Instinct (8 page)

Remaining where
I stood took effort, control, as my need to protect battled my
natural instincts. Whilst her scent penetrated my mind, the
yearning to pursue swelled within me, and my paws danced out my
eagerness, my whines begging for relief. However, each disobedient
step was met with the demands of my inner self to obey, until I
felt sure it would drive me mad.

Needing at
least some kind of relief, I tossed my snout skyward and expelled
my emotions in a howl piercing enough to reach the far stretches of
the forest—but what I usually found beautiful became nothing more
than a forlorn song of failure, and my call just as quickly
dwindled until only the sounds of the forest remained.

Turning away
from that which I desired but refused to take, drawing even more
control from what little reserve I had left, I hunkered down and
willed my change to reverse.

The reversal
took longer than usual, the forced change having torn at some of my
muscles and tendons, adding further pain to the already agonising
process. Coated in sweat, I remained in my crouch, my mind whirling
over the situation.

Two people knew
of my secret. I knew not how far Jem’s mother would go, with
regards to exposure. As for Jem, I had no idea what the knowledge
meant for her.

For us.

The idea that I
had lost her because of it tore through my heart until moisture
pricked my eyes.

I had never
shed a tear before in my life, not when my father informed me my
mother had died during childbirth—the same tale told to us all—nor
on the day of his death.

I swiped at the
wetness in irritation.

If my howled
outbreak had informed James of my location, he would surely show
up, sooner or later. A beating for my behaviour would be
forthcoming. And for what? Had it all been for nothing?

Fisting a hand
in my hair, I gave a low groan.

“Mr
Holloway?”

My head snapped
up. A glance over my shoulder found her behind me, crystals
glistening over her cheeks, highlighting the glow caused by
emotions. I did not speak—knew not what to say.

As she moved in
front of me, a small shudder wracked her body. She took not a wide
circle, as expected, but came to stand close, and when I looked up,
her eyes held a serious curiosity.

“’Tis you, Mr
Holloway.”

I frowned at
her quiet words.

“’Tis you I
hear calling at night. You are the wolf, the one Mother warns me
of. This ... this is the lesson she wanted me to learn ... is it
not?”

I did not
correct her, or explain there were more of us, but nodded.

As though
weakened by the confirmation, she dropped to her knees. Her
shoulders shook as grief shed from her eyes, and, lifting her
hands, she smothered her face.

My view of her
blurred—it took moments to understand my own eyes held
responsibility, not hers, and I wiped my forearm across my cheeks
to dry them. “Jem, I am sorry,” I said, my voice thick and
distorted.

She lowered her
hands. “For what?” Hiccups broke her words. “For allowing me to
believe you are something other than what you are? For not telling
me the truth?”

“I am forbidden
to speak of it,” I said, but regretted my words instantly.

Her expression
told me she had comprehended the implication of my response. “You
confess feelings for me ... yet, you do not trust me. You believed
I would turn my back on you, if I knew the truth, is that it? Or
maybe you did not intend the words you imparted, Mr Holloway?” Her
shoulders shook again, and her hands wrung in her lap. “Do you not
mean what you say, when you tell me—”

Unable to
witness her distress any longer, I reached out and drew her to me,
her words becoming stifled as she pressed her face into my chest.
The pounding of her heart hit me, as did the tremble of her
desolation, the dampness of her tears spilling over my flesh.

“I meant every
word I ever said to you, Jem,” I said into her hair. “I am so
sorry. Forgive me.”

Hot, erratic
breaths against my skin increased my own, as she slid a hand to the
nape of my neck. “I am unsure if I can,” she whispered.

I lifted her
chin. “Then, why did you come back?”

The pain in her
eyes lessened to reveal soft warmth. “Despite Mother’s warnings, I
trust in you.”

Relief flooded
through me in a torrent of warmth. As I smiled, she lowered her
gaze and removed her hand from my neck, as though recalling my
state of undress, but I grasped it, urging it back until she
touched me again.

Did she not see
how simply being close to her washed me with calm?

