In To Blue: Book One Of The Blue Series (13 page)

              We start formulating our plan.  We come up with a name for the corporation Vendetta, L.L.C.  It’s perfect.  It speaks volumes to what it is I am trying to accomplish.  It’s the Italian word for revenge.  I tell Sam as much as I can about Walker Farms.  She says we should look into the most recent transactions he has done.  I also tell her about the land deal Reese had with Grant as well as my involvement with him. 

“Please don’t take this the wrong way Avery.  I think it is best that you are not with Mr. Harrison.  It might complicate the situation.”  “I couldn’t agree with you more.”  “Avery, I think have everything I need to get started.  I will get the company set up.  Once that is done we can transfer the money and get to work.  It shouldn’t take me more than a week to get the corporation set up.”  “Sounds great Sam.”  “I’ll call you when the corporation documents are in place and we can go from there.”  I shake her hand as I walk out of her office. 

              I meet Julie for lunch at a café not far from Sam’s office.  “So did you talk to Mrs. Bailey?  “Yes.  She answered my questions.”  “What are you going to do now?  “Nothing.  I’m just going enjoy the break I’m taking.”  “That’s good. Avery you seem better today.”  I have become good at covering up my pain.  “I think I’m coming to terms with everything.”  “Avery I’m so glad.  That is wonderful. 

Have you talked to him?”
 
Damn it she had to go there
.
  “Grant came out to the ranch after we had drinks yesterday.  “What did he say?”  “Nothing new Julie.  He gave me the same sob story he has been telling me since… Well you know.”  I can’t let my thoughts to go Coy.  It is too painful.  “Avery why can’t you forgive him?”  “I can’t Julie you don’t understand.  It’s over. Grant finally got the message.  I’ll never see him again.” 

We finish our lunch and as we are about to get up from the table.  I see Julie look up “Oh Shit!” she whispers.  Before she can say anything else I hear.  “Hello Avery.”  It’s Reese Walker.
 
Fuck
!
  Rage begins burning inside of me.  I stand and turn to face him.  “Avery how are you?”  “I’m great Reese no thanks to you.  If you will excuse us.” 

“Avery please.  I never meant for this to happen.”  I want nothing more but to slap Reese Walker across the face.  “Bullshit Reese!  You have been after me and my family for years.  “Avery, I’m so sorry.  I didn’t mean to upset you.”  “Don’t give me that sympathy bullshit.  I’m not buying it.  You aren’t in any way concerned with my well-being.  You are just trying to cover your ass. 

You don’t need to concern yourself with me.  If I were you, I would focus on the upcoming racing season.  I’m going to make damn sure Foster Racing buries you on the track.”

I storm out of the café.  “Avery wait!”  Julie is yelling at me.  “You ok.”  “Julie I’m fine.  I hate the Walker’s!”  “I know Avery.  Settle down.  It’s over.  He shouldn’t have even approached you.”  “I need to get back to the ranch Julie.  I’ll talk to you later.” 

              When I arrive back at the ranch.  I realize I never went and visited Blue this morning.  I quickly run out to the stables and visit with my horses.  I need to find Uncle Rex and he could be anywhere on the ranch.  “No time like the present Blue.”  I saddle up Blue and I slowly climb on.  The pain is uncomfortable but not unbearable. 

We slowly ride across the ranch.  I don’t want to push Blue or myself too much.  Fortunately, Uncle Rex is at the training stables. They are working with Sapphire.  “You ain’t got no business riding yet darlin.”  “I’m fine Uncle Rex.” “How is Sapphire doing?”  “She is doing real good.  Her run times are continually improving.”  “Great!  I want to start running her in January.”  “Darlin, we talked about this.  We agreed to run her through the paces first.”  “Which you are doing.  She will be ready.  I know it.”  “Darlin, I don’t know about this.”  Convincing him will be harder than I thought. 

“I ran into Reese Walker today.  I was having lunch with Julie.”  He looks stunned.  “What did he say?”  “Nothing much.  He tried to express his heartfelt concern.  Not that I believe a word that comes out of that man’s mouth.  “Darlin, I don’t think Reese knew what Coy was doing.”  “Come on Uncle Rex you can’t be serious.  What about Coy’s early get out of jail card?  Reese bought Coy that plea deal.”  “Darlin how did you find that out?”  “I figured it out on my own.” 

