If Ever I Loved You (15 page)

He helped her into the passenger seat, then went around
the car and slid under the steering wheel. "Hadn't you better tell your
parents where you're going?" she asked.

He inserted the key and turned it and the powerful engine
roared to life. "I didn't invite them here and they didn't tell me they
were coming. I don't owe them any explanations," he answered and threw
the gear shift into reverse.

They drove the fifteen scenic miles in silence and when
they stopped in front of her building he didn't get out of the car but
reached across her and opened her door. As she turned to step out she
said, "Goodbye, Peter" and as she shut the door he murmured,
"Good-bye," and then he was gone.

Sleepless nights were getting to be a habit with Gina.
She'd had a lot of them since Peter came back into her life and this
one was no exception. The events of the day kept filtering through her
mind over and over, giving her no peace.

Why was he so intent on holding her to wedding vows that
had no meaning? Why would he spend a fortune on a house in the hope of
enticing her to live there with him? He wanted a wife, but he could
have his pick of any number of women in his own social and financial
set, women who met all the strict qualifications for being a Van Housen
bride. He said he saw no reason to look for another wife when he
already had one, but he also said he would never love her.

No matter how many times she went over it it always came
back to just one thing. Physical attraction. He wanted her, needed her,
as much as she wanted and needed him, but that wasn't enough for her.
She knew now that she loved him, it would be silly of her to deny it,
and that love made her frighteningly vulnerable. If she gave in and
went to live with him as his wife he would eventually break her heart.
He'd done that to her once, she'd never survive a repeat performance.

She thrashed around on her disheveled bed trying to find a
comfortable position. Even though she'd taken a warm soapy shower she
still felt Peter's hands on her, his mouth nuzzling, nipping,
caressing. She pounded her pillow with disgust.

Maybe she should go to bed with him! Get it over with.
Appease the tormenting ache that caused them both so much anguish.
Surely once they'd made love they would get it out of their systems. It
was just the unknown, the mystery, the thrill of the chase that made it
all so exciting. Once they'd ended the chase, solved the mystery,
explored the unknown it would cease to beckon and lure.

Or would it? For him, maybe, but not for her. Gina knew
herself and her obsession for Peter too well. Once he made her truly
his she would be bonded to him for life. It wasn't fair, it wasn't even
fashionable, but it was a flaw in her character. She was a one-man
woman and that man was Peter Van Housen!

It was late the next morning when she looked up from the
cash register where she was making change for a customer and saw
Lillian Van Housen Wilcox, Peter's sister, standing in front of her.

Gina had only gotten an impression of Lilly yesterday when
she'd glimpsed her in that hideously embarrassing moment. But now she
was standing not three feet away and Gina could see that the past seven
years had been kind. Lilly had changed little. Her blonde hair, only
slightly darker than Peter's, was worn short in tight little curls
close to her head instead of shoulder-length as it used to be. Her
slender figure was still girlish and her clear pale complexion unlined.
She wore a leaf green slack suit that accentuated the green flecks in
her blue Van Housen eyes. At age thirty-seven she looked ten years
younger.

Gina's eyes widened with surprise and it was Lilly who
spoke. "Hello, Ginny Lea."

The warm flush of embarrassment flooded through Gina as
she remembered the intimate scene Lilly and her parents had witnessed
the day before in Peter's home. She lowered her gaze and hoped her face
wasn't too rosy as she said, "Hello, Lilly."

She couldn't think of anything else to say, and Lilly
seemed to be having the same problem as they stood looking at each
other across the counter.

Lilly was the first to rally. "It's important that I talk
to you, Ginny Lea. It's nearly noon, will you be free for lunch soon?"

The last thing Gina wanted to do was talk to Peter's
sister, or any other member of his family, but there didn't seem to be
any way to avoid it and not be childish. She glanced at her watch and
said, "My assistant will be along shortly. If you'll meet me here in
half an hour we can have lunch upstairs in my apartment."

Lilly nodded. "Fine. I'll bring sandwiches from the local
deli if you'd like to furnish the coffee."