Taking her face
into my hands, I regarded her moisture-filled eyes, dipping my lips
to sample the subtle flavour of her mouth. When she sighed, I moved
to her cheeks and soothed away her tears, their salty taste
clinging to my lips.

Bringing me
back with a small tug of her hand, she pressed her lips to mine
once more and kissed me hard, tasting me as though hungered. Her
palms smoothed across my chest and shoulders, a sudden urgency to
her touch. When my arm tightened around her, she curved her body
until it moulded against mine, giving quiet gasps with each breath
throughout the kiss, and her fingers worked into my hair, holding
me to her.

Within seconds,
the scent of her arousal ignited mine, setting a low rumble
vibrating through my chest and filling my hips with a need to
thrust forward. Encouraged by her eagerness, my fingers located the
fastenings of her dress. As I eased it over her shoulders, her
hands came to assist, and in one upward glide, I stood and lifted
her from the fallen fabric.

A chemise, her
only undergarment, clung to her slender form. As I lowered her to
the ground, her arms around my neck brought me down with her, until
I covered her body with mine, and so close to her flesh at last, I
could not rein in my low growl of want.

Locating the
rapid pulse at her neck, I nuzzled there, and she arched into me,
her fingers clutching at my back before reengaging my hair. I
pulled away her straps to release her breasts. Willingness showed
in her lowering lids and quickened breaths, as my lips touched the
swell of each firm mound. Unable to wait a moment longer, I finally
reached below her slip.

Her honeyed
thighs parted to grant access, and warm wetness welcomed my
fingers. As I suckled her nipples, pert in the cool air, her low
moan accompanied the press of my erection against her leg. Before I
could act on the throbbing urge to pound into her, eager hips
pushed upward as she claimed control.

Swollen with
need, she brushed against me until united with my tip. Her body
trembled. She gave a low whimper, and the aroma of her desire
overwhelmed my senses, weakening my control.

“I will not
have you without your permission, Jem,” I said, lowering my lips to
her ear.

Lashes lowered,
her gaze sought mine. “Take me,” she whispered. “I am yours.”

I entered her
with a slowness that took immense effort. When she gave a low cry
born of a gasp, I halted at the thought of causing her pain and
began to withdraw, but her hands snared me, her ankle hooked
mine.

“Sean.”

Startled by the
sound of my Christian name upon her lips, I gazed down at her.

“Please.” She
urged me back, raising her legs to encircle my hips. “I do not wish
for you to stop.”

Entering her
once more, I returned to her lips and tasted her sigh, swallowed
her quiet gasp. Once further strokes assured me she was in no pain,
I burrowed my nose in search of her scent and lost myself in her,
with a tenderness I had never before had a yearning to express.

***

She had been
right in her earlier words: she did appear small beside me. Her
slender legs entwined with the dense muscular strength of mine. I
was certain I would crush her, yet she made no complaint. The
dainty curve of her hip seemed weak beneath my heavy palm, as I
offered a soothing caress. Even the size of her fingers held
infantile proportions, whilst placed upon my cheek, as we lay
facing one another upon the forest floor.

Half closed,
her eyes reflected her sated mood. “Sean,” she whispered,
smiling.

I gave a deep
chuckle. “Six.”

Her lips curved
farther, before she whispered again, “Sean.”

“Seven.” With a
smile, I moved my hand beneath her slip to feather my fingers
across her back, passing over the drying blood coating her
rear.

“Sean,” she
said again.

I laughed,
sliding her closer until her stomach pressed to mine. “How long
will you continue to say a word you have refused to speak for
weeks?”

“Until it
ceases to make you smile. Besides ...” She brushed her lips over
mine. “You asked me to repeat it.”

“That, I
did.”

Her hair, which
had come loose, curled around my fingers, as I toyed with it. When
I skimmed my teeth across her jaw, she pushed into me, until her
exposed breasts embraced my chest. The contact revived my arousal,
and I closed my eyes at the building rumble deep within me.

“Once more,” I
whispered, my earlier words a mere tease.

“Sean.” Her
quiet giggle vibrated against me.

