Imperfectly Perfect (21 page)

"Hey beauty," he said as we broke our embrace. "Shane," he said as they firmly shook hands. "Good to see you son."

"You too sir."

"So," I said, "let's go see this baby, shall we."

It took only a matter of minutes to get to the hospital. Liz had insisted on delivering at the city hospital because she didn't trust the doctors near home. To be honest I couldn't really blame her; they lived in the boondocks.

In the few minutes we spent driving, Dad talked enthusiastically about Liz and the baby. Of course she had had a perfect labor and delivery. In fact, she barely made it to the hospital before Emily was ready to be born.

"I'll wait out here," Shane said as Dad put the car in park.

I looked at him and pleaded with my eyes for him to come with me. I couldn't bear to be alone with my family right now, and I especially didn't want my father to know about my fragile state.

"On second thoughts," he mused, "I'd like to come in if that's all right Mr. Sloan."

"Of course," Daddy replied, "you're just as much a part of our family as anybody else."

Whilst Daddy meant what he said, I knew that mother would strongly disagree. She had never approved of my friendship with Shane. She loved Tyler deeply and our mothers were close friends. Tyler and I joked that at times they almost seemed to be the same person; they loved the country club, martinis, and money. But our mothers were also quite snooty and liked to look down their noses at Ms. Strout and her 'misfortune'. I remember Tyler and I had wanted to have a joint graduation party for the three of us and it took us weeks of persuasion to finally get our mothers to involve Shane and Ms. Strout. They weren't happy about it, but they eventually gave in

We walked in silence for what seemed like forever, before we finally arrived at Liz's room. I entered to see her sat up in her bed, Mason lovingly by her side holding a fuzzy pink bundle. Of course she even looked perfect, not a hair on her head was out of place. Liz was always beautiful, but looking at her then she became radiant. Motherhood looked good on her.

"Hey there Auntie," she smiled, "come meet your niece."

I looked to my father. As though he knew I needed a little encouragement, he pushed his hand on the small of my back. I approached my sister, caught my first glimpse of Emily, and that little girl stole my heart instantly. Her tiny blue eyes stared up at me. She was beautiful.

"I think she looks like you," Liz said. "Do you want to hold her?"

Unable to speak, I nodded. Even though I knew it would upset me, I wanted nothing more than to hold that baby. Liz gingerly sat up and carefully placed Emily into my arms. I was amazed by how light she felt. I bent down gently kissing her forehead. I looked to Liz and smiled.

I quietly talked to Emily, gently swaying back and forth. I had seen mothers do this a million times before and it came naturally to me. She opened and closed her eyes as she innocently listened to me blabber nonsense. I knew I had fallen in love with her because I felt at ease with this little person I barely knew; she made me feel like I belonged. I felt true, unrelenting love.

"She's perfect," I finally choked.

"Of course she is dear," Mother stated. "She comes honestly by it."

I had been so wrapped up in the moment that I hadn't even noticed my mother enter the room.

"Hi Mom," I said, immediately handing Emily back to Liz.

She passed my dad a cup of coffee and smiled at me.

"So glad you came darling. And Shane too I see," she acknowledged Shane's presence, but did not speak directly to him.

"Good to see you too Mrs. Sloan," Shane offered. Mother ignored him since she had already directed her attention back to the baby.

"Where's Bradley?" she asked. "I was hoping to finally get to meet him."

"Yeah, about that Mom," I quickly said the only thing I could think of, "I dumped him."

Liz muttered something under her breath.

"Oh Emma, what a shame! He sounded perfect for you; such a catch. Why on earth would you do that?" she asked glaring at Shane.

Clearly mother was back to her old adage. She was convinced that my relationship with the guys prevented any other man from fitting into my life. This went hand in hand with Liz's belief that I pushed men into other women's arms.

"Yes Mom," I spat, "so perfect he couldn't keep his dick in his pants!"

Mom and Liz gasped; more than likely at the use of my language, rather than what Bradley had done. I don't think I had never heard one of them mutter a cuss word. It just wasn't in the Perfect Ladies Handbook.

At that point I was ready to leave. I had fulfilled my promise and fallen in love at the same time. It had been a long day, and I just wanted to be alone.

"So Dad, can Shane and I take your car home?" I asked quietly.

"Sure," he said handing the keys to me. "We'll drive Mason's home since he'll be staying here with your sister for the night."

I kissed him quickly on the cheek and motioned for Shane to beat feet.

"I'll come see you before I leave tomorrow Liz," I waved and exited the room before anyone had the chance to try and stop me.

Shane waited until we were in the privacy of the car before he finally spoke.

"Well I think that went well," he teased.

We both laughed, the tension of the hospital room melting away. My mother sure knew how to put a dampener on things, especially when it came to me. It seemed to get worse the older she got. Or maybe it was worse the older I got.

