Identity Unknown (12 page)

Audrey glanced from him to Nathanial and noted the striking resemblance between the two men. This had to be Nathanial's father.

“You ready for this?” she asked Nathanial.

He rolled his own wide shoulders. “I have to be.” He caught her hand. “Would you mind saying a prayer?”

Surprised yet pleased by the request, she sought words. “Dear Lord, we come before You with humble hearts asking for clarity. We pray that Nathanial's mind will open up and remember his past. In Your name, amen.”

“Amen,” Nathanial murmured then gave her hand a squeeze. “Thank you. I can't express how glad I am that you're here. I don't think I could do this without you.” He slipped his hand away and then stepped out of the truck.

Audrey swallowed back the pleasure of his words and fought for the emotional distance she knew she needed but was proving elusive.

* * *

Nathanial's heart pounded with trepidation. After the chaos of being chased and shot at, then coming face-to-face with a woman from his past, he was surprised by the depth of anxiety flooding his system.

Please, Lord, let me remember my father.

As he approached the man standing on the stoop, a glimmer of recognition ignited inside Nathanial's chest. There was no question in his mind that this man was his father. God was listening.

But Nathanial didn't know how to greet his dad. Were they the kind of people who hugged, or did they regulate their physical contact to a handshake?

“Son,” the man boomed, his voice working its way through Nathanial to soothe away the worry. “What a nice surprise.” He pulled Nathanial into his embrace. Nathanial breathed in the scent of pipe tobacco and pine. For a moment an image flashed of this man, his father, smoking a curled pipe near the fireplace, and a sense of security wrapped around Nathanial, much like the strong arms holding him close.

“Your mother will be giddy with joy.” He released Nathanial and beamed at him. “She's at Coralie's having her hair done. I'll give her a call.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Nathanial said, though the word felt strange on his tongue. “But first I need to tell you something.” He quickly explained about his memory loss, leaving out the attempts on his life. The last thing he needed to do was upset his parents any more than he had to.

A frown deepened the lines around his father's light brown eyes. “You don't know what happened to you?”

“No, but I'm hoping that being here will trigger my memories.” Feeling awkward, he gestured to his companions. “This is RCMP inspector Drew Kelley and his wife, US FBI agent Sami Bennett-Kelley.”

Dad shook hands with Drew. “I've heard about you, Drew. I'm glad to meet you.”

“Good stuff I hope, sir,” Drew replied.

“Of course. And please, call me Leo.”

Dad smiled at Sami and engulfed her hand in his large one. “Welcome, Sami.”

“Thank you, Leo,” Sami replied.

“And this is Deputy Sheriff Audrey Martin.” Nathanial drew Audrey forward.

“A deputy.” Curiosity radiated off Dad as he shook Audrey's offered hand. “It's nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Audrey said with a smile.

“Come in out of the cold.” Dad led the way inside the house and immediately went to the landline on the kitchen counter to call his wife.

Nathanial remembered arguing with Dad about making sure he and Mom kept the landline despite the expense when everyone they knew had converted to cell phones. In case of an emergency at the house, the emergency response dispatcher would immediately have their address to send help, whereas a cell phone didn't provide the same sort of specific location, only a general area, which could take up precious time in getting rescue personnel to the scene.

Nathanial stepped inside, and a gush of emotion choked him. Sharp pain streaked through his head. He fought past it. “I do remember this place.”

“That's good,” Audrey said. “Just let your mind work at its own pace.”

He nodded, knowing that every time he tried to force the memories to come, he only succeeded in causing himself pain. “Right.”

He moved to the tree and touched the ornaments as more images rushed over him. The years of his childhood flooded in. Not all of them were happy memories. He closed his eyes, recalling the fights, the yelling between his parents and the scared little boy he'd once been, who'd hidden in the closet or under the covers of his bed to escape their furious voices.

An involuntary shudder rippled over him. Audrey touched his shoulder, her hand gentle but firm.

“Tell me what you remember,” she said softly.

Sending a quick glance toward where his father spoke on the phone, Nathanial dropped his voice. “I don't think my parents' marriage is a happy one. They fought a lot.”

Audrey's eyebrows rose. “But they're still together, so it couldn't be that bad.”

