Innocence of Love (17 page)

“I will ask her again for you,” Sophie voiced while he lowered his head playing with his fingers, deflated.

****

She could see how unhappy he’d become and wished now she hadn’t bothered mentioning anything to him. She could tell he longed to see Sabastian, meet his own flesh and blood. Yet the truth was she didn’t wish to pressure their son or build Calvin’s hopes up. Her son was settled and the last thing she needed was his routine being destroyed.

Sophie peered at Calvin his head low tampering with his fingers. She reached across the table to take hold of his hand.

“I will keep asking for you. I know you would love to meet him and trust me, he’s gorgeous like his dad, but I really don’t wish to upset him.”

Calvin lifted his head to knowledge her. “I understand that. I really do. I mean I don’t wish to barricade into his life, but maybe just to ease my conscience and see him, at a distance if needed, I don’t mind. Trust me, I don’t wish him to be upset or cause any distress. I’m not here to harm him, hell I would never do that. Are you going to contact Rob about Kacey?”

She flicked her eyes wide-open at him glaring. She stared hard resenting the fact he’d brought that waste of space up.

“No, why would I? He made it perfectly clear he wanted nothing to do with her or me, so as far as I am concerned he’s dead.”

“And what will you tell Kacey in the future?”

Sophie could not believe what she was hearing him ask her. “I don’t know, I would prefer her to never to know, but gossip spreads like wildfire and I doubt I would get away with that.” She choked almost. Bile filled her throat with the thought of the scumbag and how the hell she ended up with such a disastrous life. Her biggest mistake was getting with that monster, nevertheless he gave her a precious gift, Kacey.

“I am sure whatever you decide, it will be the right one,” he responded when their desserts arrived.

Sophie admired the pudding wide-eyed fearing her eyes were bigger than her belly. She took her fork and slowly but surely started making her way through the delicious, mouth-watering dessert, delicately filling her palate, with such thick chocolate and then came the bitter taste of raspberry, giving it a wonderful after taste kick.

“Mmmmm,” she groaned licking her fork.

“Pretty tasty?” Calvin said with her grinning at him. His eyes irresistible, how she could lose herself in them constantly or better still stop time and prevent him from ever leaving her side, maybe she should suggest going to an erotica store and buying some handcuffs and attaching them to one another’s wrists failing him to leave as she was fastened to him.

“What is your favourite all time meal?” she thought to ask while struggling to get the dessert in, but determined to win.

“Steak and chips, with all the trimmings followed by chocolate cake accommodated by a perfect bottle of Cava, and you?” he answered almost finishing his dessert.

“Roast beef and Yorkshire puddings, with all the vegetables, followed by treacle sponge and for drink…a perfect cup of English tea,” she upbeat, sighing picturing such a meal, it had been sometime since she indulged in roast beef.

“I’ll have to take you out and endure such a meal.” He smirked at her.

“Is that another date you’re trying to swindle me into,” she scoffed.

“Would you like to?” He lifted his brows to her.

She wanted to hurdle over the table and kiss him all over his face.

“Yes, yes, yes.” she sounded out like the Meg Ryan film where she was sat in the restaurant. They both stomach laughed.

“You’re crazy at times. I like this side of you,” he announced as she felt her heart pining for him.

“Oh really, been a long time since I’ve had anything to smile about,” she muttered and went in deep thought about everything that had happened and how things were finally getting better, but how long for? She couldn’t deal with further upset.

“Do you trust men?” Calvin asked when she lifted her head to gaze at him.

The question repeated several times in her head, did she trust men… “No, no I don’t. It’s not that I don’t want to, but I have been hurt so many times by them, used and well…” She glared into his eyes deeply and gulped. “You have been the first man and my dad, who has treated me with respect. I can tell you some bad stories about men, but I think that would only make you run.”

“You’re referring to mistreating you or just getting involved with the wrong crowd.”

“Both really. I have been used for things I wouldn’t never wish to admit, but I had no choice, well I did, but I wouldn’t have got far before they caught up with me. And wrong crowd…” She stared into his thinned eyes while he waited for her answer. “Let’s just say…I’m not proud and put my life in danger far too many times.”

