In Too Deep (12 page)

Ethan slid Lily into one arm and scooped Maggie up with the other. He needed her to be quiet so he could jump in and protect Audra if Julia got too bossy. Then he wondered where he'd find the fortitude to control Julia. He kind of liked watching them fuss at each other. Even Audra's mild stubbornness was a big change from his ma's quiet sadness. Ethan wondered if Julia had even noticed that Audra wasn't taking orders as well as she used to.

Finally, when the meal was finished and the women began clearing the table, Rafe said to Seth, in a low voice that carried under the women's chattering, “So what do you think? Will it bother you to go into the cavern again?”

Seth shrugged. “Don't see why.”

“Now, don't just say it without thinking,” Ethan said. He decided menfolk ought to take over this decision, and he wasn't giving Rafe a clear hand. Rafe relieved him of Lily. Ethan felt the need to back his wife. Although . . . Ethan froze as he thought of something else. If Seth rode off, he'd have his wife and children to himself for the afternoon.

Maybe Seth could stay for a couple of days. A week even. Permanently maybe. Why not? Those nightmares were getting real old, Julia wanted him, and Seth loved the cavern. Suddenly Ethan liked the idea so much, he tried
not
to encourage Seth just because he wanted to get rid of him.

“You've been having a lot of nightmares lately.” Ethan could really stand a good night's sleep. Real selfish. And while he was being selfish, it wouldn't break his heart to be alone with his wife for a while.

Maggie bellowed and swatted him in the chin.

Alone with the two young'uns, that is.

“Part of it is the laudanum Tracker was feeding him.” Rafe leaned closer to stare at Seth as if he could see inside his head and judge whether there was a steady well-settled brain in there. “I think it takes some time to get that stuff out of your system. If that's right, maybe you should wait awhile.”

“Rafe!” Julia broke up their little discussion.

“I'm just saying, honey, if it'll hurt Seth, we should wait.” Rafe didn't want to go hunting around that deadly cavern. Ethan could see Rafe didn't have his usual cool control anymore. Married life had warmed him up.

“Seth,” Julia said, leaning down and looking him in the eye, “how are you feeling?”

“I'm fine. I like that cave. I miss it. Let's go.”

Audra came up beside Julia to face Seth. “It could give you worse nightmares.”

Seth shrugged. “I doubt they can get any worse.”

Ethan had to give him that.

Rafe shoved his chair back and said, “It's settled then.”

Ethan had kinda stopped listening, so he wasn't sure just what was settled.

“What's settled?” Julia asked.

Ethan wasn't the only one who'd lost the trail of this argument.

“Seth is going with us.”

“Now, Rafe . . .” Audra was doing her best to unsettle things. “I don't think—”

“I said it's
settled
.” Rafe glared Audra into silence. “We said we'd let Seth decide.” Rafe's glare didn't have any real fire to it. Ethan knew Rafe could do much better. Still, Ethan felt his fists clench. Rafe wasn't going to talk to Audra like that.

“Audra, you know leaving the cavern behind was as much for you as for Seth, because we were worried about the children.” Rafe's tone eased, which kept Ethan from stepping in. “When we first found him, I admit I thought he might vanish back down that hole and not come out.”

“I'll come back, Rafe.” Seth was talking with his mouth full. He'd loaded it up when the women started taking the food away. It gave Ethan a lot of pleasure to watch his skin-and-bones little brother pack away the food. Of course, he was probably hurrying to clean his plate so he could leave for the cavern. “Why would I stay down there when Audra and Julia are the best cooks in Colorado?”

Rafe smiled and clapped Seth on the shoulder. “See what I mean? He's a lot better. And if you're still having nightmares, then I don't see how it could hurt to go down. With Audra and the babies all the way over here, he can't take them down. So there's no reason Seth couldn't wander in that cavern all he wants.”

Ethan swallowed hard to keep from mentioning floors that broke like eggshells.

“I'd really like to show Maggie the cavern sometime,” Seth said, then scooped up his potatoes with lightning speed.

