If I Die (29 page)

“So he can be on the run for the rest of his life? No way.” I shook my head firmly, desperately hoping I wasn’t pushing my luck. Hoping they needed me as badly as it sounded like they needed me.

“How long since I died?” I asked. If Nash hadn’t been charged yet, it couldn’t have been that long.

“Only a couple of hours,” Madeline answered.

“But…” That didn’t make any sense. “It took you guys more than a week to bring Tod back as a reaper after he died.” He’d actually been buried and everything.

Madeline glanced at Levi with a small, arrogant smile, then
met my gaze again. “Reapers are a dime a dozen, Kaylee. The reclamation department has considerably more resources and, in this case, much stronger motivation. We need your help with something very important, and we need it soon. So we expedited the process.”

I nodded slowly, still thinking. “You have to make it go away, or my answer’s no.”

“You want us to clear Nash’s name?”

“No,
I
want to clear his name.” I’d dragged him into this; I had to get him out of it. “I want you to make the
crime
disappear. No murder. I was attacked by my math teacher—to which I’m willing to testify—but I survived, and Nash had nothing to do with it.”

“Kaylee, we can’t reverse your death.”

“I know.” I sucked in a deep breath, relieved that my lungs seemed to work, even if my heart didn’t. “But you can cover it up. If I work for you, I get to keep my body, right? Like Tod did?”

“You can become corporeal at will, yes,” Madeline said slowly, obviously starting to follow my train of thought.

“Then who says I died? I haven’t been buried. I haven’t been autopsied…”

“Kaylee, you died in a public hospital,” Levi pointed out. “Your death has been documented. It was witnessed.”

I shrugged, still watching Madeline. “So make the paperwork go away. The news stories could just be false reports of my death. That’s happened before, right? And you can make the witnesses forget, can’t you? People see things. It’s inevitable. So someone must be cleaning up after them, right? You must have someone who can make them forget…”

Her frown deepened, but I could see the possibility in her eyes. “Kaylee, what you’re suggesting is quite complicated and would require considerable resources….”

“But you can do it, right?” I held my breath—or rather, I stopped breathing—waiting for her answer, hoping I was right.

Madeline glanced at Levi, and he shrugged. Then she turned to me again. “Yes. It’s possible. But only at great expense, and I’m not convinced your services are worth what you’re asking for.”

“Really?” I lifted my eyebrows, resisting the urge to cross my fingers. “So, you have other female
bean sidhes?
You already have someone who can call out to the soul you want reclaimed?”

I knew I’d won when her gaze narrowed and her jaw clenched.

“Fine. It’ll take a couple of hours to set up, but…you never died. You were transferred to a private hospital to recover, and you’ll be rejoining your classmates in a couple of weeks. After you’ve finished this first job for us.” I nodded, trying not to visibly gloat. “But Kaylee, that won’t last,” she warned. “You can finish school—you might even make it through college—but eventually people are going to notice that you don’t age. You’re going to have to disappear.”

“I know.” But that was no big deal—if I’d lived, I’d have looked thirty on my one hundredth birthday. I’d always expected to have to disappear eventually.

I took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. “There’s one more thing….”

Madeline blew on my signature to dry the ink, then handed me my copy of the contract. I’d read the whole thing, and even understood most of it. And thanks to Addison’s mistakes, I knew to demand my own copy.

“We’re so pleased to have you on board, Kaylee,” she said, folding her copy of my contract into thirds while I folded the
hospital gown and laid it on the empty bed, glad to be wearing real clothes again, even if they’d been “borrowed” from some other patient. “We’ll be in touch very soon about your first assignment.”

I didn’t care that she was pleased. I didn’t give a damn about the assignment. I just wanted to go home.

“Are you ready?” Levi asked, watching me closely through his dead child eyes, and it occurred to me for the first time how much he and I had in common. I’d lived longer, but he’d been dead longer. And someday I might catch up to him.

“Yeah.” I accepted the hand he held out, then took one final glance around the empty hospital room we’d appropriated for my statement to the police. “Get me out of here.”

I closed my eyes and waited for the dizziness and disorientation that usually accompanied reaper-travel. But I felt nothing. The first indication I had that we’d left the hospital was the change in temperature. Then the whisper of hushed voices.

