If the Shoe Fits (6 page)

Eleanor glared at him, but couldn't keep a small smile from tugging at her lips.

“You're such a bad influence, Jake Morrison.”

“Ooh, lovely. I always wanted to be a bad influence.”

“Anyway, as it happens, my pussy was very noisy this morning, if you must know.”

“Really?”

Jake and Eleanor looked at each other; Jake stuffed his fist in his mouth to stem his laughter, while Eleanor closed her eyes and prayed for the ground to open up beneath her feet.

“Er, that probably sounded a bit, well, odd,” she said eventually, trying her hardest not to look guilty as she met her boss's disgusted glare.

“Far be it for me to get involved in what is obviously a private conversation,” he said stiffly. “I'll leave you to your stimulating discussion.”

“Oh bother,” muttered Eleanor, “That's all I need. Now he thinks I'm a flipping nympho, too.”

Jake couldn't control himself any longer, and started laughing so hard that his eyes began to water.

“Oh, shut up,” said Eleanor irritably.

• • •

“It's your own fault you know,” said Danny later that morning. “You get your knickers in a twist far too easily.”

“‘She wears thongs,” Jake pointed out.

“You know what I mean,” replied Danny.

“Twisted thongs … now there's a happy thought.”

“Not if you want to be comfortable, it's not,” said Eleanor. “Anyway, stop distracting me, you two. I need to finish addressing these envelopes so that I can catch the afternoon post.”

“Want me to lick?” asked Danny helpfully.

“Would you? Thanks! I hate the taste of envelopes. Makes me feel like I'm licking a jar of glue. Urgh.”

Danny dutifully started licking and sticking, while Eleanor finished addressing the last few envelopes.

“What are these, anyway?” asked Danny.

“Invitations to Gerry's leaving ‘do' next week.”

“How come
we
didn't get fancy-shmancy invites?”

“Because we work here, silly. These are for the clients and what-not. Clients get posh invitations, employees get coffee-stained memos.”

“Life's full of disappointments,” sighed Danny sadly. Eleanor snorted.

• • •

In the spirit of celebrating the fact that Christie wouldn't be visiting that night, Eleanor offered to cook a meal for her two best friends. Jake and Danny jumped at the idea of being fed something home-cooked and swiftly agreed, offering to bring wine and a dessert from Marks & Spencer's as a thank-you. Eleanor mentally scanned the contents of her fridge and decided to stop off at the market on her way home for some fresh steaks. She wasn't the best cook in the world, but she could just about manage a decent steak with all of the trimmings. Luckily, neither of her friends were vegetarian, or she would have been in trouble.

The meal went well, with several bottles of the excellent wine that Jake had chosen going down marvelously with the tender steaks and mixed salad. The conversation flowed freely, covering everything from the current “credit crunch” to the latest celebrity gossip. Jake and Danny were both avid followers of the daily tabloids, and between them could probably tell you fifty — mostly untrue — snippets of fresh gossip almost on a daily basis.

Of course, the conversation inevitably turned towards work, with the approaching party being the hottest topic of the moment.

“Sweetie, I hope you have something fabulous picked out for your outfit,” said Jake sternly. “I don't want to see you in trousers, do you hear me?”

“He's right,” added Danny firmly. “Absolutely no trousers for you.”

“What about what you wore the other night?” suggested Jake. “You looked fantastic in that corset.”

“No way. I'm not wearing anything that could accidentally slip and reveal my chest to all and sundry. I've flashed enough of myself in the last few weeks to last me a lifetime. And no heels, either. Definitely no heels.”

“What?” cried Jake.

“I don't think so, Ella. You are going to glam yourself up if I have to strap you down first in order to do so,” said Danny firmly.

“If you think I'm letting you anywhere near me with your bag of tricks, you've got another think coming,” said Eleanor. “The last time I let you do that I looked like Magenta from
Rocky Horror Picture Show
.”

“I don't know why you worry, darling. Fishnets are so
in
at the moment.”