She had a point. Something for him to ponder. Or ask his parents about. Later.

Dad hung up and joined them. “Your mom is on her way home. Can I offer you something to eat or drink?”

“Food would be great, Dad,” Nathanial said, his mouth suddenly watering for a homemade meal.

Dad rubbed his hands together. “Perfect. I'll warm up your mother's split-pea soup and crusty bread.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Nathanial liked saying the word. It helped him to feel somewhat normal.

“Can we help?” Drew said, drawing Sami into the kitchen with Dad.

“Why don't you take a walk through the house, see what else you remember?” Audrey advised.

Nathanial headed down the narrow hallway with Audrey behind him. He stopped at the closed door of a room that had his name etched on a wooden plaque. His room. He pushed the door open, not sure what to expect.

Apparently his mother had turned his childhood space into her sewing area. A table with a large sewing machine was positioned beneath the overhead light. Knitting supplies spilled from woven baskets. Bolts of cloth and other paraphernalia were scattered around the floor.

A photo hung on the wall, drawing Nathanial's gaze. It was a family picture of his parents and him when he was around twelve. He held up a fish he'd apparently caught in the lake that provided a scenic backdrop. He touched the image of his mother. She was a beautiful woman with long straight black hair, black eyes that sparkled and a kind smile. They looked happy in this photo.

“You were a cute kid,” Audrey commented as she moved to stand beside him.

“Thanks.” The tantalizing scent of her vanilla shampoo teased his nose. He faced her. “What if that cute boy turned out to be a not-so-great guy?”

She tucked in her chin. “I don't believe that.”

Needing an anchor, he fingered the silky strands of her hair.

It hurt his soul to think he'd been that guy.

Audrey placed a hand on his chest, over his heart. “We don't know all the details. You were both young. Don't condemn yourself without all the facts.”

She always looked for the best in people and in situations. He was glad her time in law enforcement hadn't jaded her. “I admire how you keep giving me the benefit of the doubt,” he said. “I don't think I deserve it.”

“Everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt.”

“Even a man who can't remember his past?”

“Especially a man who can't remember his past.”

Attraction flared bright, like the North Star, guiding him toward her. She leaned closer as if she, too, were struck with the same powerful magnetic pull. His mouth hovered over hers, giving her a chance to back away. Her direct gaze welcomed him. He drew in a breath, prepared to follow through on the promised kiss.

“Nathanial!”

Audrey jerked back, disengaging from him in a split second. He closed his eyes for a moment as awareness and the most elemental memories washed over him. He recognized his mother's voice. He turned toward the woman who'd given birth to him with emotion choking the breath from his lungs.

Mom stood in the doorway, her face lit up with joy. She was about Audrey's height but slighter. Her long black hair was streaked with silver strands. Her blue pants were tucked into faux-fur winter boots. She wore a knitted sweater with a Christmas motif. She rushed forward to hug him.

“You've been gone too long,” she breathed out.

“I'm here now.” He held her tight as love swamped him.

She pulled back to look at him. “Your friends told your father you'd sustained an injury that put you in the hospital. You have amnesia?”

He told her of waking up on the beach in Calico Bay, not knowing how he had ended up there. “Audrey saved my life.” His throat nearly closed on the words. His mom didn't seem to notice, but the quick look Audrey shot him made it clear she had. He quickly looked away before revealing how much she'd come to mean to him.

Mom captured Audrey's hands in hers. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome.” Audrey extracted her hands, her self-consciousness obvious only to him. “Is there a washroom available?”

“Across the hall,” Mom said.

Left alone with his mom, Nathanial broached the subject of Laurie Bartlett. “What can you tell me about my relationship with her?”

Mom arched a black eyebrow. “What do you remember?”

“Nothing.” He tried not to let frustration color his words. “We crossed paths with Laurie earlier today. She told me we were together for a while.” And he'd seen the hurt in her eyes when she'd realized he didn't remember her. Had he broken her heart at one time?

Mom let out a long-suffering sigh. “She's a nice enough young lady. However, I never thought she was right for you. But what does a mother know?”

“Mom.”

She patted his arm. “You two dated for most of high school and planned to get married the summer after you graduated.”

“We didn't get married, though.” Had he been commitment shy even then?

“No, you didn't.”