“My God,” he gasped.

“Look those days are gone and I’m concentrating on my future. Times were hard and I was desperate, I guess we all do daft things on impulse, only mine appeared to be every day.”

“What did they make you do?”

She scrunched up her nose. “I really don’t wish to share with you, Calvin, let’s just say I could have been arrested and banged up for years,” she admitted.

“Holy cow…that is terrible. I am so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“But it is.”

“No, stop,” she reached for his hand. “What I did, and how I handled things was my responsibility, you didn’t know and therefore none of it was your fault. I tried so hard to get out the situation, but all I did was sink further in. Look I just wish to look ahead and not back. I appreciate your friendship I really do, you’re the first sane person I have talked to in years,” she told him with his eyes peering at her. “And if I can I’d like to keep it,” she hoped unsure if that was the right thing to announce.

Her heart skipped about into her chest. How she longed to tell him, no, needed to tell him that she loved him, the words were on the tip of her tongue, yet…yet.

“Wow, you wish to keep my friendship?”

“Yes, yes I would. I don’t doubt that you don’t judge me, but like I said you’re the first person to actually listen to me and have me sharing some pretty naff times I had.”

“I don’t judge you, you just got lost and did what had been right at the time. I don’t condemn drugs though.”

“Neither do I, but it was the only way to blank out the selfish pain I suffered,” she told him honestly.

“Sophie,” he reached across the table taking hold of her hand tightly. “You mean everything to me…it’s been my honor to be there for you and guide you wherever needed, and I want you to know that if ever you need something, please, just call me, just ask, please don’t hesitate,” he told her.

“Why are you so nice?” She smiled at him.

He shrugged his shoulders. “I’m not sure my employees would agree with you. I can be so cruel and work them into the ground,” he scoffed.

“Why am I struggling to believe there is a hard man in there?”

“Trust me there is, I’m an evil boss.” He chuckled

Sophie laughed.

She wanted to hear him say more. She needed more…she craved to hear him say those words, the words that were lingering on her tongue.

“I can understand your view on men, but trust me we aren’t all like the scumbags you have dealt with. Some of us even have hearts,” he mocked.

“Well, I need to find one,” she scoffed trying to drop the biggest hint of her life unable to make the conversation more obvious, “But to be honest, I have Kacey to worry about and men are not on the agenda,” she told him.
Like that doesn’t sound like you long for him? But you are! I am sure we can sort something out with you living in London.
She gulped hating even thinking about the distance.

“I’m sure you will come across him and he will treat you well,” Calvin replied.

Sophie’s heart sank into the pit of her stomach.

“It’ll just take time.”

“When was the last time you were in a relationship?” she asked.

“Gosh, a serious relationship quite a few years ago. Only the spark died and we drifted apart and after that, I just met a few woman and well, you know,” he confessed tilting his head to the side winking at her. Sophie had guessed what he was trying to say, however, became riddled with jealousy.

Unfortunately, she hardly remembered the night they had been together in the barn. She remembered being more scared and nervous. How she wished she could turn the clock back to enjoy the moment again. Bile filled her throat. Sophie pulled her hand away from his, wow she ached like never before.

“So you’ve been a player?” Really wishing she hadn’t asked that.

“Yeah I guess. I don’t have time for a full relationship and not only that I am a selfish man, I like the fact I can go home and have no-one to answer to.”

Her stomach curled. She placed her hand to her mouth trying to hold back her ridiculers feelings. He basically said he wasn’t interested in having a woman, including her. 

“I need the loo,” she told him. She quickly pushed the chair back before she combusted and make a complete fool of herself. She raced almost to the bathroom situated the other side of the café.

She rushed inside the bathroom to quickly run to the sink to turn the cold water on, splashing it over her face. The water freezing, but right now she didn’t care, she needed the sharp shock and the cold water did the job. Every limb and joint in her body ached in pain. Unsure, if she’d bring up the lovely dinner, her tummy tender, tears streamed down her cheeks. It was clear Calvin didn’t like her the way she did him. She would be lost without him, he was her saviour her knight, the one person who kept her sane. Aware he lives in London and that their friendship will be very difficult to upkeep, in saying that many people have distant relationships, why would hers be any different?

