Impostor (20 page)

CHAPTER 24

I
spent the next two days in bed, recovering; on the third day I couldn’t hide anymore.

Holly sank down on the edge of my bed and put a hand on my shoulder. Her hair was fury-red, just the way she’d promised in her e-mail. “Major wants to see you in his office.”

I lifted my head from the pillow. “He’s back?”

“Alec and Major returned this morning. The entire agency is talking about Abel’s Army.”

I sat up. “You didn’t say anything, did you?” I whispered. I’d told Holly everything last night: in the safety of darkness the words had plummeted from my mouth, and afterward I’d felt as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. But Major would be furious if he determined that I was the source of the gossip.

Hurt flickered in her eyes. “Of course not.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just I don’t know what to think anymore. I guess it’ll take a while before I’ll be back to my old self.”

I untangled myself from the blankets and began changing into jeans and a clean T-shirt.

“You didn’t tell me,” Holly whispered.

I slipped into my jeans before glancing up at her. “Tell you what?”

“That he cut you too.”

My hand flew to the A over my rib cage. I’d managed to hide it from her until now. “He didn’t—he cut me when I was in Madison’s body. I thought it would disappear once I changed back. But—” Ryan had left his mark on me. A constant reminder—something, some little part of Madison I’d carry with me until the bitter end. There was only one person who could have removed the mark from my body and he was the one person I couldn’t ask. Not after what had happened.

Holly nodded but the sadness in her face was too much.

Outside the room, whispered voices carried through the corridor. The common room was crowded with people, laughing and talking. I walked past them. I’d never felt farther away from life at the FEA. I’d changed during my time as Madison and I didn’t think it was something that could be undone.

Tanner fell into step beside me. “Hey Tess, I heard you kicked some serious ass in Livingston. Well done.”

I stopped, frozen by his words, and stared at him, unsure if he was pulling my leg. Slowly his grin faded. “That wasn’t the right thing to say, huh?” He rubbed his mohawk.

“Sorry, I’m just not in the mood for congratulations. I don’t really feel like a winner.”

He nodded. “Alec asked for you. It was the first thing he said when he got back.”

I forced a smile. “Thanks for telling me. I need to go. Major’s waiting.”

Major’s door was open. Hesitantly I stepped inside. Alec and Major both stood in front of the picture window, looking outward. It seemed like they were arguing about something. Alec shook his head, his expression angrier than I’d ever seen it. I took a step closer, hoping to catch a snippet of their conversation. Suddenly they fell silent and turned to look at me. Without another word from Major, Alec turned and left the room, his hand brushing mine as he passed. The door fell shut and a crushing silence engulfed me.

Major sank down in his chair, and after a moment, I crossed the room and sat across from him. He pointed toward a cup. “I asked Martha to make you tea. She said you like chai.”

I reached for the cup and blew on the steaming liquid, breathing in the scent of cinnamon and something spicier. A bit like Alec. I took a sip, knowing that Major was watching me. I cradled the cup against my chest. “Did you talk to Devon?”

Major nodded.

“And?”

“I told him the truth. He’s one of us. He’d figured most of it out by himself anyway.” He paused for a long moment. “And I invited him to join us.”

I jerked. Hot liquid sloshed over the edge of the cup and soaked my shirt, burning the skin beneath. I put the cup down. “What did he say?”

“He said yes.”

How would I ever face him again?

“Devon knows that what we did was necessary to catch the killer. He accepts it.” Major straightened the cuffs of his shirt. “And there’s someone else who’ll join ranks with us soon.”

“Another Variant?” For a crazy moment I was sure that Major had convinced Devon to bring Ryan back from the dead.

“Phil Faulkner; I know you mentioned him to Alec once.”

I gave a nod. So I had been right. Phil was a Variant. “What’s his Variation?”

“Venom. His tear ducts and the glands on his palms produce a toxin, a strong sedative.”

I thought back to my few encounters with Phil. I’d never paid much attention to him, but something I’d noticed came back to me.

“That’s why he sometimes wore those fingerless gloves?”

“Correct. When emotionally challenged, he has some trouble controlling his glands, but we’ll be able to help him with that.” Excitement lined Major’s face. A new Variant was a big deal and now he had two.

“We found letters and documents in the house where Ryan attacked you. Apparently three Variant families moved to Livingston during World War II, worried the government would use them as weapons. They decided to hide and live lives free of their Variations.” His lips tightened in obvious disapproval. “Linda Chambers’s parents, Ryan’s grandparents, and Phil’s grandmother.”

“And nobody knew?”