“Did you say anything to Reese?”  Uncle Rex asks.  “I basically told him he better start worrying about the upcoming racing season and that I was going bury him on the track.”  “Spoken like a true Foster.  Darlin you remind me of your daddy every day.”  “Are you going to get Sapphire ready for racing?”  “Darlin, I can’t say no to you.  I will have her ready in time.”  “Yes!”  I whisper.  “Darlin, I need to check on Buddy, I will catch you later.” 

I climb back on Blue and I take him back my stables.  Once he is settled back in I decide to grab a side by side and ride out on the property.  I figured it would be more comfortable for me and I don’t want Blue to overdo it.  I ride around checking on things and for some reason I drive out to the lake.  I stop and just stare at the water and it sparkles against the sunlight. 

I immediately think back to the last time I was here.  It was the first time I was with Grant.  Warmth fills my heart.  I smile recalling the events of that night.  I wish I could go back to that night and forget about everything else.  I start to cry.  I miss Grant.  I wish I could trust him. 

It’s too late for that.  I drove him away.  I forced all my despair and anguish I have suffered at the hands of Coy and I took it out on Grant.  It wasn’t hard to do.  I was angry at Grant for what happened in his playroom.  I needed to unleash the raw emotions welling up inside of me.  I tried to take what happened with Grant and force the similarities into the pain I was feeling at the hands of Coy.  I couldn’t yell at Coy.  I couldn’t fight back.  He was in jail and out of my reach. 

Grant was here and I could verbally bruise him with my hateful words.  I took advantage of the situation and blamed him for everything that happened to me.  I realize he’s not Coy.  He    never was.  He wouldn’t hurt me that way.  I completely breakdown.
 
What have I done
?
  I was so blinded by rage and torn emotionally. I lost control.  I blamed Grant for this, knowing it wasn’t his fault.  

I drive around the lake toward the back of the property.  I wasn’t even thinking when I drove back there.  I come up to my new parcel of land, the Miller’s place.  Sickness invades my body.  I don’t know why I did it but I drove up to the barn.  Fear is now welling up inside of me.  I walk inside the barn and toward the back.  I find the storage room in the back right corner. 

I shake as I enter the room.  The bed is still there but only the bed frame.  The lantern still hangs on the wall.  I walk to the corner of the room.  The hook is still protruding from the wooden boards.  This was Coy’s playroom.  I reach up and run my hand along the metal hook.  It sends painful chills all over my body.  It was part of my captor, holding me in place as Coy punished me. 

Memories return to my mind.  Images of being here.  Flashbacks of things that I hadn’t been able to recall.  I remember Coy telling me he would take everything from me.  Once he had possession of my body, he would take the ranch away for me.  He words flooded my mind and pierced my heart.  He told me I would willingly give him total control of everything.  I was nothing.  I was worthless piece of trash and my billionaire boyfriend would pay. 

“Dad and I are going make sure Harrison gets his.  He double crossed us.  You are going to help me Avery.  You will make him suffer.  He is just like me.  He marked you.  Trust me, I will be paying him a visit for that. 

I’ll make you hate him.”  I remember yelling at Coy.  “No!”  You won’t control me Coy! Fuck you! You’re sick son of a bitch!”  He laughed at me.  My words had no effect on him.  “You know dominants don’t like to share.  What am I saying?  I am a sadist and he is too.”

I did exactly what Coy told me I would do.  I deliberately pushed Grant away. Coy completely broke me down.  I fall to ground.  I feel like my world is falling apart.  I can still feel his breath on my neck.  I feel so sick.  Coy is not even here but he can still control me.  I can’t take it anymore and I run out of the barn. I drive as fast as I can back to the house my tears won’t stop falling. 

              I run to my bedroom and lock the door.  I fall down on my knees.  I can’t control my crying. The flashbacks keep coming.  I have to fight my mind and push them away.  I hear a knock at the door.  “What!”  “Avery!  What is wrong?  Let me in.”  “Go away Buddy!”  “Avery Leigh Foster if you don’t open this door, I’m going to break it down.”  Buddy is dead serious.  My bedroom door has been replaced more than once. 

I open the door and let him in.  I’m hysterical.   “Avery, what is it?”  “I’m remembering Buddy.  I’m remembering what Coy did!”  Buddy hugs me.  “Avery, it’s ok.  He can’t hurt you.”  “Do you want to talk about it?”  “No!”  “Avery, you have to talk to someone about it.  This isn’t healthy.  It’s breaking you down, I see it.  Don’t let this break you.”  “I’m broken Buddy!  Coy broke me!”  He got what he wanted.” 