Fortunately a group of tourists who were apparently
traveling together wandered in a few minutes later and were still there
asking questions and making small purchases when Lilly came back. Gina
hadn't had time to worry about why her sister-in-law wanted to talk to
her, but she made up for that oversight when Lilly reappeared. What
kind of scene was she in for now?

They went upstairs to the apartment and Gina made coffee
and arranged on a platter the ham and turkey sandwiches Lilly had
provided. They made inconsequential small talk until they were ready to
eat, then they took their food to the kitchen table and sat down. Lilly
picked up her ham sandwich, looked at it and then laid it back on her
plate as she said, "So you're the 'Aunt Gina' who made such an
impression on my kids when Peter brought them up here for the Skunk
Train ride."

Gina looked at her in amazement. "You mean you didn't
know?"

Lilly shook her head. "I had no idea. I thought it was
just some girl Peter had taken a fancy to. Remember, I knew you as
Ginny Lea."

"But didn't he tell you that we ran into each other at
Cynthia Tobias's wedding?"

Again Lilly picked up her sandwich. "He didn't tell me
anything, but it's not altogether his fault. Dad and Mother have been
on an Alaskan cruise and I don't see a lot of Pete. He didn't say a
word about you when he made arrangements with Henry and me to take
Johnny and Sonja to Fort Bragg. I thought it was a little odd that he'd
want to take the kids on an outing for a couple of days, but he's
always been good with them so I didn't question his motives."

She took a bite of the sandwich and then muttered around
it. "Apparently I should have."

Gina ignored the somewhat bitter remark as she said,
"Didn't your parents know about me either?"

"Nope, they've only just returned from their cruise."

Gina fingered her turkey sandwich. "Then it must have been
a surprise as well as an embarrassment when
you—uh—walked in on us yesterday."

"Wrong," Lilly said with a sigh. "You had your back to us
and we were all too flustered to look closely anyway. None of us knew
you had come back into Peter's life until he came home after bringing
you back here and told us so."

She shuddered. "I've never seen my brother so mad! He was
breathing enough fire and smoke to ignite the whole forest, and his
language…" She rolled her eyes. "Mother nearly had an attack
of the vapors and Dad looked positively apoplectic." She grinned.
"Peter even used words I'd never heard before. Anyway, when he finally
calmed down a little he told us the whole story."

"Did he tell you he's contesting my petition for
dissolution and wants me to live with him?" Gina asked.

"Oh yes," Lilly answered. "When he dropped that little
bombshell Mom went into a decline and Dad had to take her upstairs and
put her to bed." She thought a moment then added, "She managed to
recover just before dinner was served."

It sounded as though Lilly was making light of the
situation, but Gina couldn't be sure. She didn't know Peter's sister
that well. Seven years ago Lilly had kept her disapproving distance
from Gina.

She frowned and asked, "Is your mother all right?"

Lilly chuckled. "Mom has the constitution of an ox, she'll
outlive us all. Mainly because she keeps the rest of us in a constant
state of anxiety with her fainting spells and temper tantrums. She
knows exactly when to pout, sigh, cry, faint or yell in order to get
her own way. It works with everyone in the family but Peter. He simply
ignores her and does as he pleases, and I think she loves him most of
all."

Gina had been munching on her sandwich but now she laid it
back on her plate and faced Lilly squarely. "Okay, Lil," she said, "I
know your parents neither like nor approve of me, but what about you.
Are you my friend or my enemy?"

This time there was no levity in Lilly's tone. "That
depends on you, Gina. You really did a job on Peter seven years ago.
For a while I was afraid he was going to crack up. I can't forgive you
for that, and now you're back and it's starting all over again."

She shifted in her chair and when she spoke again it was a
challenge. "Just what do you want from my brother?"

Gina sipped her coffee and was careful not to let the cup
shake in her hands. "The only thing I want from Peter is my freedom,"
she answered. "During all those years I thought the marriage had been
annulled, I was even making plans to marry again. Now Peter's decided
he wants me after all and is fighting my efforts to be free."

Lilly spread her hands in a vague gesture. "Did you ever
love him, Gina?"