Though he had no recollection of that time, something inside him reacted with a deep welling of sorrow that seared him in the heart. “Why didn't I marry her?”

“That's between you and Laurie.”

Disappointed at the lack of information, he ran a hand through his hair. The sensation of guilt stole over him. Had he callously ditched Laurie? Had he ever loved her? He needed to talk to her again. To know the truth, to make amends. “Have I been engaged to anyone else?”

“Not that I know of.” Mom cupped his cheek. “I'm so proud of the man you've become.”

He wished he could remember that man.

She linked her arm through his. “So tell me about Audrey.”

“There's nothing to tell, Mom. She's helping me find my past.” Because it was her job. But he wished it was so much more.

She patted his arm. “You keep telling yourself that.”

TWELVE

A
udrey closed the bathroom door behind her and pressed her hands to her hot cheeks, mortified that Nathanial's mother had nearly caught them in a kiss. Great, just the impression she wanted his family to have of her. Not. How totally unprofessional!

But she'd been unable to stop herself from offering Nathanial comfort. He was understandably upset over learning about his past relationship. Most likely Laurie had been his first love. But what had happened between them? “Lord, I'm not even sure what to pray. Healing, comfort? Forgiveness? You know what's needed.”

Taking a breath to gain control of her emotions, she went in search of Nathanial and found him, his parents and the Kelleys seated at a round dining table. A hot bowl of soup and warm bread waited at the empty space next to Nathanial. She sat and ate the delicious food.

Mr. and Mrs. Longhorn regaled them with stories of Nathanial's childhood and teen years. Audrey liked the couple. They were so in sync with each other, often finishing each other's sentences and then laughing companionably. She wasn't sure what made Nathanial think his parents' marriage was less than happy. From her viewpoint they appeared to love each other deeply.

Audrey remembered what it had been like in her home before her father's death. Her mom and dad had been like the Longhorns, their love and affection evident in all they did. That wasn't to say Mom and Dad hadn't fought. They had. Mostly about Dad taking the boat out in too-rough water or during a storm. He'd always counter her arguments with the brief statement that he had to make a living and the fish didn't care what was going on above the water. Audrey knew her mother's objections stemmed from fear.

A fear that had come true when his boat had capsized during a raging storm. His body had never been recovered.

Nathanial nudged her with his knee, drawing her attention. “You okay?” he asked beneath his breath.

She sat up straighter. Letting melancholy drag her down and distract her focus wouldn't do. “Yes. I'm fine.” To Mrs. Longhorn, she said, “This is the best soup I've tasted in a long time. Thank you.”

“I'm so glad you're enjoying it,” she replied.

When they were finished and had cleared the table, Sami drew Audrey aside.

“I think we should let Nathanial have some time with his parents alone,” the FBI agent said. “He might remember more if we're not looking over his shoulder.”

“I'm not comfortable leaving him here alone.”

“We'll wait in the car.”

Realizing Sami was right, Audrey grabbed her coat. She was prepared, after all, to do whatever necessary to help Nathanial fully regain his memory. Even if it was like pulling a fishhook from beneath her fingernail to let him out of her sight.

* * *

Nathanial watched the trio walk out the front door, leaving him with his mom and dad. As his parents had told stories of his past, he'd had flashes of memories that corresponded to their words. He sent up a silent prayer that his brain was healing and soon he'd regain all of his past, including the fateful day he'd disappeared from the rooftop in New Brunswick.

His mother hooked her arm through his and drew him to the couch. “I like your friends.”

“Me, too. They're good people.”

“Your grandmother will want to see you,” Dad said as he took his seat in a leather chair facing the couch.

His grandmother. The word conjured up an image of an older version of his mother, with silver hair and a wreath of wrinkles around kind, laughing eyes. The ache of missing her clogged his throat. “I'll talk to the others about a visit.”

“How long can you stay?” Mom asked.

“The night. The others have to get back to work, and I still have—” He stopped himself from revealing that someone was trying to kill him. He didn't want to worry them. “We're staying at the hotel on the edge of town.”

“The Renners' place?” Dad asked.

“That's it.”

“Nice people,” Mom commented. “Do you remember Skip Renner? He was in your grade?”