“I don’t understand Avery.”  My mind is racing I go back to what Coy said about Grant.  “Oh no!  The Walker’s are after Grant!”  “How do you know this Avery?”  “Coy told me in the barn.  I didn’t remember it until today.”  “Avery you have to tell him.  He needs to know.”  “I can’t Buddy.” 

“You still care about him Avery.  I can see it in your eyes.”  I can’t respond.  “Buddy, please call him.”  “Avery he would much rather hear this from you.”  “No!  Buddy, I can’t.  Please call him!”  I walk over to my bed burying my head into my pillow.  “Ok Avery, I’ll call him.  I’ll let you rest.”  I lay there the rest of the afternoon and I cry myself to sleep. 

              I stay in bed the rest of the evening and next day.  I am torn between pushing the flashbacks of Coy out of my mind and trying to remember everything that happened.  I’m so confused.  I feel completely drained.  Not even my horses bring me joy.  I decide late that afternoon to go out and check on them. 

As I’m petting Blue.  “You ok?”  I can’t lie anymore.  “No.”  “At least you are telling me the truth for once.”  Buddy smiles.  “Did you talk to Grant?”  “Yes.”  “And?”  “He said not to worry he would keep a watchful eye out for Reese.  He was more concerned about you then himself.”  My heart warms and tears fill my eyes.”  “Thank you Buddy.”  I whisper.  “You are welcome.  You look exhausted.  Let’s get you back to bed.  Buddy walks me back to the house.  Marie tries to get me to eat something but all I want to do is sleep.  If I’m asleep I don’t have to think about anything.  It is the only peace in my life.

I get up the next day in desperate need of a shower.  Feeling less tired today, I decide to go out on the ranch.  Blue begins snorting in excitement as I enter the stables.  I was going to go out on the ranch anyway so why not take him.  I saddle him up and climb on.  We take off slow but quickly pick up the pace.  We spent all day riding all over the ranch.  Riding Blue around the ranch made me feel free.  For the first time in a long time I had fun and felt as if no one could hurt me.

I slowed Blue’s pace as we approached the lake.  My mind drifts to Grant.  Thinking about him creates worry in my mind.  I don’t want Reese to hurt him.  Hopefully Sam can move quickly and I can put my plan into motion.  It would take Reese’s attention away from Grant. 

I ride around the lake and up to the barn on the Miller’s addition without even realizing it.  There is a magnetic pull that draws me to this place.  I don’t know if it is an attempt to heal through the memories of what happened or if it is a way to punish myself.                                           

I tie Blue off right outside the front of the barn and walk in.  Haunting images fill my mind as I enter the storage room.  Memories of Coy’s words and punishment rush over me.  I walk over to the corner where the hook is embedded in the wall.  Staring at that corner, I remember things I said to Coy.  Screaming at him begging him to stop. 

A collage of memories fill my mind.  The pain I experienced was excruciating.  I was ready to die.  Unable to no longer tolerate the punishment I was receiving, I felt myself giving into him.  Coy knew that he had broken my will and I submitted to him.

“NO!”  I scream.  I collapse on to the floor crying.  I gave up and submitted to Coy.  I can’t believe I gave myself to him.  He took me and claimed me in this corner while I was tied to the hook.  Remembering his hands all over me fills me with disgust.  Now I know why I was only wearing a t-shirt when I escaped.  The night I escaped was the night Coy took possession of my body 

I hate myself and I feel so worthless.  I start screaming.  “How could I let this happen? What have I done?”  I will never forgive myself.  Curled up in the corner I continue to sob.  I’m only staying to punish myself.    I flinch as I hear someone walk in. 

“Avery.”  Buddy whispers.  Unable to move, I keep my head down.  “Avery it’s ok.”  Buddy walks toward me.  He kneels down and I jerk away from him.  He stops.  I hear someone else walk up as they kneel down.  I push myself farther into the corner.  “Avery, please let us get you out of here.”
 
Oh no
!
  It’s Grant.  I don’t want him to see me like this. He leans toward me and I try to push myself away but I can’t go anywhere.  Gently he places his hand on my shoulder.  “Avery don’t be scared.  No one is going to hurt you.  We just want to take you back home.”  I stay in that corner for a few more minutes punishing myself for what I have done. 