Placing her hand across her mouth trying to stop all the delicious food from coming up when a woman came in the toilets. Sophie did her best to smile and not act like anything was troubling her. The words of the nurse during the night played on her mind,
Go for it, you only get one chance
or something was said on those lines. The nurse was right, she bet she had seen so many couples under strain and breaking down. There was nothing harder than looking at your child, hoping, praying you would be able to soon take them home and enjoy some breath-taking moments.

Her mind drifted aside to when Calvin sat by her bedside when in ICU, doing all he could no doubt to wake her and be there when she heard that tune
Deepest Blue,
by Deepest Blue. Surely, there was something in his heart as why would he play that tune over and over again? Why would he have that song on his phone and use it as his ringtone? Question after question loomed around her head not having a clue of the answers, and yet sat in the café was the very person who could answer them.

Could she be brave enough to ask him, and if she did, what would be his response?

Chapter Nine

Sophie walked slowly back to Calvin sitting in the tea room. She could hear her heart beating hard and heavy in her eardrum. She inhaled a deep breath, unsure she had enough courage to go back and sit opposite him. The pain inside her tummy was unbearable. Certain she’d soon collapse in a heap to the ground. Just the thought of him being intimate with another woman, made her physically sick, yet she had been there, done it, worn the very T-shirt, but that had been almost ten years ago and she could only remember her nerves rattling her.

Regardless, she made her way back to Calvin to find him sipping his tea. Wow so cute and irresistible. She had to gain the courage and ask him whether he suffered the same way fate about her, but then if he didn’t, she would risk losing her best friend, was it worth it? Confused, having no idea what to do or say, he would be leaving for London tomorrow and well…when would he be back? It wasn’t like he could do a quick flit from London and back again. Anxious, she watched him seem deep in thought. The question played on her mind, why did he come back so soon? Last night had been wonderful curling up into him, just relaxing to the sound of his heart beating, and when she felt his…erection.

Calvin lifted his head up. Their eyes locked. She grinned making her way back to her chair.

“You okay, you look terribly pale?” he spoke sincerely.

“I’m fine, just thinking about heading back to Kacey.” Her daughter seemed the perfect excuse.

“Oh, okay, I will get the bill and we can take a slow walk back,” he stated.

“Sure, could we get a cream cake?” she requested.

“Of course,” he said.

She watched him stand. He turned around giving her a sweet chance to admire his bottom a few naughty thoughts, filled her head, mainly grabbing it, or spanking which, ever occurred first. Then again just having the chance to see it naked would be a dream come true.

She followed Calvin to the counter. Calvin paid the bill, making her feel uncomfortable, wishing she could contribute to the large bill.

He turned to face her grinning. “Cream cake?”

“Yes, there is a great shop down the road, if of course it’s still there. I use to love visiting when I was a kid, could we go there?”

“No problem.” He smiled at her.

Gosh, she pinned more for him wanting nothing more than to share moments like today over and over again.

They walk slowly down to the Shambles with her glancing in a few boutiques and window shopping, loving the fact she was in an area she loved. There were many people about, some tourists taking pictures and others just locals enjoying a day trip out. The sun beamed down making it yet again a very hot day. She walked on the cobbles with Calvin staying close by her side. They walked to the Pandora Shop, she stopped to admire the trinkets loving all different shaped, sizes and meanings and one a pram and new baby. She swallowed and felt her heart spiral out of control.

“They’re gorgeous,” Calvin mentioned stood close by her side, when she felt his breath on her face, sending her gaga.

“They are,” she commented back sweeping her hair back away from her face.

“Would you like one?”

Sophie froze. She turned her head to glare at him shocked.

“No, I wouldn’t,” she argued not wishing to take anything from him, unless it was his love.