Erect once
more, I smiled as I rolled with her. My hand slid the length of her
torso, over hip, before I raised her knee as I nestled back within
her arms and her thighs. When I looked into her eyes, all humour
had vanished, only whirling emotions appeared to remain.

“I love you,”
she whispered, the quiet way with which she said the words
portraying her vulnerability.

I paused, but
for less than a breath, before I gave a slight nod. “I, too, am in
love with you, Jem.”

As she sighed,
I lowered my mouth with the intention of devouring her again, but
at almost inaudible scuffling too close to be a coincidence, my
head snapped up, my lips already drawn back on the verge of a
snarl.

Giles stepped
out from behind a yew. I had no idea how long he had been there,
but a frown smothered his forehead, and his feet shuffled atop the
dirt. Showing his palms, he gave a shrug of his shoulders.

The snarl died
in my throat, as I tried to decode his behaviour.

Both of his
hands pointed to the left in sharp stabs. When I still didn’t
respond, he rolled his eyes before he hissed out a word to fill me
with dread. “
James
.” He pointed again.

Panic beat
through me, and, as though sensing the shift in my mood, Jem
twisted toward where I stared, but Giles had ducked out of sight
too fast, leaving nought but empty air.

She turned back
to me. “Sean?”

“We need to
leave.” I jumped up, lifting her with me. “I am truly sorry.”
Confusion drew tight creases across her brow and aside her eyes, as
I snatched up her discarded dress and strode back to take her hand.
“Hurry.”

“But ...” She
stared at me as though she considered me irrational. “I am not
dressed, Sean.”

“Please, Jem.”
With no time to waste, I wrapped my arm beneath her rear. “I will
explain, I promise.”

Jem did not
protest further, as I took off with her in one arm, her clothing
over my other. Not wishing to upset her more than I already had, I
refrained from running, but my strides were long, and she clung to
my shoulders against the jolt of each of my steps.

“My brother is
searching the forest for me,” I said once we had travelled a short
way.

Her studying
stare burdened my conscience, as though she awaited
elaboration.

I took a deep
breath. “He disapproves of you.”

“Why?”

“Because you
are human.” I studied her features before continuing, “Because it
is against pack rules to engage in a relationship—”

“Pack?” she
whispered.

“If he finds I
have brought you into the forest, he will be furious.” I averted my
attention, ignoring that I had told her more than I should.

“So, there are
others?”

I nodded. “He
is already angered by me, because I disobeyed by sneaking out
today, to meet you. I will not have him vent his wrath upon you, as
well as me. You need to leave the forest before he reaches us.”

“Then, you must
leave with me, also, Sean.”

Fear darkened
her eyes when I glanced back. “I cannot.”

“But, if you
are in danger yourself, you must,” she said, her tone adamant.

“I have nowhere
else to go.”

“Come home with
me. I will take care of you.”

I barked out a
laugh that held little humour. “Your mother would never accept me
in her home.”

“Then ...” She
glanced around as though the forest held answers. “We shall go
somewhere else.”

My abrupt halt
almost sent us to the ground, and I swallowed hard before asking,
“Do you mean that, Jem?”

She nodded,
weaving a hand into my hair, and drew me in, kissing me with force.
When she pulled back, she held my gaze. “I would go anywhere, do
anything, if it meant I could be with you.”

Heart pounding,
I stared at the fierce commitment in her eyes. “We will be
together. I promise you.” I lowered her to her feet. “I just have
to find a way.”

“There is a
way.” She took her dress from me and fed her feet into the garment.
“We leave. Now.”

I wanted
nothing more than to gather her up, carry her off, and find a place
where no one would find us, but the resistance of my instinct
pulled too strong. “I cannot.”

With her dress
hanging from her shoulders, she paused, her gaze upon me again.

“I cannot leave
my pack, Jem, however much I wish to.” I brushed my hand into my
hair, unsure how to explain, how to ease the creases reappearing
upon her brow. “This is where I belong. I ... need them.”

A high shine
visited her eyes. “And me?”