“Since Variations often jump a generation, neither Ryan’s nor Phil’s parents were Variants, and they had no idea. Phil’s grandmother told him the truth. Alec and I talked to her and convinced her it was best if Phil joined the FEA. Unfortunately, Linda Chambers’s parents died without telling anyone, and so Devon never understood what was happening to him.”

“How about Madison; did she have a Variation?”

“Not that we are aware of. Devon claims he’s the only Variant in his family and I don’t have any reason to doubt him.” He paused before adding, “We decided not to burden Mr. and Mrs. Chambers with the knowledge of Variants just yet. Regarding the rest of town, the FEA let Summers and a few others run their magic. According to the local police and the media, Ryan was merely a teen sociopath with a drug problem.”

Major drummed his fingers against his desk. He seemed to ponder how much more he should tell me. “Long before you joined us, way before you were even born, Abel’s Army was a part of the FEA. But almost two decades ago, they broke things off and now they’re recruiting members for their own cause. While we are more than happy to help the government with their larger counter-terrorism efforts, Abel’s Army is only too keen to offer their talents to the highest bidder.”

“So the agents weren’t kidnapped? They joined Abel’s Army of their own accord?” It seemed impossible that someone would choose Abel’s Army, a group that encouraged killing, over the FEA.

“That’s not what I said. We don’t know what happened to the agents. What we do know is that Abel’s Army is growing. They aren’t content with remaining in the background anymore and they are ruthless.”

I opened my mouth but Major raised his hands. “That’s all I can say.”

“So you don’t think Abel’s Army forced Ryan to kill? Do you think that maybe they brainwashed him?”

“It’s a sad fact that some Variants don’t need much incentive to go astray. The same Variation that gifts us with extraordinary talents unfortunately sometimes brings with it a predisposition for mental instability. Ryan was one of those volatile Variants. Abel’s Army is particularly interested in them.”

“But why?”

Major stared down at his hands—breaking eye contact. “Abel has always been of the opinion that the FEA’s practice to confine volatile Variants if they’re a danger to the public is wrong. He thinks there are other ways to keep them under control, or that their instability can be useful. And it must be said that many Volatiles are gifted with extraordinary Variations and that whoever manages to use them will have a great advantage.”

“So what does the FEA do with volatile Variants? Are they always sent to prison?”

“No. There’s no certain way to ascertain if someone’s volatile, but if there’s a history of mental illness in the person’s background, that’s a red flag. With the right guidance, though, we could have kept Ryan under control. That’s why we try to find Variants as young as possible.”

“I think Ryan actually loved Madison,” I said quietly.

“He might’ve loved her, and maybe things would have been different if they hadn’t broken up. Maybe it was his tipping point and everything spiraled out of control from there. But we will never find out. The fact is, he got drunk on the power his Variation gave him and that was his greatest downfall.”

I nodded.

Major gave me a pointed look. “Emotions are a dangerous thing, Tessa. It’s best to keep them under your control at all times.”

He made a dismissive gesture and I heaved myself out of the chair. I turned before I reached the door. “Sir, as I’m sure you know, Madison’s funeral is in a few days. I’d like to go to say good-bye. I think it would help me get over everything that’s happened.”

“I’m sorry, but I cannot allow that.”

“But sir, I wouldn’t give myself away. I would be careful not to be seen.”

“I’m not trying to be mean, Tessa. I understand your rationale, but I don’t think your being there would be wise. It wouldn’t accomplish anything and I think you should stay put for a while.”

His expression made it clear that no amount of pleading would change his mind.

I bit my lip and turned around, hoping he hadn’t seen how much his refusal hurt me.

“You did well, Tessa. Everyone thinks that. I know you’re upset and confused and maybe you even feel a bit guilty, but what you did was honorable. The FEA is trying to protect the general public and you did your part. Soon you’ll see it that way, too.”

I hoped he was right.

CHAPTER 25

I
t was five
_A
.
M
.
when I finished my first lap in the pool. I was grateful for the solitude. The sound of a door falling shut broke through my concentration and I swam to the edge of the pool, looking for the source. Alec watched me from afar. He was wearing black pajama pants. I doubted he planned on swimming in them. I swam toward the ladder and climbed out of the pool, careful to keep my arms in front of my body and the heinous mark I didn’t want him to see. “What are you doing up so early?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” he said. “And I saw you heading for the pool. I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”

The sound of water lapping over the edge of the pool filled the silence. I couldn’t look away from his eyes even though I wanted to, couldn’t move even though I wanted to bridge the few steps between us. I dropped my arms and stared at my bare feet, breaking the spell of his gaze.