Unable, to stand around and have him even thinking about buying her expensive gifts was unthinkable. Sophie walked away needing to compose needing to change the immediate subject. How the hell could she possibly wear a bracelet that he brought her, without wishing for something more between them? It would break her heart every time she looked at the damn thing, being reminded of him and how much she loved him, yet, allowed him to walk away.

“Hey, I didn’t mean anything by that,” Calvin yelled catching her up.

He quickly overtook her to stop abruptly before her. He took hold of her shoulders, preventing her from walking forward. She tried to move to the left and right, but he blocked her.

“I was only suggesting it, so you had something special. It’s all been about Kacey and not you,” he informed her whilst he gazed deep into her eyes while she tried to shuffle from side-to-side becoming annoyed. She stopped. She froze to the spot scowling into his eyes.

“I don’t need anything, especially not gifts like that,” she snarled.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to course offence.” He frowned.

“It doesn’t matter. I am just tired and needing to get back to Kacey and not wishing for a life I haven’t got,” she hissed and with that managed to get passed Calvin to walk off down the cobbled street. All she could think about was hurrying to catch the bus back to hospital.

“Sophie,” he called from behind her. “Sophie,” he called out again, his hand grabbed her bicep. “Please. I don’t want to upset you. I was only making a gesture.” He stopped abruptly in front of her again. “I don’t want to upset you,” he alarmed, staring into her eyes.

“Fine,” she answered sharply, “but please don’t make such suggestions again. I’m not in the habit of taking anything of you. You’re a dear friend and I will not take liberty,” she told him needing him to understand.

“Okay. I’m sorry. I promise I will not do it again,” he promised, putting on a sulky face.

She glared at him. He tilted his head to the side gazing at her with his puppy eyes. Then out came the bottom lip…

“Oh for God sake stop,” she giggled hitting him gently. He smiled at her. She tried not to give into temptation, wow she struggled with everything he did.

“Curious when is your birthday?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“I’d like to know.”

“And I don’t wish to tell, because I know exactly what you’re scheming…”

“You do?”

Sophie stopped to stare deep into his eyes. “Yes I do, and don’t you dare even think about it.” Calvin cocked his head to the side and scrunched up his nose.

They carried on walking down the cobbled streets to the Minister area, with it littered in scaffolding. She honestly doesn’t think there had been a time she hadn’t seen it without work being done to it, but then the upkeep was astonishing with so much detail.

“When is your birthday?” he repeated.

“Not telling you.”

“Why, at least I could get you a card, no presents I promise.”

“You’re rubbish at promises.” She laughed.

“I am not, I do try and keep to my word, just sometimes fate has a way of tripping me up.”

“It’s not just your big feet,” she scoffed.

“They aren’t that big.” He chuckled. “Seriously when is your birthday failing you telling me I will ask your father.”

“And I will pre-warn him.”

“You are just so full of answers today.”

“I have to think fast on my feet,” she mocked while they walked the cobbled streets.

“Do you like fudge?”

“I do.”

“Fancy getting some? I adore the stuff especially when it melts in your mouth.”

Sophie paused and stopped suddenly where she did in the middle of the street. “Are you still talking about fudge?” She questioned.

Calvin hitched his brows. “Of course!” He smiled and walked into the homemade fudge shop made on the premises.

She watched him spend an astonishing amount of money on the fudge. “Mum is addicted to the fudge, especially mint choc chip. You must try some.” He smiled at her while the shop assistant threw him some free fudge in for such a good sale.

It was then the young gentleman from the rear of the shop brought some vanilla fudge to try, she couldn’t resist. She took a small piece taking a tiny bite, wow the flavour blew her away, so soft and velvety texture. She stepped back smiling at the young man wearing the old traditional chef clothing with a large white apron covered in sticky fudge.

She stepped out the shop placing the final tiny piece of fudge into her mouth becoming dreamy on the texture, that was a taste she could become very use too, and clearly Calvin had a thing for it.

Calvin stood waiting for her outside on the cobbled street. “Good hey?”

“Wow yes, it’s so creamy and…just melts in your mouth.”

He flicked his brows.

“What?”

“Creamy and melts on your mouth next you’ll be telling me it glides down your throat.”

