“What
did you see?” Artemis asked. “What is he?”

The
Matriarch paused, eyeing Oliver fearfully. “I was in a holy trance, and Vashka
sent a vision to me.”

“You
dropped acid,” Tyler said, rolling his eyes.

“My
vision was of that man,” she pointed at Oliver again. “He was shown to me,
murdering my people. My entire race, wiped out in an instant.”

“Bullshit,”
said Tyler.

“How?”
Artemis asked, her eyes intent on the Matriarch. “How did he do it?”

The
Matriarch hesitated, looking unsure of how to proceed. “He…erased them,” she
said. “He erased all of us.”

Artemis
frowned. “That doesn’t make any sense,” she said. “Nobody can just…” she
trailed off as Jeffrey slipped through the still-open door behind them and
strolled casually into the church. The cat rubbed once against Sally’s legs,
then took a moment to apprise himself of the situation.

“What’s
going on?” he asked curiously.

Orris
Rin and the other Kalatari stared at the cat in stunned silence.  Nobody moved.
It was one of the humans who finally spoke up, a teenager in a fast food
restaurant uniform. “Did that cat just talk?”

“Get
used to it,” Oliver said. “I did.” His head had stopped spinning, but the urge
to sleep was getting overwhelming. He knew he wouldn’t be able to stay awake
for long.

Artemis
stared at the cat curiously. “By all the gods,” she said suddenly. “It
does
make sense.” She turned to Oliver, shock clearly registering on her face.
Oliver stared back at her in amazement. It was the first time he had seen a
genuine emotional reaction from the girl. 

“It
makes sense?” Oliver asked.

“It
does.” Artemis turned to the Matriarch. “Kallas, I have no reason to lie to
you. Please believe this. You have one chance to live. You have to let this man
go.
Right now
. If you don’t, you will be responsible for what happens
next. There’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

“The man
dies,” the Matriarch said firmly.

Artemis
sighed softly. “Then I’m sorry.” She shrugged. “I’m so sorry. There’s nothing I
can do for you now.”

“Um…”
Tyler began. “I think I missed something?”

“What’s
going on?” Oliver asked. “I think you were about to rescue me?”

“No,”
Artemis said. “I’m not.”

“We’re
not?” Sally asked.

“Wait a
damn minute…” Tyler started.

“We
don’t need to rescue him. Kallas’s vision was correct. Mr. Jones
is
the
Destroyer.”

Tyler
stared at her.  “You’re serious?”

“I am,”
the little girl said. “He is going to kill them all, and there is nothing any
of us can do to stop it.”

Chapter 21

“I am?”
asked Oliver.

“He is?”
asked Jeffrey.

“
Really
?”
asked Orris Rin suspiciously. “You’re sure?” He glanced back at the Matriarch.
“I mean, of course the Matriarch is always correct, but…
him
?”

Artemis
kneeled down to scratch Jeffrey behind the ears. The cat purred
enthusiastically. “He is. As improbable as it may seem, here is the proof.
Hello, Jeffrey.”

“Hello,
Artemis,” the cat replied.

Artemis
stood and faced Oliver. “You made a cat talk.”

“So he
did do it!  He put the whammy on me!” Jeffrey exclaimed.

“Yes,”
said Artemis. “He did.” She frowned. “I would probably phrase it differently.”

“What
does that prove?” Tyler asked. “He…
is
a sorcerer? Is that even a thing?”

“He’s
not a sorcerer,” Artemis said. “If he were a sorcerer I’d know what to do with
him.” She sighed deeply. “If you can’t be turned from this path, Kallas, then I
will leave you now. You’ll forgive me if I don’t want to watch another
genocide.” She shot a disapproving look at Sally Rain. “I’ve seen quite enough
of that.” With that said, the girl turned on her heel and started out of the
church. “Come along, you two.”

Sally
and Tyler looked at each other nervously, then back to Artemis. “We can’t just
leave,” Tyler said. “They’re going to kill him!”

“No,”
Artemis said, without looking back. “They were never going to kill him.”

“But…”

“Now!”
Artemis commanded. It was a tone that did not brook argument. She disappeared
through the front door, Sally following a step behind her. Tyler looked at
Oliver helplessly, and then followed them out.

