In the Spotlight (11 page)

Finally, I stopped at a light and wiped my tears hastily on the back of my hand. I knew who I wanted to call.

Pulling my phone out, I waited while it rang, trying desperately to control my sniffling and tears.

“Hey, Hannah, what’s up?” Josh said, sounding pleased that it was me.

“Um, hi, Josh,” I hiccupped. “I was wondering if you could, um, meet me at McDuffy’s.”

“Yeah, I’ll be right there,” Josh said. “Do you want me to stay on the phone while I drive?”

“No, that’s okay,” I choked out, feeling immediately comforted.

We hung up, and I detoured to McDuffy’s, our local hang out. Josh pulled in a minute or two after me and hopped out of his car. He was wearing pajama pants and his letterman jacket. I was about to open my door when Josh pulled it open for me.

“What happened?” Josh asked, concern etching his voice as he helped me out of the car. I opened my mouth to tell him, but all that came out was a lot of blubbering. He shrugged out of his jacket, threw it around my shoulders, and pulled me into a hug. I sobbed into his shirt until I felt spent. When it felt like I’d cried my last tears, I pulled away from Josh and glanced up at him shyly.

“Let’s go inside,” Josh suggested. I nodded mutely, and let him guide me into the restaurant.

The hostess led us to a corner booth and left us with water and some menus. Josh took in my puffy, red face and shook his head slowly. As his eyes trailed down my body, he made a strange noise, and when I followed his gaze, I gasped. The ache in my leg was actually a gash about three inches long that was still oozing blood. Tears welled up in my eyes again. Taking charge, Josh carefully lifted my leg up onto the seat of the booth between us.

Dipping a napkin in his water, he began to clean the cut.

“What happened?” he asked again.

I shuddered. “This guy…” I began with a wavering voice.

“He tried to…but I wouldn’t let him…and I think I left my coat at his house.”

My babbling couldn’t have been making sense, but Josh didn’t say anything. He just finished cleaning my cut. When the waitress came back, Josh ordered some hot chocolate and pie for the both of us. I was starting to feel better, so I slid out of his coat.

That’s when we both noticed the angry bruise on my forearm.

“Tell me again, exactly what happened,” Josh said very slowly staring at the bruise.

I took a deep breath. “Please, can we just not talk about it right now?” I asked. “I just need to not think about it.”

“One last question, promise,” Josh said.

“Okay,” I agreed.

“Did he hurt you anywhere else?” The question hung there.

We both knew what he meant, but what he couldn’t bring himself to verbalize.

“No,” I whispered.

“Okay,” Josh said.

The waitress brought our hot chocolate and pie, and we dug in. “Hey, thanks,” I said, giving Josh a small smile.

“Anytime,” Josh smiled back. “I hope this means that we’re friends again.”

I knew what he meant right away, and I felt my heart sink.

After the jerky way I’d strung Josh back and forth between friendship and the other extreme, he was still sitting here with me now. He’ had come at a moment’s notice.

“I didn’t interrupt anything too important, I hope,” I said, awkwardly, obviously trying to change the subject. Embarrassed, I took a bite of my pie.

Josh laughed. “Just some intense reruns of
Bewitched
that I was watching with my mom.”

I laughed with him. In that moment, I couldn’t remember why I’d ever thought that Josh was just a dumb jock. Or why I’d thought that Kyle was my love for eternity. This was what love was supposed to feel like, I decided, safe and comfortable.

Chapter Thirteen

Josh, Claudia, Kyle, and I pulled our chairs close to Ms.

Bard. The auditorium was soothingly quiet. When Ms. Bard had called a principles only rehearsal after regular rehearsal, my initial reaction had been disbelieving exhaustion, but now that we were here, I thought maybe it would reenergize me.

“I want to get the four of you comfortable with each other,”

Ms. Bard explained. “We’ll be building a Circle of Trust now.”

Ah, the Circle of Trust. Ms. Bard had been building the Circle of Trust every year since she’d come to our school, and I don’t think it ever really made a difference. Still, there was something exhilarating about being part of the Circle of Trust for the first time.

“The rules are simple,” Ms. Bard told us. “I want you to share things about yourselves that are relevant for your characters.”

“I don’t get it,” Claudia complained.

Kyle smiled indulgently at her. I shuddered involuntarily and scooted infinitesimally closer to Josh. “She means that you should think about your character, and when she asks a question you answer how your character would answer,” he explained.