Rafe's smile faltered. He looked at Julia as if he wished he could kidnap her and forget this whole cave mess. Ethan could sympathize.

Then Rafe squared his shoulders and said, “Let's go, Seth.”

Rafe had always been like this. Ethan knew his big brother hated that cavern. Hated it almost as much as Ethan did. But he'd faced it. He'd been brave enough to go back down. Not Ethan. Going in after Maggie had been terrible. Before that, he'd gone in once, just a little, when Rafe called out for a lantern. That was it. He'd stayed far away, even though he knew that made him a coward.

Now Rafe, hating the cavern as much as ever, was going down, facing it. Under control. It made Ethan ashamed.

“We need to see to the foal, but even so we can be back to our cabin tonight, and we'll explore come morning. Maybe you can stay a few days, Seth.”

Rafe deposited Lily in Julia's arms. Julia smiled as she took Lily, and Ethan wondered when his big brother might end up with a baby of his own.

“We'll take care of him, Audra. I promise.” With his arms empty, Rafe came around the table and swept Audra into a hug, which Ethan found annoying.

His voice soft, Rafe said, “Thank you for caring about Seth. If I get any idea that his nightmares are worse because he's been down there, we won't try this again. I promise.”

Audra's brow was furrowed, and for a second Ethan thought he saw a shimmer of tears.

“Let's go see how your mare is doing.” Rafe clapped his hat on his head and led the way outside. In charge as always.

As they left, Ethan thought about his wife's tears for Seth. Ethan wasn't sure he liked his little brother being such a favorite of Audra's. Sometimes it seemed as if she liked Seth more than she liked him. And on that thought, Ethan found his smile.

Somehow smiling helped him turn off all the things he fretted about. It had always been that way for Ethan.

When something bothered him, he smiled and thought about something else. It usually worked, and right now it was working just fine because he realized he was going to get his pretty wife all to himself for at least one day.

And night.

Maybe it was time for his wife to find out what it meant to be a wife. And he could find out what it meant to be a husband while he was at it.

Jasper Henry, hearing footsteps rushing up behind him, ducked into an alley. He drew the little derringer he always carried and cursed himself for leaving his guards behind in his office. Especially at night. But he wanted to check the telegraph station by himself. He didn't completely trust the men in his employ, and if the news was bad, he'd have to deal with it secretly.

Anyway, he hadn't been able to stay in that room for another second without exploding. And if he did explode, he didn't want any witnesses.

He had the name of a little Colorado town now. Beyond that, Mitch and Grove hadn't found the money. Time was running out. Jasper had figured himself to be a thorough man. But despite a lifetime of plotting and planning, suddenly he realized his life was built on sand in a fast-emptying hourglass.

The footsteps came closer and his heart pounded. He felt feverish, his stomach unsettled. It was fear.

His hand clutched the derringer as if it were the only hold he had on life, and it just might be. Fear made him furious; it made him sick. Jasper Henry didn't fear anyone. People feared
him
. He was the strongest man in the underbelly of this wide-open western town of Houston, and the town worked smoothly as long as everyone remembered to fear Jasper Henry.

“Jasper, honey, come on out.”

Trixie.

He sagged against the wall in relief. Trixie Bouvier was an old friend from back in their early days in New Orleans, when he poured drinks behind a bar and she worked upstairs. They'd both survived. When Jasper had gotten his own saloon, and a taste for having money, he found out that the way to money was through power. He began a step-by-step plan to gain both, and if a man had to die to clear Jasper's path, Jasper had been willing to do the clearing.

He'd brought Trixie along.

Now she owned a saloon and had a string of girls, and Jasper had the rest of the town.

“You come in here,” he said.

Lights from the buildings on both sides of them poured enough light into the alley that he could identify Trixie and see she was alone.

If the men he owed money were angry enough, they'd use anyone, including Trixie, who was the closest thing to a friend he had. He stood straight before she could see his slumped shoulders and weak knees. She had on her usual red dress. Her cheeks were red with rouge, and even in the darkened alley in the late evening, her lips glowed vivid painted-on scarlet.