Slowly I stand up and turn around.  They both are pale as ghost and I can see the fear in their eyes.  Saying nothing, I walk past them and out to Blue.  Exhaustion consumes me making it impossible to climb onto Blue.  “Let me help you.”  Before I can say anything Grant lifts me up and helps me climb on Blue.   

Without warning he steps into the stirrup of the saddle and settles in behind me.  “Grant, what are you doing?”  I ask.  “Avery you are too weak to ride.  Let me help you.”  I can’t argue.  I don’t have the strength.  I just nod.  Buddy climbs up on his horse Rocket, ties Rebel off to him, and starts his way back to toward the house. 

Grant leans against my back putting his arms around me reaching for reigns.  He was right.  I don’t have the energy to ride Blue.  I feel my back cave in to his chest as I lean my head against his shoulders.   We don’t say a word to each other the entire ride back to the ranch.  I can’t believe I am letting him ride Blue.  It is just another indication of how broken I really am. 

We arrive back to my stables.  Grant climbs off Blue and then helps me down.  We walk Blue over to his stall and Grant removes Blue’s saddle.  Blue doesn’t move as he lets Grant take care of him.  I’m surprised.  Blue was always picky about who touched him.  Grant finishes getting Blue settled.  I have to admit Grant knows more about horses than I thought he did.  “Let’s get you inside you look exhausted” 

I say nothing as I start to walk out of the stables.  My legs start getting weak as they buckle underneath me.  I feel Grant grab me.  He hoist me in his arms.  He pulls me up to him and our eyes meet.  He freezes and just gazes into my eyes.  I can feel what we had between us.  I feel his love for me. I realize in that moment that I felt love for Grant.

I lean my head down on his shoulder and Grant begins to walking to the house.  Buddy meets us on the porch.  “Is she ok?”  Buddy asks.  “Yeah.  She’s just tired.”  Grant whispers.  Buddy leads Grant into the house and up the stair case to my room.  Grant lies me on the bed and takes off my boots.  “I will leave you two alone.”  Buddy closes the door as he leaves. 

I am at a loss for words.  Grant sits on the edge of the bed and leans over as if he is trying to collect his thoughts.  “I’m sorry Grant.”  He quickly looks at me with surprise.  “For what?”  “For the things I said to you.  I was angry and hurt.  I took it out on you.”  Tears soak my eyes.  “Avery, I knew you were hurting.  I forgave you the minute you said it.  I knew that wasn’t the Avery I know saying those things to me.” 

Grant reaches over and grabs my hand.  “You have been through a very traumatic ordeal.  I can’t imagine what you have been going through.”  He squeezes my hand.  “I can’t believe you are here.  After everything I have said, this should be the last place you want to be.”  I’m trying so hard not to become hysterical again. 

“Avery, when Buddy called to warn me about Reese, he told me you were having flashbacks about what happened with Coy.  He is so worried about you and I could sense it in his voice.”  I’m touched by Buddy’s concern.  I don’t want my family worrying about me. 

“Every day away from you Avery has been hell.  After talking to Buddy I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to see you.  I’m not here to push you.  I want to be here for you.  Just let me help you.”  My heart is sinking.  I wipe the tears from my face.  “I’ll try.”  “You need your rest.  We can talk later.”  Grant walks over to the chair in the corner of my room.  He takes the blanket off the chair and lays it over me.  “Get some sleep.”  I fall asleep not long after Grant leaves my room

When I awake it is daylight outside.  I roll over and it is eight thirty a.m.
 
Shit
!
I slept straight through the afternoon and all night. Mental exhaustion seems to really wear me out.  I look up and my phone is on my night stand.  I guess Buddy or Grant put it there for me.  I quickly grab it and call Sam. 

“Samantha Bailey’s office.”  “Hi.  This is Avery Foster is Sam in?”  “Yes ma’am one moment please.”  “Avery! How are you?”  “I’m good look I need to see you as soon as possible.”  “Avery what is wrong?”  “Nothing I just need to talk to you.”  “I have a few appointments this morning I should be free at eleven.”  “I will see you then.”  I hang up.

I immediately dial my physician’s phone number.  I remember Coy used a condom but I need to make sure I am clean.  Fortunately she had an opening this morning.  I run and grab a shower and get ready. 

As I make my way to the staircase, I hear voices coming from the kitchen.  Buddy and Grant are talking.  I take a few steps on the staircase and stop to listen to their conversation.  I can hear Buddy talking.  “I’m glad you came.  I’m so worried about her.  I have never seen her like this.  I was less worried when she was angry but now she is lost and depressed.  This whole thing with Coy has really gotten to her.” 

