In From the Cold (6 page)

“After all, it’s just for a little while.”

Rose held tighter to her daughter’s hand. “Just for a little while.”

They kept walking, and then they were back in their old neighbourhood.

Rose felt — she didn’t know what she felt, as she walked past familiar shops and houses. She passed the corner store where her husband had bought his newspapers and lottery tickets. She passed the vegetable stand with the oranges, apples, and onions stacked neatly on trays. They walked past the Portuguese bakery with the plates of small custard tarts in the window. Hazel had loved those tarts when she was younger.

They crossed the street that had been their street. A few houses up was the house that had been
their
house. Rose did not turn her head to try to see it. Would it still have police crime scene tape around it? Would it have a For Sale sign in the yard? Would other people be living there now, using her kitchen, enjoying the flowers she had planted in the narrow beds at the front of the house?

That’s my old life, she thought. From now on, she would only look ahead.

Two more blocks, and there was Hazel’s school. Rose wiped away the tears that had come into her eyes.

This was where she had taken Hazel on the first day of kindergarten. She had stood and watched outside the school that whole first morning in case Hazel needed her.

This was where she had come for parent-teacher interviews and where she had learned that Hazel was one of the smartest kids in the class. This was where she had come to watch Christmas concerts and the third-grade play.

On days when it rained unexpectedly, Rose had waited outside the school with an umbrella.
The two of them had walked home together, sheltered from the weather.

Why didn’t I leave then? Rose asked herself. Why didn’t I take Hazel, climb onto a bus, and head out of town back then, back before all this happened? We would have left with nothing, but what do we have now? At least we’d be together.

At the edge of the schoolyard, they stopped. Rose checked her watch. “They’ll be coming outside for recess soon. Tell me what you’re going to do.”

“I’m going to find Emma, and together we’ll go talk to the principal.”

Her friend Emma would help Hazel to feel brave.

“And if Emma isn’t at school today?”

“Then I’ll go right into the principal’s office and start talking. I won’t be scared at all.”

“Good girl. And what will you say?”

Hazel looked unsure.

“You’ll say the truth, honey,” Rose reminded her. “Only the truth.”

“Where will you be?”

“I’ll be watching, to make sure that you’re safe and they’re treating you well. You won’t be able to see me, but I’ll be watching.”

She wouldn’t be. As soon as Hazel hit the playground, Rose was planning to leave. To stand and watch would be too painful. She’d lose her nerve. She’d run and grab Hazel back, and that was something that could not happen.

“I’ve changed my mind, Mommy,” Hazel said suddenly. She started to cry. “I want to stay with you.” She threw her arms around her mother. “Let me go to Vancouver with you. I don’t mind hitchhiking. Or let’s go back to the shack. I’ll be good. I’ll help out.”

A bell rang in the school. Any second now, kids would start zipping around the playground.

“It’s just for a little while,” Rose said, breathing in the scent of her daughter’s hair. She tried to imprint the feel of her daughter’s body against her own so she would never forget it.

She heard the sounds of children and saw the schoolyard filling up. She reached behind and unclasped her daughter’s hands from the back of her neck.

“Listen to me,” she said, drying Hazel’s tears. “You are the best daughter in the world, in the whole history of the world. When you get older, you make sure people treat you with respect,
all right? And if any man hits you, ever, even just one time, and even if he says he’s sorry, you walk away from him.”

“Don’t tell me that,” Hazel said. “That sounds like advice for when I grow up.”

“You’re right,” Rose said. “Tuck it away until you need it. For now, brush your teeth every night before you go to sleep, work hard in school, and remember that I love you.”

They were starting to attract attention. Kids were staring and pointing at them in that unembarrassed way kids do.

“Go now,” Rose said. “Go find Emma. I’ll be watching, but don’t look back. Go!”

She turned her daughter around and gave her a little push in the direction of the school.

Hazel just stood there.

“Go!” Rose ordered.

Then Hazel ran. She didn’t look back. She kept on running, right to her friend, Emma. Emma squealed, then Hazel squealed, and then they squealed together and hugged.

Rose had to turn away. She walked quickly down the block, turned the corner, and was soon on one of the city’s main streets.

She stood on the edge of the sidewalk and watched the traffic go by. When she spotted a police car, she lifted her arms, waved them in the air, and stepped into the street.

The car stopped. She went over to the driver’s side. The officer rolled down the window.

“I killed my husband,” Rose said. “Four months ago. You’re looking for me.”

The officer helped Rose into the back of the car. There was a lot of talk on the police radio and between the two officers in the car that Rose didn’t listen to. She closed her eyes and thought about her daughter, so happy to see her friend.

The police wrapped up their radio conversation and steered the car back into the moving traffic. They picked up speed and took Rose away.