If We Dare to Dream (25 page)

His voice was rough. “
Jesus
.”

She sat on the ground in dazed confusion, her legs askew. With wide eyes she took in his heaving shoulders, her own breathing as ragged as his. A slow flush stained her cheeks as she realized what he had already concluded. She had been ready to let him go even further, right there on the dirt floor of the shaded house in the mountain.

While he composed himself, she kept busy by returning the bowls and their used plates to the cooler. Her eyes were averted as she worked, and she remained silent with only the sound of his breathing and the chirps of the birds to break the quiet.

Finally he regained enough control to face her. “We should go.”

She nodded in agreement and returned to Bruno. Dozing in the shade under a tree, he was not happy about having his saddle replaced, but when she mounted up and turned to the path his ears pricked forward with excitement. Andrew allowed Jamie to lead on their way back, and she felt his hot gaze on her back, silently brooding the entire time. They did not speak, not even when they dismounted and cooled off the horses. Confusion replaced elation, and that brief glimpse of warm happiness was overshadowed by sadness. Everything had changed so quickly. What had she done?

By the time Jamie was walking to her car, she was near tears. Not sure of what had happened and not sure how to respond, she collected her cooler and walked back out into the harsh sunlight. Feeling the urge to escape from the ruined day, she marched quickly to her car, but Andrew’s hand briefly touched her shoulder and halted her progress. Turning slightly, she glanced back to see him holding out her favorite black baseball cap. Her cheeks reddened when she realized she had left it on the ground.

“Oh, thank you.”

He nodded, refusing to meet her gaze. Though he cleared his throat, his voice was exceptionally deep when he answered. “I’ll see you next week then.”

Afraid her confusion was plain on her face and would be evident in her voice, she only nodded her head.

“Okay. Drive safe.”

Spinning abruptly, he strode away without another word, leaving Jamie to sulk in silence.

Chapter 12

He made a huge mistake.

Or maybe several… He could not decide which.

All he knew was that her car was driving away, and he did not stop it.

Instead, he stood in the drive and watched her disappear from sight, feeling frustrated and angry with himself and her for what had transpired. Though it was not her fault, he wished she had pushed him away with a hard slap across his face rather than purring in pleasure and curling into him like a kitten struggling to get warm. Oh yes, he was warm at the moment, uncomfortably so.

Damn her for wanting him.

Damn him for letting her leave.

He was a fool, a fool for taking advantage of a nice moment and doubly a fool for pushing her away. For the first time in a long time, he had held a woman in his arms. Not just any woman either. It was Jamie, the woman who had kept him alive while he was locked away. The woman who had brought back his smile. She was the only one who had believed in him and trusted him during his darkest days, and he could not think of anyone else who would have given him the chance to show off his favorite places. Certainly there was no one else who could keep his anxiety away like she did. When he was with her, he thought of nothing and no one else.

Now she was gone. He had frightened her off because he was too weak to fight his problems and ashamed of the man that he had become.

Growing aware of the sweat trickling down his back, Andrew turned away from the now deserted dirt road and strode up to the back door, hoping that his grandmother was nowhere in sight so that he could disappear without answering any questions. Unfortunately, she was at the table with the cordless phone in front of her. She looked up and smiled as he closed the slider behind him. He had remembered to remove his boots and leave them outside, and her eyes twinkled as she noted his feet.

“So, how was the ride?”

“Tabasco did well. He spooked a couple of times but was easily managed.”

“He’s coming along nicely, Andrew. You’ve done well.”

Coming from his grandmother, that was extremely high praise. Horses had been her life for as long as he remembered, and there was not another person he knew that could measure up to her skills in working with the magnificent and high strung animals. She was a natural.

“Thanks.”

“It’s too bad you want to get rid of him, Andrew. He’s a good horse.”

“I can use the money.”

“That’s nonsense. You have a job now, and your lawyer is working on your compensation case.”

“But you took out a huge mortgage to help me. I won’t rest until it’s gone.”

“I’ll take it out of your inheritance,” she responded lightly.

He frowned. “No… I’ll take him out a few more times to work out the bugs, maybe take him out on the road before I put him up for sale.”

“Good idea.” She pointedly looked beyond him to the empty drive. “Where’s Jamie?”

He could feel the angry flush rise on his cheeks. “She had to get home.”

Grandma’s brows rose as she shrewdly took in his frustration. “You didn’t have a falling out, I hope?”

He had no idea what to call what had happened between them, but a falling out was not exactly right. He shook his head. “No, not at all.”

“Oh good. I like her. She’s a good girl… and she’s good for you.”

Andrew shifted uncomfortably, not liking the direction their conversation was taking. Remembering the cooler on his shoulder, he slipped it off and turned his back on Grandma. He busied himself by unpacking it and putting the leftovers in the fridge.

“Don’t you agree?”

He glanced down at the plastic plates and utensils Jamie had thoughtfully wrapped in their discarded napkins to keep from spilling and making a mess in the base of the cooler. It reminded him again of how good she had felt in his arms.

Knowing that his persistent grandmother would keep pressing if he did not respond, he finally caved. “Yes, I do.”

“I was thinking of having her over for dinner Monday evening.”

His hands froze over the trash bin. “Why?”

“Your brother called me back while you were out on your ride. He’s flying in tomorrow afternoon. You can collect him at the airport, right?”

The true reason for Andrew’s cranky morning, he thought in irritation. For once, Adam was keeping his word and was coming home. Andrew felt the familiar tightening in his chest, though he could not fathom the source. It could have been his reaction to Jamie or the idea of finally confronting his younger brother. Maybe a combination of both, he thought sourly.