Alec sucked in a breath. I blinked up at him through my wet lashes, wondering what the matter was until I realized what he was staring at. The red
A
cut into my skin peeked out from under my swimsuit. I covered it with my palm and turned to walk away, my skin aflame with anger and mortification. His hands on my shoulders stopped me. I closed my eyes, hating how much my body still craved his touch, how it overwhelmed me every time he was close, even though I’d tried so many times to forget him. He spun me around and gently pushed my hand aside.

“You don’t know how much I wish he wasn’t dead. How much I wish I could kill him myself.”

The viciousness of his words mingled with the roughness of his voice washed over me, filling me with a strange sense of relief.

Gently he touched his fingers to the mark. “Does it still hurt?”

The question felt weird coming from Alec. I looked up at him, not caring if he caught the emotion in my eyes. “Nothing ever hurt as much as watching you with Kate.”

He stepped back. His eyes wandered over my face, and suddenly it felt like he could see through every layer I’d built to protect myself. “Why do you love her?” I’d asked myself that so often; ever since they returned from their first mission as a couple.

“I don’t—I can’t—” He exhaled. “It’s complicated with me and Kate.”

“Complicated,” I repeated. “Okay.” That was all he had to say about the matter?

He cupped my cheek, and I leaned into the touch. I knew he wanted to kiss me again, knew it from the look in his eyes and the way his fingers traced my cheek, but even more than that, I knew I couldn’t let it happen. Not as long as there was Kate. Not as long as every kiss was nothing more than an empty promise. His eyes flickered with hesitation as if he was thinking the same thing.

I was worth more than that.

And though it was almost physically painful, I stepped away. His fingers slipped off my face. “I’m sorry Alec, but I can’t do this anymore. Whatever’s between us, consider it over.” Before I could change my mind, I walked away. He didn’t follow me.

• • •

The sun was rising. Golden beams caught on the piles of toast and dozens of eggs Martha had laid out for her breakfast preparations. I ate my second plate of French toast. One of the things I’d missed most about the FEA was Martha and her cooking. She took care of me and cooked for me the same way Linda had done. The FEA wasn’t a traditional family, but I had come to realize that it was close. Maybe that was enough.

I’d spilled my guts to Martha about my poolside talk with Alec and she’d listened patiently. She’d given me the same advice she always did when I talked to her about Alec: everything will fall into place if I could just be patient. But I’d run out of patience a long time ago. I’d have to find a way to move on without him.

I finished my last bite of raspberries and put my fork down. Even Martha’s fabulous food couldn’t calm my stomach. What I was about to do was more than just a minor breach of the rules.

“Madison’s funeral is today. Tony asked me to talk to you,” Martha said suddenly.

“Why?” I whispered. Had Major found out about my plan? Had Kate gotten a glimpse into my head and seen it?

“He’s worried about you. He noticed that you haven’t put Livingston behind you yet.” She wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “You have to learn to let go.”

“I know.” I nodded solemnly. I’d learned that lesson this morning. I didn’t look directly at her, too worried she might see something in my face that would give me away.

“Sometimes a good-bye from afar is enough.” She kissed my temple. “You need to release your pain. We want our old Tessa back.”

“I want the old Tessa back, too. Minus her Alec obsession,” I said with a shaky smile.

Martha put a hand over her heart, her eyes widening ridiculously. “Be still my heart. Did you just make a joke,
mein Mädchen
?”

I pressed my forehead against her shoulder, feeling guilty for not heeding her pleas. But I’d made up my mind and nothing would stop me now.

I hurried back to my room, where the clothes Holly had stolen from Summers were waiting for me. I slipped into them and shifted into the image of Summers. Holly had made sure that I wouldn’t run into the real Summers, who was giving Holly a private Variation lesson.

I forced myself to walk through the corridors slowly, despite my fear of running into Major. Some of the tension disappeared from my body once I was finally outside and approaching the airfield. Tanner was polishing his favorite helicopter and straightened when he saw me.

“We need someone to fly Tessa to Livingston. Major and I have decided to let her attend the funeral. Everything should be ready in ten minutes.” Summers’s voice came out strong and certain.

Tanner frowned but nodded. “Sure thing.”

I turned and left before I could give myself away and returned ten minutes later in my own body. My heart didn’t stop pounding until we were off the ground, and even then I barely allowed myself to relax. Once Major found out what I’d done, and there was no doubt that he would, I’d be punished. But I’d worry about that later. For now, I knew what I needed to do.