“Has she talked about what happened with Coy?”  Grant asks.  “Briefly.  She won’t go into specifics.” “Buddy, we have to find out what happened.  It’s the only way to help her.”  “Grant you know that will be damn near impossible.”  “I know but we have to try Buddy.” 

“Grant, when are you going back to New York?”  “I haven’t decided.  I have business here but I have no intentions of leaving anytime soon.  I lost Avery once and I plan on doing everything I can to get her back.  She would never admit it but she needs me now more than ever.”  Tears fill my eyes.  I am touched by their conversation.  I hate myself so much but they still care for me. 

Grant and Buddy quiet as I walk down the staircase.  I wipe my tears before entering the kitchen and make my announcement.  “I have some errands to run.  I’ll be back later.  Buddy can you check on my horses?  “Sure”  “I can take you.”  Grant quickly chimes in.  “That’s ok.   I kind of want some time alone.”  “I better get back to my hotel.  I have some work to do.  I will walk out with you.

“How are you feeling?”  Grant asks.  If I could be honest, I would tell Grant that I’m devastated and completely broken.  I chose to lie instead.  “Better.”  I smile.  “That’s good.  Avery, could I interest you in lunch after you finish your errands?”  I pause not sure what I should do.  I’m not sure what I’m feeling at this particular moment.  “Yes.  Lunch sounds nice.”  “Great.  Text me when you are finished with your errands.”  Grant gets in his car and his driver takes off. 

I make my way toward Louisville.  I park my truck down past Sam’s office.  With Grant in town it would be my luck he would see my vehicle parked out in front of her office.  I look around for his vehicle just to be sure as I slip into her office.

“Avery come in.  Have a seat.”  “I should have the company documents with in the next few days and then we can move forward from there.”  “Good.  I need you to look into something else for me.”  “Sure.  What is it?”  “I need to know the details of Coy Walker’s plea deal.  I want to know what evidence the D.A had and what his original charges were prior to the deal.” 

“Avery what is going on?  Are you ok?” I remember giving in to Coy but Dr. Moore said the rape kit was negative.  I need to find out how that is possible.  I’m so confused on this.  In my mind I believe it was consensual.  I don’t classify it as rape.
 
That being the case wouldn’t the rape kit determine sex had occurred
?
 

I become ill just thinking about it.  I decide not to tell Sam that I remember what Coy did to me.  “I don’t remember everything that occurred.  I’m trying to piece together my memories and I want a full picture of what happened.  I think it might help me.

Since I’m adding to work load I am doubling your retainer.”  “Avery you don’t have to do that.”  “Please Sam, I insist.”  “Ok.  I will get to work on it.  I don’t think it will take me very long to get the information you are requesting.”  “Thank you.  Call me when you have the details.”

I leave out of her office and make my way to the bank.  “Avery.  What a pleasant surprises what can I do for you?”  “Hello Richard.   I would like to talk to you about one of my accounts.”  “Sure.  Let’s step into my office. 

“What can I help you with Avery?” Richard asks as he closes his door.  “As you now I have all of my inheritance money in this bank.  I’m working on a new business venture and I’ll be transferring the inheritance funds to my new business account.  I plan on setting the account up once the corporation documents have been filed.  I’ll keep the new business account with you.  I just want to know how traceable the money is.  It’s a legitimate business. I just don’t want people being nosey about it.” 

“I can assure you Avery, your privacy is well protected here.  No one other than me will know about the money transfer.”  “That is what I want to here.  I want anonymity with my new business.”  “Not to worry Avery.  You will have it.”  “Thank you Richard.  I will be in contact once I have the necessary paperwork in place. 

I make my way over to Dr. Warren’s office.  I was due for my annual checkup anyway so it is a perfect excuse for a full workup and have blood drawn.   She does a complete physical, gynecological exam and full panel of blood work.  “So far Avery everything looks fine.  Since we run all test in house I should have the results this afternoon or in the morning.   

Are you doing ok after everything that has happened?”  “Yes.  I’m fine.  I just wanted to get a clean bill of health since it’s been almost a year since I’ve been here.”  I have to be careful with what I say to Dr. Warren.  She might get suspicious as to why I want blood work done for any and all STD’s.  “Very well.  I will get this to the lab and I will call you as I have results.”