“Actually, that’s not quite how it works,” Ms. Bard corrected him gently. Kyle flushed with either anger or embarrassment but didn’t say anything further. “What will happen is, I’ll ask you a question. I then want you to answer it honestly but find a way to tie it in to your character. The objective is that you all get comfortable sharing personal information with each other, but also that you get comfortable putting yourself into your character. Before we begin, I want to emphasize that all information shared in the Circle of Trust stays within the Circle of Trust.”

We all nodded in understanding. “Okay, first question,” Ms.

Bard said pulling out a stack of note cards. “What is your favorite love song?”

There was a moment of contemplation. Claudia raised her hand. “I’ll go first,” she volunteered. “My favorite love song is
Baby
One More Time
by Brittany Spears. It’s classic Brittany.”

“And how do you feel it relates to your character?” Ms. Bard prompted.

“Oh, um, well, I guess she would feel like she really wants to win the guy, and a lot of the time she’s really lonely, so you know, she wants him to pay attention to her,” Claudia finished, smiling proudly.

“Well, my favorite love song is
You Give Love a Bad Name
,”

Kyle said, giving me a rather pointed look. “I really feel like it speaks to the heartache that comes from giving your heart to another person.”

“Oh please,” I snorted. “It’s just a song for guys looking to blame girls for not liking them.”

Josh burst out laughing. Kyle glared at him and then me. Ms.

Bard frowned briefly. “Let’s be respectful in the Circle of Trust,”

she chided. “Joshua, please share your favorite love song with us.”

A full blush colored Josh’s cheeks. “Well, I actually really like that Dolly Parton song,
Islands in the Stream
.”

My jaw dropped.

“What?” Josh asked, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably.

“That’s my favorite love song,” I said. “My dad used to sing it to my mom all the time when I was little.”

Josh gave me a smile that was actually sort of shy.

“Marvelous progress!” Ms. Bard exclaimed.

“What about you, Ms. Bard?” Claudia asked. “What’s your favorite love song?”

Laughing Ms. Bard answered, “This isn’t about me, dear.”

“Oh, come on, Ms. Bard,” I chimed in. “You can share in the Circle of Trust, too, can’t you?”

Ms. Bard seemed to consider her answer heavily before she said, “Well, my current favorite love song is actually
Love Story
by Taylor Swift. It’s just so much fun. And who doesn’t love a good reference to Romeo and Juliet?”

Claudia looked disappointed. I guess I sort of knew how she felt; almost like Ms. Bard should have liked something more grown up and intriguing. Instead, she liked teenage country music from the recent past.

“Next question,” Ms. Bard prompted. “What celebrity do you have a crush on?”

I still wasn’t sure how this activity helped us get to know each other better or how it helped us connect with our characters, but the questions weren’t hard. And I was finding that I actually really enjoyed getting to know more about Josh. And how weird was it that we shared a favorite love song?

Kyle sighed. “I’m not sure what this has to do with anything, but I think Megan Fox is hot. Are you with me on this one, Josh?”

Shaking his head Josh said, “Actually she sort of scares me. I like girls that are more natural looking like Jenna Fisher on
The
Office
.”

What an interesting contrast. Not that many people would argue with either one of them, but it sure made a difference as to who they would pick as a girlfriend. Suddenly I saw all sorts of value in Ms. Bard’s Circle of Trust.

“I think Robert Pattinson is hot. No maybe Taylor Lautner.

No Robert Pattinson. No Taylor Lautner. Well, whatever. Most of the guys in those Twilight movies are h to the o to the t,” Claudia said. I had to stifle laughter. Claudia really did have a hoochie gene. It was my turn. I had to say something. But who on earth could I say that didn’t make me sound hormonal or shallow? My mind raced through lists of actors that I found attractive. Finally, after much hemming and hawing I said, “I guess I find that guy from
Sixteen Candles
pretty hot.”

“Oh come on,” Kyle muttered.

“Ew,” Claudia squealed. “That guy has to be like one hundred by now.”

Ms. Bard chuckled. “He’s hardly one hundred years old, Claudia. And this is based on your personal opinions. Not by current trends. Hannah, how do you feel this crush helps you understand your character?”

I hadn’t counted on her asking me that. “I guess it makes sense mostly because all of the songs come from the , so when Kelly is listening to that music, she’d also be watching movies from the eighties.”