I opened my eyes, still holding Levi’s hand. We stood in Nash’s kitchen, alone, but I could hear movement and voices from the living room. And crying. Everyone was here, because my house was the scene of a double homicide, my mattress still soaked with two types of blood—one of them mine.

“How much do they know?” I asked, still invisible and inaudible as long as I held his hand.

“Only that Nash has been released. I thought you’d want to tell them the rest yourself.”

I nodded. “Thanks.” Then I let go of his hand.

“Good luck, Kaylee,” Levi said. Then he disappeared.

I took a deep breath. Then I took another. I’d figured out quickly how to make my lungs work, but the process was no longer automatic, because it was no longer necessary. But breathing made me feel more…normal, so I took one
more breath, then pushed open the swinging kitchen door and stepped into the living room.

Emma was the first to look up, from an armchair in one corner, while my dad and Harmony held one another, her head on his shoulder, their faces red and tear-streaked.

It broke my heart to see my father cry.

“Kaylee?” Emma said. Her jaw dropped open, and Harmony sat up straight, staring at me. Then my father’s gaze met mine, and I burst into tears.

“Kay?” He was there in an instant, feeling my arms, holding my face. Trying to convince himself that I was real. I couldn’t say anything—couldn’t think of what to say—so I hugged him instead, squeezing him as hard as I could, breathing him in until he clutched me back, finally convinced.

“What happened?” he asked, on the tail of the most relieved sob I’d ever heard. “You died. I saw you die.” They hadn’t fixed his memory—I’d asked them not to.

“I made a deal, Dad. I had to, to make things right.”

“What kind of deal?”

“Aiden,” Harmony said from behind him, and her voice was so somber, so heartbroken, that I let go of him and looked up to find her watching me, blond curls in disarray, blue eyes so full of grief I could hardly stand to look at them. She didn’t know about Tod yet—not for sure. Not if Levi hadn’t told her. So was she grieving for me? “She signed on with the reapers.”

“Did you…?” my dad asked, turning back to me in horror, and I shook my head.

“Not exactly. I’ll explain it all later, but for now, can we just…” But I didn’t have any way to finish that sentence.

“But you’re back, right?” Emma asked, still standing across the room. She looked pale, and confused, and a little scared. “However you did it, you’re really back?”

“Not quite as good as new, but yeah. I’m back.” I held my
arms out and she ran into them, squeezing me so tight I was almost glad I didn’t need to breathe.

“I woke up, and he was on your bed, and Sophie was screaming!” she sobbed into my hair. “And there was so much blood, and you were gone!”

And Emma and Sophie were all alone with a dead incubus, and they had no idea what had happened. They must have been terrified.

“Beck’s dead,” I said, holding her while she cried. “Everything’s going to be fine. Different. But fine.” That’s what I’d been telling myself over and over for the past few hours, while I waited for Madeline to get everything set up. While I waited for word from Levi, which never came. “How’s Sophie?” I asked my dad, without letting go of Emma.

“Traumatized, but she’ll be fine. Your uncle’s decided to tell her everything. The secrets have become too much for them both.”

I nodded. It was overdue.

Harmony watched me over Emma’s shoulder, arms wrapped around her own stomach, like something hurt deep inside. I wanted to hug her, but I wasn’t sure she’d want to touch me after what I’d done. I wanted apologize for what I’d put her through. For what I’d let happen to her sons, after she’d already lost so much. But I didn’t have the words to make either of us feel better.

“They were supposed to release Nash…” I said finally, when Em let me go.

Harmony nodded. “Sabine went to pick him up from questioning half an hour ago. He…he didn’t want me to come.” She glanced at the ground, then back up at me. “They said he’d been cleared, but they didn’t say how.”

“I gave a statement to the police. There’s going to be a story about it on the news tonight. They’re going to say there
was a mix-up at the hospital and that the reports of my death were made in error.” That was almost a direct quote, from Madeline. As was the next part. “Arlington Memorial is telling reporters I was transferred to an undisclosed hospital for privacy, because of the high-profile nature of my case.” A sixteen-year-old girl attacked and nearly killed in her own home by a male teacher… Evidently that was a brow-raiser. “And I’m going to be fine.”