He saw the wrinkles, too. Trixie had been a beauty in her youth. She was still pretty when she was dressed right and had rouge on her cheeks. But now in the shadowed alley with a dim light coming from a nearby window, all her artifice was gone. All he saw was an old worn-out dance-hall girl.

Yet he was her age, which meant he was old, too.

Cringing in an alley seemed real worn-out.

“I heard talk, Jasper.”

“Talk?” Jasper's stomach dived. Had the word gotten out about the theft? Jasper thought long and hard, hating Wendell for being at the wrong place at exactly the wrong time and walking away with Jasper's money.

“About somebody taking what was yours,” Trixie added.

“What did they say exactly?” Jasper knew the rumors that ran through Trixie's saloon were wild and undependable. But even a whisper about Jasper not being able to pay his bills would quickly reach the Hardeseys.

“I heard you were cheated. Cheated big. That's why I came. The fact that you got robbed at all is big, Jasper, honey. I'd say you've got until the payment is due at the end of the month. If there's trouble then, Hugh Hardesey will start listening closer to the rumors.”

His men should be hot on Wendell's trail. If the system he'd worked out with Tracker Breach held up, they'd find Breach real fast. And Breach disappearing would mean he'd either run afoul of Wendell or the law, keeping Breach from coming back—or Breach had found what Jasper sent him after, had grabbed it and run. Jasper couldn't blame the man; it would take someone strong to resist.

But not blaming Breach wasn't the same as letting him get away with it.

A cold chill slid like a knife into Jasper's gut. Equal parts terror and determination. He had three weeks to either get that money from Wendell or die.

Or run.

Wendell had run and Breach hadn't found him.

Breach had maybe run and Mitch and Grove hadn't found him.

The West had a way of swallowing a man up. He heard that sand running through the hourglass. Heard the minutes of his life trickling away.

He suddenly knew he had no choice. Even if Mitch and Grove found Breach, they weren't going to be able to get to Wendell in time.

Jasper had to go and stay gone until he'd found his money.

Opium.

The Hardeseys were brutal, vicious killers. He should never have gotten into the drug trade. The money hadn't lured him. He'd already had enough money to last him a lifetime—at least until Wendell had crossed him. But the crime element that went with drugs was the kind of thing a man either got out in front of or got run over by. And Jasper had waded into the filthy waters of dealing in opium to keep his place on top of the criminal world.

“What are you going to do?” Trixie faced him in the alley and ran a hand up his arm, then rested it on his shoulder.

Jasper leaned back against the wall and looked at Trixie. Strange to think he'd miss her. She was his oldest friend. His
only
friend.

As he studied her, the aging courtesan, he remembered how they'd teamed up so long ago. She'd fed him rumors that helped him move up the social ladder. When he'd moved up, he'd turned around and helped her. Even bought her the saloon, then helped her gather the girls.

Why hadn't he gotten her out instead? At the time he'd thought he was doing her a service by setting her up in this way. Making it possible for her to get out of making her money through living that dismal life, but only if she lured other women to take over the same duty. Pouring whiskey for men who should be home sleeping, when instead they were draining their pockets of money while she plied them with booze and women and poker.

When he'd finally gotten established, why hadn't he married her? They'd always been close. Jasper had even been faithful to her, as he suspected she was to him. Why hadn't he made an honest woman of her?

Honest
. There was a word he didn't deal in much.

Why hadn't he gotten her into a life that was . . . was just as sordid.

Jasper hadn't felt shame in about forty years, since about the age of ten. He'd felt shame that almost destroyed him when a cigar he'd snuck into his bedroom caught his house on fire and killed his ma and little sister.

His pa, once Jasper confessed, had kicked him out.

The shame had hurt worse than the beating Pa had given him. As Jasper scrambled to stay alive, he'd done things that numbed a boy to shame.

He was a little bit surprised to recognize it.

Lifting his hand, he wove his fingers through hers. A tiny gasp barely sounded as Trixie widened her eyes.

Odd to think he was about to give Trixie the power to become very rich, very fast, by selling him out to the Hardesey clan. And he didn't have the tiniest shred of doubt that he could trust her.