“Only if you've got legs up to your armpits, Danny, and let's face it, mine aren't. Besides, I was talking about the make-up, not the outfit. Sparkly eye shadow and false eyelashes are not my thing. I looked like I had a pair of spiders draped across my eyes.”

“I'll be subtle, I promise,” said Danny soothingly.

“Forget it.”

“Spoilsport,” he pouted.

• • •

“They're right, you know.”

Eleanor shut her eyes as she closed the door behind Jake and Danny a few hours later. They had continued their efforts of coaxing her into a “party makeover” for the rest of the evening, and Eleanor was exhausted from arguing with them.

And now the cat was talking again.

“Why didn't you speak when my friends were here?” she asked with a hint of annoyance.

“What, in front of the Ugly Sisters? I don't think so,” replied Muse in what Eleanor was coming to realize was her “haughty” tone.

“Ugly sisters? I hate to tell you this, but they're neither ugly nor female. Or related, for that matter.”

“You're my ‘Cinderella,' and in the absence of siblings, I needed to adjust the cast slightly,” replied Muse, somewhat defensively.

“Well I don't need an evil stepmother,” quipped Eleanor. “And who are you supposed to be?”

“Why, your Fairy Godmother, of course.”

“That's great,” drawled Eleanor sarcastically. “Do you need me to get you a pumpkin and some mice now, or later?”

“Don't be silly, Ella. This is the real world we are living in, you know.”

“Could've fooled me,” muttered Eleanor.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

Muse sauntered over towards the living room, and pawed the sofa gently.

“Come and sit down, dear, we have a lot to discuss.”

Eleanor muttered darkly under her breath about interfering house cats, and strangeness in general, but dutifully settled herself on the sofa.

“Now, we are ten short days from the Big Night,” started Muse briskly.

“Eleven,” said Eleanor.

“Ten, dear, we're not including today as it is so late. Do stop interrupting, Ella, or we will be here all night.”

“Sorry.”

“Where was I? Oh, yes. Ten days until the Big Night. That's ten days to teach you to speak without swearing, train you into some form of elegance, and figure out a plan to tame that mane of yours. Not to mention find a stunning dress for the occasion.”

“Look, I don't mean to be awkward, but I was really planning on popping in just for a few minutes, giving Gerry his gift, then shooting off. Partying with the glitzy people isn't really my thing.”

“You're interrupting again, Ella. We're going to need to work on that, too.”

Eleanor shifted in her seat and felt herself blush. It was going to be a long night.

• • •

Jake and Danny resumed their makeover campaign the following day, but Eleanor did her best to ignore them. Truthfully, she wanted to take advantage of all of the help that was on offer, but at the same time she was adamant that she wouldn't be attending Gerry's leaving “do” for more than a few minutes.

A month ago, she would have jumped at the opportunity for a cheap night out. Cardiff Mode always hosted good parties with an abundance of free-flowing wine and a plentiful buffet to gorge oneself on. But this party would be different because Max Charming would be there. Eleanor seemed destined to humiliate herself every time she saw the man, and that was when she was sober. An alcohol-infused meeting with her new boss was a recipe for disaster, and Eleanor wasn't taking any chances.

Lord, how she detested that man! Well, to be truthful, it wasn't so much the man himself, but more how he affected her. She had never embarrassed herself as much as she had lately, and every occasion had one thing in common; Max Charming's presence. He had obviously been sent to torment her by the God of Humiliation. Or at least, that's how Eleanor explained her recent spate of unfortunate accidents.

Running true to form on her current streak of bad luck, Eleanor bumped into Charming three times that day. On the plus side, the first two occasions were embarrassment-free, but meeting number three was another matter altogether.

It happened at 3:50
P.M.
Eleanor knew the exact minute, because she had just switched the two kettles on to boil for the afternoon coffee break. She'd laid the mugs out on two trays when she heard a discreet coughing noise from the kitchen doorway.

“Oh, hi,” she said uncomfortably, glancing at Charming quickly. “You, um, want a cup of coffee?”

“Only if you're making one.”

Eleanor eyed the trays of mugs pointedly and raised her eyebrows. Charming chuckled.

“Sugar? Milk?” she asked.