Before anyone could come up with a response beyond utter, speechless surprise, a car rumbled to a stop outside, and Harmony leaned over the couch to peek out the front window. “It’s Nash…” She rubbed her hands on her jeans nervously, then opened the front door. A minute later, Sabine led Nash in with one arm around his waist. He looked sick and exhausted, like he was the one who’d almost died.

Nash froze when he saw me, and anger raged in his eyes. He let go of Sabine and glared at me, and I felt my father at my back, a silent, solid presence, which Nash didn’t even seem to notice. “What the hell did you do?” he demanded, his voice low and rough, but blessedly free of Influence.

“I told them you didn’t do it. I cleared you,” I said, unable to quash the guilt I was drowning in with every word.

“You framed me for a double murder,” Nash spat, and Sabine glared at me from his side, her eyes dark and even scarier than usual. “Why, Kaylee?”

“I’m
so
sorry,” I said, tears filling my eyes. But there was nothing I could do or say to make things right between me and Nash. Not now. Not after everything we’d done to each other. How was it possible that a relationship I’d once thought was meant to be could have spawned so much pain? Addiction. Lies. Betrayal. Unfaithfulness. Manipulation by Influence. And now suspicion of two murders. We couldn’t have hurt each other worse if we’d been
trying
.

“I’m so sorry, Nash,” I said again. Because I had to try. “Beck made me. He had a knife, and he was going to—” But I couldn’t finish that thought. I didn’t want Emma to know what Beck had threatened to do to her and Sophie. Ever. “I’m so, so sorry.” And I’d be paying for what I’d done to him with every single day of my afterlife.

“Nash, she
died,
” Emma said softly. “That bastard stabbed her and tried to steal her soul.”

Sabine’s eyes widened, and I could see some of her anger fade, but Nash…

“What soul?” Nash stomped past me unsteadily on his way to his room, and we all stared after him.

“He doesn’t mean that,” Harmony said, and my father wrapped one arm around her in sympathy. “He’s…not himself.”

I nodded. It was my fault Nash wasn’t himself, but I couldn’t quite believe that he didn’t mean it. Wouldn’t I hate him if he’d framed me for murder? Hadn’t I hated him just a little, after what happened in the parking lot? And that was nothing, compared to what I’d done.

“Kaylee…” Harmony said, and I could see the question in the slow, pain-filled swirl of pale blue in her eyes, demanding—yet dreading—to know the extent of her loss. “Where’s Tod? He’s not answering his phone.”

Tears filled my eyes again, and my dad pulled me close.

“Harmony…” he began, and I realized then that he knew. He’d either seen Tod die, or he’d figured it out. But he hadn’t told her yet. “Tod refused to reap Kaylee’s soul. I’m so sorry.”

Harmony’s hands flew to her mouth, and her eyes watered. She dropped onto the couch and squeezed her eyes shut, but the tears leaked out anyway.

“I tried…” I whispered, as my own tears fell. “I tried to get him back, but Levi said there was nothing he could do.”

“And if you’d waited another hour, that would have been true.”

I froze in my father’s arms, and if my heart had been beating, surely it would have stopped at the sound of Tod’s voice. Harmony stood, red eyes wide, and I turned slowly.

Tod stood in front of the kitchen door, his arms crossed over his chest, his lips turned up in a half smile. He spread his arms, and I ran into them, and they closed around me, and I could feel him, warm and solid, and very real.

“Levi says, ‘Surprise,’” he whispered, and I pulled away just enough to look into his eyes. “I take it I have you to thank for this?”

Tears poured down my face and I was vaguely relieved to realize that I could still cry. “He said it was too late. He said he’d already turned your soul in,” I sobbed. “I thought you were gone….” I hugged him tighter—couldn’t get close enough—and he rubbed my back.

“He didn’t want to promise something he wasn’t sure he could deliver.” Tod stepped away so he could see my face. “Thank you, Kaylee,” he said, and I laughed at the absurdity, and the irony, and the inexpressible giddiness of getting a gift—a surprise, at that—from the very agent of death who’d taken my life.

“Does this make us even, Reaper?” I asked.

In answer, Tod kissed me.

And finally, my heart began to beat.