Impossible Things (16 page)

“Well there is
nothing
at all wrong with that.”

Lucy nodded against her grandmother’s neck. “Yes there is. Dad said it and then last night Sam said it. We’re poor. I can’t afford a life like that. I’m not meant for a life like that.”

She felt Isabella’s hands on her shoulders as her grandmother pushed her back so that she could look into Lucy’s face. “Lucinda Ophelia I’m so disappointed in you. You don’t get it at all.”

Confused Lucy moved back. “What do you mean?”

Isabella raised her hand and waved it at the room around her. “
This
has nothing to do with who I am as a woman. Yes, I was lucky to have married your grandfather, but this is not the kind of life that I had before him. We Lennox’s may be famous and beautiful but we’ve also been poor for as long as I can remember. The love of the good life does that to some people and my father was no exception. We were poor but he worked hard and each time he got paid we would dine on caviar and champagne and then eat tinned soup for the rest of the week. My mother and I had dresses that cost hundreds of pounds and underneath them we wore homemade lingerie.”

Her grandmother got up and began to pace. “I thought you understood that, or at least I hoped that you did.
Who you are has
nothing
to do with how much money you have. I’m not me because of the jewels and the furs. I’m me because I stay true to myself. I am who I am and people can love me or hate me but I love me. I was always this way, even when we were poor and had nothing. I didn’t resent my father, I understood him because my mother and he brought me up to except ourselves, and others, for who they are. I loved the good times that we had and I learned to deal with the bad. My father was a character and a charmer, and we had such fun when it was good that it made up for everything else. Wanting the good life was in my blood, it’s in your blood, but a good life doesn’t happen just because of money. A good life comes from many things…”

She trailed off and came over to sit next to Lucy. “I love nice things, just like my father, just like you do, so when I was f
ourteen I got a job and I slowly and carefully built up my wardrobe until every piece that I wore was quality, from the inside out. “

Isabella stopped again
and waved her hand towards her face. “I practiced with my make-up and my hair. I searched and searched for the perfect lipstick, I took religious care of my skin. Some beauty is given and some is created. I used what I was given and created the rest. But I didn’t do it for anyone but myself. Not to show the world and not for a man. I did it because it made me feel good. Because I was worth it, because taking care of yourself is the most important thing you can do, and not just physically. You also have to take care of yourself emotionally Lucy. You have to love yourself, to respect yourself. You have to appreciate who you are an embrace it with everything you’ve got. ”

Lucy shook her head. “I don’t understand
. I thought it was all about the clothes and the jewels. I thought it was about the men and the places that you went to.”

Isabella reached out and took her hand. “Lucy I love the clothes and the jewels because they add to me, but if you took them all away I would still be me.
Yes, the places do matter, but only to a point. Where we live, where we travel does have an influence on who we are because travel broadens the mind and exposes us to things outside of ourselves, but it can only do so much. The rest is up to us.”

Lucy had to ask, “And the men?”

Isabella smiled. “The men matter more than any of the things, but maybe not in the way that you think. A man can have an influence over you and it can be good or bad so you always want to be careful of who you let close to you. Make sure he adds to your life. Make sure that he makes you feel better about yourself, that’s what matters. He can be rich or poor, it’s always nice when they’re rich, but it’s not necessary. More than anything you want them to be strong, strong enough to know who they are and strong enough to let you be who you are.”

“Dad said
that I’m just an ordinary girl who wants to be extraordinary.”

Isabella’s face was very serious as she said, “Lucy you’re someone special. We all are. What does it say about a person when they don’t think even think their own child is spec
ial? Why would anyone want to be ordinary, or for their child to be ordinary?”

Lucy shook her head. She would never understand her father or the things that he had said to her over the years. She thought back to the little girl that she had been and wanted to cry. “
I never knew any of that,” she said. “I thought that you were born rich.”

Isabella shook her head. “No sweetie I was born as poor as a church mice. Your grandfather had all the money and he didn’t care a damn if I was rich or poor he loved me for who I was
. I was just a poor girl from the bad side of town who was happy and positive and full of live. That’s the secret Lucy. If I could give you any advice in the world that you could keep with you long after I was gone it would be this-love life. Even when times are bad, and we all have bad times, love life. Embrace it and be open to it. Say yes to it. Try new things, meet new people, have fun. Have fun! Do something special for yourself every day, even if it’s a small thing. Don’t ever think you’re ordinary or that any day is just an ordinary day. Every day that we’re alive is special,
we’re
special.”

“
No one ever told me that. Mom never said that. She never talked about her life before my dad. She’s never once talked about her life growing up, about you or grandpa, or about anything. I thought she thinks the same way that he does.”

Isabella shook her head. “
I don’t know what she thinks, and I’m afraid of that. She didn’t talk about us because your father influenced her the same way he did with you. I don’t understand him but I think it had to be because he feels bad about himself so he wanted you and your mother to feel as bad about yourselves as well. The money was just an excuse for him; it was never about the money it was about self-confidence, but I wasn’t there to tell you that.”

Her grandmother came over and sat next to her on the couch. She picked up Lucy’s hand and said, “I don’t want you to be angry with your father.
He’s your father and while he and I have never liked each other that has nothing to do with you. He’s human, he has his own issues and I don’t know what his life has been like so I can’t comment on them. But don’t hate him. Stay strong, forge your own path and hopefully you can come to an understanding and have some kind of relationship with him one day.”

Her grandmother sighed
and then said, “Lucy if a man ever tries to control you please take that as a sign of his character. Promise me that okay?”

Lucy
nodded, stood up and looked down at her grandmother. “Can I show you something?”