Sophie hit him guessing what he was really referring to…if only!

She stood for a few seconds drinking him in, lusting, craving, wishing for nothing more than to be erotic with him. How she would endeavour every single morsel of him and that’s before tasting the fudge.

Her moment lost. Yet, what puzzled her more was why he made rude suggestions. Why would he make those comments if he didn’t mean them, after all in the early days after he’d rescued her he never made such remarks, or teased her, was he playing her at a game or simply more relaxed around her.

She chased after him. “Do you have any woman chasing you?”

“Yes one, but nothing that would tickle my fancy,” he replied while he continued to walk toward a shop window and peered in.

What did that mean? Doesn’t tickle my fancy! So there is someone who would love a relationship with him.
Her stomach twisted in agony, her green eyed monster appeared once again.

“You don’t fancy her?”

“No!”

“Why?” she had to be nosy while he carried on walking.

“Not my type. I have no interest in her whatsoever.”

“And the last time you were intimate?” Not believing what she was asking while walking the cobbled street of the Shambles.

“A while ago. Why you asking?” He suddenly stopped in his tracks.

“Curious,” she announced almost bumping into him.

There were so many further questions she wished ask but now wasn’t appropriate. She debated to ask him to go somewhere for a drink, quieter ask the vital questions that loomed around her head.

They carried on walking down the cobbled street, wishing she had more precious time with him, wishing there was an answer to her mess and how she longed to share every living breathing moment with him. Only she had to admit defeat. He appeared he cared and for some unknown reason wanted to spend time with her, but was it simply friendship or him keeping a close eye on her, or was he using her to get to Sabastian? He wouldn’t! Although that wouldn’t explain his actions before she told him the truth about their son. Grrr she wished to hit her head against a brick wall.

“What’s your favourite color?” she asked intrigued.

“Black and gold.”

“Hobby?”

“Reading, watching movies, I enjoy visiting castles.”

“I like those and stately homes, some have the most stunning grounds.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

She enjoyed the banter with him, having so much more she’d love to ask. However, a boutique caught her attention, needing to go and have a mooch around. She walked around the shabby chic shop just loving the plaques and some of the furniture getting a few ideas to have in her home and make it more homely. Only she glanced at a price tag of a dressing table, she widened her eyes aware she’d never purchase that.

“Hey, Calvin, how the devil are you?” She heard a male call out while she’d been looking in a boutique window at some Beatrix Potter ornaments. She turned her head to see Calvin and a guy shaking hands firmly.

She chewed her lower lip, unsure if to go and join Calvin.

“Fantastic, long time no see.” Calvin smiled.

“Hell yeah, too long!”

“Where are you living?”

“London, just up here seeing a dear friend,” Calvin told him, “And you?”

“Well, not living in any fast lane like you, mate, that is for sure,” the man mocked.

Calvin stared over to Sophie, waving her to him. She made her way closer not being in the mood to be introduced to anyone, but she guessed she had to be nice.

“Tim, meet Sophie, Sophie, Tim,” Calvin introduced them.

“A pleasure to meet you.” Tim smiled.

She smiled back noticing him dressed casual, trainers that were falling apart and had a receding hairline, tall, thin, wearing glasses.

“So you’re here for the weekend?”

“Yeah, heading back tomorrow to London. The office cannot live without me,” he scoffed. “So, what you up to these days?”

“Married man, and got two kids, one girl and boy, she is a slave driver,” he scoffed.

Calvin laughed, Sophie grinned, not really wishing to stand and talk banter to a man she didn’t know, especially when her breasts were starting to fill needing to get to her daughter.

“Wow, you have been busy,” Calvin said.

“Yeah, you got any kids?”

Sophie watched Calvin look at her, distress in his eyes. Calvin coughed.
Awkward!

“I do, a son,” Calvin muttered.

“Wow, wicked. What in London?” Tim inquired.

“No…no here in York,” Calvin answered truthfully staring back at his friend.

“Oh really,” his friend said shocked. “So you haven’t lived in London long? I remember saying you were going to live there when we were eighteen, just after your amazing balls party.” He chuckled.