He didn't. But he encouraged his parents to talk, to tell him more about his life. Though most of their stories weren't familiar, every once in a while he'd lock on a memory. Bits and pieces of his life took shape in his mind. There were still holes, and later that night after promising to swing by his parents' again in the morning before leaving, he lay in bed fitting the fragments together like a puzzle.

“Dear God, please help me to remember,” he prayed in the dark hotel room. With Audrey next door and the Kelleys across the hall, Nathanial let his faith rise, hoping God would help him fill in the blanks.

But no matter how hard he concentrated on the one image connected to the mission that had gone so horribly wrong, his mind wouldn't move past that point of when he'd rolled over on that rooftop. He'd heard a noise from behind him. Something out of place. He was supposed to be alone. His heart hammered. He'd turned to face the threat...

Then nothing.

Always nothing.

He fell into a fitful sleep full of sinister figures that haunted his nightmares. And then there was Audrey banishing the shadows, offering him her hand, telling him it would be okay.

But would it? Would he ever remember? Or would he die first?

* * *

The next morning arrived with a swirl of fresh snow. Nathanial stepped out of the motel into the cold, tense with frustration and something else. A pending sense of doom that he'd awakened with and couldn't shake. As he waited for the others, he turned his face toward the sky and tiny flakes landed on his skin like kisses. He purposely relaxed his shoulders, but the unease clinging to him wouldn't release.

“You going to stick your tongue out and catch a snowflake?” Audrey asked with mirth lacing her tone.

Thankful for the distraction, he grinned at her and did just that.

She laughed, the sound cascading over him like sweet water, unaccountably smoothing away the frayed edges of his tension. An intense longing gripped him, making him want to whisk Audrey away, to go someplace where it was only the two of them. Somewhere the past didn't matter and no one was trying to kill him.

But he couldn't. The past did matter. He had to find the truth about it all.

And Audrey would never agree to shirk her responsibilities. He couldn't shirk his responsibilities. Nor could he ignore the guilt camping out in his chest. He had to know what he'd done to Laurie and apologize, though he doubted an apology would make up for whatever heartache he'd caused.

“I'd like to stop by Bartlett restaurant on the way to my grandmother's. I have to talk to Laurie again,” Nathanial stated. “Apparently we were engaged once. I need to know what happened.”

Audrey's blue eyes widened and then darkened with understanding. He could always count on her to comprehend doing the hard thing.

“I'll let the Kelleys know,” she said, glancing at the motel entrance.

It wasn't long before the Kelleys walked out. Drew had his arm around Sami's shoulders. She smiled up at him with a heartfelt love shining on her pretty face. A twinge of something unfamiliar panged within Nathanial's heart. As they approached, he examined the feeling and realized with a start that it was envy.

He envied this couple their love, their togetherness. He wanted what they had with every fiber of his being. He almost let loose a laugh. Everything he'd heard about the man he'd been said he wasn't the type to settle down. Blake had made it clear he dated a lot but never got serious. Because of what happened with Laurie?

“I checked in with Director Moore,” Drew said as he and Sami joined them near the SUV. “They received another tip that Kosloff is moving another shipment of arms north through the States. Blake and a team are going to intercept.”

Nervous energy bounded through Nathanial. He wanted to join in the mission, to bring in Kosloff and make him tell them what had happened to Nathanial. But since that wasn't possible, he focused on clearing one aspect of his past at a time. He prayed Blake and the other IBETs team took Kosloff into custody.

“We'd like to stop by the Bartlett diner and grab breakfast,” Audrey said.

Sami's eyebrows shot upward, and she pushed back a blond curl. “Okay. I could eat. And coffee would be welcome. But let's make it to go. I don't think we should linger.”

Drew met Nathanial's gaze. “You sure?”

Nathanial nodded. “Very.”

“All right. Load up.” Drew climbed behind the wheel with Sami taking shotgun once again.

Audrey and Nathanial climbed into the borrowed RCMP SUV's back passenger seat. Heaviness pressed down on him. Was he doing the right thing by stopping there and wanting to talk to Laurie?

When they arrived at the restaurant, he hesitated. While Sami and Drew left the vehicle and headed inside, Audrey remained seated next to Nathanial.

“What do you hope to accomplish?” she asked. There was no judgment in her tone, only curiosity.