"So what are we going to do with the rest of our evening," I asked as I threw the car into gear.

Shane grinned sheepishly at me, and I already knew what he was thinking.

"I like how you operate Mr. Strout," I laughed, "and I can't think of a better way to celebrate the ending of this shitty day."

We drove for what seemed like an eternity, stopping only for a bathroom break, beers and snacks. We drove past Shane's house, then Tyler's, and even past my own childhood home. We bobbed and weaved through the dirt road lined blueberry barrens. It had been years since we had last graced these roads with our presence and I couldn't help but feel giddy seeing that bright yellow tower in the distance.

The Water Tower.

It had been a popular hangout of ours while we were in high school. We would bring our CD players, a case of beer, and just hang out and listen to music. The best part about coming to the water tower was watching the sunrise. It was the unwritten rule that if you were going to spend the time and energy climbing to the top that you had to stay to enjoy the sunrise.

Shane and I climbed the ladder with ease and situated ourselves at the top.

"Crap," Shane grumbled, "we don't have any music."

"You know me better than that," I smiled and held up my iPhone, "I am never without my music."

I pulled up a playlist I had recently put together and sat the phone in between us. Cracking open beers we sipped in silence. For hours we sat there, each one of us in our own solitude.

I appreciated the quiet company, and I felt at ease knowing the greatness of our friendship. Our company was enough. We didn't feel the need to speak and pass the time with mundane conversation. We were just there; for ourselves and for each other.

I shivered from the chill of the spring Maine air. Shane pulled me close, trying to warm me, and we watched the sun begin to rise and paint the sky various shades of red and orange I knew I had to take control of my life. I knew what I wanted and I wasn't about to let anything stop me.

My palms were sweating, my heart was pounding, and I couldn't stop smiling. My moment of opportunity had finally arrived. Sitting on the water tower with Emma all night had done nothing but reaffirm my feelings for her.

I knew Emma needed me, she'd said as much on the plane here. I just hoped that she wasn't alone in those feelings; I needed her too. I was going to tell her, I knew that. I wasn't sure what her reaction would be, but I couldn't let my doubts keep me from living the life I wanted.

Having her wrapped up in my arms just felt so right and I knew I couldn't live another day like I had been. I couldn't take the limbo of being her friend while being in love with her anymore. I could sense her mind reeling. She'd been through a lot recently and I could only hope that she was possibly thinking about me.

I decided to grab the bull by the horns and open my door of opportunity. "Penny for your thoughts," I mused.

"I'm going to do In Vitro," I muttered, not fully realizing I had spoken.

"What?" Shane looked at me confused.

"I want a baby," I started, "that's clear after seeing the miracle my sister created, and I don't need a man to do it. Your mother raised you on her own, and she did a damn good job because you're one of the most sincere and nicest men I know," I could sense Shane's apprehension as he dropped his arms from my shoulders. "Besides," I continued, "there are a lot of single women opting to have children on their own nowadays."

I couldn't believe everything that had happened over the last 24 hours had led me here. I was
actually
considering having a complete strangers' baby. It was crazy. Or maybe it was the reason I had arrived at this fork in the road. As crazy as I was feeling, I could kind of picture it all in my head.

The guys and I would shop for baby gear. We'd put together a crib. The four of us would huddle around a beautiful baby who had my eyes and a mysterious smile. I was beginning to think that I could have the best of both worlds. Could I really have a family, all without having to leave my boys?

"In Vitro? Like, as in you and some guys stuff?" he questioned, "A baby."

"What do you think Shane?" I asked, hoping for his approval. I had been without him for long enough, and I needed him back on my side.

"If it's what you want Em, then we'll be there for you. You know that."

I took a deep breath. My mind was made up. "I'm going to do it."

I couldn't believe it. I was really going to go through with this. I looked around the waiting room at the women. They were there with their husbands, fiancés, and boyfriends. Some were noticeably pregnant, whilst others looked particularly sullen. Surprisingly, when I looked at those women, with their supportive partners, I didn't feel sad-at least not for myself-but for them maybe. They had one person to support them during their journey here at the Cedars Fertility Clinic. I had three. I was the lucky one.

It had all happened relatively fast. I called the clinic the day I returned from meeting my niece. I had to before I convinced myself I was crazy. I figured the faster I moved forward with the plan, the less time I would have to back out. But, strangely enough, since starting the process I hadn't had one negative thought about the whole thing.

It was as if it was all meant to be. They had had a cancellation and were able to fit me in the next week. They started with a bunch of standard fertility tests before we moved forward with anything; basically making sure that I was a viable candidate for IVF.

So there we were, all four of us, waiting to get the results of my tests. The guys were supportive, willing to do whatever made me happy. Once I was given the all-clear, I would be able to move forward with the drugs and selecting a donor and it was possible that I could be pregnant within 6 weeks time.