“So he is?”

She nodded. “He’s flying on Southwest. I think he lands at 5:20 pm.”

“I’ll meet him,” Andrew said.

“Thank you.”

One dark brow rose in question. “Did you think for a minute I would say no?”

“Of course not, but after what happened you never know… So what do you think about having Jamie over for dinner?”

He swallowed hard. After what had transpired that morning, he was not sure she would ever come back out. “I’m not sure. She sometimes meets with clients in the evenings.”

“Clients?” Her surprise was evident.

“She’s a financial advisor, Grandma,” he responded quickly.

“Oh, I didn’t mean anything… I just wondered why she would have to go out after hours.”

“People work.”

“Well I’m going to ask her anyway.”

“If you want.”

“Good. I haven’t seen your brother in a long time, Andrew. I wonder how he’s been.”

“You and me both,” Andrew muttered.

He reached for the kitchen sponge and wiped out the cooler before setting it back on the counter to dry out. As he did so, he heard his grandmother push away from the table and approach him. Her hand was cool against his dusty arm.

“I know he wasn’t there when you needed him, Andrew. It hurt me to see him take off like that and leave you alone after everything you went through for him, so I can only guess how you felt. But you know that he’s never been the strong one. That was always you.”

“I know.”

“You’re just like your grandfather. You accept everything life throws at you with open arms. Adam, on the other hand, is like your poor mother. He can’t handle difficulties. He runs away – like she did.”

“Grandma,” he said. “Not now.”

Her hand fell away from his arm reluctantly. “You’re right. You’ve had a busy morning. What are your plans for the rest of the afternoon?”

“I’m going to clean up then I’ll fill in those cracks on your ramp so you don’t get hung up. I don’t want to do it when the sun is high.”

“I heard you last night,” she commented softly. “You should sleep the whole day away. The ramp can wait.”

Though he wanted nothing more than to be alone, he knew that if he hid in his room he would only think. He had done enough thinking over the last five years that what he needed was a mindless activity to distract him. The ramp was right up that alley.

“I’ll see how I feel.”

“Good. I’ll tell Linda to stop blasting the rap music.”

Seeing the humor dancing in Grandma’s eyes, Andrew shook his head in mock reprimand. “You two ladies are trouble.”

She giggled lightly like a young girl. “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet, boy.”

He snorted and tossed the sponge back on the rim of the sink. Shaking his head, he headed down the hall to his bedroom wagging his finger as he went. “I’ll be watching you just to make sure you don’t get yourself into any trouble, young lady.”

“I was kind of hoping you would,” she replied. “I feel safer already, soldier.”

Closing the bathroom door against the sound of her laughter, Andrew ran the shower. The cool water felt heavenly against his heated skin. He took his time washing away the dust and the sweat, knowing that he was also washing away the scent of Jamie. Her sweet, fruity scent was almost as potent as the smell of horse, and he was reluctant to see it go. Damn, it had been too long since he had been near a woman.

As he showered, he again replayed the events of the morning in his mind. Attacking Jamie had never crossed his mind, not for lack of wanting to but due to the deep-seated respect he had for her. She and her family were like a television sitcom show. Humorous, loving, intelligent and classy, they were a group that he could never hope to compete with. He had nothing to offer Jamie, and she deserved so much.

Granted, lustful thoughts of her were not new to him; he was only human, after all. However, today his tenuous grip on his control had slipped. While he never intended on taking advantage of her in any way, today he had, and now he felt like the lowest form of life.

Roughly toweling himself dry, he shoved his legs into his shorts and returned to his bedroom where he threw himself across the bed with a remorseful groan. The soft bed felt like heaven to him, and the cool duvet felt good against his cheek. Even if he wanted to lament his mistake over and over, sheer exhaustion took control. His eyes closed before he could pull back the covers, and he drifted into the dreamland he resented so much. However, this time his dreams were of Jamie, with her silky soft skin and eager moans. Her heavy lidded eyes called him, and her gentle hands soothed him. Relaxing completely, for the first time in a long while he enjoyed his dream.

***

Monday continued the surprise heat wave from the weekend. Jamie groaned when her alarm went off, having spent another night of tossing and turning with worry. It still bothered her the way she had left Andrew’s after their ride. She knew she should have said something to break the tension, but she had been so stunned by what had occurred and embarrassed by her own shameless behavior that she had fled like a coward. Still shocked by her wantonness, she found it little surprise that he pushed her away.

When the phone rang Sunday morning revealing Grandma’s home number, she had answered eagerly only to bite back disappointment when she heard Grandma’s voice inviting her over for dinner after work. Too afraid to commit, she had put the elderly woman off under the guise of having to check her schedule. In truth, she hoped Andrew would have contacted her by now to at least let her know that he did not think she was too easy.

He never called.

As quickly as it rose, her anger with herself eased, and she tossed aside her duvet to begin her morning ritual. Determined to have a productive morning, she arrived fifteen minutes early at her office and was already hard at work when Melissa entered.

“Good morning,” Melissa offered cheerfully.

Jamie looked up from filling the coffee pot and forced a happy smile. “How was your weekend, Mel?”

“My weekend? Are you kidding? I’m dying to hear about yours. Did you take that ride you were so excited about?”

 Jamie had thought about the inevitable questions she would face that day and planned her response carefully. Her one hope was that her young employee would not catch the uncustomary lie. She turned on the coffee pot to start it brewing and crossed the room to place her lunch in the small fridge. “I did.”