Isabella nodded, “Of course.”

“Wait right here,” Lucy said and ran out of the room and upstairs to her room.

She grabbed her suitcase and took it back downstairs. She sat it on the coffee table in front of her grandmother and Isabella raised an eyebrow. “I meant to ask you what was in this if you didn’t have clothes. It must have meant a lot to you to take it and
leave everything else behind.”

Lucy nodded as she unzipped it. “It does. It means a lot.”

She pulled out her secret treasure and carefully unwrapped each item before handing it off to her grandmother. Isabella oohed and awed with her and Lucy told her what city she had gotten each piece in. They laughed as her grandmother shared stories about her first husband, Lucy’s grandfather, and the stories behind the pieces that he had given her.

When her hand touched the soft t-shirt that the ring was wrapped in Lucy paused. “I have to tell you something else,” she said and her grandmother nodded at her solemn tone.

“I met someone. Someone other than Sam I mean. We…I was unfaithful to Sam.”

Isabella got still and then nodded again. Her face was devoid of judgment so Lucy continued. “I know that’s wrong and nothing that
Sam’s done since then makes it right.”

Isabella asked, “What about this other man, do you care for him?”

Lucy took a deep breath and thought about it. “I do but it’s over between us. I ended it. We could never have worked out anyway.”

She unwrapped the ring and handed it to her grandmother. Isabella sucked in a breath, “Oh my. It’s beautiful
. Gorgeous. What a generous gift.”

Lucy nodded and unwrapped the necklace that he had given her as well. “There’s a bracelet as well but it’s in the shop. Sam threw it
. Not because he found out about us, but simply because he wanted to hurt me. Rodrigo helped me find a place that will fix it.”

Her grandmother handed the
pieces back to her and Lucy looked down at the ring that had started everything and couldn’t help but smile.

“I love it,” she said, and didn’t see the look that went across her grandmother’s face.
 

When Lucy woke up the next morning she felt lighter than she had months. It had felt good to tell her grandmother, to get it off her chest. She hadn’t told Isabella much about Lucas and she hadn’t told her about the debt that she was in, but it felt good to get some of it out in the open.

She got dressed in another outfit that Rodrigo had picked out for her, this time a soft, emerald green cashmere dress and brown boots that zipped to her knees. She had never been much of a clothes person. She couldn’t have afforded to be because when it came to buying clothes or jewels she was always going to buy jewels, but it felt wonderful to wear such nice clothes. They made her feel confident and sexy.

She went downstairs and was about to open the sitting room door when she heard raised voices. She stopped with her hand on the knob as Rodrigo’s voice rose in anger, “But Bella I don’t trust him! What is he up to?”

Her grandmother responded and her voice was full of shock, “He’s your best friend! How could you not trust him? Did you ask him what was going on?”

“Yes! Yes!  A thousand times I asked but he told me to mind my own business.”

Her grandmother laughed, “Well maybe you should.
This has nothing to do with us and I for one think it’s a good thing.”

“How can you say that? You know his reputation! I’ve told you the stories.”

Isabella’s laugh was full and throaty as she said, “Yes you have and I would like to remind you that you feature in most of those stories as well, and yet I still love you.”

Rodrigo groaned, “Woman you’re not listening to me
! You will drive me insane yet!”

She heard her grandmother laugh again and then came the distinct sound of kissing. Lucy thought about going back upstairs but then decided against it. If she ran to her room every time they kissed she’d never see the light of day.

Knocking on the door, she waited a minute before opening it. When she did her grandmother and Rodrigo were sitting on the settee facing her and Rodrigo had red lipstick on the corner of his mouth.

She smiled and asked, “Am I disturbing you? I can come back later.”

Rodrigo stood and smoothed down his hair. “Nonsense, you could never disturb us. Come in. Did you sleep well?”

She nodded, and went into the room. She took a seat across from them as Rodrigo sat down again and she blurted out what she had been thinking all night. “I think it’s time for me to go home.”

Rodrigo jerked. “Not back to Sam!”

She shook her head, “No. No. Of course not. I meant back to America. I can stay with mom and dad while I look for an apartment and a job.”

Rodrigo moved forward in his seat and reached across the table to grab her hand. “Won’t you please reconsider? We love having you here. I can get you a job, any kind of job you want.”

She patted his hand and let it go before shaking her head. “Thank you, but no. I don’t think I belong here.”

Her grandmother spoke for the first time, “So you and Sam are finished?”

Lucy nodded. “Yes. We’re done. I…I
always wanted the kinds of things that you and I spoke of last night and when I thought I couldn’t have them I tried to be someone I wasn’t. Sam was part of that. He was safe and I thought kind. He loved me and it felt safe to love him. He seemed like the kind of man that I should want, so I fell in love with him.”

Rodrigo smiled, “That’s not love my sweet
. Love can’t be controlled. It’s a burning feeling that won’t let you sleep or eat, that drives you mad with lust. Love isn’t safe, because it’s not meant to be. I didn’t think you were like that.”

Curious, she asked, “Like what?”

He shrugged and fanned his hands out, and it was such an Italian gesture that she found herself smiling, but then he said, “Afraid of life, like a mouse wanting to find a safe hole to crawl into.”

His words stung and she sat back as if she had been slapped. He saw the hurt on her face and he
sat forward. “Passion runs in your veins. I don’t want you to go off with the wrong man-“ he stopped and turned to shoot a look at her grandmother before continuing, “But I also don’t want you with a man that makes you feel safe. The day I make your grandmother feel safe is the day I want you to shoot your old grandpa.”