“As it comes, please.”

Eleanor busied herself adding coffee to the array of mugs in front of her, and added bowls of sugar and small jugs of milk to each tray. Charming perched himself casually against the counter, making Eleanor feel decidedly claustrophobic. The two kettles seemed to take forever to boil, and Eleanor drummed her fingers impatiently.

“I'm sorry about the other morning,” she said eventually. “I was talking about my cat, not my, well … I was talking about my cat. Let's leave it at that, shall we?”

“Ah,” said Charming, nodding. “That would be the cat that you were in such a hurry to feed the other day, yes?”

“Yes,” said Eleanor gratefully.

“I wondered about that.”

“Why?”

“Well, I thought it was just an excuse to get away from me.”

“Well,” said Eleanor, shifting uncomfortably. “You were partly right, if I'm going to be honest.”

“I didn't think I was that bad. At least, people don't usually go out of their way to avoid me. Do I smell or something?”

Eleanor chuckled as he lifted his arm and pretended to sniff his armpit. She allowed herself a few seconds to admire the view of his shirt stretched tightly over some obviously well-defined pectoral muscles, then concentrated on pouring water from the now hot kettles.

“I was trying to escape the embarrassing situation more than anything. I know you might think otherwise, but I'm not normally in the habit of baring my bottom in public.”

“I thought you handled the situation rather well, all things considered. I don't know if I could have done so.”

Eleanor was immediately visited with the image of a partially naked Max Charming, and coughed to cover the blush creeping up her neck.

“Ella! I've found you the perfect thong!”

“Ow! Blast it!” cried Eleanor, dropping the kettle and shaking her hand rapidly. “I wish you'd stop sneaking up on me, Jake!”

Jake immediately dropped a rather startlingly sparkly thong on the counter and grabbed Eleanor's burned hand, shoving it under the cold water tap. Charming moved away from the counter and picked up the thong between two fingers, raising an eyebrow at the glittery, small piece of underwear.

Eleanor almost died of embarrassment on the spot. She covered her face with her uninjured hand and bit her lips to stop herself from cursing aloud. She could almost hear Muse telling her that bad language was not the appropriate thing in situations like this, but honestly, what she wanted most in the world right now was to cuss like a sailor.

“I think it's all right,” said Jake, inspecting the redness on Eleanor's hand. “Might want to visit the hospital to be on the safe side, though.”

“Yes, go and get it checked out,” agreed Charming.

Jake wrapped a cold tea towel around Eleanor's hand and quickly ushered her out of the kitchen. As soon as they were out of hearing distance, she let rip a string of obscenities that would have made Blackbeard proud.

“I'm so sorry, sweetie,” said Jake sincerely.

“Forget it. It was bound to happen,” sighed Eleanor in resignation. “I either hurt myself, or indulge in inappropriate nudity whenever that man is around, and of the two, I prefer the pain.”

It wasn't until they reached the hospital that they both realized they had left Charming holding Eleanor's new thong.

• • •

To Eleanor's dismay, she saw the same doctor who had treated her for the “bottom incident.” Thankfully, this time her injury wasn't nearly as cringe-worthy, but Eleanor still felt rather silly all the same. Two visits to the A&E in as many weeks was hardly something to shout about, after all.

“Maybe we should reserve you a cubicle,” suggested the grinning doctor, winking.

“I'm sure that won't be necessary,” replied Eleanor hurriedly.

“Hopefully not, no,” agreed the doctor.

“I think he likes you, sweetie,” said Jake as they were leaving.

“The doctor?”

“Yes. He definitely had a twinkle in his eye when he was tending your burn.”

“He was probably trying to stifle his laughter, Jake. Honestly, I have the worst luck in the world lately.”

“If you say so, though I still think he liked you. Maybe we should arrange another ‘accident' so that you can go and see him again. He's got a cute butt, you know.”

“I don't think I need to arrange any more accidents, Jake. I seem to be doing all right on my own, thank you very much.”

“Chin up, Ella. At least Charming was talking to you. In fact, I'd say he was flirting with you. At least, it looked that way to me when I walked in on you both.”