In the Mouth of the Tiger (32 page)

But most of all I thought about Tanya. She would be at this very moment lying with her husband in their stateroom on the
China
, dreaming of the glories of England and Europe that lay ahead, and of the life they would lead on their return to Malaya. I think I envied her more than a little. She had been cruel in the way she had parted with Mother, but she had made the break and now she was free.

I wondered when I would see her again, and in what circumstances.

I saw her less than twenty-four hours later, standing in the rain outside the KL railway station. She had a suitcase beside her and her face was a picture of misery. She had no hat or umbrella, and stood bareheaded in the rain so that her usually beautifully groomed blonde hair fell messily about her shoulders. I had been on my way to the library to change my books in my lunch hour, and had caught a rickshaw more to get out of the rain than anything else.

‘What are you doing in KL, Tanya?' I called from the shelter of the rickshaw canopy. ‘I thought you were on your way to Europe! Climb in and I'll take you to wherever you're going.'

Tanya stared at me for a second, almost as if she didn't recognise me, then climbed in beside me.

‘Where to?' I asked. ‘I'm only going to the library, so I can take you anywhere you want to go.'

Tanya gave me a long look, and then flung her arms around me and sobbed into my neck. It was the first time she had ever hugged me, and I hugged her back fiercely.

‘I'm so glad you saw me,' she said finally, lifting her face. ‘I've been such
a dreadful person, Nona. I've let everybody down. And now I'm in a truly awful fix. I don't know what to do. And I don't have anywhere to go.' Her blue eyes, usually so sharp and aggressive, looked so forlorn that I kept my arms around her and hugged her even closer.

We had coffee at the London Coffee Shop in Java Street, a snug establishment with oak-panelled booths suitable for private conversation. ‘Everything went so well to start with,' Tanya said. ‘Eugene had gone to such trouble it could hardly have been otherwise. He arranged a room for me at the E&O to freshen up after the train journey, and then a car to take us to the Registry Office. We had a civil ceremony with two of Eugene's friends as witnesses. It was over so quickly I could hardly believe it. But afterwards I had this lovely glow. I was Mrs Aubrey. I was somebody in the world.'

She sat for a moment staring out into Java Street, her face quite transfixed by the memory.

‘We had champagne in the Palm Court bar, then went down to the ship,' she resumed. ‘The
China
was due to board at four o'clock but Eugene arranged for us go on board immediately. That is the power you have when you are rich. We were in our cabin by two o'clock. It was lovely, Nona, a full suite of rooms with its own bathroom. And Eugene had filled every corner with flowers.'

Then a look of pain crossed her face.

‘What happened, Tanya?' I asked softly.

‘He wanted to make love,' Tanya said. ‘I was sitting on the side of the bed, arranging the flowers on our bedside table, when he pulled me down beside him. He said he loved me and couldn't wait.'

It seemed so natural, so inevitable. The excitement of getting married. Champagne and congratulations. Then suddenly being alone in a lovely cabin on an ocean liner. Of course Eugene would have wanted to make love. It was what being in love and getting married was all about.

‘I just froze up,' Tanya said. ‘It was dreadful. He was so tender and thoughtful, but I turned to ice. Worse than ice. I was all tight and somehow knotted up inside. I couldn't move. I could hardly breathe. But Eugene didn't seem to notice. He just kept on touching me and caressing me. And then he began to undress me. I closed my eyes tight and tried so hard to relax. Just for a second or two I thought I might be able to go through with it. But then I opened my eyes and saw him naked. I screamed, Nona. And kept on screaming. I just couldn't stop myself.'

I felt my skin crawl, feeling for Tanya but also for poor Eugene. It must
have been the most dreadful shock for him. His whole world must have collapsed in an instant. His wife lying on their marriage bed, screaming at him with fear and loathing.

‘He backed away at once,' Tanya went on. ‘Just grabbed his clothes and went into the bathroom. I kept screaming until there was a knock at the cabin door. That made me pull myself together, and I told them through the door that we had been laughing. I don't know if they believed me or not, but they went away. I had to get away, Nona. I felt so mortified, so awful. I put my dress back on, grabbed my suitcase, and made a bolt for it.'

