Insatiable (2 page)

She still kept in touch with Aurora and made a donation whenever she could. Lily was a success story, and so far, so were the other women who had passed through 
Aurora's Place
. Now here she was waiting for Mari Carr to wake up so that she could tell her that she was alright and that she was safe.

While waiting for Mari, Aurora had time to reflect on her own past experiences. She and her husband Randy had started out happy. It wasn’t until she'd lost the baby that things began to go sour. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time, they'd told her husband. She had been having a craving and when Randy told her that he was too tired to get up and go to the store Aurora decided to go by herself. When she got to the tiny convenience store, the cashier had just finished putting up a sign that read:
Cash only, debit and ATM broken
. After reaffirming that what the sign said read true, she got back in her car and drove the half mile to an ATM machine.

The ATM booth was empty and brightly lit. She was glad of that because she'd left her phone at home. She stuck her card in the ATM slot, punched in the four-digit code, and in the next few seconds, collected her card and her money. As she turned to leave, the tweaker was right there and in his hand he held a gun. "Gimme the money bitch, give me the money…" That was all she remembered him saying.

Aurora then became aware of a woman, looming behind him. She glanced at her quickly. She was empty-handed and scrawny, but she had the same drug addicted eyes as the man. "I said give me the money."

As soon as Aurora handed over the money, the woman hit her in the stomach and simultaneously hooked her ankles with her foot. With her feet pinned, she went down hard, hitting her face, stomach and knees on the concrete sidewalk. A passerby had witnessed the entire event and had called the police. And that was that, the police caught the thieves, but she'd lost the baby and after she did, Randy was never the same. It was as if he'd become possessed by another man, an evil, silent, self-deprecating man who soon found that he felt a hell of a lot better each and every time that he degraded his wife. Although he didn’t lay a hand on her, he enjoyed calling her every name in the book. A few weeks after she'd gotten discharged from the hospital, instead of being supportive, he called her selfish. He told her that had she just waited until morning to satisfy her craving, their baby might still be alive. But selfish wasn’t the only word that he'd decided to call her. The word
selfish
was nothing compared to
black bitch,
and
filthy animal
. Those were just a few of the words that he called her almost daily. He called her those names so frequently that she had begun to believe him. Maybe she was selfish, maybe it was her fault and had she not been acting like a hungry filthy animal, their baby might still be alive. Each day the emotional abuse got worse but still, she held on. There has got to be a light at the end of the tunnel she told her mother in law who'd insisted that Aurora try and stick it out. She told her that it was just a phase that her son was going through. Aurora imagined that he too felt guilty, had he not refused to go to the store, their baby would be alive. And they might have had a chance at being a family but as it were, Randy withdrew into himself and as days turned into months he got more and more withdrawn. The first time that she suggested that they find someone to talk to was the first time that he'd hit her.

He had been sitting in the living room watching television when she sat down next to him and started rubbing his back. Her touch made him close his eyes and for a moment he relaxed. But when she mentioned that she'd just gotten off the phone with a therapist, he snapped and lashed out at her with such force that it knocked her onto the floor. Had she not been able to wrangle free, there was no doubt in her mind that Randy would have continued beating her. Once she was safely out of the house, she'd gotten into her car and drove to the police station. By the time the police arrived, her husband Randy was dead. He'd gone into the basement and hung himself.

 For Aurora, she'd lost her entire family in a matter of months. But thanks to the help of a therapist, after several months she was able to move on. She began to realize that her husband's suicide was not her fault. He'd even said so in the note he left, he told her that he was sorry and that he could no longer live with the guilt. Losing the baby was only the half of it, her therapist had told her. There must have been something else going on in his life, perhaps something from his past that drove him to think that there was no other way out. And that was something Aurora hadn't counted on. She thought she knew everything there was to know about her husband, but looking back there were times, especially when they were around his family that he looked lost and forlorn. Like he was the only one in the room, and that no one else was paying any attention to him. His mother always tried to justify his depression by saying that he was always a loner and wasn't used to expressing his feelings. It was only when he and Aurora were by themselves that he'd be more loving and open. But even then when she'd ask him about his strange behavior around his family he'd tell her that everything would be alright, and that he just wasn’t one to get all emotional, and sappy around them all the time. He said that sometimes he just wanted to pop in, say hello and leave. So aurora accepted his answers. After all, they were his family not hers, but after he committed suicide, they blamed his death on her. They told her that she'd put too much pressure on him and she'd thrown the death of their baby in his face. Aurora remembered countless times when she tried to communicate with his family but it was to no avail, Randy's family hated her, and wanted nothing to do to with her.

They wouldn’t even listen when she tried to tell them about the suicide note that Randy had written.  So even though he had only struck her once and it was under duress, she knew what it felt like to be a victim of emotional and physical abuse.

The only difference was that it only happened once, and had he not killed himself, she was positive that she would have eventually gone back. That was something that most people could not fathom. Why go back after the first time? It just didn’t make sense. But Aurora had first-hand explanations as to why most women went back. Fear was one of the most obvious reasons that people went back to their abusers.

Most of her 
friends
 had told Aurora that abusive men step up their threatening and manipulative behavior right after their significant other leaves. As a result, they began to fear more severe abuse if they refused to return. The situation also becomes more complicated when there are children involved, as many women go back in the belief that doing so is the only way to protect their children. Aurora knew that many women act as human shields, sacrificing themselves to stop abusive mates from harming their children.