“That’s
it?” Oliver called out after them in disbelief. “That’s great, thanks. Thanks a
lot.”

Jeffrey
had stayed behind and now looked at Oliver knowingly. “See? You did put the
whammy on me!”

“Stop
saying
whammy
,” Oliver told him. “That doesn’t even mean what you think
it means.”

Orris
Rin glanced back at the Matriarch, then stepped forward and took a long,
searching look at Oliver. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, and then he
turned and walked silently out the front door after Artemis and the others.

“Chief
Minister!” the Matriarch shouted after him. There was no response. Orris Rin
was gone.

“I think
he just quit,” Jeffrey said. 

The
teenager in the fast food uniform looked at the Matriarch guiltily, then headed
for the door as well. Two more humans and another Kalatari followed him. A
quiet moment passed, then three more did the same. The Matriarch’s followers
were deserting her. 

“I think
they also quit,” Jeffrey noted. “Anybody else?” he asked the others. “You
better go now, before boss man here puts the whammy on you!”

“Stop
saying
whammy
,” Oliver repeated. Jeffrey flashed his teeth at Oliver. 
Was the cat actually grinning at him?

“So now
what?” Oliver asked the Matriarch. “Tell you what, how about I walk out of here
and none of us ever mentions this again? It’s not like anyone would believe I
met a bunch of lizard people anyway.”

The
Matriarch glared at him. “Kalatari,” she said.

“I don’t
care what you’re called.”

The
Matriarch pointed a long, clawed finger at him. “Seize him.”

Two of
the remaining Kalatari sprang forward and grabbed Oliver by the arms. “Bring
him to me!” the Matriarch commanded.

“Oh,
this is not good,” Jeffrey said. “Hey! I know what would help!”

“What?”
Oliver asked. He tried to shake free of the two Kalatari but he couldn’t break
their grip on him, and moving too quickly made his head spin.

“You
know what,” said Jeffrey.

“Tell
me!” Oliver shouted. He saw the Matriarch draw a long dagger from within her
robes. This was it. His friends had abandoned him and these lizard people were
going to kill him, right here in this church. What a ridiculous way to die.

“You
don’t like me to say it,” said Jeffrey.

Oliver
tried to plant his feet to stop his movement toward the Matriarch and her
knife, but he was quickly pulled off balance. One of the Kalatari backhanded
him hard across the face. Oliver felt the world spin and the sound of rushing
water grew louder in his ears. “Say it!” he shouted to the cat.

“I don’t
want to say it,” the cat said.

“Say
it!”

“The
whammy
,”
Jeffrey purred.

“Damn
it!” Oliver had held out a dim hope that the cat had come up with something
useful to say. He still didn’t understand what Artemis had been talking about.
He was going to destroy the Kalatari? Nothing could be done to stop him?  And
the proof of it was in, of all things, a talking cat?

What did
that mean? He hadn’t done anything to the cat, whatever it kept insisting to
the contrary. He had just wanted someone to talk to. That was all. He hadn’t
rubbed a magic lamp and told a genie his wish. He hadn’t said magic words. He
wasn’t a damn sorcerer. He had no “powers” to speak of, whatever the cat or
anyone else might believe.

He was
nearly before the Matriarch now. She raised the dagger and ran her tongue down
the length of the blade. In a moment she would drive it into his chest, he was
sure. Or maybe she was going to cut his throat. Whatever she intended, this was
not going to end well for him. If he was going to do something, he had to do it
now.

And then
he found himself directly in front of the dagger-wielding Kalatari, close
enough that he could have leaned forward and kissed her. This was how his life
was going to end?  Struck down by some crazy lizard queen? Lizard people?
Monsters from a storybook?

“Hey,
Oliver?” Jeffrey asked. 

“What?”

“Who is
Pamela Anderson?”

Oliver
stared at the cat in shock. That had been in his dream. They had been talking
about mass and energy and thought, and Oliver’s ridiculous theory that thoughts
could affect matter itself. Think about Pamela Anderson, and Pamela Anderson
would appear. And maybe he could whip up a nice Siamese for Jeffrey as well.