We sat in silence, the rain running down the mullioned window beside us.

‘Where is Eugene now?' I asked. ‘Do you know? Is he still on the
China
?'

‘I know he got off the ship,' Tanya said. ‘I know because I tried to get a message through to him before the ship sailed, just to say sorry and to tell him that I was ashore. But they told me he had disembarked. I don't know where he is now.'

‘Do you want to go back to him?' I asked bluntly. ‘You are his wife, after all.'

Tanya stared at me like a frightened rabbit. ‘What do you mean, go back to him?' she temporised.

‘You know perfectly well what I mean, Tanya. Do you want to have another shot at being married? Or was it so bad you just want to stay clear? Seek an annulment and so on. I don't think that would be too difficult, actually, because the marriage hasn't been consummated.'

Tanya continued to stare at me helplessly, biting her lower lip. ‘I think I'd like to try again,' she said finally in a small voice.

I sipped my coffee, trying to decide what was for the best. It seemed to me that there was precious little prospect that the marriage would succeed, however hard Tanya tried. Her aversion to the physical side of marriage was obviously so overpowering that incidents such as that on the
China
were bound to keep occurring. Eventually Eugene would decide that he had had enough. If he hadn't already decided. After all, he must have lost hundreds of dollars on the aborted European trip as well as being humiliated in front of his friends.

But there was something in Tanya's eyes – a child-like trust and a belief that I would help her – that made it impossible for me to do anything else but promise to help her.

‘Shall I try and contact Eugene and explain why you acted as you did?' I asked. ‘I think I will have to be perfectly frank about your problem, and tell him everything. Then if he really loves you – and I think he does – I think he'll want to give things another chance.'

Tanya – a very different Tanya to the arrogant, self-possessed Iceberg Tanya of my childhood – reached across the café table and squeezed my hand. ‘If you could do that for me Nona, I will be in debt to you for the rest of my life.'

I turned to immediate, practical matters. ‘Where are you going to stay?' I asked. I realised that she couldn't simply come home to Parry Drive – the language in her note to Mother had effectively burned her boats behind her.

‘I have a few hundred dollars saved up. But I haven't booked in anywhere. Perhaps I should try the Empire?'

We settled on the Empire, a genteel private hotel only a few doors down Java Street. Rather shabby but comfortable, it had a reputation as the roostingplace for single woman – either leftovers from the Fishing Fleet or wives who had at last summoned up the courage to leave bullying or alcoholic husbands. I saw Tanya safely ensconced in a tiny room overlooking the utilitarian back courtyard, then caught a rickshaw back to work. As we raced through the streets – now hot and steamy under a blazing afternoon sun – I pondered on how on earth I was going to contact Eugene, and what I would say when I did.

Both questions were answered surprisingly quickly. The extraordinary circumstances of Madam Tanya's departure from Salon Tanya may have created a management crisis for us but it also boosted our trade. Half the matrons of KL found it necessary to advance their hair appointments, just to get the latest instalment of the unfolding drama. The next morning I was washing a lady's hair – my mind a million miles away as it usually was – when she peered up at me with a small, malicious smile. ‘Is it true poor Mr Aubrey is back in KL, Nona?' she asked. ‘And quite without Tanya? My syce told me that Mr Aubrey's syce drove him down from Penang last night, and that he's staying at the Railway Hotel on his own. I rather think the marriage might be over before it has even begun.'

Half of Salon Tanya hung on my reply.

‘I'm afraid I have no idea what you are talking about, Lady Tregowan,' I said blandly. ‘But I have heard that Mr Aubrey's syce is given to telling the most outrageous fibs, and that whoever believes him needs medication.'
Mother gave me a steely look for my rudeness, but I just shook my head obstinately. I was furious at Lady Tregowan's comment and did not care who knew it. It seemed so mean and tawdry that people could actually get pleasure out of other people's pain. I finished washing the woman's hair as quickly as I could and stalked off to wash my hands. I was still trembling, and decided I needed a walk to settle myself down.

It was a measure of my new relationship with Mother that she did not attempt to stop me, or even to comment on what had just occurred.