Sometimes, the abusers persuade their spouse or lover to stay by telling them that they will not be able to support themselves alone. There were even times that while trying to leave an abusive relationship, the legal system would sometimes nose-dive the victim by failing to grant a restraining order or by giving the batterer custody of the children.

Also, what most didn’t understand was that a woman’s self-esteem gets so damaged that she lacks the self-confidence to sustain independence from her abuser. Many of the women who leave abusive relationships have trouble earning an adequate income or finding safe and affordable housing. The women then went on to tell her that they felt compelled to return to the relationship because they lacked the proper resources and support. And that was what Aurora wanted to provide for them, resources and above all, support.

Once at 
Aurora's Place
, the 
friend
 was given her own room with her own space. After days or weeks of healing time and therapy, the friend was told to make up a list of priorities, goals, wants, and needs. Then during a one on one session with Aurora, they would discuss how to make the goals possible and nine times out of ten the goals were obtainable. Thanks to Aurora, the board of directors and countless others, all of the 
friends 
were able to move on with their lives.

Aurora's friend Renee had told her the story of another victim of domestic violence. This woman came into the ER claiming that she fell down a flight of steps. But being a nurse for over eight years, Renee knew that this was not the case. And when she got the woman alone, Renee gently pressed her for the truth about what happened. The woman broke down in tears and told her that it was her husband who'd pushed her.

"He pushed," she told her. "Because I asked him if he could wait a moment for his dinner while I attended to the laundry."

"No," he'd told her and proceeded to push her down the stairs. She told Renee that it wasn’t the first time and how she once went to his family for help. What her spouse's family told the woman stunned Renee. They told her that maybe she was to blame; that maybe she caused the abuse. Her spouse's family told her that the abuse seemed bearable, and she'd be best to deny its existence altogether.

"In this day and age, can you believe that shit?" Renee asked Aurora.

"What happened to the woman Renee? I hope that she was able to get some help."

Renee shook her head. "Right after she finished telling me her story, her husband had come to collect her. He made her sign herself out of the hospital against medical advice."

Aurora let out a sigh. "It's sad when they think there are no other options."

Renee patted her friend on the knee. "But now they have you my friend, now they have you."

Chapter Two

Warding off the chill of the October morning, Rosie flipped up the hood of her sweatshirt, then glanced at her cell. This was the part that terrified her, the leaving. The building of anticipation for the challenge that was about to come. Her boyfriend was at work, had been for the past hour. She had called, just to make sure. Now it was time to put her belongings in the car and go.

She had read up about 
Aurora's Place
 online. She noted that only a telephone number was given and that the address, for whatever reason was not listed. She would call and see what it was all about. It was so early when she called, she was surprised when someone answered. Aurora told her that she was not at home, but that she would be in a few hours. Genuine concern flooded her voice when Aurora asked her if she had someplace safe to go until then. When Rosie told her that she would go to the local coffee house and wait, Aurora told her that she would get home as soon as she could.

"When you call me back, I'll give you the address. But please don’t divulge that information to anyone else. I try to keep the location confidential, just until we're sure that 
Aurora's Place
 is where you'll want to stay and if it is, I promise you that you won't regret it."

Rosie smiled, it hurt to smile, but she smiled anyway.

"I'll speak to you soon Rosie and stay safe."

Rosie wasn’t expecting such kindness from a complete stranger.

She ordered herself a large coffee and made her way over to a small table at the coffee house. As she took a sip she wondered what her boyfriend was going to do when he realized that she'd left him. 
He'll go out hunting for me,
 she thought to herself. 
He'll hunt me just like he hunts his animals. But I'm not an animal, and he can no longer treat me like one
. She hoped that
Aurora's Place
would give her shelter and a place to hide
.  Just long enough for him to give up, put away his weapons, and walk out of the woods alone.

When Mari woke up it was almost nine o'clock in the morning, a nurse told her that there was someone waiting to speak to her, and for a moment she thought it was her husband. 
He's locked up, it can't be him. 
Her entire body ached, and her eye was swollen. Her bottom lip was puffed-up, and it hurt to even breathe. "Looks like he really did a number on you," Aurora peeked into the room.

"Hi Mari. My name is Aurora Collins, and I'm here to help you stay safe and get your life back."

The words flowed from her mouth like it was just that easy. Mari smirked, 
it even hurt to do that. 
"And how do you plan on doing that?"

Aurora moved closer to her bedside and a warm smile spread across her face. "Oh if I had a dollar for every time a 
friend
 has asked me that," she said. "Please," she said softly. "Let me explain."

When Aurora was finished telling Mari about the shelter and how she could help, Mari was more than willing to go.

"But what about my husband? When he gets out he's going to come looking for me."

Panic began to set in at the realization that her husband Ronnie wasn’t going to be kept in jail forever. And even though he'd said that he didn’t want her to come back to the house she discerned that the second he was released he'd go looking for her. She knew her husband better than anyone else, and she knew that he wouldn’t let her go.

Aurora patted her gently on the hand. "Don't worry, a judge has already signed an order of protection. Your husband won't know where you are," she said.

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely Mari, I know it's hard to trust right now but trust me when I tell you that your husband will not come near you. Our location is kept secret for a reason, only the police and our board of directors are made privy to that information." Aurora reassured her.

"Now let's get you dressed, I've brought you a change of clothes and once we get you home you'll be able to go through some things and pick out what you want."

"Go through some things?" Mari was confused, this was the biggest and first step she'd taken in leaving her husband. Usually she'd stay away for a day, two at the most and he always found her. "You make it so easy," he'd scold her, and she did, anytime he'd beat her she found herself at her mother's doorstep.