Gina's shoulders slumped. It would do no good to go over
her side of the story again, the Van Housen clan believed exactly what
they wanted to and refused to let facts confuse the issue.

She set down her coffee cup and said, "I've always loved
Peter. It was his love for me that wasn't strong enough and now it's
dead, buried, forgotten." She grimaced. "Tell your mother to stop
wasting time on fainting spells and find a suitable replacement for me
and he'll be happy to let me go. All he wants is a wife and he doesn't
care who it is as long as she's willing to give him children and be
presentable to his business associates."

Lilly brushed bread crumbs from her finger tips and looked
at Gina with disgust. "Are you really as blind as you seem or is it all
an act? Peter's hurting bad and not because he wants just any old wife.
When he confronted us yesterday afternoon he looked the same way he did
when he came back to San Francisco and found you gone. I worried about
him then and I worry about him now. The first thing he did when he came
into the house yesterday was pour himself a glass of whiskey and he's
been drinking steadily ever since."

Gina blanched. "I find that hard to believe," she said.
"Peter's never been a heavy drinker."

"Believe it," Lilly muttered. "He drank all through dinner
and the evening last night, and when he got up this morning he was hung
over so he started drinking again. That's why I'm here."

Gina looked up, startled, as Lilly continued. "If he wants
to get smashed in his own home, there's not much anyone can do about
it, but he insists he's going to drive back to San Francisco this
afternoon and that I can't allow. Someone has to stop him, and I'm
afraid you're the only one who can do it."

A germ of fear planted itself in Gina's mind and crept
stealthily along her nerves as she pictured the narrow two-lane coast
highway twisting and turning high above the pounding waves of the ocean
where they slammed against the rocky cliffs below. "Surely," she
gasped, "he's not intending to drive Highway 1!"

"No," said Lilly quickly. "He'll go the inland route, but
don't forget he has to cross the mountain range to get to Highway 101."

The fear in Gina did not abate as her mind's eye reviewed
the mountain road, broad at some stretches, but narrow and dangerous at
others. The high drop-offs were picturesque but lethal to anyone in a
car that went over the side.

She felt panicky as she stood up. "I can't believe that
I'll have any influence with Peter," she said, "but if he insists on
leaving I'll go with him and drive."

As they sped down the highway toward Peter's home Gina
began having second thoughts about her impulsive actions. Lilly was
driving Peter's Jaguar and when Gina questioned her she explained that
her father had taken his grandchildren to a movie matinee in Fort Bragg
so she'd borrowed the Jag from Peter on the excuse that she had to go
to Mendocino for groceries. She knew that if she had his car he
couldn't start out for San Francisco until she got back.

Gina was terrified at the thought of Peter driving the
car, but how on earth could she stop him? He'd been furious with her
yesterday and it wasn't likely he felt any more kindly toward her
today. If she asked him not to leave he'd probably do it just to spite
her, especially if he was drinking. She'd never seen Peter drunk except
two days after the wedding when they'd found him passed out in a
waterfront bar. Even so, he had been pretty well sobered up by the time
she'd talked to him; her father had insisted on that.

Even more daunting than the thought of arguing with Peter
again was the prospect of facing Hans and Bertha Van Housen. Peter's
parents were forceful, intimidating personalities who would use any
means to discredit her in the eyes of their youngest son. She shivered.
She must be an idiot to deliberately subject herself to them!

Lilly brought the car to a stop in front of the house and
turned off the motor. As she started to open the door she turned to
Gina and, as though reading her mind, said, "If Dad and Mother give you
a bad time just ignore them. I'll deflect them. You try to get Peter to
stop drinking and forget about driving to San Francisco."

Mrs. Webster answered the door and smiled a welcome at
Gina as the two women stepped into the entryway. Gina followed Lilly
into the living room where Bertha was reclining on the cream-colored
velvet sofa with one arm over her eyes.

Peter's mother removed the sweater-covered arm from her
aging blue eyes and looked at her daughter. "Lilly," she scolded,
"where have you been? Peter's been grumbling for the past hour because
you were gone so long with the car."