Almost unconsciously, I found myself walking towards the imposing, mock-Moorish façade of the Railway Hotel, only about half a mile away. The hotel was part of the KL Railway Station complex, and legendary in up-country Malaya. Raffles in Singapore and the Crag in Penang were its only rivals in the whole of the Peninsula. Sultans stayed there, and famous English writers soaking up atmosphere. It seemed a highly appropriate place for a broken-hearted husband to hole up and lick his wounds.

Before I had time to think what I was going to say I was being shown into the small reception room of Eugene's suite. A Chinese boy appeared and I asked if I could see Mr Aubrey.

‘Tuan not well, Mem,' the boy said politely. ‘But he say thank you for calling on him.'

‘Please tell Tuan that I have a message for him from his wife,' I said firmly. I was not going to leave until I had at least seen the man face to face.

The boy returned a moment later. ‘Tuan will be short time,' he said. ‘Please sit down.'

Eugene appeared about ten minutes later. He had obviously just shaved and showered, as his face was smooth and pink and his hair, slicked back fashionably, was still wet. He had also taken care with his wardrobe, wearing a white shirt with a vaguely military tie, grey flannel slacks and a dark blue reefer jacket emblazoned with the lion crest of the Singapore Cricket Club.

This has to be promising, I told myself. Nobody goes to these lengths to meet a mere messenger unless the subject matter under discussion is very close to their heart.

But Eugene's opening comment was anything but promising. ‘I think my wife's behaviour has been absolutely unforgivable, Nona,' he said. ‘It hurt me deeply that she could think that I would harm her. My intentions towards her were . . . purely affectionate. I don't think I will ever forget the way she screamed at me, as if I was intending to do her some dreadful harm.'

‘Tanya's behaviour
was
inexcusable, Eugene,' I responded. ‘She understands that all too well. I have come here on her behalf to apologise, and to see if it is at all possible for her to make amends in some way. And also to explain, if I may, why she acted as she did.'

Eugene sighed. ‘Thank you for coming, Nona. To be perfectly frank, I just don't know what I should do. I think I would be within my rights if I washed my hands of her.' He frowned, massaging his forehead with a tired, dispirited gesture, then looked up. ‘But why don't we go downstairs and have a drink? I could certainly do with one, and this couldn't be easy for you.'

It was quiet and cool in the hotel lounge, with fans turning silently in the high ceiling and white-coated boys standing unobtrusively in the corners of the room. ‘You said you might be able to tell me why Tanya acted as she did,' Eugene prompted.

I mentally squared my shoulders. I was going to have to be blunt. ‘Tanya experienced things in China when she was only a child. Awful things. She has not told me anything specific but clearly she was badly abused. The experience has scarred her deeply. She loves you, Eugene, and would love to respond to you as a woman should. But she simply cannot. Not at the moment. Her instinct takes over and makes her react in the way she did.'

Eugene eyes had been on mine as I spoke, and when I finished he sat back in his chair. ‘Dr Cole, my physician, told me that something like that might have happened. I had to see him last night because I was in something of a state myself.'

‘Did Dr Cole make any suggestions about what might be done for Tanya?' I asked.

Eugene shook his head. ‘To be quite frank with you, he said these conditions are often incurable. He urged me to break off the relationship, on the basis that whatever we do to try and cure her might simply make things worse. It might compound Tanya's problems by giving her a guilt complex as well.'

‘Then I think Dr Cole is rotten doctor,' I said hotly. ‘Tanya wants to find a cure for her problem, not just learn to live with it. She wants to become a proper wife and a mother.'

Eugene smiled at my passion. ‘I think Dr Cole is probably correct. In the clinical sense. But there is another element of the equation, you know. I happen to love the lady. If what you say is true, that Tanya loves me in return, then I think perhaps it would be wrong not to try.' He leaned forward in his
chair, his black Armenian eyes searching mine. ‘But how do I know that what you say is true, Nona? Tanya did not only spurn my advance in our cabin, she fled the ship. She abandoned me and I still don't know where she is. She did not act as if she has the least little bit of affection for me.'