“Your turn, Ms. Bard,” Josh grinned.

Ms. Bard blushed. “Well,” she hesitated. “My celebrity crush isn’t on an actor.” She paused, and Claudia leaned forward, her hands clasped together in excitement. “I find Chef Bobby Flay quite attractive.”

As Ms. Bard drifted into a dreamy contemplation of the merits of Bobby Flay, Josh leaned over to me and whispered. “My mom says Bobby Flay is a pompous Neanderthal, but I think that’s what she likes about him.”

“What? His caveman-‐-ness?” I whispered back. Josh and I burst out laughing, drawing a glare from Kyle, a confused glance from Claudia, and a small smile from Ms. Bard, who quickly looked down at her note cards.

“One last question for the Circle of Trust today,” Ms. Bard said. “We’ll have the Circle of Trust every Tuesday after rehearsal.

For our last question today, go around the circle and say one nice thing about each of your cast mates.”

Oh, crap. After last Saturday, there was about zero nice I could say about Kyle. My leg still ached from the gash, and my heart hurt worse from how wrong I’d been about him. I threaded my hands together nervously.

“I’ll start,” Kyle said, a sort of mocking tone coating each word. “Claudia is beautiful. What can I say besides that? Hannah is easy,” Kyle paused, seemingly for emphasis. My stomach churned and my heart squeezed. I had to blink hard to keep the tears out of my eyes. “To get along with, I mean. And Josh isn’t a scumbag.”

“Um…thanks?” Josh said. “Kyle has worked really hard on this project. Claudia seems really supportive of everyone. And Hannah,” Josh paused. What was with all the pausing? “And Hannah is the most talented person I’ve ever met.” He finished softly. My breath caught.

“Oh please,” Kyle sniped, rolling his eyes.

Ms. Bard smiled. “That’s very nice, Josh. Claudia, won’t you share, dear?”

“Well, Josh is a really good singer. Kyle makes me feel special. And Hannah is my best friend,” Claudia said.

Say what? Best friends? How had I missed that? I smiled awkwardly at Claudia. Well. That only left my turn. “Okay,” I took a deep breath. “Kyle wrote a good show. Claudia constantly reminds me that I don’t know everything about myself. And Josh…seems like he really loves what he’s doing.”

Claudia beamed, but Josh looked disappointed. I was disappointed. But I didn’t even know what I was feeling for him anymore. I didn’t really want to share that with Kyle and Claudia and Ms. Bard as well.

“Remember to be here promptly at three-‐-thirty tomorrow afternoon. Mr. Reed will be here to start fitting you for your costumes,” Ms. Bard said before dismissing us.

Kyle and Claudia were already in a heated debate about something as they left the stage. Josh moved more slowly, almost matching me pace for pace. “That was interesting, huh?” he said.

“Oh, yeah, very,” I replied, willing him to give me some time to figure this out.

Josh grabbed his backpack from one of the auditorium seats and stood waiting for me. Ever since the night at McDuffy’s, Josh had stayed extra close to me, just sort of hovering at the edges. And even though I still wasn’t quite sure what I felt for him, I was grateful for his presence. Generally Kyle steered clear of me, but every once in awhile he’d give me a look that made my skin crawl.

Josh and I headed out to the parking lot quietly. Suddenly he asked, “How’s your leg?”

“Still hurts,” I shrugged.

Josh got quiet again, and part of me wished I could ask him what was wrong. We weren’t at that place in our friendship yet. We didn’t say anything else until we got to my car. And even then it was just a simple farewell. I watched him walk to his car with a tugging in my heart. I knew my crush had turned a corner and was heading into dangerous territory.

****

The next night was our sleepover for the girls in the cast. Ms.

Bard loved creating these sorts of bonding experiences, and in my previous years in the musical, the sleepovers had been fun. I was sort of grateful for the distraction from all the boy drama in my life.

Ms. Bard beamed as all the girls in the cast unrolled their sleeping bags in the choir room. I tried to position myself between Maggie and Kaylee, but somehow Claudia weaseled her way in between Maggie and me. It didn’t entirely surprise me since she’d made her revelation that I was her best friend in the world.

“I would never be caught having a sleepover with freshmen if this wasn’t a class assignment,” Claudia confided. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that this sleepover had nothing to do with drama class, and maybe I couldn’t blame her for not knowing that since she had just joined drama class at the semester break.