He told her what he'd learned last night from his mother. “I need to know why we broke up.”

“Why?”

“I need to understand. To know what kind of man I am.”

Audrey reached for his hand. “I don't think it matters who you were then as much as who you are now.” She lowered her voice, and it seemed as if she struggled to say her next words. “I like the man you are now.”

He curled his fingers around hers. “How is it that you always know the right things to say?”

“It's a gift.” She extracted her hand and climbed out of the vehicle.

He followed her inside the eatery, the bells hanging on the door jangling. The place had just opened so they were the first customers of the day. And Sami and Drew had a booth by the front window, where they could keep watch in case a threat appeared. They joined them. An older woman came to take their orders. Her short dark hair framed an oval face that reminded Nathanial of Laurie. Her mother?

She eyed him with surprise. “Laurie mentioned you were home,” she said with a smile. Her name tag read Martha.

“Is she here?” he asked. “I'd like to talk to her.”

Creases appeared between Martha's eyebrows. “She's in the back. When I put your ticket in, I'll let her know you want to say hello.”

“Thank you.”

They each ordered breakfast to go, and then Martha headed to the kitchen. A few minutes later, Laurie walked out. She had an apron on over jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt. Her dark hair was clipped back. Nathanial watched her approach and felt nothing. No stirring of attraction, no remembered intimacy. Nothing. She was a stranger to him.

She stopped beside their table. “Mom said you were asking for me.”

“I'd like a moment of your time,” he said and slid out of the booth. He gestured to the table a few feet away. “Can we sit?”

Her gaze settled on Audrey, who stared back at her with an implacable expression. Laurie finally nodded and moved to the table and sat. She folded her hands on the tabletop. “What is there to talk about? Are you still claiming amnesia?”

“Not claiming,” he replied. Suddenly he wasn't sure if he wanted or needed to do this. What good would it accomplish? Knowing that he'd done this woman wrong would only eat at him. But he'd come this far; he had to see it through. He went for the heart of the matter. “We were going to get married. We didn't. Why?”

A pained expression marched across her face. His heart rate tripled.

“You don't remember the baby, either?”

He nearly choked. “I have a child?”

She shook her head. “No. I miscarried in the first trimester.”

He tried to absorb her words. For a short time he'd been a father. He wasn't sure how to feel about that.

“You wanted to get married. You assumed because of the baby that was what we had to do,” she continued softly.

Confusion reared up. “I don't understand,” he said. “You didn't want to marry me?”

She lifted her chin. “Because of the baby I would have. But after...there was no point. I didn't love you. Not enough to spend the rest of my life with you.”

He sat back as if someone had doused him with cold water, waking him up. Energy buzzed through his system. He wasn't sure how to process her words. “We must have had some feelings for each other if we made a baby.”

She gave a dry chuckle. “Of course we did. We were seventeen and thought we were in love. But the reality of the baby and—” she waved a hand “—everything. It was too much for me. I couldn't handle it.”

The guilt that had been slowly suffocating him let go. And he could breathe again.

“I know I hurt you.” Guilt flashed across Laurie's face. “I'm sorry.”

He felt almost giddy with relief. He hadn't dumped her. “I survived.”

Though he couldn't remember the hurt, it didn't take a degree in psychology for him to comprehend the wound of her rejection had kept him from seeking love again. He'd used the rejection as an excuse to keep from committing. Because some part of him had understood that he didn't want to go through that kind of heartache again.

But was he willing to now? His gaze strayed to Audrey. She lifted her mug of coffee and met his gaze over the rim. He saw questions and concern in her pretty eyes.

She worried about him. He knew she didn't have to—he was in no danger at the moment—but still she cared. Warmth spread through his chest.

And he searched his own heart and found the answer to the question. Yes. He was willing to risk everything for his beautiful deputy. But would he? Did he have the guts? This trip home might not have accomplished the desired effect of regaining his memories, but he'd gained something else. His heart back.

Movement outside the window behind Audrey snagged his focus. A gold-colored luxury sedan pulled up near the front entrance. He recognized the car. And the three men exiting the vehicle, all dressed in dark clothes and hefting heavy artillery in their hands. Their faces and heads were uncovered, which didn't bode well.