“Here's what we're going to do,” he said.

It only made Jasper more ashamed when Trixie didn't even hesitate.

Sweet mercy, he finally got rid of his brothers. “I thought they'd never leave,” Ethan said.

Audra nodded. “I can't believe they
left
.”

She had Lily, and Ethan had Maggie. His family. Alone at last.

The foal had been slow in coming, so the day was getting away from them.

Ethan turned to face her. “Seth'll be all right, honey.”

“No, he won't.” Audra looked down to find Lily asleep, which made Ethan look at Maggie. She was passed out against his chest. He smiled down at the sleeping toddler. She was a ringer for Audra, except bald.

“Let's get 'em to bed.” Ethan led Audra up the stairs. The babies were limp as Ethan rested Maggie on the bed and Audra put Lily in the drawer. As they walked out, Ethan said, “I need to get the cradle finished and build a bigger crib.”

Audra went ahead of him to the stairs and he followed her down, bracing himself to listen to her start in fussing about Seth.

When they were well away from the babies so their voices wouldn't bother them, Audra looked up at Ethan, her hands clutched at her waist, her brow furrowed. “I think Julia is so bent on finding the fossils in those caverns that she's not thinking of what's best for poor Seth.”

Ethan smiled, but it wasn't that easy. He was mighty tired of hearing about poor Seth.

A sudden desire to make sure Audra knew just whom she belonged to prompted Ethan to pull her into his arms and hold her tight.

“Rafe won't let anything happen to Seth,” he said. A slight tremor shook Ethan as he thought of how badly Seth could be hurt in the cavern, no matter how close to hand Rafe was.

“Tell me what happened down there,” Audra said.

“No, I'm not talking about that stupid cavern.”

“I know you hate it.”

Ethan laughed, but it was a coarse laugh, no humor in it at all. “Noticed what a coward you're married to, huh?”

“Being afraid of something you know is dangerous isn't cowardice, Ethan.” Audra's voice was sharp, and Ethan had the notion that she wasn't talking about him or the cave. He wondered what danger she'd faced and feared.

“It is if your brothers went through the same thing and both of them could get over it and go back in there.”

“What happened?”

“Please, let's just forget it.”

Audra lifted her arms to wrap them around his neck. “If you feel like what happened down there paints you as a coward, then maybe what happened makes Seth behave so recklessly. Maybe while you avoid the cave, which is good judgment in my eyes, Seth feels like he has to defeat it. He probably sees himself as a coward just like you do. Maybe Rafe, too. But they're just reacting to that in different ways. All three of you were scarred by it.”

“Not me. Seth is covered with scars, and Rafe has one on his forehead, but I walked away without a scratch.”

“I think you have some scars, Ethan, but they're inside where only you can see them.”

She might be right.

“If you'd tell me what happened, we might be able to help Seth. Maybe we can help all three of you.”

Ethan swallowed hard. “Maybe if we talked to
Seth
. But what's the point of telling you the story?”

“If I knew what happened, I'd understand better. There might be a better way to treat him. And that could help him get over his nightmares.” Audra tightened her hold, and Ethan realized the warmth of her body was strong enough, steady enough, he could talk about what had happened for the first time in his life.

“I doubt anything can end those ugly dreams. Seth's had times when the dreams would come less often, but he's never gotten over them completely. Not in all these years.” Ethan had never admitted his part in what happened to Seth. Rafe hadn't been there. Seth too probably didn't know what all had happened in that madness.

“I know Seth was hurt in an accident. He fell in a hole and his terrible scars are from burns.”

“I did it.”

“Did what?”

“I burned him.” Ethan started to tremble. It was shocking how powerful the words were when spoken aloud. “I dropped my lantern and burned my little brother almost to death.”

Audra felt it, because she hugged him tight, then drew him to the nearby kitchen table and sat him in a chair. She stepped away and Ethan reacted without thinking. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her on his lap.

Somewhere inside he knew he shouldn't touch her. When she heard the whole story she'd stand and put space between them. She'd probably move out of their bedroom and start sleeping with the children.